Chapter 47 Will
Will
“D’you think he’s landed? Can we call him yet?”
I check my watch and sigh. “No, Mattie. He’s still in the air.”
Trouble’s in transit from Montreal to New York. He’s been away for just over five weeks, and Mattie has yet to slow his roll. I understand where he’s coming from. I get it. I know it’s just marks on a map, but I’ll feel a lot better when he’s back in the US as well.
“Only two more days till we see him,” I say and watch as Mat’s entire face lights up.
“Thank fuck.”
It’ll be our third trip to see him, and I admit, this whole distance thing has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. The first ten days were horrific.
The apartment feels bleak without Trouble.
I see pieces of him everywhere. The coffee mug he favors.
The barstool he perches on with his signature little sway.
His purple toothbrush in the cup on the bathroom counter with Mat’s blue one and my red one.
All of it makes my throat ache right where my neck and jaw meet.
I could barely move Mat off the sofa. It wasn’t until I came around to his big plan to surprise Trouble that he started being able to keep himself on his feet for any length of time.
The plan is kind of crazy, but I guess that’s Mat when he’s in love for you.
I feel like I should have done more to talk him out of it, but the way he looked when he sold the idea to me—so light and so fucking hopeful. Ugh. There was no way I could say no.
It hasn’t been all bad. We’ve had a veritable fuckton of phone sex.
Mat and I don’t do anything together unless we have Trouble on video, watching or telling us what he wants us to do to each other.
It doesn’t feel like a hardship or a punishment.
It’s what we want. It’s what feels right for us.
It’s been hot. Spontaneous combustion-level hot.
I’m amazed we’ve all lived to tell the tale after some of the things we’ve gotten up to.
It’s different from the real thing, and don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing on earth better than the real thing, but it’s been good.
Phone sex involves a lot more talking than in-person sex, and I love that aspect of it.
We’ve all gained a huge understanding of what works for each of us.
We’ve all confessed our deepest, darkest fantasies to each other.
Mattie’s is fun and excessive, as you can imagine.
It involves a lot of taking him in turns and fucking him until he can’t move.
Mine’s kind of tame, considering most of the things that get me off.
It made Trouble and Mat smile and call me a big ole softie.
Trouble’s is so hot that Mat and I have hardly been able to think of anything else since he told us.
I’ve lost a lot of time thinking about it.
A lot of time.
Hours and hours.
“What about now?” asks Mat, interrupting my thoughts.
I check my watch. An hour has passed. “Yeah, okay, it’s still a bit early. He’s definitely landed, but he probably hasn’t even finished checking in to the hotel yet. We can try him though. He might be able to talk.”
Trouble answers on the second ring. His image appears on my phone screen, and I hold it out so Mat can see. Trouble’s outdoors. It’s gusty and his hair is whipping around his face. “We’re on the High Line,” he says. “It’s right near our hotel. It’s windy as hell, but I love it here.”
“Who’s with you?” asks Mat.
“It’s Blake. Blake, come say hi to my guys.” A guy with freckles and wavy shoulder-length red hair angles his face into the picture.
“Hi, Trouble’s guys,” he says shyly.
I feel Mat stiffen beside me. I put my free hand on his leg and squeeze hard, but instead of relaxing him like it usually does, it makes him tense harder.
I glance over at him and watch as his eyes darken and his mouth curls into a snarl.
His chest rises and falls rapidly. I recognize the signs instantly. He’s suffering, and I hate it for him.
“Something’s come up, okay, Trouble,” I say quickly. “Can you call us when you’re in your room?”
“Sure,” he says before hanging up.
“Why’d you do that?” demands Mat.
“Mattie, we need to talk to Trouble about how you’re feeling, but now’s not the time. He just landed and he’s with someone. He hasn’t even checked into his room yet.”
“Who the fuck is that guy, Will? Did you see how close he was standing to Trouble? Did you see how he looked up at him? I could see that he wants him. Admit it. You could see it too. Jesus.” He balls his fists at his temples. “I can’t fucking take it.”
“Mattie, I think we should hit pause, okay? This is a conversation that involves all three of us, and I think we should wait until Trouble is part of it before we go any further.”
Mat grumbles something in my direction that gives me the distinct impression he doesn’t agree and throws himself back onto the sofa. “Fine.”
Trouble calls us a little while later. He shows us around his room like he always does.
Usually, Mat lets off a string of excited oohs and ahhs as he does it, but today that’s left to me.
When Trouble curls into the armchair near the window in his room, I say, “Trouble, Mat’s struggling with something, and we want to talk to you about it. ”
“Mattie, what’s wrong?” The care and concern in his voice is so pure and true. It floods me with warmth and makes me miss him so hard that my chest physically aches.
“Who’s Blake?” Mat asks bluntly.
“He’s the new makeup artist. Beth resigned, remember? I told you last week. There was that whole big thing with the sound engineer.”
“Is he gay?” asks Mat even more bluntly.
“Mattie!” I exclaim. “That’s not the point.”
Trouble’s brows draw together. “Is everything okay, Mat? Have I done something wrong?”
“Of course not, Trouble,” I say. “You haven’t done anything.”
“It’s about me,” admits Mat. “Will wanted us all to talk about it together, and yeah, I suppose he’s probably right.” It sounds so hard for him to admit it that I bite back a smile. “I’m jealous, okay?”
“Of Blake?” asks Trouble incredulously.
“Yes. No. Kind of. I’m just, like, jealous in general. I hate it, but it’s there. You haven’t done anything to make me feel like this. It’s just how I am.”
“Do you know why? Is it something specific that sets you off?” asks Trouble.
“Not really. I’ve been like this for a long time. I guess it started when this girl, Jade, cheated on me back in college.”
“Well, it’s not easy to get over something like that,” says Trouble kindly. “But, Mat, I’m not like that.”
“I don’t think you’re like that…But I didn’t think Jade was either.
I was shocked as shit when I found out she’d done it.
I couldn’t believe it. I was so shocked my body felt ice-cold for three or four hours.
I thought she was the sweetest, most genuine person I’d ever met, and she wasn’t.
She wasn’t at all. So, I guess that makes me feel like I’m the last person I can trust to judge situations like that. ”
Trouble’s eyes are big. He blinks several times, clearly thinking how best to reply. “What can I do to make you feel better?”
“There’s nothing you can do, Trouble,” says Mat. “This is something I have to work through on my own.”
“Mattie,” I say softly, “d’you remember what I said about Jade?”
“Yeah, you didn’t like her.”
“No, I didn’t say that. I said I didn’t trust her.”
Mat sighs. “Yeah, I guess you did. Congrats, bud, you’re a better judge of character than I am.”
“That’s the thing, Mattie.” I circle his neck and pull his head close to mine.
“You’re wrong. You don’t have to deal with this alone.
You’re not in this alone. There aren’t two people in this relationship.
There are three. You don’t have to trust your own judgment if you aren’t sure of it.
You can trust mine.” Mat searches my face, pausing at my eyes. “You can trust Trouble because I do.”
“You do?” asks Matt.
“I do. I trust him completely. I know who and what he is. I go to sleep peacefully every night, knowing he’s ours and ours only.”
The tension in the fine lines around his eyes releases and his jaw unclenches. He takes several big breaths, looking better and better after each one. On the screen, Trouble’s expression softens.
“You can totally trust me,” Trouble says earnestly, shrugging his shoulders and parting his hands in an innocent way that doesn’t come close to suiting him. “I’d never cheat on anyone. Can’t see why anyone would. If I wanted someone else, I’d just break up with you.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” cries Mat, trying not to laugh at the audacity of our dark angel.
“I am kidding, Mattie. But I love you. And you. I love you both so much. I’d never do anything to hurt what we have. I’ve spent my whole life manifesting it, after all.”
“I love you too, baby. Can you show me your room again? I wasn’t paying proper attention the first time.”
Trouble prances around the room, happily showing off the view and the tiny bottles of products in the bathroom. He seems to be almost as partial to tiny toiletries as he is sundried tomatoes.
“What’s the bed like?” asks Mat. “Are the pillows okay?”
He bounces onto the bed and lies back, nestling his beautiful head into a cloud of white. “Yeah, they seem all right.”
Trouble has a long list of things he requires from a pillow, and in our experience, few hotels have been able to meet all of those needs. I have no doubt we’ll hear more about the pillows tomorrow when a sleepy, puffy-lipped Trouble calls us to say good morning.
“Show me where you are.” Trouble’s eyes change from sweet to sinful like a manual ignition switching from third gear to second. We’re in the living room, sitting on the sofa. He can see it on the screen clear as day.
“We’re in the living room—you know where we are,” says Mattie, taking the bait, turning the camera around to show him the living room. “We’re on the uncomfortable goddamn sofa.”
Cerulean sparkles. A sheet of dark hair falls into the beautiful face on our screen.
“Yeah, that’s true, you got me. I know where you are.
I can see the porn sofa in the background.
It’s just that it’s been way too long since I’ve seen that sofa adorned by a pair of naked dude-bros, kneeling and arching, making their tight little holes wink for the camera. ”