Chapter 34
BARDY
When the battle’s lost and won.
Satya is looking for a fight. He can see it, and it starts, even before Bardy has had a chance to say hello to Jack.
Jack, who is the green of toy soldiers.
He knows who he’d put his money on.
“For God’s sake, Jack, look at the state of them and the car!” Satya is standing by the open door of a 4x4 staring in, Jack beside her.
From inside, he hears, “And great to see you too, Mom.”
Bardy looks for Tay. She is waiting where his car is parked near the road. She is staring into space. Even from here, he can see that her face is white and pinched.
Jack tries to head Satya off. “So what! We’ve been having a great time. And it’s only a bit of mud. It doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah, but you won’t be the one clearing up the house when there’s mess absolutely everywhere. It’s always me.”
Oh, this woman really wants a fight.
Bardy is taken back to the classroom. Satya was bright, no doubt about that. But sometimes she just wanted to get stuck in. Too much pressure at home, he’d always thought. Be a doctor. Be a lawyer. He’d learned early on, don’t go head on. That way, one of you has to lose.
Satya had her phone blatantly on display. Every bit of her was willing him: Come on then, sir.
“Do you want to put that phone in your bag, Satya? Or shall I take it to the office?”
The illusion of choice. Plus, the real fear that her phone will be confiscated.
Phone goes in the bag. If he’d demanded the phone—stalemate. What was he going to do, wrestle it from her? But Satya would still have given him that look. The look she is now giving Jack.
“You have no idea how much work I’ve got at the moment. How much extra work you make! We still haven’t got a mission statement sorted . . .”
“Will you shut up about the bloody mission statement? You haven’t even said hello to the boys. Why can’t you just be pleased to see us? Why are you always having a go at us?” Jack is shouting now.
Satya matches him, “Because you don’t help me! You lot do what you want, having a great time. I’m left working all the bloody time. I don’t even feel part of my company anymore.”
“You’ve done exactly what you wanted to today, haven’t you? Hung out with these guys?” Jack seems to clock Bardy. “Sorry, mate.”
Bardy shakes his head, as if to say, No, you go on. Not sure if he should step in. Or just head home with Tay.
“I don’t feel part of anything anymore! I’m not really needed anywhere.
Don’t you understand how that feels? Us.
My work. This!” Satya throws her hand back toward Bardy and the house.
The others are emerging from the doorway, stepping uncertainly into the war zone.
Bardy sees Kate. And he sees something else.
The memory of a hug and a thank you from Linda that had included Pia and Kate, but not Satya.
He wonders if she minded. Of course, she had. The latecomer.
Jack glances at the growing audience, but Bardy feels that he needs to get this out.
He hisses, “And you think this is always easy?!” He keeps his voice low, but Bardy can feel the frustration.
“Maybe there are times when I’ve had a shit day, maybe I want more, but it’s always about you and the sodding mission statement.
And it doesn’t make any sense anyway, it’s a load of pretentious crap . . .”
From inside the car, a lone voice says, “Sorry, Mom, but the man’s right. Total bullshit.”
Oh, not helping.
Satya opens her mouth, but before she launches into whatever she was going to say, she becomes aware of her growing audience.
She appears to stutter on her unuttered words, then, turning, she marches to the passenger seat and gets in, slamming the door.
Jack throws Bardy a look of wretched helplessness, latent anger, and apology.
It’s quite a look. And he, too, gets in the car.
He closes his door softly. Point made. And he starts the engine.
As the car disappears out into the road, the others spread out on the drive.
Everyone is looking at everyone else. Nobody is saying anything.
Lou nods at him and heads off toward Tay.
Clemenza just keeping an eye on things.
Leonard breaks the silence. “Right! Home, Mrs. Cowland. Thank you, Pia. See you all soon.”
Kate approaches Bardy. “She felt left out, didn’t she?” Before he can answer, she continues, “I didn’t think. It just happened. And she was brilliant with . . .” she nods toward Leonard, who is getting in his car.
“I think it’s more than that, Kate. It’s work, it’s family. That wouldn’t have mattered if she wasn’t feeling shit about all that.”
She nods and pauses for an infinitesimal moment as if deciding, then she leans in and kisses him on the cheek.
His surprise is washed away in a wave of silver. His skin shimmers with the sense of her. It’s like being immersed in a bath of liquid light, sinking, twisting, then floating. Kate breaks away, and it is as if someone has pulled a giant plug.
What the fu . . .
How could he ever get used to . . .
All speech has gone.
He just wants to kiss her. Hold her.
Sex would probably kill him.
But what a way to go.
“Bardy, are you okay?”
“Yes, whoa. Yes. Um, do you need a lift?”
Kate laughs. “It’s okay, I’ve got my bi—”
Her words are cut off by Tay’s scream.
Bardy spins toward the sound, his brain registering incomprehensible images. Lou punching Tay in the chest. His big body spinning. Tay falling onto the drive. A black hood of a car appearing from nowhere.
Then it is screeching. Tires. Something else. Screaming.
A car sliding. A thud, and Lou is down.
Things change gear. Or maybe it’s the car. Screaming revs and the car is off. He sees a face. Passenger. Ash white. A boy.
Then all is white. The sensation of swirling snow. A storm. He can’t seem to see or grasp what is unfolding. His mind filled with clouds of white mist. Impossible to define what has happened through the color flooding his mind.
Then he is running. Around him, noise, shocked voices. Movement.
He reaches Lou’s body as Tay does. She is struggling for breath after Lou pushed her.
But she has crawled to him, crouching. A wounded animal.
The noise she makes is of an animal in pain.
Her anguish centers him. He has one arm around her, one hand on his friend’s thigh.
His leg twisted beneath him. Blood on the tarmac by his head.
Then they are there.
Linda at Lou’s head.
Leonard is on the road. Stunned, staring after the car, but already moving forward to direct traffic.
Kate appears and gently lifts Tay, holding her close.
Both shaking. Pia is on her phone. Precise.
Clear. And all he can do is place both hands on his best friend.
Fingers splayed. It feels like prayer. Maybe it is.
He watches as Linda checks Lou’s breathing.
Pulse. Then her hands pat over Lou’s body. Calm.
He wants to scream. Is he dead? Then Lou’s hand twitches under his.
Linda looks at Pia. Questioning.
“They’re coming.”
“Good.”
Leonard is standing firm. But no longer speechless. “Did you see that! The speed they were going. Hit him on the side. Didn’t stand a chance. And just drove off! Didn’t stop! My God! How is he, Lindy?”
“He’s out and losing blood.”
“Is Tay okay? Did you see that? He pushed her out of the way.”
Linda nods but doesn’t take her eyes off Lou.
Pia is back. He didn’t know she had gone. She has a first aid kit, which she is ripping open. Linda is quickly tearing open packages.
“What can I do?” He is surprised to hear his own voice.
Linda flicks him a look. Then eyes back on Lou. “Hold this against that cut on his leg. And press firmly.” Linda holds a pad against Lou’s head. Sitting back on her heels. Breathing hard now.
The white is swirling, thick like a blizzard. Tay breaks from Kate’s hold and crouches beside him. Hand on his back. Knees in the gravel. He reaches for her red ocher and lets it pulse with his racing heart. Holding out against the white fear.
As he hears her whisper, “Don’t die, please, don’t die,” he also hears the sirens.