37. 37
The walk down the teak walkway and out to the large expanse of lawn is one that, in all reality, takes about ten seconds.
As I followed it now, trying to focus on simply breathing, it felt like an eternity.
This was one of those moments where I could feel massive change lingering just around the corner.
When I turned to cross the grass, when the fire pit and Callum came into view, there would be no going back.
We had promised to stick together, had chosen each other over others before, but for some reason this felt bigger than all that.
It felt like more, and something in the air told me that, in ways big or small, everything would be different from this point on.
Taking one final breath, I turned the corner.
I stumbled in the grass for a second when my eyes landed on Callum across the way at the fire pit.
Standing alone.
I couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped my lips. I probably looked insane, but I felt such sweeping relief in that moment that all I could do was laugh out loud.
Callum and I locked eyes as I stepped closer, and the smile on his face told me everything I needed to know. He was massively relieved as well.
There would be time later to sort through my feelings, to wonder if he was relieved in a game-playing way or in a real way. For now, I simply let myself enjoy the sight of him.
I couldn’t look away. Couldn’t tear my eyes from his gaze. Everything else faded away, and it was just me and him and the lightness that came with being on the same page.
When I was finally in front of him, finally in his direct presence, I couldn’t help it.
I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him close.
He responded with equal fervor and wrapped his arms around my waist. We stood like that for a long, blissful moment, my head resting on his shoulder, his in the crook of my neck.
“Well,” Gemma eventually interrupted, “You two obviously missed each other.”
At the sound of her voice, everything around me clicked into place, and I remembered where I was.
Pulling away from Callum, I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. I had let my emotions take over and ended up clinging to Callum like a koala. I needed to get it together.
Callum, however, had other ideas.
He kept one of his arms wrapped around my waist, kept me pulled in close to him as he replied to Gemma with a soft laugh. “I guess we did.”
He looked down at me, his gaze traveling from my eyes to my lips, and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me then and there.
I wanted him to.
Wanted it very badly, actually. But as Gemma cleared her throat next to me, I snapped back to reality. There was a show to film and an entire Matching Ceremony to get through.
At the thought of the show, my heart sank with the stark reminder of our situation. Of our deal. Was Callum just playing his role? Putting on a good act and hamming it up for the cameras like we agreed to do?
I felt a bit sick as anxiety coursed through me. I was barely listening to what Callum was telling Gemma. Something about him not wanting to talk to the new girls over the last few days.
Was that true? Did he mean it? Or was he just better at pretending than I was?
My spiraling thoughts were interrupted by Callum squeezing my side, bringing me back down to Earth. I hadn’t even said anything, but it seemed our time in the spotlight was over.
I smiled at Gemma, holding everything in the best I could, and turned toward the fire pit and the rest of the guys sitting around it.
If I hadn’t been so distracted by Callum, I would have noticed it earlier.
But I didn’t. Not until we were walking to take our seats, while Gemma was getting a makeup touch-up before the next girl walked out and the guys were lightly chatting to each other, did I look up to the middle of the fire pit bench.
To Hugh.
Sitting there, smiling wide.
With a new girl.
***
As we settled in on the left side of the fire pit bench, I immediately turned to Callum, eyes wide and mouth opened to ask him what the hell was going on.
He must have seen where my gaze went, noticed the absolute shock on my face, because he cut me off before I could launch into any kind of questioning.
“I know. I know,” he said, glancing over at Hugh, who was stroking the arm of the new girl.
I wanted to vomit. Chiara was going to be devastated.
Callum pulled me in closer to him, his arm still around my waist, and whispered in my ear. “I don’t know what happened. He said he was loyal to Chi one minute and then the next he was choosing Grace.”
“That’s her name?” The anxiety I felt over Callum melted away. All that mattered was that my friend was about to get her heart broken, and I had to sit back and watch.
“Hey,” Callum said, sensing my distress. “It’s going to be okay.”
I turned to him, eyes wide in panic over the impending bomb about to be dropped. That’s why Chiara had been placed last in line; the producers knew her matching would be the most brutal and end the most dramatically.
Callum took my hands in his own and held them firmly. I tried to let the gesture ground me, help bring me back to the moment and not launch across the fire pit to have words with Hugh.
“I’m not going to lie,” Callum continued. “It’s going to be really hard for Chiara, and it won’t be an easy watch. But there will be time, after the matching is over, for you to be there for her. We just have to get through this next bit.”
Tears formed in my eyes and threatened to spill over.
“Just look at me if it gets to be too much,” he said as he moved his body even closer to mine.
Whatever we were, whatever this was, figuring it out could wait. It had to. I needed to get through the rest of the night and be there for Chiara. If leaning on Callum, both physically and emotionally, was what that required, then so be it. I could think about what it all meant later.
“Okay,” I said, nodding my head at him.
We continued looking at each other, and a swell of feelings for him rose up in my chest.
So, I leaned in and kissed him.
It was just a light peck on the lips. A fraction of a second, really.
But when I pulled back and looked up at him, he was staring at me so intently I had to look away.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
I wasn’t sure what had come over me other than raw emotion.
Avoiding his eyes as he continued to stare at me, I looked anywhere but him. Only when I felt him squeeze my hand did I finally face him again.
“We should talk,” he said, his voice soft and low. “After all of this.”
I nodded my head, unable to come up with anything else to say.
What did he want to talk about? Was he going to let me down gently? Tell me he had been just fine with our unspoken no-kissing rule, and he didn’t see any point in changing that stance now?
A very small voice, deep down in me, wondered if maybe it would be the opposite; that maybe his feelings mirrored my own. I shoved it away as quickly as it had appeared—it would be too crushing if it weren’t true.
I kept nodding at Callum, kept looking up at him, until a producer’s voice sounded through the bushes that they were sending out the next girl, pulling everyone’s attention back to Gemma.
I took another deep breath—it seemed to be all I could do—faced forward, and leaned even farther into Callum, letting the warmth of his body pressed against mine center me in the moment.
Whatever happened next, however messy things were about to get, I was glad that at least for the rest of the Matching Ceremony, he would be by my side.