17. Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen:
~Melrose~
“And what about this?” Janus grinned cheekily as he twisted to hold a cluster of little purple flowers in his hand.
“Now, at least give me a challenge!” I chortled, putting my back to the massive oak tree in the castle gardens.
As suspected, they were overflowing with flora and the tiny fauna that took refuge inside the castle walls.
I spotted most nestled in the underbrush.
The magic kept them warm. Unlike outside the castle walls, the rest of the kingdom was lightly dusted in snow.
Magic hummed around us as Cardinal Janus and I strolled through the blessed gardens.
I tried not to sigh dreamily and replay the ritual in my mind.
Or replay last night. It felt like every moment I was allowed to have Keida, I revealed another piece of her that I enjoyed.
Despite her initial cowardice, Keida was rather brave when trying new things. She wasn’t afraid to match me in my desires. But best of all, talking with her was like breathing. Once she let herself relax and be herself around me…it felt so normal. Even with the tension around her visions.
Avaris blessed her with another vision, and it was starting to upset me.
Not because she had them, but because of what they did to Keida.
Earlier that morning, I’d been trying to take a bath as quietly as possible.
One little splash and I froze to listen for Keida.
In the middle of rinsing my hair I heard her whimpers.
No, please…no, don’t. I was struck for a moment in deja vu.
Similar visions plagued Papa the night before my mother’s final passing.
While I laid curled up in her arms, listening to her lungs struggling to breathe, he sat up in the middle of the night.
Jerked right out of his sleep, head in his hands, muttering and begging some unseen force.
I watched, from where my head was propped on my dying mother’s ribs, unable to tear my eyes away.
So, when she warned me against Janus, I knew the truth.
Janus wasn’t here for me. He wasn’t here for Leonardo.
He was here for some other reason. My Lady, you may not speak to me directly.
And I may have my doubts or reservations about you…
but you’ve never abandoned me. I’ve always been safely nestled in your hands. Why else would you have sent her to me.
Keida was wrong. I was not Avaris’ blessing to her. She was Avaris’ blessing to me. Mama’s death was unavoidable, and so my goddess did the next kindest thing. She sent me another woman to love with all my heart.
I would honor that with understanding. I wish I’d actually gotten to hear the vision. Cursing myself wouldn’t fix anything. Instead, I focused on the problem directly in front of me. I smiled at Janus, “Those are Verbena, or vervain or verveine, is a genus in the family Verbenaceae.”
“Very good!” Janus praised, waltzing away from the flowers with a single blossom.
He grinned from ear to ear. I wanted to melt under his warm love and affection, but it only made my stomach turn as he tucked one of flowers into my hair along with the others he’d woven into my strands along our journey.
“I’ve been studying,” I lied with a light laugh.
“I can tell!” He chirped. Extending his elbow to me, I slithered a hand into the crook and lightly held it as we walked deeper into the brush. My eyes scanned the garden for any betrayal…any snakes in the grass. “Now, Melrose, I did hope to carve out some time just to talk with you.”
“About what?” I glanced up at him innocently.
“Well, about you, of course. Your father’s been quite protective of you, so I wanted to give you the space to vent if you needed.
I know it can’t be easy to be the daughter of the Hierophant Rex, living under those expectations.
” He stroked his hand over mine and it took everything in me not to audibly gag.
I fought tooth and nail to keep the smile painted on my lips.
“Oh, I think you overly estimate the expectations on me. I’m expected to be a good member of society and to say my prayers and partake in the holidays much like any other person blessed by the Order.
However, all the things I do are of my own desire.
I love to sew and design clothes. I enjoy helping out around the Cathedral.
Papa has hardly had to force any duties on me other than not staying up too late reading a good book.
” Everything I ever learned from my best friend, Lady Daphne Oliphante, was that a good lie was in the details.
In making it feel real, so I layered it on thick and didn’t give room for him to pick at it.
“Why do you fear I live under heavy expectations?”
Janus hummed thoughtfully. “You are not married, my dear.”
“What does marriage have to do with it?” I laughed.
“If you were able to pull away from the Order, you might have found a love match?” He quirked a brow.
“What if you found a most handsome knight? Or a wonderful fabric mogul, since you like to sew so much? What of your future, my dear? I’d hate for your father’s expectations and protectiveness to drive away suitors. ”
My stomach twisted uncomfortably as we came to a stop by a bed of roses.
All of them lush and bright pink, having soaked up the blessing.
They were bountiful and the air filled with their thick scent.
I stared at them, trying to untangle the puzzle he made before me.
“Why does everyone imagine that my life would be best if lived that way? Is my life not good enough as is? Why does life have to revolve around marriage to some faceless entity?”
Janus eyed me, and I was frozen in time under his intense stare. Then, after an eternity, he asked, “Do you not wish to marry?”
“I do not dream of shackles,” I rebutted.
“Is that how you envision marriage?” He countered, slowly shifting to face me fully with his arms crossed over his chest.
“It is if I let others dictate whom I marry.” I mimicked his stance.
My hooves dug into the stones beneath me.
It became painfully obvious within a moment that we were not alone.
Not as I thought we were. I caught movement out of the side of my eye in the garden, a few feet away, and circling like vultures.
The subtle clink of metal tipped me off, followed shortly by a flash of silver metal in the morning sun.
Light that barely broke through the heavy clouds, touched my shoulders and warmed me through the cloak.
The cloud separated slowly, a stiff, frosty breeze blowing through the kingdom, giving the sun more room in the sky.
“I must admonish your father for allowing you to think in such a fashion,” Janus chuckled darkly, fingers tapping against his biceps.
“Freely?” I added, raising a brow but my eyes followed the flash of silver as it disappeared into a row of hedges to our right.
“Marriage is protection, my dear.” Janus’ tone, hollow with a hint of threat, brought my gaze back to him. I furrowed my brow. “A point your mother knew well. A good marriage, to a person in power is armor, Melrose. It protects you from those who would mean you harm.”
My face hardened, teeth barred as I snarled, “Did marriage protect my mother from death?”
Janus tutted. “Now, that’s not a fair comparison.”
“When has marriage ever actually saved a woman? I’ll wait,” I hissed, closing the distance between us.
Janus straightened to his full height, towering over me by two inches.
His hardened stare roamed my face. If he was hoping to find fear, he was woefully overestimating his position in my life.
Janus was my godfather, but he was in no position to make me cower or back down.
I was not a cleric; he could not decide my fate within the order.
“My child, was merely a…thought experiment.” He relaxed, throwing his arms out to his sides. I glared at him. His easy smile left me off balance as he turned to the roses beside us and plucked one from the garden bed. “Think fast, Melrose, what is this?”
“A demask rose,” I blurted out, studying him as he brought it to his nose.
“A fragrant bloom, don’t you think?” He peeked at me, a cheeky wink sent my way. Janus tucked it away in my hair with the other flowers. “Adds to a bouquet quite nicely, makes a wonderful oil as well.”
“That it does.” My eyebrows knitted as he took a step back to inspect his handywork.
“A perfect perfume to wear when meeting a nice boy, don’t you think?”
I groaned out loud, “Janus, really? I thought we dropped the matter.”
He chortled, bringing a fourth to my hair and tucking it into place. “Just one last one, for the road, I suppose. Is it really so wrong to hope for godchildren? Oof, that did not sound as good out loud as I thought it might.”
I sent him a ‘you think?’ look to which he waved off flippantly.
He hooked his arm through mine once more.
“Bah! Let an old man muse, can you? No, I am just wanting what’s best for you and being stuffed inside the Cathedral all by yourself is not what’s best for you, my child.
You’re a brilliant star, shining and sparkling, you ought to share your magnificence with the world. ”
“I am perfectly happy here, Janus. Please, what is with you clerics in not believing me that I enjoy where I am?!” I scoffed, swatting at him.
“Who else has berated you?” He teased.
I blanched for a moment, unsure if I should tell him the truth. It can’t hurt, can it? Glancing up at him, I still saw my godfather, the one who was there to help birth me. The one who taught me the hymns while my parents rested. The one who held my hand at her funeral…
I believe in Keida. In Avaris. But must it be you?
“Keida, believe it or not,” I choked out.