Chapter 21 #2
She pauses, and I take the opportunity to inhale my own deep breath. Ever since she started talking, I’ve been holding it in, bracing for the part that breaks whatever piece of me feels responsible for what she endured.
“The night I killed him, he was angry because he’d found out I was thinking of having an abortion.”
Slowly, my eyes close as my soul clenches. If she was pregnant when she killed her husband, then that means—
“I was pregnant when we slept together, Hunter. It’s why I left afterward.
And why—” A cry fractures her reasoning, her body convulsing with deep, soul-shattering sobs.
“I couldn’t handle the thought of having a part of him inside me.
” I stand and pull her to me, my body absorbing the emotional onslaught.
“I didn’t want to bring any part of him into this world… I couldn’t… I—”
“Shh. It’s okay, Bunny. It’s okay.” I kiss her hair and hold her tighter as she falls apart.
She clings to me like I’m a lifeline, and my heart breaks for her. For everything she went through. Before me. Because of me. I fucking wish I could turn back time and erase her pain. Save her from that jackass. I knew something was wrong. I knew it, and I didn’t stop it.
I could have saved her.
When her cries subside, she sniffs and pushes back to look up at me, still leaning into my chest for support. “I never wanted to hurt you. I just couldn’t stay here. I needed space and… time to deal with everything.”
Smoothing her tears, I cradle her face and shake my head. “You could have told me, Bunny. I would’ve been there for you.”
“How could I ask that of you? How could I ask you to support me while I was carrying another man’s child?”
“We’re friends. That’s how. Do you really think so little of me that you thought I’d abandon you in your greatest time of need?
Give me a little more credit than that.” Her dark brows pinch, the remaining tears drying up in a swell of anger.
She tries to pull back, but I tighten my hold.
“Don’t mistake my frustration for anger, Little Rabbit. ”
“You don’t get to be angry, Hunter.” She struggles harder, and I let go so I don’t hurt her.
“I didn’t have to tell you, but I wanted to.
I left and found a place where I could settle down and think without anyone clouding my judgment.
I got the help I needed, and when I had clarity, I made the conscious decision to do what was right for me. ”
Hysteria threads her tone, even though I never asked her to explain. It sounds like she’s defending her actions to herself more than to me.
“I’m not angry. I said, ‘Don’t mistake my frustration for anger.’ I do get to be frustrated here, Bunny.”
“Why do you think you get that? What gives you the right?” Wild outrage flares as she crosses the room, putting distance between us.
Yasha and Maru abandon Pepper—whose clucks have turned into squawks at Bunny’s rising pitch—to circle their mother with concerned whines.
Vaguely, I know I shouldn’t be putting undue stress on her.
From what little I’ve gathered about timelines for pregnancy, we’re still on the cusp of there being a greater risk for complications.
So when I speak, it’s with a gentle, pleading tone, urging her to understand where I’m coming from.
“I’m trying really hard here, Bunny. I’ve always given you so much of me…
all of me, honestly. But all you do is lie to me.
Can you really not understand why I’d be discouraged?
You slept with me while carrying another man’s child, then didn’t give me the agency to prove I’d be there for you in the aftermath.
Didn’t I deserve that? After all we went through? ”
Her silence speaks volumes. The things she wants to say are written all over her face, in the way her gaze grows glassy again and how her bottom lip begins to tremble—she’s frightened. Whether by my reaction or of what she’s feeling, I don’t know.
Always a mystery, my little rabbit. I never fully know what’s going on in that beautiful head of hers.
“Come here.”
Bunny obeys, melting into me as I wrap my arms around her. “I’m scared, Hunter.”
“I know, baby. I am, too.” I huff a dry laugh against her hair. “You keep everything so close to your chest. I’m just asking you to let me in. This is bigger than you and me now. I need to know you won’t take off on me at a moment’s notice.”
“I want to give in.” She releases a harsh breath, pressing her forehead to my chest. “Fuck, I want to open up to you so badly.”
“Why do you feel like you can’t? What have I done to make you so hesitant about me—about us?” Discontent swirls around the questions, but I tamp it down. She’s trying. That’s all I can ask.
Only, I’m not prepared for her answer.
“It isn’t you, Hunter. I mean, it is, but not in the way you think.
” Her sigh heats my shirt before she tilts her head back and meets my eyes.
“What I feel for you… it’s too much. It’s the type of all-consuming, earth-shattering, life-altering love you never recover from.
And it scares the shit out of me. It gives you too much power over me, and I don’t know if I can do that again—give myself to a man who has that kind of hold on me.
I know you’re nothing like Nathaniel, but what I felt for him doesn’t come close to the way I feel about you. I know you’re going to break me.”
I press my lips to hers, telling her without words how fucking happy she’s just made me. We cling to each other, a maelstrom of emotion swirling in the wake of her confession. I’ve waited so long to hear the depth of her feelings, when all she’s ever offered is surface-level hope.
Now, I can spend the rest of our lives proving I’d drown to keep her afloat. That she—and this baby—are my entire world, and absolutely nothing will ever change that.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Little Rabbit. I’ve spent too long piecing you back together. You’re a masterpiece. My masterpiece. And I will never… ever break you.”