19. 19
The next morning followed the same pattern as the first: wake up, pretend I hadn’t moved closer to Callum in the middle of the night, and then ignore him until the producers gave us the okay to get out of bed.
The girls had been instructed to head outside to the daybeds and discuss the events of the night before.
Still in my pajamas, I sipped my coffee and leaned back against the outdoor pillows.
The morning sun on my face and the hum of chatter surrounding me was enough to almost make me forget where I was—and the fact that I had a canvas belt strapped around my waist and a microphone resting on my chest while dozens of cameras captured my every move.
“Poppy, what’s your plan for the day?” Chiara asked as everyone looked over to me and my reverie was broken.
I sat up and pulled off my sunglasses before replying.
This was another new rule I was getting used to: sunglasses were not allowed to be worn while talking.
Harry told me the purpose was so the camera, and therefore the audience, could watch eyelines and be able to tell who was talking to who, especially in big group settings.
I had my own suspicions, though, that it really was just a continuity trick that made it easier for the producers to cut bits and pieces of a conversation up and splice them together as one.
“I think I’ll try to talk to James a bit and then just continue to get to know everyone, really,” I replied.
Olivia looked away, blushing slightly, and I knew then that I would have to be careful with how I went about getting to know James.
I was on my date when she did her debrief with the girls last night, so I had only heard bits and pieces of how her time with him went.
It had sounded similar to mine: pretty good overall.
“And what about Callum? What’s going on with you two?” Ella asked, her eyebrows raised expectantly. Of course she was the one to pick up on something amiss between us. She was alarmingly observant.
I tried to think of something generic to say that could also work as a realistic answer as to why I didn’t want to get to know him.
Announcing “We met before the show started filming and he was a total dick to me” wasn’t exactly going to fly, nor would it keep questions from being asked or assumptions being made about what exactly had happened.
I don’t know that I would have been able to explain it myself, anyway.
“Callum’s a nice guy,” I said, talking my way through an answer, “and we’re still just getting to know each other, so we’ll see what happens.”
The girls nodded along and, before Ella or anyone else could press any further, I changed the subject.
“Ella, how are you and Liam?” I asked, throwing the question back at her.
“We’ve had good chats, so I’m going to see if we keep getting on,” she said.
The other girls chimed in, and the conversation flowed after that. I thanked my lucky stars that it never returned to Callum and me.
***
The debrief was eventually interrupted by a producer announcing we could get dressed for the day, so we headed inside and to the dressing room.
From the communal bikini bin, which had been provided by one of the show’s sponsors and was filled with any and every style bikini imaginable, I picked out a pink two piece with a triangle top and ties on the sides.
It looked to be the most comfortable bathing suit of the lot and if I was going to flirt with James, I didn’t need an uncomfortable piece of fabric rubbing the wrong way and making me second guess myself.
Heading back out to the garden and to the lounge chairs set up along the pool’s edge, I let out a breath and tried to ground myself in the moment.
No matter what happened, I would at least be grateful the majority of the show was spent outside, sitting around a pool.
It almost didn’t seem fair this was what I was getting paid for.
I had certainly stood around on sets in the freezing cold for worse compensation.
I knew why I needed to stay on Bella Amore for as long as possible, but being able to lounge day in and day out was becoming reason number one for actually wanting to.
Reclining back on the lounger, I looked around the garden. The rest of the cast was still trickling outside, some claiming spots on the daybeds, some chatting in the kitchen.
James stepped out onto the lawn, and we locked eyes.
I immediately smiled, and he did too, raising his hand in a little wave.
I sat up, returning the wave and motioning him to come over to the chair next to me.
It was a subtle gesture but also forward and intentional.
Maybe I could do the whole flirting thing.
Or maybe not.
Instead of coming over to sit with me, James turned and headed into the kitchen, joining Hugh, Ella, and Jess where they were all chatting.
I quickly turned to face the pool, willing away the red flush of embarrassment I knew was creeping up my neck and pretending that I absolutely did not just get blown off by James.
Maybe he didn’t see me motion him over. Maybe he was just excited for his first day in the villa and wanted to take everything in. He’s still getting to know everyone, I told myself. We had already been on a whole one-on-one date. It was normal. It would be fine.
I closed my eyes and tilted my head up toward the sun, taking solace in its warm rays. There was still a whole day ahead of me, as well as the night’s cocktail party. I would have plenty of other opportunities to talk to him.
***
As the day wore on, I moved around the garden about a dozen times. Flitting in and out of conversations between the daybeds, fire pit, and even on an inflatable raft in the pool, I finally did get to talk more with James.
It just wasn’t the way I hoped it would be.
We didn’t get much one-on-one time, and when we did, it was either interrupted by another Bella joining us or by James getting up to jump in the pool. Or getting a snack. Or doing a workout with the guys at the gym.
I would have thought he was avoiding me had I not been surreptitiously watching him all day and noticed he seemed to do the same with the other girls. Maybe he was just a social guy. Maybe he simply didn’t want to commit to anyone only hours into being in the villa.
Getting ready that night, I told myself I needed to calm down and that I was getting worked up over nothing. This is how they get contestants to act crazy! I told myself as I did my makeup.
I repeated that reminder to myself as we were led into the garden for the cocktail party.
After the night’s toast, given by Hugh and focusing on something called “having the sauce”—whatever that meant—I was walking over to the daybeds with Chiara when James stopped me.
“Want to go for a chat?” he asked, smiling.
See, I chided myself, I was overreacting earlier.
I nodded and followed him to the fire pit.
We sat down, and I positioned myself closer to him than I would a normal friend, leaving just a few inches of room between us so I wasn’t on top of him but near enough to signal my interest.
“So,” I asked, “How was your first full day?”
“Yeah, it was cracking. I’m buzzing being here. It’s proper mental, the whole thing,” he said.
He was three for three with the slang in just one sentence, but I found it charming.
We chatted for a few more minutes and then, after discussing how great the weather had been earlier, the conversation came to a horrifying, dead silence.
Silence, as in neither of us saying any words.
I couldn’t come up with one single thing to say. All I could think about was the chasm of quiet that seemed to grow with each passing second. The more aware I was about the awkward pause, the harder it was for me to think of something to say to break it.
Say something, I told myself. Anything, anything, anything.
Finally, not knowing what to do and with James sitting there, looking around at the landscape instead of trying to make conversation himself, I stood up.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I said.
“Yeah, cheers. See you later, then,” he nodded.
Making my way across the grass and into the villa, I let out a frustrated breath. What just happened? The conversation hadn’t been so horrible, had it? James didn’t seem to mind the way it ended. Maybe he thought it was comfortable, compatible silence.
Deep down, though, I was worried about more than the awkwardness of the moment. Had I hyped up James in my mind, wanting him to be my match so badly that I didn’t realize we weren’t compatible at all?
I hid in the bathroom for ten minutes until Harry’s voice rang out over a speaker I hadn’t known was in there, scaring the wits out of me and telling me I needed to get back outside.