Chapter Four
Mr. Banbury chose not to attend the Crawfords’ ball.
When William secured the family an invitation, he hadn’t planned on accompanying Mrs. Banbury and Angelina personally, but he could not shake from his heavy mind the illness that had been apparent in his dear friend’s eyes nor the heartbreak he’d seen in Felicity’s face.
This ball would be a quieter one, perfect for Angelina’s limited endurance.
He could not deny her the opportunity to fulfill such a simple wish.
“This is lovely.” Angelina hadn’t stopped smiling since their arrival some thirty minutes earlier. She certainly had not perfected, nor seemed the tiniest bit interested in, Society’s preferred appearance of boredom at such events. “Thank you again, William, for bringing us.”
As only they were privy to this comment, even her mother being occupied with a conversation elsewhere, he felt no need to correct her informal address.
“It is my very real pleasure, Angelina. I only wish Felicity could have come as well.” He meant it sincerely. “Not only would she enjoy the ball, but she would also prove quite entertaining. I am, of course, assuming she hasn’t changed too drastically since we were children.”
Angelina laughed lightly. “She no longer climbs trees but otherwise is not fundamentally changed. She has more energy than anyone I have ever known. She dearly loves to laugh, is never intimidated by a challenge, and is the most loyal of friends.”
That was, indeed, the Felicity he remembered. “It must be difficult for her to be left behind while you participate in the whirl.”
A look of pondering crossed her features. “I suspect it is more frustrating than she lets on. But I also believe she is genuinely pleased I am having these little adventures. Mother and Father wouldn’t agree to any of it unless she vowed not to make the slightest foray into Society.”
“And she agreed to that?” He wasn’t surprised at her willingness, simply at the requirement. While, generally, a younger sister didn’t come out before the elder, some exceptions were made. Angelina’s circumstances would certainly warrant it.
“You know how she is,” Angelina said.
“I know how she was,” he answered. “Forever wanting to be in charge. Shockingly funny.”
Angelina smiled. “She is still quite funny. And assertive when she needs to be.”
“You do not still find her overbearing?”
“That is difficult to say. I can take charge of so little anymore. Mother is unaware of so much. Father keeps himself distant. I don’t know how much of Felicity’s dictatorial tendencies is a matter of character and how much is a matter of necessity.”
The musicians struck the opening notes of a country dance. Angelina had not danced since their arrival. No one had asked, though he wasn’t certain that was the reason.
“Would you like to stand up with me?” he asked.
“I would very much like to,” she said, “but I know my lack of endurance too well to believe for even a moment that I could.”
He had feared that was the case. “Do you feel equal to a turn about the room?”
“In all honesty, I am not certain I am equal to anything other than remaining seated right here where I am.” Her shoulders drooped. “I would be very much surprised if I am able to postpone my departure for home much longer.”
You can see it in her eyes. Felicity’s words repeated in his mind. He could indeed see there what Angelina kept so well hidden: exhaustion.
“My dear friend,” he said gently, “do not feel you must remain on my behalf. Neither do I think your mother would begrudge you an early departure.”
She laced her fingers, resting them on her lap.
Hers was a posture of calm serenity, but once more, her eyes revealed her.
Disappointment and frustration had joined the weariness there.
“I am finally attending a ball—something I’ve dreamed of for ages—and I haven’t the energy to dance or remain for supper.
I am trying very hard not to feel defeated. ”
“Consider it from this perspective: against the odds stacked so high against you, you have come to a ball and participated in the social whirl. Perhaps your time at this ball was shorter than you’d like and you did not do as much as you wished, but you came.
That is not defeat, Angelina. That is triumph. ”
She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, then another. “If Felicity asks, will you tell her that the evening was lovely and I was pleased the entire time?”
“She worries about you.” He had seen the truth of that for himself.
“She wants to make everything perfect for me while she can.” Angelina opened her eyes once more and met his gaze. “And I want her to have the comfort of believing she has.”
“You have my word, as your one-time honorary brother, she will hear nothing but positives from me.”
Angelina reached over and squeezed his hand. “You always were a welcome coconspirator. I am pleased to know that hasn’t changed.”
“We did land ourselves in the suds more often than not, didn’t we?”
“We did, indeed.” She sighed, her hands interwoven once more. “We’ve missed you at home, William. I do wish you would come back.”
He was grateful to be reunited with his childhood playmates, but he was not the least ready to return to his parents’ home and the painful loneliness of being there without them. “Do let me know when you are ready to depart the ball. I will happily summon the carriage.”
A sad sort of smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I believe I am ready now, more’s the pity. I can feel myself wilting by the moment.”
William sought out Mrs. Banbury, sending her to fetch her daughter while he sent word to the stables to send his carriage around.
In less than a half hour, they were at the door of the Banburys’ rented London house.
Angelina leaned heavily against him, her strength quickly disappearing.
Mrs. Banbury looked on with an unsurprised sadness.
Felicity appeared on the landing above. “You are home sooner than expected. Is something amiss?” she asked as she hurried down the stairs.
“I am only a little tired.” Angelina somehow managed to sound less exhausted than William knew her to be.
Felicity reached her sister’s side. “Was it a nice ball?”
“Lovely,” Angelina said. “It was just what I always imagined a ton ball to be.”
Felicity embraced her. “I am so happy for you. Next, we’ll take that ride through Hyde Park, and I’m certain William will help us find a musical evening and a theater to attend that you will enjoy as well.”
“Of course I will,” he assured them.
Mrs. Banbury slipped her arm around Angelina. “Time to rest, dear. You have had a tiring night.”
Angelina was led away, she and her mother moving slowly up the stairs. Felicity remained behind, watching their ascent.
“She looks worse tonight than usual.” Felicity rubbed at her face. “I hope it is simply the exertion.”
“She was in very good spirits throughout the ball. I believe she is only tired.”
Felicity turned away from the stairs, pacing in the entryway. “She still has so much on her list of wishes. How are we to fulfill them all if she grows tired so quickly?”
“I believe you would do best to let her decide what she does and when.”
She waved that advice off. “I want only to make these things possible. She can actually do whatever she decides upon.”
“Unless she feels so much pressure to follow through with your plans that she takes on more than she ought.”
That brought Felicity’s gaze back to him once more. “I have placed no pressure on her.”
She likely didn’t realize how much Angelina wanted Felicity to feel she was being helpful and thoughtful.
The two sisters were participating in a self-turning wheel of overwhelming expectations.
Angelina had asked him not to say anything that would dampen Felicity’s spirits where she was concerned, and he meant to keep his word.
He was enjoying spending time with the Banburys and reclaiming this bit of his past. But the deeper he involved himself in their lives, the closer it would pull him to home.
Angelina had already suggested more than once that he ought to return, and that suggestion had, for one terrifying moment, proved tempting for the first time in five years.
No. He needed to keep his distance.
“Do let me know when Angelina is ready to take her ride in the park.” He had made that promise already and didn’t intend to break it. “I am at your disposal.”
Felicity did not prove ready to leave their discussion on that note.
“I need help finding her a musical evening, as I said, and we don’t have a box at the opera or theater or know anyone who does.
And she has spoken more than once of wishing to attend Almack’s.
That last wish I have absolutely no ability to make happen.
None.” Franticness touched her tone and posture.
“What am I to do? Mother might manage to cultivate connections sufficient to secure vouchers, but that could take years. Angelina doesn’t have years.
She has six wishes for this Season. Only six.
I’ve managed two—three with your offer of driving through Hyde Park.
How am I to make these last three come true? ”
He was being pulled in again. How could he help it?
She loved her sister. Her sister loved her.
Theirs was not to be the typical tale of two sisters growing old together, being aunts to each other’s children.
And they were his childhood friends. He’d missed them and cared about them, and they needed his help.
Ah, lud. He couldn’t turn his back on them.
“I will do what I can,” he said with a quick bow. “A good evening to you, Felicity.”
He would help, but he would guard his increasingly fragile wall. Home was not a happy place for him; he couldn’t afford to be pulled back into that emotional purgatory. What, then, was he to do?