49. Knox
FORTY-NINE
KNOX
I wake with a shiver to the blue dawn filtering through the poorly covered windows. I rub my eyes and blink the world into focus. A folded piece of paper sits by my head, and it takes me a few seconds to grasp what it is. Rising on my elbow, I glance around the quiet barn. Ava and Harper are asleep, huddled together under the sleeping bag. Lucy is curled up by me, the flannel I gave Harper covering her.
I look at the card again.
For Kno cks x.
I flip it open to find a drawing of two horses next to a letter.
I am sorry I sneaked away and made you mad. Thank you for saving me from the tornadow, and I am sorry you had to let your horses go. I do not want to go back to Jenny. But it is okay if you want me to. From Harper.
Tugging my beanie off, I run my hand over my face. I’m not awake enough for this yet. I rake my hand through my hair with a sigh and look back at the girls again. Harper did as Ava asked. She shut the lantern off and moved it aside.
Damn this kid. I stare at Harper, folded into a little ball with her stuffed duck as her pillow, and try to swallow the lump in my throat. Her mitten-covered hands are clasped under her chin and her beanie is pulled down so far I can’t see her eyes. Fully clothed and under the sleeping bags with Ava, Harper is scrunched up like she’s still cold. And she gave the extra shirt to my dog. I know at that moment that I’m a goner.
Resigned to the fact we’ll have a little girl with us for the rest of our trip—maybe forever—I get to my feet as quietly as I can manage. My body is stiff from sleeping on the cold ground, but I have to piss like a racehorse, so there’s no time to dawdle.
Horses. Another painful realization stirs the rest of the morning fog from my senses, but I push it away and snatch my pocket knife and wallet from the floor.
Lucy lifts her head, but she doesn’t follow as I slip outside with the creak of the door.
The morning is cool, the wind still rustling what’s left of the leaves on the oak trees in the pasture, but the sun peeks through the clouds, a sight that makes me feel instantly lighter. My bladder screams at me to pick a damn tree, and I round the corner of the barn and hurry about my business.
Toothpaste. I need toothpaste and water. A hot shower. And what I wouldn’t give for a cup of freshly brewed coffee. I groan, fleetingly lamenting the morning routines that no longer exist.
I zip up, forcing myself away from the rabbit hole of self-pity and wishing things were different, and head back in for my water bottle, toothbrush, and the promise of a fresh mouth.
I glance at the straggling cattle who have meandered their way back into the vicinity and think of Harper’s apple. An amused huff escapes me as I really look at the cattle, and I freeze when I see buckskin coloring in a group of black cowhides.
“Loca?” I can barely believe it as I stride closer, scanning the pasture for Rooster. I grin so wide my cheeks hurt when I spot him grazing away from the herd over by the water trough. It’s the thickest patch of grass, of course. “Son of a bitch,” I mutter.
His head snaps up as he chews his breakfast, and tears fill my eyes. Not only because they are alive but because they came back, a part of my past that isn’t gone, leaving me with only a painful memory.
Rooster walks over, his tail swishing and his head bobbing in excitement. “You devil, you,” I say, patting the side of his sorrel neck. Never one to snub affection, Loca ambles over too, her ears shifting between me and the rustling by the barn.
“They came back?” I can hear the smile in Ava’s voice.
“Yay!” Harper runs closer. “Oh!” She stops and looks wide-eyed at Ava. “The apple!” She disappears into the barn again.
“Hey, girl,” Ava coos, rubbing Loca’s nose. The mare leans in and rubs her head against Ava.
“Here!” Harper chirps. She reappears with the beat-up apple from last night, Lucy trotting at her heels. Traitor.
I can’t stop smiling, though, as the horses assess the sudden chaos surrounding them. Lucy sniffs Rooster. A curious cow inches closer.
Harper holds up the apple, her nose pink in the chilly morning, and suddenly, her smile falters and she frowns. As both horses move closer, she drops her hand, taking a step back. “I only have one.”
“Here—” I hold my hand out. “May I?”
Harper hands me the apple, and I pull my knife from my pocket and carefully cut the apple in half. “There. Problem solved.”
Harper’s grin returns.
“Remember what I showed you at the facility.” I hold out my palm flat. “Feed them like this.”
Harper’s eyes widen with a mixture of excitement and maybe a little bit of fear, and holding her breath, she lifts a palm out to each horse, grimacing as if she’s only hoping for the best. I watch the horses closely, trusting them to be gentle, but her hand is much smaller than they are used to.
“It tickles.” Harper giggles, and in the blink of an eye, the battered apple is crunched to nothing and gone. Harper wipes her palms on her pants, and I grab hold of Rooster’s halter, then Loca’s, realizing the day just got a hell of a lot brighter. “Well, then,” I start. “If everyone’s here, we should load up before something else happens between here and Ransom.”
Ava’s smile twitches, and her brow lifts a little. “Ransom?”
Harper looks at me, confused.
“I figure we’re too close to turn back now. We’ll figure everything else out later.” I wink at her, and Harper’s freckled cheeks lift. I don’t think she even realizes she’s smiling from ear to ear as she straightens.
“I’ll get my backpack!” She runs for the barn, shouting something excitedly at Lucy, who lopes after her.
I can feel Ava’s eyes on me and have to force myself to look at her because I know what I’m going to find. She’s smirking, her amber eyes glittering in the morning sunlight. “It was the card that did you in, wasn’t it?” She nods, so self-satisfied I could kiss her.
“Meh.” I shrug. “That was only the icing on the cake,” I admit, and whatever reservations I still have are overshadowed by the beaming smile on Ava’s face, the relief in her eyes, and the sound of Lucy barking and Harper laughing in the barn.
For as shitty as life is, right now, everything feels pretty right.