12. Liam
LIAM
Growing up, my parents always told me I was a talker.
My dad has even told me that from the ages of two to six, I was like a parrot that wouldn’t shut up. I always had something to say.
That extended into my teenage years and in adulthood, I learned to only talk when I wanted to add something to the conversation, but I always still had something to say.
I can’t remember a time where I was rendered speechless.
Not until just now as Chloe yells out two little words.
I’m pregnant.
Two words and I have no idea what to say.
My mind is blank, my mouth doesn’t move. All I keep hearing are those two words coming out of her mouth.
No other sounds make it through my ears. Not even the sounds of the busy city surrounding us. I don’t hear anything besides what she just said.
She’s pregnant.
Chloe is pregnant.
And here I thought she was going to friend zone me.
Right now, I have no idea what would have been better.
I don’t know how long I stand there not saying a word but eventually Chloe steps closer and with a hand on my forearm taking me out of trance.
“Say something, please,” she begs, her voice having a shake to it.
She’s scared. I don’t have to know her for longer than I have to know that.
Even knowing that she’s scared though doesn’t stop me from asking a stupid question.
“Is it mine?”
I don’t have time to think about the question. It’s out of my mouth before I know it.
But it has to be asked.
I haven’t been with anyone since our time together, but that doesn't mean that she can say the same. For all I know she got with someone either before me or right after me and is trying to pawn this on me.
“Before you, I hadn’t been with anyone for four months. It’s yours,” she states, a bite to her tone.
Now I feel like a dick.
“I’m sorry,” I say to her, not knowing what else to tell her. My thoughts and words all jumbled.
Chloe lets out a long sigh and give me the same small smile she gave me before the game.
“It’s fine. I would have asked the same thing if I was in your shoes. I just didn’t expect the question to sting like that,” her voice shakes a bit, like she wants to cry but holding it in.
I think about my next question carefully.
“When did you find out?”
“Right before the game. I had an appointment for my birth control shot and well, I left without my shot and in its place a positive pregnancy test. According to the doctor, she puts the date of conception around the night we met.”
Fuck.
That’s why she was acting weird during warm ups. She had just found out and then had to act like nothing new had happened.
“We were careful,” I say, absentmindedly, trying to digest everything.
“Apparently, even with double protection there's still a chance. It’s small but it's there.”
“Fuck.”
I run a hand across my face. This is definitely not how I thought that this night was going to go. Just like our first night together.
“Trust me, I feel the same way,” she says, her voice breaking in the process.
My hand drops immediately and my eyes find hers. They are filled with tears and her bottom lip starts to quiver.
She is trying to keep it together but the second that I reach for her she breaks.
Her whole body shakes as I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly against my body.
Hearing her sob against my chest does something to me. It's as if it's breaking something in me and repairing it at the same time. I may not know this woman very well, but I do know that I want to take her pain away and make every single thing better.
“I don’t know what to do.” Chloe grabs onto my suit jacket, pulling herself closer to me as tightly as she can.
I don’t have to ask to know what she is talking about.
“We can figure it out together,” I tell her, tightening my hold on her.
“I don’t want to make the wrong choice.”
“You won’t.” I reassure her even though I have no idea what I’m talking about.
“I want to be a mom. I really do, but I don’t want to give up dancing. Not right now. I don’t know what to do,” she pauses, taking in shallow breaths. “Please don’t hate me.”
It’s her last four words that have me pulling back from her and placing a finger under her chin so that she can look up at me.
“I don’t hate you now and I won’t hate you whenever you make a choice.”
“You say that now, but things could change,” she says through a shaky breath.
“They won’t. It’s your body, Chloe. You may not know me very well yet, but know this, I will never, ever hate you for making whatever choice it's best for you.”
Chloe looks up at me with tear filled eyes and all I want to do is slide my hand up just a little and wipe her tears away.
I want to take away all the uncertainty and pain that she is feeling and make everything easier for her.
But she’s not mine to wipe tears away. She’s not mine to protect from the bad and the pain.
Even if she is pregnant with my baby.
I have no claim for her and I doubt that I ever will.
Things are silent between us for a few seconds until she breaks it.
“Do you want kids?” she whispers, new tears springing in her eyes.
Her question takes me a bit by surprise.
Do I?
I answer her question as truthfully as I can.
“I never really thought about it. Kids are part of life, sure, but they haven’t something that I’ve actively thought about. I never really thought about the when of it all.”
My mom has been asking me for grandchildren for the last four years. Every time I go home she tells me to meet a nice girl and to at least give her one grandkid to spoil.
I brushed her off every single time.
“And if the when of it all isn’t right now?” One of her tears escapes, and I don’t bother holding back my control and stopping it with my thumb.
“Then that would be okay. I would be okay as long as you are. I’m not going to stand in front of you and force you to do something because the time isn’t right for you but it is for me. No matter what, you’ll have my support.”
And it’s the truth.
I’m not the type of man that is going to force a woman to do anything that she doesn’t want to. And I’m definitely not one to walk away when he is needed the most. Baby or no baby.
“You mean that?” she asks, wiping away at her face.
“Yeah, I do.” I say, brushing away a hair strand.
Chloe gives me a nod, before stepping back into my arms and letting out another sob.
We stand like that for what feels like a long time but in the end it only turns out to be ten minutes.
Eventually, we break apart and I offer her a ride home.
Whole way to her apartment, we don’t say a single word, both of us in our thoughts about how quickly our lives have changed.
This morning, the only thing that I was thinking about was seeing Chloe and possibly having a repeat of our nights together.
Now all I can think about is that fact that that night that started it all might bring a new life into the world and I have no idea who the hell to feel about it.
Do I want her to keep the baby? Do I want the opposite?
With all the honesty that I have, I don’t know the answer to either question.
So many things are up in the air with it, that my emotions and thoughts are all jumbled up.
When we get to Chloe’s apartment, I walk up with her, not wanting her to be alone. It’s when we reach her door that she finally breaks the silence.
“I haven’t decided anything yet but are you okay if I take a few days to think about things and if anything, I can call you?” She asks, fidgeting with her fingers as she does.
I give her a nod. “Take all the time that you need. I’m not going to go anywhere.”
Chloe closes the distance between us, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“Thank you, Liam,” She whispers, her words followed by a sniffle.
“Don’t cry. We will figure it out. Whatever decision is made, we will figure it out. Together.” I say, wrapping my arms around her for the second time tonight.
She nods her head against my chest and pulls away quickly after.
Chloe surprises me when she leans up and places a kiss on my cheek before giving me a quiet bye and walking into her apartment.
On the drive home, all I’m left with is my thoughts.
Thoughts of what it would be like if Chloe and I went through this. Thoughts of how our lives would look like, how we would both look like in a few years time.
Thoughts of If we chose to do this, would the baby have her curls and eyes? Or would they look like me?
Thought after thought starts flowing in and I just let them.
Even if they are absolutely dangerous with everything up in the air.
But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about them.