Chapter 2.3 #3
“I would do anything to see you happy. You should always remember that. Now —would you be so kind as to play for me a little? I would really love some music.”
When Georgiana finally returned to her aunt’s house late in the afternoon, Darcy kept her company.
He felt ashamed for the distress that his selfish behaviour had caused his sister again, so he decided to prove to her there was no reason to worry about him.
He tried to have a pleasant conversation with their aunt, shared his plan to return to Pemberley, and had an early dinner with the two ladies.
Darcy was relieved when he was eventually able to retire to his own solitude and silence. His mind —lacking sleep and tormented by dark thoughts —needed rest and quiet. He entered the house and hurried directly to his apartment.
He was surprised and displeased when Watts handed him a note while helping him undress.
“Sir, a gentleman, called on you —a Mr. Gardiner, I believe. He said he had some urgent and important business to discuss with you. He wished to wait, but I told him you would likely not return this evening. I knew you would not want to be disturbed by a stranger. I asked him to leave a note.”
“You did very well, Watts. Indeed, I do not want to talk to any stranger. I cannot imagine what he wanted from me, and I am surely not curious to find out.”
“Very well, sir. Here is the note.”
“Put it there and bring me some brandy. Then you may retire; you are not needed tonight.”
“As you wish…good night, sir.”
Watts left, and Darcy cast only a glance at the piece of paper.
Why would a stranger write him a letter?
The mere thought of reading it recalled Elizabeth: her rejection, her fury towards him, and finally her elopement with the least worthy man in the world.
His memories swung between distress and anger, and he settled his emotions with a glass of brandy —then with another.
Neither his annoyance nor his sorrow vanished; only his body became languid and his senses numbed as he lay on his bed. Once again, dawn found him awake but dreaming.
And his dreams were again filled with countless images of the same sparkling eyes, smiling red lips, soft silky skin, teasing voice, and bright laughing smile —everything he desired and craved but painfully knew he would never have.
In the Gardiners’ house, the adults were gathered in the dining room, sharing their common dejection. None had eaten anything since morning, and still they showed no interest in the food in front of them. The day had been disappointing, all the routes proving to be closed and useless.
Mr. Bennet said almost nothing, drinking absently from his glass while staring at the wall.
“Uncle, I am amazed that you managed to discover Mr. Darcy’s residence in such a short time without any help,” Elizabeth said shyly, tormented and incredulous about the astonishing news. “How can we ever repay your kindness and effort?”
“Do not even mention it, dear,” Mr. Gardiner replied.
“It was nothing of consequence. Even though the Bingleys are out of town for the summer and I could find no help from them, it was rather easy to find Mr. Darcy’s house.
My business partner has connections all around London, and he seems to know everything about everyone. ”
“Except for Lydia and Wickham. Nobody seems to know anything about them,” Mr. Bennet said sternly.
“So, you were not able to speak to Mr. Darcy, but you left him a note?” Mrs. Gardiner inquired.
“Yes. The servant informed me that Mr. Darcy was out for dinner with his sister and was not expected to return soon. I imagine his sister has a house of her own. I wrote Mr. Darcy my name and address, and I expressed my hope that he would allow me a few moments of his time for a matter of life and death —and that I would return tomorrow at noon.”
“I find it a very appropriate note,” his wife approved. “I am certain Mr. Darcy cannot ignore it. I know him to be the son of two very respectable parents; surely, he cannot lack compassion. What do you think, Lizzy?”
“I…we can only hope, Aunt…if only…I pray to the Lord that my uncle will find something tomorrow.”
“I will go again to talk to Mr. Darcy,” Mr. Gardiner said.
“It is fortunate that he is in London. I will find a way to make him speak to me for a few moments. I was tempted to wait outside his house today, but I thought it would be awkward, and it might give him the wrong impression about my behaviour.”
“I doubt he will care about your behaviour, no matter how proper or improper it might be, Brother,” Mr. Bennet interfered coldly.
“Let us go to sleep; this conversation has no purpose and no ending. Tomorrow we will start the search again —from inn to inn, from door to door. Nobody will help us; we must accept the truth.”
The gentleman walked to the door, stepping tentatively as if an unbearable burden were crushing his shoulders. He attempted to close the door behind him, but he leant against the wall as if his knees would not support him.
Elizabeth hurried to him. Mr. Gardiner offered to help his brother-in-law to his room, but Mr. Bennet asked to be left alone.
“Aunt, what is happening with Papa? Should we not call a doctor? He is unwell; I noticed it yesterday. He almost fell…he cannot be well…” Elizabeth spoke tearfully.
“Of course, we will fetch a doctor if needed. But I think my brother is only very fatigued and deeply distressed by worry —as we all are. I am sure he will be fine as soon as we find the smallest indication about the runaway couple. It will do no good if you become unwell too. And I completely disapprove of your being as unwise and incautious as your father, wandering around the most dangerous places in London, Lizzy. I will not allow that again!”
“But how can I be wise and cautious when my father falls ill and my sister is lost forever? How can you even ask this, Aunt? Do you not know how helpless I feel that I cannot do anything? That I am useless?”
Elizabeth’s voice was broken by tears, and her aunt’s caresses did not calm her in the slightest.
“Lizzy my dear, there is nothing more any of us can do but hope and pray for a better day tomorrow. Please sit down; I will return in no time with some herbal tea for you and your father. It will surely help you both to sleep. The dawn will find you more at peace; I promise you.”
“I will go to check on Papa, Aunt. I do not need to sleep or to be at peace. I just need to be certain he is well. And I must do something more than just pray and hope. Papa was right; nobody will help us out of this. We must help ourselves,” Elizabeth whispered, squeezing her fists together with determination, her face paler than ever.
By dawn, it was proven that Mrs. Gardiner could not keep her promise: Elizabeth did not sleep at all and was more disturbed than ever.
The storm in her mind and heart had lasted the entire night, and it was still not settled.
To the common distress of the last days was now added turmoil for the resolution she had taken.
As soon as the sun rose, she would go and see Mr. Darcy! She would go alone without informing any of her relatives and expose herself to his censure and disdain.
She would be at his mercy and would do anything needed to convince him to tell her what she needed to know. No risk, no fear, no concerns could make her change her mind; therefore, nobody would know about her plan.
It would be her secret and his —this second secret, even more painful and burdensome than the first.
The servants were barely awake when Elizabeth asked for her uncle’s carriage to be prepared and left the house.
She wrote a quick note to her aunt, informing her that she needed a ride to clear her mind and asking them to have breakfast without her if she happened to be late.
Mrs. Gardiner would certainly be worried about her actions, but it could not be avoided.