Chapter 35
Some sleep-deprived part of me wonders if Hunter sending me to prison would be better than the self-induced hell I’ve put myself in.
For as long as I’ve known him, Hunter has been in love with me. Sure, we’ve had our spats, thrown temper tantrums and played our games. But in the end we always end up back in each other’s arms—whether for an hour or an evening.
I don’t know how to exist in this new world where Hunter treats me like I’m just another woman in his life. One he’s kind to, but not overly so. One he tolerates because I’m the mother of his child, but not one he wants around more than necessary.
He’s passive-aggressive and infuriatingly overbearing.
It was like pulling teeth to get him to agree to let me take Faline to my home instead of his once we left the hospital.
With everything Hunter admitted to, and the fact that I can’t set foot in his house without picturing Vixey behind him—even though I know nothing happened—it’s the last place I want to be.
Not to mention he almost didn’t let me have Yasha and Maru back. I know I deserve the award for Most Horrible Dog Mom, but at that point I nearly threw fists.
Hunter is punishing me, and I don’t blame him. With hormones riding shotgun through my veins, I oscillate between wanting to punch him, wanting him to speak to me like a normal person, and wanting to fuck his brains out—though my kitty protests that last one loudly.
Research says most women want nothing to do with sex after delivery, but my brain is hardwired to conflate Hunter and sex, so I’m short-circuiting because of how he’s acting.
Maru, the loyal boy he is, sticks close to my side as we head down the hall toward the soft notes of a saxophone drifting from the open nursery door. Yasha, happy I’m home but still pissed at me, lifts his head from his place at Hunter’s feet as I enter.
Hunter has a sleeping Faline on his chest, swaying gently in the rocking chair Carla brought—after I insisted on coming home, he moved most of the setup he had at his place to mine. A globe on the dresser emits a soft glow, casting stars that crawl along the walls and ceiling as it turns.
“Hey, are you—”
“Shh.” He nods to his phone, where the music is playing. “This is the best part.”
A flicker of annoyance sparks in me, then dies. I edge further into the room and sit in the recliner in the corner, adjusting a few times until I find a comfortable spot and listen.
I’ve never been a huge jazz fan, but it’s grown on me since Hunter and I got serious—the soft stuff, anyway, like whatever he’s playing now.
The rhythmic notes carry me back to a happier time only a handful of months ago, when things were simpler, even with my psycho brother-in-law sending me threatening notes.
It’s another reason Hunter doesn’t want Faline and me staying here. Which I can’t blame him for, but he’s been present nearly every moment. And when he’s not, Dove usually is—even though Hunter’s said that never comforts him.
When the song ends, Hunter pauses the playlist. Neither of us speaks for a long while until I can no longer stand the silence. There were three months of it—my fault, I know—so the least I can do is try. Hunter tried for years. Now it’s my turn.
“You know, I never asked you where your love of jazz comes from.” It’s an olive branch—delicate and spindly, but a peace offering nonetheless. A chance to regain some normalcy. A moment for him to look at me with something other than anger and disappointment.
Hunter smiles fondly without breaking his sway or loosening his hold on our daughter.
“When I was a kid, my mom and dad took me to SeaWorld. We saw the whale show, and they played Forever in Love—the song that just played—while the trainer danced with an orca. I remember being so moved by the music—feeling warm and... right. So when we got home, I begged for a Kenny G album. It all went downhill from there.” His gaze drops to Faline then meets mine, full of a sorrow I helped make.
“I thought it was beautiful because I was too young to understand animals don’t belong in cages.
They should roam free, untamed, like they were meant to be. ”
It isn’t lost on me that the story carries a double meaning. It reads like the saddest goodbye I can imagine, even though we’re bound together forever through our child.
I can’t fathom life without the man across from me, and I don’t understand how we got here—how we keep finding ourselves at this impasse.
Tears sting and I hastily wipe them away. “You know I never meant to hurt you, Hunter.”
He doesn’t answer, but his eyes turn glassy and my heart splinters as he holds my gaze.
“I once said you were my masterpiece and that I’d never break you.
But you’ve been breaking me, Bunny. Over and over.
I told you I wouldn’t survive if you left again, and you did it anyway.
You’re not selfish—you need to protect your heart, I get it.
Maybe if I’d protected mine better, you wouldn’t have gotten so far under my skin that I don’t know how to be me without you anymore. ”
A sob tears from me. I clamp my hand over my mouth to muffle it so I don’t wake the baby.
Hunter’s chest shudders like he’s holding back his own.
Gracefully, he stands and settles Faline into her bed.
Making sure one of the baby monitors is on, he picks up the other one and motions for me to follow.
In the hall he keeps talking as I trail him downstairs.
“It’s my fault. Everything. From letting you consume me so thoroughly to being so angry that I let you think I’d actually turn you in.
I had a lot of time to reflect on our relationship, Little Rabbit, and I realized we do nothing but make the stupidest mistakes and hurt each other. ”
I know where this is going and brace for the blow. Our crash and burn was always inevitable. Now that it’s here, I scramble for any way to extinguish the flames.
“I’ve always chosen you. Always. But you’ve never really chosen me, and I think I finally understand you likely never will.”
“Hunter.” I reach for him, but he steps away, dabbing at his own cheeks. “No. Bunny, I can’t do this anymore. Pushing you away is the only self-defense I have. You’ll always be in my life because of our amazing little girl upstairs, but I can’t do it anymore.”
Hearing him say it out loud shatters a piece of me I never thought could break—the piece he built up with promises that we were endgame and nothing could make him stay away.
He turns for the door, muttering that he can’t be here.
What’s left of my broken heart hammers against my ribs, blood rushing in my ears like an angry ocean crashing against the shore. Racing after him, I pull at his arm, not caring how desperate I sound. Fair or not, all I want is for him not to leave me the way I left him.
“Please, don’t go, Hunter!”
Gently, he shakes me off, ignoring my pleas. Panic claws my insides. Somewhere in my head I wonder if this is how he felt when I left.
Karma is a fucking bitch, Bunny.
“Hunter!”
“Just stop!” he roars, turning to face me, eyes wild as if surprised by his own outburst.
He still hasn’t really slept. I don’t know how he’s holding it together. The man standing over me is unrecognizable.
And it’s all my fault.
If there’s ever a time to do what’s best for him, it’s now.
Let him go.
This time, when he turns, I don’t stop him. I watch him leave, warm, silent tears tracking down my face as I try to hold in my sobs. Yasha and Maru whine, following him to the door, probably thinking they’re going with him.
None of it matters. Hunter throws the door open and disappears into the night, taking half of my fractured soul with him.
While the other half sleeps upstairs, blissfully unaware of how badly her mother fucked her life up.
Soft dog whines wake me.
My phone says I wasn’t out more than twenty minutes after crying myself to sleep on the couch when Hunter left.
Checking the monitor, I relax—Faline is still sleeping—before a prickling awareness makes my skin break out in goosebumps.
Yasha and Maru stand at the living room threshold, fixated on the front door.
Did Hunter come back?
My gut says no.
But someone is here.
Maru’s ears lay flat, his whole body trembles as he growls at whoever’s entered my home. He wouldn’t act that way with Dove. Yasha goes full attack mode—barking, feigning advances with his sharp teeth bared. Maru joins in, snarling and trying to look vicious.
Footsteps shuffle across the hardwood causing my heart to jump into my throat. It sounds like someone dragging their feet down the hall. Alarm spikes when I realize I forgot to lock the door in the chaos of Hunter leaving.
A sharp clicking of a tongue emulating the ticking of a clock accompanies the steps, making the hairs on my arms rise. Hastily, I put myself between the intruder and the stairs and shout, “Get the fuck out of my house!”
Deep chuckles roll off the walls as a tall, dark figure emerges from the shadows. It takes a beat for my eyes to adjust, the moon the only thing illuminating the room. A voice rings out, a familiar face coming into view.
“Technically, Little Rabbit, this should be my house.”
Neil.
He has the same deep Texan drawl Nathaniel had. The same dark blond hair and ordinary brown eyes. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear I was staring at the ghost of my late husband.
Neil laughs—a loud, guffawing sound that drowns the dogs and makes my body jolt. Upstairs Faline cries. I watch, horrified, as his eyes travel up the staircase behind me.
“You know, my brother always wanted a baby girl.” He slides his hands into his pockets.
He’s dressed head-to-toe in black business attire, looking like a man going to an office rather than breaking into a house.
“He was so sure you’d give him his happily ever after. Shame you became his demise instead.”
“Your brother wasn’t a good man, Neil. I don’t know what he told you—”
“He told me enough!” Neil snarls. “Did he tell you why I went to jail? Did he tell you it was to protect him? Did he tell you there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my little brother? Including getting revenge?”
Everything stills—the dogs, Faline, my heart. Two seconds stretch like an eternity. I see the night I killed Nathaniel flash through my head.
Then Neil lunges.
Fight-or-flight kicks in. The urge to protect my baby sends adrenaline roaring through me, smothering my grief and the lingering threads of physical pain left from giving birth.
I sprint up the stairs and trip, barely catching myself on the edge of a step as Neil grabs my ankle and yanks me down. I kick and squirm while both Yasha and Maru bite at his legs.
One must get a good hold because he howls. I hear a sickening squeal as he flings them away. Taking the opportunity while he’s distracted, I try to climb but don’t make it two steps before he drags me back.
Neil’s weight pins me across the stairs. “I see why he liked you. We always loved women who put up a good fight.”
Disgust coils through me as I fight to break free. In the back of my mind, I think about what will happen if Neil succeeds at whatever it is he’s trying to do. Kill me? Rape me? Beat me?
What will happen to my daughter once he finishes what he’s come to do?
“You know, I told him never to get married.” He shoves his leg between mine and hauls me up by my wrists, tossing me over his shoulder. “But he promised you were worth it. Said you had a golden pussy and once I was out I’d get to see for myself. We always did share everything.”
“Let me go!” I batter his back, panic choking me.
Faline’s crying spikes. Motherly instincts drive my anxiety, the need to get to my baby and comfort her outweighing the pain of my wounds. Adrenaline eats at every ache, blanketing my discomfort like a cape.
Neil drops me on the sofa and I fight like a feral cat, becoming a flurry of limbs and nails and teeth. Hissing and biting and fighting against his superior strength.
All the while, he laughs. “Do you know how fun it’s been to watch you?”
He wedges his leg between mine again, hips pressing down until I feel the hard length of his cock against my thigh. He pins my shoulders and my teeth find the skin above his wrist. I clamp down until I taste blood.
A cry of pain accompanied by spittle flies from his lips before he yanks his arm away. I spit out a chunk of flesh when it comes free.
Bony knuckles smash my cheek over my scar. Another blow to my jaw knocks my head sideways. White bursts in my vision, a dizzying haze fogging up my brain until the fight bleeds from me.
“I’m going to have so much fun tearing you apart until you are begging to die.” Neil’s words are filled with grit and giddiness as he speaks against my ear. “Then I’ll paint your detective’s world crimson with the blood of your illegitimate spawn.”
The weight on my upper body lifts, settling on my thighs as his palms skim down my chest, roughly groping my breasts.
I can feel them leaking, the sweet, milky odor rising to my nostrils as Neil laughs in crazed delight.
Nausea causes my head to spin, the sound of my top ripping fills the air, before a warm wetness slicks my nipples.
Tears sting my lashes. I lie there gathering whatever strength is left, thinking about how whatever happens to Faline will be my fault, just like everything else that’s happened is a product of all my bad choices.
“So fucking sweet.” Neil smacks his lips against my chest. “I think I’ll—”
Suddenly his weight jerks—and vanishes. I wait, muscles coiled, listening for him to return. The buzzing in my ears clears and I hear ragged breathing—then a voice that makes the room tilt.
“Fucking die is what you’ll do, you fucking bastard.”
It takes a moment to focus on the form standing above me. If fury could manifest physically, I’m certain it would have dark hair and eyes of the purest amber, the fires of hell glowing in their depths as they hone in on Neil.
Hunter.