15. Chloe
CHLOE
I think that I’ve finally wrapped my head around everything.
It only took me a little close to two months, but I finally got there and okay with that.
A lot has happened since I found out that I was pregnant and decided that I was keeping the baby. Well, not a whole lot but because of the short time frame it definitely feels like it.
After letting Liam know that I was going to keep the baby and him telling me that he was going to be involved, we came up with a plan. Nothing concrete but something to help us get through the next few months.
When we get closer to the baby arriving we will make another plan.
For now, we are going through life as if everything were the same if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. Well, relatively the same.
There are calls between Liam and me that weren’t there before, with him checking in on me almost every day, even when he’s traveling for games. He has even gone to my last two doctors appointments with me, so that’s another difference.
I’m still dancing though, so that stayed the same.
After Liam and I talked, I called Dr. Long’s office to schedule my next appointment, letting them know which direction I was going in.
In the process I got the okay to continue dancing.
As long as I don’t overwork my body, get enough rest, keep my hydrated and eat right, I’m good to go for the rest of the winter shows.
I was planning on taking a small break for a few months anyway, so everything is working out.
As the days go on, my body is definitely feeling the effects of being pregnant. I’m more tired and hungry every other day, and the boobs that I had hoped for as a teenager have started to show up.
But I’m feeling good about my choice and in a few months I will get to meet my little surprise gummy bear.
I didn’t think that I would be this excited for this especially with how much I thought about everything and my situation with the father, but I am.
So damn excited.
That excitement extends to dancing too.
For the last month or so, me and the rest of the dance company have been dancing our assess off to give people the best ballet experience they could possibly get.
And so far everything has been going off without a hitch and every single person in the audience has been loving it.
After each performance, all us dancers feel as if we are on a cloud and are excited for the next one.
It honestly feels like the best winter season that we’ve had in a long time and I’m her for it.
Today the excitement of everything is hitting me strong as I walk into my morning rehearsal.
A big smile is on my face and I feel light on my toes ready to conquer whatever the day throws at me.
“Look at you,” Betty exclaims as soon as I walk into our shared dressing room. “You look like you’re glowing.”
I can’t help but beam at her, the smile on my face growing even more. “I feel really good today.”
“No more morning sickness?” she asks, raising an eyebrow in my direction.
I hold in a groan.
I’ve been excited about a lot of things these last two months. Morning sickness though has not been one of them.
The nausea hit me hard. Every little thing made me want to puke. No matter the smell or the taste, something always makes me nauseous.
Liam has even made sure to tell me that he has showered the few times that I have seen him so that I don’t gag just thinking about smelling his sweat again.
There was a week or two where I was just living off sourdough bread and apple juice. It also didn’t help that I spent most of my days twirling and dancing around a stage.
It was bad. Really bad.
These last three days though, I haven’t smelled or tasted anything that had my stomach turning, so I see that as a good sign. I did wake up a little light headed this morning, but as soon as I ate something, it went away.
“Not in a few days.” I say, silently hoping that it stays that way.
“You’re sixteen weeks right?” Betty asks, and I give her a nod. “It’s probably starting to fade.”
“It better. I’m tired of not being able to look at food without wanting to throw it across the room.” I shudder just thinking about looking at a hot dog again.
“I hate morning sickness so much, it makes me not want to get pregnant ever again.” Betty chimes right before slamming her pointe shoes against the floor.
“Trust me, I’ve thought about that too.” I say to her grabbing my makeup bag.
One thing that sucks about doing ballet is all the work that you need to do for your shoes to fit and look properly.
Not only do you have to break them in, but if you have a darker skin tone like I do, you have to douse them in makeup in order to get them the right color.
And you have to do it to every single pair.
So while Betty breaks in her shoes, I cake mine to be at least a decent color.
Thank god I thought to glue and sewed the box of my shoes last night otherwise I will be here all of rehearsal.
“How are things going with you and Liam?” Betty asks as soon as she is done slamming her shoes against the floor.
“Okay, I guess. Nothing new.” I say, giving her a shrug.
“I still can’t believe that you friend zone a professional hockey player,” she says, giving me a shake of her head. She’s teasing me, I know but that still doesn’t stop me from still feeling bad about my decision.
“We have other things to concentrate on right now. I have to spend the next five months thinking how to be a good mom, not how to be a good girlfriend.” I say, and by the way Betty looks up at me, I know there’s a bite to my tone.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, I brought it up,” she says, giving me a smile and holding up her shoes in surrender.
I let out a sigh. “Do you think I shouldn’t have friend zoned him?”
This is something that has been nagging inside my mind for a while.
Should we give a relationship a try?
It’s not like we were doing so before all of this, but maybe us being together would be good for the baby.
But then wouldn’t it be that we are only together for the baby and the baby alone.
Who knows.
I may have doubts occasionally about that , but I’m sticking my ground on it.
“Oh not at all,” Betty says, getting up from her place on the floor. “I think it’s smart not to jump into a relationship. More so now. Is it shocking, especially since the man got you pregnant? A little, but it’s not mind blowing. Although,” she stops abruptly biting down on her lip.
“Although, what?” I ask her, waving my hand for her to go on.
“Having him around can become useful when urges start to arise,” she tells me, her perfectly sculpted eyebrows dancing up and down.
“Urges?” I ask.
She’s not saying what I think she’s saying, is she?
“Yes, urges. You know those of the sexual variety. In a few weeks you’re going to be so uncomfortable that the only way to get through it is to have an orgasm.” The way she smiles at me, I can’t tell if she’s telling the truth or full of shit.
I did read that a woman’s sex drive does get heightened but it can’t be that bad. Can it?
“You’re serious?”
She gives me a nod. “During the last few weeks of my first pregnancy all I wanted to do was to jump onto Cole’s lap and have him fuck me six ways from Sunday.”
Not the mental picture I needed.
I try to clear my head as best as I can. “Do those urges happen to everyone?”
I try to remember everything I read, but I’m coming up blank on that question.
My friend gives me a shrug. “I don’t think so, but from what I’ve heard it happens the majority of the time.”
That is not helpful whatsoever.
“Well, if they do happen, I have toys that can keep me company. I don’t need my baby daddy.”
Maybe if I repeat that in my head a million times I’ll believe it and won’t go seeking him out of the urges that come through.
Even though he did give me the best orgasms and had me begging all the while he praised me.
“I’ll buy you some batteries to help you get through,” Betty says with a laugh before sliding into her shoes and leaving the room.
Damn Betty. Now the only thing that I can think about as I finish up my shoes is sex. Specifically sex with Liam.
I try to push all sexual thoughts out of my head, for my own sanity, and concentrate on what today is going to look like.
We are two weeks away from Christmas and the company's biggest performance of the year.
So today is going to be jam packed with minimal time for breaks.
That’s what I should be thinking about and not sex or even sex with Liam.
Once I’m happy with the way my shoes are looking, I grab everything that I need and head out to the stage where we are practicing.
For the next four hours, we rehearse until we’re all sweating messes, and the lights on the stage start to feel like heat lamps. We take maybe one or two breaks but because our performance is so close, we get right back into it.
Eventually, sometime around four in the afternoon our choreographer decided to call it for the day. A collective sigh of relief sounding through the theater as soon as she makes the announcement.
Me included.
Before she leaves the room she instructs us to stay hydrated and have a good dinner and a good night's sleep so that we can get back into it tomorrow.
My guess is tomorrow's rehearsal is going to be ten times longer than today’s was.
The theater starts to clear out with only a few dancers left on the stage, me and Betty included.
Everyone is taking off their shoes, all the while I just sit there trying to force my body to move even an inch.
I haven’t been this tired after a rehearsal in a long time. It feels like little ants are crawling all up my arms and legs. On top of that, I feel like I might puke if I try to stand up.
So much for me thinking that my morning sickness was gone.
Wishful thinking.
I’m finally able to move my body enough to reach over and start to untie my pointe shoes. But even doing something so minimal feels like a lot of work.
My body probably needs sugar. I’ll make sure to pack a candy bar in my bag for all future rehearsals.
Once my shoe’s are officially off my feet, I try to push myself off the floor and stand up, but the second that I do, I start seeing black little spots.
Okay, maybe I should have taken a longer break.
This is just my body telling me that I need to take things a lot easier and not push myself so hard.
Tomorrow, I will talk to the choreographer and ask for more breaks that are a bit longer.
Today, I just went a little too hard too fast.
I try to stand up again, and this time I’m able to stand to my full height, the second I do, my head starts to spin.
For what feels like forever, the whole room starts to spin and it feels like I’m on a ride at Six Flags or something.
Water. I just need water and maybe some sugar and I will be fine.
“Chlo, are you okay?” I hear Betty ask and for some reason she sounds like she’s across the room.
Wasn't she sitting next to me? When did she move?
I don’t ask, I just give her a nod.
At least I think I give her a nod, because all the black spots take over my vision and I feel so dizzy that the next thing I hear is something hitting the stage and someone yelling to call an ambulance.
Why are they calling an ambulance?