Chapter 41 Alex
ALEX
The second they pulled up, I could tell something was wrong. I could see it in the way Ava wouldn’t get out of the car, and in the way Eleanor moved like she was holding herself together with sheer force of will.
Leo came up beside me, hands shoved into his pockets. “What’s wrong with Ava?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, buddy. But she looks pretty sad about something.”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. We stood there together, two worried guys pretending we weren’t worried, giving them the space they needed.
After a minute, Ava finally climbed out of the car and walked up the steps. She looked straight at Leo. “Do you want to watch a movie?”
His face brightened instantly. “Yeah!”
And just like that, they disappeared inside together, the door swinging shut behind them.
Eleanor made it to the porch a few seconds later. She looked like she’d just gone ten rounds with the world and barely came out on top.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
After a sigh, she said, “Yeah. I think it will be.”
“What happened?” I asked as she stepped into my arms.
I pulled her close without even thinking, and that smile I couldn’t seem to stop spreading across my face. She fit there. Right there. I breathed in the clean, familiar scent of her floral shampoo and kissed the top of her head.
Whatever it was, we’d face it together.
Eleanor told me what had happened on the drive over, about the chalk, the hose, her mom, the way Ava had fallen apart. I hated it for her. For both of them. But I understood complicated families. Understood how old wounds had a way of bleeding into everything.
“I really want to go today,” she said quietly. “But sometimes after something like that . . . Ava doesn’t want me to leave. She just needs me.”
“I get that,” I said. “Life with these kids can be tricky. You do what you need to do.”
When we went inside, Leo was already on the couch, remote in hand. Inside Out was on the screen, the opening credits rolling.
“I like to watch this when I don’t feel right,” he said.
Ava’s brow was still furrowed, but she nodded. “It’s a good movie.”
“Can we join you?” I asked.
“Sure!” Leo scooted over to make room.
Ava looked up at Eleanor. “Aren’t you leaving?”
“We don’t have to,” Eleanor said gently.
Something eased in Ava’s face, like a knot loosening. “It’s okay,” she said. “You can still go.”
Eleanor sat beside her, visibly relaxing.
“How about this?” she said, glancing at me. “I think we have time for a movie.”
“Of course we do,” I said. “Inside Out is a classic.”
Eleanor smiled, relieved. “How about we see how you feel after? If you’re doing better, you guys can go next door to Becca’s, and we’ll head out.”
Ava nodded, curling into the blanket Leo offered her.
We settled into the couch with the kids tucked between us, the glow of the TV washing over the room. Eleanor’s arm rested along the back of the couch, mine draped along the side, and somewhere in the middle, our hands found each other like they’d always known where to go.
I laced my fingers through hers and smiled to myself.
Life could be like this. All the time.
When the movie ended, Ava looked steadier. Her eyes were clearer, shoulders relaxed. But it was Eleanor’s call. It was always Eleanor’s call.
Ava turned to Leo. “Wanna go draw with chalk? My grandma ruined my art, and I want to make more.”
“Yeah,” he said immediately.
Then she looked at her mom. “You guys can go. Have fun.”
And just like that, they were gone, heading for the door with a burst of energy and purpose.
Eleanor let out a long breath and looked at me. “What do you think?”
“You heard her,” I said softly. “Do you want to head to Columbus? I think we can still make it in time for the bout.”
She smiled. “Let’s go.”
I grabbed my keys, heart light and full. We stopped next door to fill in Becca and say our goodbyes, and then suddenly we were in the car with snacks in the cup holders, the road stretching out ahead of us.
On our way.
The windows were down, warm summer air rushing through the car, her hair lifting and falling in the breeze. My hand rested on her thigh like it belonged there, like it always had. She was humming along with the radio, tapping the dashboard in time with the music, smiling to herself.
For a moment, I felt . . . young.
Not the kind of teenager I’d been, locked inside rules and fear and a world that never let me breathe. The kind I should’ve been. The kind who got to drive too fast with the windows down and someone he adored beside him, the future wide open.
“Hey,” Eleanor said, glancing over at me. “You went quiet. What are you thinking about?”
I took a breath, letting myself be honest. “I was just thinking about how good this feels.”
“Good how?”
“Being here with you,” I said. “These last few days. I almost feel like I am reclaiming the youth I should have had. I know that probably sounds so weird, but it's true.” I shot a glance over at her. “You’re . . . incredible, Eleanor. You’re an amazing mom.
You’re brave and funny, and you keep showing up even when things are hard.
Being with you feels like sunshine after a long winter. ”
She blinked at me, eyes suddenly bright, a little glassy in the best way.
“Alex,” she whispered.
I squeezed her leg gently. “I mean it.”
And in that moment, with the road stretching out in front of us and her smile lighting up the car, it felt like everything was finally, quietly, right.
“Sometimes when I’m with you,” Eleanor said quietly, “I forget you grew up like that. I guess we were both kind of stifled as teenagers, huh?”
I let out a rough little chuckle. “Yeah. That’s one way to put it.”
She watched me for a moment. “What was it like?”
“Terrifying,” I said honestly. “Always afraid of getting in trouble. Always afraid of disappointing God. Afraid that one wrong thought or one wrong move meant eternal damnation.” I shook my head. “And as bad as it was for me . . . It was ten times worse for Becca. Girls had it harder. Always.”
Eleanor didn’t say anything. She just leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder, warm and steady and real.
I smiled, driving us the rest of the way in silence, the road humming beneath us as we headed toward the rink in Columbus, together.
“Can I ask you something personal?”
“Anything,” I said, giving her lush thigh a squeeze.
“Do you still talk to your family?”
I shook my head. “They don’t approve of the life we live.”
She nodded, lost in her own thoughts.
“Do you miss them?”
I took a deep breath and thought about that question. It was hard to answer. Those feelings were very complicated. “I miss what could have been. And there are some things I miss, but the faith they live is so interwoven into everything they do, it gets messy quickly.”
“We don’t have to talk about it . . . I guess I’m just trying to figure out what to do with the toxic family of my own.”
“I don’t mind talking about it with you. I haven’t talked to them in years. My dad has only met Leo once when he was a baby. My mother drove up a few years ago when Leo was about five. She just wanted to check up on us.”
“What was that like?”
I took a sip from my soda, thinking about that visit.
It had been the shock of a lifetime to open the door and see my mother standing there in her tennis shoes and denim skirt.
“It was hard, but not in the way it had been. She’s my mom, but she caused so much harm in my life .
. . But she also lives a life where she is trapped.
I’m not even sure what she told my dad to be able to come visit us. ”
“Do you ever think they will be in your life again?”
I shook my head. “Not my dad or my brothers . . . but if my little sister ever showed up on my doorstep, I would help her anyway I could. I hate that she is still stuck in a culture that doesn’t see her worth outside of being a babymaker.”
“That must be hard,” she said as she took my hand.
I just nodded. I hadn’t really thought about this stuff in a long time. I’d been no contact for almost a decade.
“And maybe my mom,” I said quietly.
“Maybe your mom what?”
I shrugged. “I think if my mom showed up and wanted out, I would help her. We would both need lots of therapy to get through it, but I don’t know if I’d be able to turn her away. But there would need to be lots of communication and boundaries . . . not something that was ever honored in my family.”
Eleanor just squeezed my hand and looked out the window. I wanted to ask if she knew what she wanted to do about her mother, but I had a feeling she was working that out right now, if the thoughtful expression on her face was any indication.