Chapter Ten
Felicity sat over her embroidery, though she’d not accomplished anything in the thirty minutes she’d been in the sitting room ostensibly toiling over her needlework.
Too many questions hovered in her overburdened mind.
Ought more to be done to make Angelina comfortable?
How much longer would this improvement in her sister’s health last?
How was William holding up under the grief that had met him when he’d returned home?
Was there more she might do to help these people she cared for so deeply?
Beneath those questions lay the undeniable loneliness she felt, the longing in her heart for a moment of William’s time.
How quickly he’d gone from childhood friend to the gentleman who had captured her affections.
How could he not have? All she’d known of him as a boy— his good heart and fun personality— hadn’t disappeared, but he’d added to those admirable qualities— compassion and kindness and, she suspected, a willingness to undertake a lark now and then. He was, in a word, lovely.
Who would have guessed I would go to London and lose my heart to the boy next door?
The housekeeper stepped through the threshold of the sitting room, drawing Felicity’s attention there. “Mr. Carlisle to see you, miss.”
William was here? Her heart leaped even as she shakily rose to her feet. “Show him in, please.”
A mere moment passed— a moment in which she didn’t even breathe— and there he stood, that familiar smile greeting her. Was she managing to hide how surprisingly overwhelmed she felt? Perhaps fear of discovery was a common affliction in those who had only just realized their feelings for someone.
Mrs. Green slipped out but left the door open as was proper. A maid would likely arrive soon to provide an added layer of propriety.
“William.” Felicity allowed herself the intimacy of so personal a greeting during this brief moment of privacy. “How are you faring? I know you anticipated your return home would be difficult for you.”
“It has been,” he admitted. “Some aspects have been easier than I’d expected; some have been harder.”
“Do have a seat.” She motioned to the cluster of chairs and sofa nearby.
They moved to the gathered furniture. She sat a mere breath before he did the same.
And there they remained for a long period of awkward silence.
She felt the discomfort of the moment acutely.
Never before had conversation with her dear friend been anything but easy and natural.
Love, it seemed, had the unnerving ability to empty one’s mind and tie one’s tongue.
“I am attempting to discover a means of introducing a topic without doing so too abruptly,” William said, “but I find myself at a loss. Therefore, I will simply dive directly at the heart of my purpose here.”
A topic he found difficult to introduce? An aching sort of hope rose in her chest. She, too, had a secret and withheld declaration. Could his topic be the same one she felt horribly reluctant to introduce? Could newly discovered feelings for her be tying his tongue?
“I want to host a ball.”
Her heart dropped at those five words that would have, mere days earlier, been a source of delight. She’d let herself hope for a more personal confession. Still, it was not in her nature to be easily devastated.
“I think that is a wonderful idea,” she answered, proud of the calmness in her voice. “Though that is a great deal to take on while your burdens are not precisely light. I don’t imagine you have ever put on an event of such magnitude.”
“I have never put on an event of any magnitude.” That he could laugh at that admission told her clearly he was not truly overwhelmed at his undertaking. “That, my dear friend, is why I am here. I am hopeful I might find some assistance at Banbury House.”
Warmth tiptoed over her at the tenderness in his tone. She would allow herself to believe that regard was for her in particular. “I am certain we will do all we can.”
His posture visibly relaxed. “My vision for the ball is ‘An Evening at Almack’s.’”
“Almack’s?”
He nodded. “I hope to recreate, to some degree, the look and feel and experience of that famous London landmark. It will not be an exact replica, of course, but I hope it will be near enough the real thing to be an acceptable substitute.”
In an instant, she understood. “You are helping Angelina experience one more of her wishes.”
A touch of sadness entered his eyes but did not erase his smile. “I am. Your parents can likely arrange some kind of musical evening with the local families. Between that and my Almack’s offering, Angelina will have had the Season she’d hoped for.”
Felicity reached across and took his hand in hers. “Thank you, William. I don’t know what I would have done without you these last weeks.”
His fingers wrapped more firmly around hers. “I know enough of your capability to believe you would have managed the thing.”
“Managed, perhaps, but not enjoyed it nearly as much.”
Was that a hint of a blush she saw steal over his features? A good sign, it seemed to her. Whether or not he felt the same heart-tug she did, he was, at least, not entirely indifferent to her.
A maid slipped into the room. Felicity pulled her hand from William’s and resumed her proper distance once more.
“I will convey your suggestion of a musicale to my mother. I believe she will enjoy planning it.” No one listening could fault the propriety of Felicity’s tone or words. “Do let us know what we can do to assist you in your endeavor.”
“As this is meant to be a particular treat for your sister, I would appreciate knowing what aspect of Almack’s in particular she would wish to experience, as well as how long of an evening she would be able to endure.
I would very much wish for those things she longs for to occur at a point in the evening when she would be able to enjoy them. ”
Her William, always so thoughtful. “The earlier in the evening the better. Her energy lasts longer than it did those last few days in Town, but it is certainly not boundless.”
William nodded. “And would she prefer we recreate the less-than-satisfactory food and beverage offerings Almack’s is so famous for, or ought I to allow my cook to create something edible? In other words, which matters more: accuracy or palatability?”
The maid in the corner barely managed to stifle her laugh.
Felicity allowed her own smile to spread. “I suspect everyone, and their stomachs, will forgive you the deviation from precision.”
“Do you know, I harbor the same suspicion.” He winked at her.
He’d never done that before. She would have remembered the way it sent her insides fluttering about.
“The other aspect of this I need assistance with is the choosing of a date on which to hold this Evening at Almack’s ball. I would appreciate your parents informing me of any conflicts they anticipate in the next few weeks.”
Considerate of him, but unnecessary. “With Angelina’s health what it is, we have no immediate plans to travel or be away from Lindsworth. I will, of course, have my father send word to you of anything I am not aware of.”
William nodded and rose but made no immediate move to exit. “Would you— Would I be asking too much to ask if we might take a turn about the knot garden?”
“I would enjoy that immensely.”
He offered his arm as she rose. The maid didn’t look at them as they passed, but Felicity felt certain she saw a smile tug at the girl’s mouth. Perhaps the hope she felt at William’s kind and unexpected offer was not entirely unfounded.
The weather was everything pleasant: bright, cheerful, warm without being hot, a cooling breeze that didn’t hold an uncomfortable chill. She kept her arm through William’s, something he did not object to.
“You seem in better spirits than last I saw you,” she said.
“That is, in fact, the reason I wished to have a private moment of conversation. I want to thank you for your presence as I made my return home. The weight of my grief was less crushing with you beside me.”
“The fates were smiling on us both that afternoon. I had been standing at the Carlisle Manor gate, wishing you would return.”
He looked down at her. “Have you missed me?”
“For years, William.”
His gaze returned to the path in front of them as they continued their meandering walk. “Leonard said much the same thing, though he and I have been in company with one another often in the years since I left home. I didn’t think I was so absent as all that.”
She leaned her head against his arm, reveling in the warmth of him so nearby while simultaneously hoping he derived some pleasure, or at least some comfort, from her touch. “The vicar once said that grief is like a fog from which one struggles to emerge.”
“I have been fighting that fog for far too long, Felicity.” She felt him take a deep breath. “I am ready to find my way back into the light.”
She stopped walking, so he did as well. Slipping her arm free, she turned to face him directly.
“You can make that journey far better, William, if you are here, if you are home. London holds many diversions, and I am certain there are many other places you might go, but being here, no matter how difficult, will help. I know it will.”
To her great surprise, he reached for her, brushing his fingers gently along her face. “Being here has already helped.”
She closed her eyes and simply breathed through the moment. “I’ve missed you.” She’d made the admission before but did not attempt to stop herself from doing so in a tone that hinted at the feelings of her heart.
His hand slipped from her cheek to her back, holding her closer to him in a tentative embrace. She rested her head against his chest, and his other arm joined his first, embracing her fully.
“I didn’t understand until recently how much I was missing being away from home,” he said. “I had cut myself off from your friendship, your support, your company.”
It was not quite the admission of love she would have preferred, but it tiptoed close enough to give her hope. That he was holding her so affectionately added to the reassurance she felt.
“Then you mean to stay for a time?” She stood very still in the circle of his arms, awaiting his answer.
“I do. I have a great deal of time to make up for.”
That was enough for her. He had held her, expressed a longing for her company in particular, and he meant to remain. Love could easily grow on such a sturdy foundation. She would do all she could to nourish it.
“I likely shouldn’t push the bounds of propriety much further.” He sounded genuinely regretful as he dropped his arms away and took a step backward. “I know your parents worry a great deal over decorum.”
She opened her eyes once more, letting the lightness she felt show in her expression. “Our scandal-free weeks in Town helped ease a lot of those worries.”
He nodded. “Then I will do nothing to diminish the confidence they feel as a result.” He offered a small dip of his head.
“Do have your parents send me word of any evenings that won’t be convenient for your family to attend the ball and see if you can’t finagle for me an invitation to a musicale evening here at Banbury House. ”
His teasing tone inspired an identical one in her. “It may be difficult to procure, but I will manage the thing somehow.”
“As difficult as vouchers to Almack’s?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
“Have you not heard? We need not plead for entrance to that famed establishment; Almack’s is coming to us.”
“Aren’t we fortunate?” He offered one final bow, then turned and made his way back toward the house, no doubt on his way back to Carlisle Manor.
Felicity’s sigh echoed inwardly. “We are fortunate, indeed.”