10. 10
Iwoke with a start, jolting upright and taking in a gasping breath.
I had the distinct feeling I was missing something. Like I was running late for a very important event, and I needed to get going. Looking around, I remembered where I was and that I actually had nowhere to be. Nowhere I was allowed to go.
Frustrated, I sat up and pushed the covers off.
Walking over to the hotel room window, I threw back the curtains to find that my view was of the parking lot two stories below.
I grabbed the window frame, hoping to try and crack it open an inch and let some air in, but it wouldn’t budge.
No matter how hard I pulled, it was no use—it was sealed shut.
A hot flush began to spread up my neck as it clicked into place that I was trapped in this room. I tried taking a deep breath, willing my lungs to expand and focusing on the rise and fall of my chest.
You’re okay. You’re okay.
But it was no use. The frenzied panic I was fighting remained, my pulse racing and the tips of my fingers starting to tingle.
Peering out the window at the dark night just behind the glass, trying to focus my attention anywhere other than my spiraling brain, it was suddenly clear that all I needed was air. Just a bit of fresh, non-hotel room air and I would be okay.
Harry’s instruction to stay in my room no matter what flashed through my mind, but I quickly ignored his missive.
It was the middle of the night, and no one would be around to see me breaking the rules.
Plus, I’d consider an impending panic attack an emergency situation and therefore grounds to leave.
I grabbed the room key and quietly opened the door. I was half expecting another burly security guard to be stationed outside, keeping watch, but the hallway was mercifully empty. Looking left and right, I hurried down the hall to the end of the corridor.
Taking the stairs down to the main level of the hotel, I emerged on the far side of the lobby. As if the fates had answered my prayers, a door to the outside terrace stood only feet from the stairwell, saving me from having to cross the lobby and possibly be sighted by hotel staff.
Pushing through the door, I walked out onto the terrace and took a large, relieving breath. The cool air filled my lungs, and I let them expand and contract for a few moments, reveling in the simple relief of being outside. Almost instantly my nerves eased, and my heart rate calmed.
The outdoor space, which served as a restaurant during normal business hours, stretched along the backside of the hotel, with an unobstructed view of the sea. During the day it was a spectacular sight. Even now, in the dead of night with almost no lights on, it was beautiful.
I crossed the terrace to the marble wall separating the dining area from the rocky beach below.
It was only about waist high, and I leaned forward against it, spreading out my hands on the ledge to absorb the cool stone and lifting my face to the sky, letting the breezy night air wash over me.
It was the most at peace I had felt in weeks.
Maybe even months, if I was being honest.
The last traces of the evening’s anxiety had finally left my body when I heard a throat clear behind me. Startled at having been caught out of my room, I spun around, only to come face to face with Callum.
“What are you doing here?” I snapped, not able to help the annoyance that seeped into my tone. Apparently, I was having a hard time moving past our earlier interaction.
He didn’t reply right away but instead walked over to stand a few feet from me against the terrace wall. He looked out at the sea, sparkling under the moonlight.
“Just getting some air,” he said after a moment.
He turned away from the water and toward me, his gaze meeting my own. The sudden direct eye contact had any reply I was about to utter dying on my lips.
As we stood staring at each other, I found myself longing to know what he was thinking. What the guarded, conflicted look etched across his face meant. Maybe he felt just as claustrophobic as I had, alone in a hotel room with nowhere to go.
Or maybe he was judging me again, and another rude remark was just around the corner.
I realized then that I didn’t want to stick around to find out what he would do next.
Our studio hallway glance aside, we had never met before this morning and yet there was already an underlying tension between us.
I didn’t want to push it any further. Besides, I didn’t think my fragile self could handle someone being a dick to me right now.
“I’ll leave you to it then,” I said to him, turning to leave.
I was a few paces away when he called out from behind me. “Why are you here?”
I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him. I was about to tell him it was none of his business. That he was really a piece of work asking me a question like nothing had happened earlier. Like he hadn’t been a total ass.
But when I looked across at him, ready to tell him off, something in his eyes stopped me. His demeanor had changed in the last few seconds and instead of the cagey estrangement of moments before he looked simply exhausted. Like he couldn’t continue to maintain the facade he had been putting on.
I tilted my head as I continued to take him in. He was staring back, and I wondered what he saw in my eyes; if he could read just how anxious and overwhelmed I felt.
Opening my mouth to reply, I found myself hesitating. I almost fired off one of the many lines I had repeated to a camera the day before: “I’m here for love”, “I’m looking for a life partner”, “I’d like to have some fun in the sun”.
But something about the way Callum was looking at me, as if he couldn’t handle it if I bullshitted him, made me pause. Made me want to tell him the truth. Why being here had become my only option. Why I couldn’t say "no," no matter how uncomfortable the whole thing made me.
My head spun, thrown off by the sudden urge to spill my guts.
Was I really going to confess all my secrets to the stranger who I thought was the world’s biggest prick just two minutes ago?
“I . . .” I started.
What I would have told him, what was about to come out of my mouth, I would never know because at that moment a yelp from behind me had me spinning around.
“Poppy!” Harry exclaimed.
If I had thought he was frantic on the boat when Callum and I were first caught, it was nothing compared to now. He was in pajamas, hair sticking up at all ends, waving his hands in the air, as if he could physically separate us by pawing at the space around him.
The guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. Harry had been nothing but wonderful to me and I had broken his rules twice in a day’s time. Even if both instances had been unintentional, I still felt bad.
I didn’t spare Callum a backward glance as I quickly made my way over to Harry.
“I’m sorry! I just needed some air. I was having a bit of a moment,” I explained to him.
Harry raised his eyebrows, trying to figure out if I was pulling one over on him. The look on my face must have been convincing, because he soon relaxed and stepped closer to me.
“Poppy, I know this is a lot, and it’s all happening very fast, but if you need to take a walk or get air or do anything you just have to ask me. I’m not here to make this harder for you, I’m really not. I want you to enjoy this whole experience,” he said.
“I will, I promise.”
“Now, upstairs and in your room, please.”
I didn’t wait for him to tell me twice and hurried over to the door that led back to the lobby. As I pushed it open, I snuck a quick glance back over my shoulder.
It was no use.
Callum was already gone.