Chapter 2.23 #3
Might the siblings manage to strengthen their bond, to understand each other, and to support each other’s happiness once her disturbing presence was gone?
Tears stung her eyes, and she wiped them nervously then took the pins from her hair and pushed the loose strands to her back with the same abrupt gestures.
She put another log in the fireplace then placed her nightgown on the bed.
A gentle knock on the door startled her, and for a moment, she thought it was only her imagination.
The sound repeated, and she opened the door, intrigued, then remained still, any words frozen on her lips, which parted in disbelief.
“May I come in for a brief moment?” Darcy whispered, and she stepped back, still dumbfounded, allowing him to enter.
“Forgive me, Miss Bennet; I will stay only a moment. I know it is preposterous to be here at this hour. If you would only allow me a couple of minutes…”
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and nodded in agreement.
“Forgive me for entering your chamber, but I was afraid we might be heard…or seen…”
“It is fine, sir; do not worry…” she finally murmured.
“Miss Bennet, I must beg your forgiveness for my behaviour…and for my thoughtless reply to your genuine concern for my sister’s well-being. I had no right to say those things…they are of no help to anyone…”
“Sir, I —”
“I spent many months worrying about Georgiana…but I could not force her to confess to me what was troubling her. I reproached myself many times…all the time…for not being more careful with her…for not guessing the degree of her turmoil. I withdrew from her because I knew I was a horrible companion to her. I did not want to distress her even more with my poor mood. I did not realise that my behaviour was precisely the reason for her torment.”
He spoke while looking from her to the fireplace, then to the window, then back to her again, as if he could not bear to hold her eyes for too long. And her feelings were the same. She was grateful when his glance freed hers so that she could observe his pale countenance and fallen shoulders.
“Sir, I know self-reproach only too well. We need not speak of it anymore; nor should we mention forgiveness or apologies. All I wish is to make certain Georgiana is well...”
“And I thank you for that. I am truly grateful for the affection you have for my sister despite everything that has occurred between us —and at times, still does. I know it is my fault —”
“We should not speak of faults either —yours or mine —or we will not end this conversation before breakfast,” she interrupted him, attempting a jest to alleviate his distress.
“Yes, well…I should leave now…”
“Yes…it is very late. I thank you for coming here…to clarify the misunderstanding.”
“I did it only for selfish reasons. I could not possibly have slept a single minute after our conversation…after my reaction.”
“Your reason might have been selfish, sir, but I assure you I benefited from it at least as much as you did.”
“Very well then…I shall see you in the morning. Good night, Miss Bennet.”
“Good night, Mr. Darcy.”
He left and closed the door behind him slowly.
The silence of the room enveloped Elizabeth again, but this time her soul was light, and the storm inside her mind quieted.
She glanced at the closed door then at her own image in the mirror, and only then did she notice her hair falling freely down her back and the dress lowered from her right shoulder.
Her cheeks and neck turned crimson, and her skin shivered at the mere thought that he had seen her in such disorder. She changed her clothes, still flushed, and quickly lay in bed, wrapping herself in the bedclothes.
How easily he could change her state of mind and heart; how little was needed for him to free her from that weight.
With a few words, he placed the burden on her shoulders, and with a few words, he removed it.
If he had not come, her night and likely future days and nights would have been filled with sorrow.
How different everything was —she was —after spending only a few moments with him.
He said he had come for selfish reasons, and he admitted he could not have found rest otherwise.
He seemed to feel the same way she did. But did he truly?
And had he come only for his own peace of mind, or did he consider hers too?
She closed her eyes, thinking of the impropriety of his being in her room in the middle of the night.
That alone would be reason for distress when they met again in daylight.
But even more embarrassing was the recollection that she had presented him an improper picture of herself.
However, she likely worried for no reason.
Surely, he never noticed her appearance, as preoccupied as he was with his apology.
At that comforting thought, she finally fell asleep without imagining that, only a short distance away, Darcy spent another restless night, haunted by a painful conversation and by long, dark hair caressing a bare shoulder.