CHAPTER SEVEN
“I’ll be praying for you,” Aiden’s mom said as he prepared to leave for the hospital. “That everything goes smoothly.”
“Thanks, Mom.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek, then walked to where Willow sat at the table with a coloring book and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Take care of Grandma, okay?”
She smiled up at him. “I will.”
“You’ll probably be asleep when I get home, so you can tell me two jokes tomorrow when we’re eating breakfast, okay?”
She held out her hand. “Deal.”
After they shook on it, Aiden left the house and climbed into his car. He was full of nerves as he anticipated meeting his daughter for the first time. Willow and his mom had gone out and bought a coloring book, a bunch of crayons, and a stuffed unicorn for him to give Shiloh.
He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the Halverson parents to chew him out for what he’d done to their daughter. Skylar certainly had. Maybe they figured that was enough.
There were still ten minutes to spare when he pulled into a parking spot at the hospital. Rather than get out and go wait in the hospital, he sat in the car for a few minutes. He wished he had someone to talk to about all of this, but the one person he usually confided in was Cole.
He hadn’t heard from his friend, but then he hadn’t called him either. The silence between them was rather deafening and made him worried that this would impact their friendship to the point where it would no longer exist. He didn’t think it would come to that… but anything was possible in this mess he’d created.
But he’d get that sorted out after this meeting with his daughter.
Picking up the gift bag, he left the car and headed into the hospital. It took him a bit to locate the waiting room where Charli and Blake had told him to go, and when he found it, he saw Skylar was already seated there.
“Hi,” he said as he sat down, leaving a chair empty between them.
She glanced at him as she uncrossed her legs and crossed them again in the opposite direction. “Hey.”
It was hard not to recall the times when she had greeted him with much more enthusiasm. But he couldn’t claim to miss those times since he’d been the one to toss them away.
He wanted to ask her if she was nervous. From the way her foot tapped the air, and how she crossed her arms tightly across her waist, it seemed like she might be. She wasn’t meeting Shiloh for the first time like he was, but she was seeing her for the first time after Shiloh had learned Skylar’s true identity.
“Are you doing okay?” he asked.
It took her a long moment to respond, which Aiden figured was an answer in itself.
“I guess. I just hope this is the right thing for Shiloh.”
“Charli and Blake seem to think it is.”
She nodded. “And maybe I’m scared to see my little dau—my little niece sick with cancer.”
“Yeah.” Aiden sighed as he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs as he stared at his hands. “I wish there was more I could do for her. But there’s nothing beyond getting the test and hoping I’m a match.”
“She’s such a sweet kid,” Skylar said, her voice tight. “She doesn’t deserve this.”
“I felt that way about what happened to Willow. She lost her mom and her papa in such a short period of time.”
“You’re good with her,” Skylar told him.
“After Bethany died, I moved back to Coeur d’Alene to help my mom out,” he said. “Since we’ve been living together for almost awhile now, we’ve gotten close.”
“You’re like a dad to her.”
Aiden shrugged. “I suppose. Her father wasn’t in her life, but my dad did his best to fill that role. Now, with him gone, I’ve tried to step up.”
Skylar didn’t respond, and when Aiden glanced back at her over his shoulder, he noticed her looking at the entrance to the waiting room. Aiden straightened and saw that Blake had entered the room.
Aiden got to his feet as the man approached them. He rubbed his suddenly damp palms on his pants.
“Thanks for coming,” Blake said as he shook Aiden’s hand. “She’s excited and having a pretty good day.”
Hearing that was a relief, as Aiden had been uncertain about how he’d deal with seeing her in pain.
Looking over at Skylar, who had also stood up, Aiden saw her lift her chin and purse her lips. He had the overwhelming urge to assure her that everything was going to be okay.
Of course, that wasn’t anything he could guarantee, and even if he could, she probably didn’t want to hear it from him.
As they reached the door of what he assumed was Shiloh’s room, Blake disappeared inside. When Skylar hesitated, so did Aiden.
He glanced at her and found her watching him. This was it. He was meeting his daughter for the first time. Not as a baby, like most men would have, but as an eight-year-old.
Stepping closer to Skylar, he gently laid a hand on her back. “We need to go in. She’s waiting.”
He could have stepped in by himself and let Skylar follow when she felt comfortable doing so. However, he felt it was important to do it together.
She gave a nod and moved toward the door, leaving his hand to fall from her back. Aiden took a deep breath, then followed, bracing himself for what was to come. Good or bad.
His gaze swept the room, taking in the large windows, the medical equipment, and the furniture before settling on the little girl laying in the bed. She was quiet, her wide brown eyes moving between Aiden and Skylar.
“Hello again, Aiden.” Charli gave him a smile, then went to where Skylar stood frozen in place and gave her a hug. She didn’t let go and appeared to whisper in Skylar’s ear.
Skylar bent her head to rest her forehead on her taller sister’s shoulder, then nodded.
“Are you my dad?”
Aiden had been momentarily focused on Skylar, but his attention was drawn back to the little girl. She gazed at him with curious brown eyes.
Smiling at her as he took a step closer to the bed, he said, “I’m your birth father.”
He wanted to claim the role of dad, but he knew he didn’t have that right. For the past several years, Blake had loved and raised Aiden’s daughter as his own. The other man owned that role one hundred percent.
“So I have two dads?” she asked. “And two moms?”
Aiden glanced past Shiloh to where Blake and Charli stood. “I guess you do.”
“Come sit down,” Charli said, gesturing to the chairs that were clustered close to the bed.
Charli’s chair was closest to Shiloh, while Aiden and Skylar sat beside each other.
Reaching out, Charli ran her hand over Shiloh’s hair. “Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?”
Shiloh glanced at Aiden and Skylar, then nodded. “You said that Auntie Sky had me in her tummy, like you had the boys, but then she gave me to you to take care of because she couldn’t.”
“That’s right,” Charli said. “Sometimes a mommy and a daddy can’t take care of a baby, so they give that baby to someone that can take care of it. Auntie Sky loved you enough to want the very best for you, even if she couldn’t give that to you herself.”
“You loved me?” Shiloh asked, directing her question to Skylar.
“Yes. Very much.” A tremulous smile crossed her face. “I still do.”
“So you didn’t give me away because you didn’t like me?”
“No. Definitely not. I loved you very much, but I knew that Charli and Blake would love you very much too, and that they’d be great parents for you.”
“What do I call you?”
“You call me what you’ve always called me,” Skylar said.
“Auntie Sky?”
“Yep.”
“What about him?” Shiloh asked, poking in Aiden’s direction with a small finger.
“You can call him Uncle Aiden,” Skylar said, not even giving Aiden a chance to say anything else. Not that he would have. “And Aiden has a niece, so she’s a cousin to you. Just like Timothy is.”
Shiloh turned her attention to Aiden. “What’s her name?”
“Her name is Willow,” he said. “She’s five years old.”
“What does she look like?”
“I have a picture on my phone if you’d like to see that.”
Shiloh seemed more interested in Willow than in Aiden, but that was fine. He pulled out his phone and searched for a good picture of Willow. The best one was of her and his mom, so he chose that, then held out his phone so she could see the picture.
Shiloh bent her head to look at it closely, then she looked up at him with a gaze that was so like Skylar’s. So far, like with the photos Skylar had shown him, he didn’t see much of himself in her.
“She’s pretty,” Shiloh said. “Who’s that with her?”
“That’s my mom.”
“She’s your grandmother,” Charli said.
Shiloh turned to look at her mom. “I have another grandma?”
“You do.”
“And another grandpa?”
Aiden felt a pang of grief at the question. Charli gave him a sympathetic look before addressing her daughter.
“Sadly, Aiden’s dad died,” Charli said. “So though you do have two grandpas, only one of them is here with us now.”
“Is he in Heaven now?” Shiloh asked.
Charli looked at Aiden with lifted brows, clearly leaving it up to him to answer that question. She might be remembering that his family hadn’t been Christians when he’d been a teen.
“Yes. He’s in Heaven now,” Aiden told her, grateful that it was actually the truth.
“When do I get to meet Willow and my new grandma?”
Shiloh was certainly taking everything in stride. She was a confident, inquisitive little girl, and he knew that it was most likely because of the loving and stable home she’d grown up in.
But none of that could hide the fact that she was also a very sick little girl. She might have a bright sparkle in her eyes, but her skin was pale, and she looked frail sitting in the bed, surrounded by machines and hooked up to things that were there to help her make it through this horrible stretch of her life.
If he’d been thinking about trying to get custody of her, this meeting would have dissuaded him. He could no longer deny that she was exactly where she needed to be. The home she would have had with him and Skylar if they’d been forced to get married after they’d broken up, wouldn’t have been anywhere near as loving and stable as Charli and Blake’s.
“We’ll talk to Aiden and see when it works for them,” Charli said. “It might have to wait until you’re out of the hospital.”
Shiloh frowned. “That might be a long time.”
“We’ll see how you’re doing,” Charli said as she took Shiloh’s hand. “Maybe we can do it before then.”
“I hope it’s soon,” Shiloh told her. “I want to meet them.”
Aiden couldn’t help but smile at her. His mom was going to love her, and so was Willow.
“What does Willow like to do?” Shiloh asked. “Does she do ballet or figure skate?”
“She loves to paint, color, and read. She also likes to swim,” Aiden said. “One of her favorite things is to tell jokes. She thinks it’s fun to tell me a joke whenever she sees me.”
“I like to color too,” Shiloh said. “And paint, but Mommy doesn’t let me do that very much because the boys get into it and make a mess.”
Aiden lifted the gift bag he’d set on the floor. “Willow helped pick out a few things for you from us.”
“Really?” Shiloh’s face lit up as she took the bag and tipped it toward herself so she could pull the items out. “Oh, a new coloring book. I like this one, and a stuffed unicorn! I love her. I’m gonna keep her right here next to me.”
“Do you want to name her?” Charli asked. “Then Aiden can tell Willow and her grandma what it is.”
Shiloh hugged the stuffed animal. “Let me think.”
“What does Willow call your mom, Aiden?”
“She calls her Nana.”
“Maybe Shiloh could also call her that.”
Warmth filled Aiden. “My mom would love that.”
Charli smiled. “It will make it easier since my mom is Grandma.”
“I’m going to name her Sparkle,” Shiloh announced as Shiloh slid the unicorn under the blanket that covered her legs so just her head and horn showed. “Because she’s got sparkly stuff in her fur.”
“That’s a great name,” Aiden told her. “I’ll be sure to tell Willow.”
“Could you do a video of me, Momma?” Shiloh asked. “Then I can say thank you to them, and Uncle Aiden can show it to them.”
Charli glanced at Blake, then nodded. “That’s a great idea, lovey.”
Blake grabbed her phone off the nearby table and handed it to Charli. After a few minutes adjusting the bed and pillows, Charli lifted her phone to video Shiloh.
Aiden felt his heart swell with emotion as Shiloh thanked his mom and Willow for the gifts. He knew that his mom was going to be happy to see her newest grandchild. But it would also be hard for her to look at her and see her frailty.
After the video was done to Shiloh’s satisfaction, Aiden gave Charli his phone number so she could text it to him.
“Do you like to read?” he asked, eager to know more about his little girl.
Shiloh wrinkled her nose. “Not for school. Those stories are boring. I like to read books from the library.”
“Maybe you and Willow have read some of the same books.”
“Momma, I want to buy a book and a stuffed animal for Willow. Maybe a coloring book so we can color together. Can we do that?”
“We certainly can.”
Aiden felt the tension he’d been carrying about the meeting slip completely away. Did Skylar feel the same way?
When he looked over at her, he saw her watching Charli and Shiloh, but her expression was unreadable. The open emotions from her teen years were a thing of the past, apparently.
“Can you take a picture of me, Momma, and Daddy to show Willow and Nana?”
Aiden nodded, then waited for them to arrange themselves next to the bed. Shiloh smiled widely, and it lit up her whole face. Charli and Blake’s smiles were a little more strained.
“Can we take one of me with Uncle Aiden and Auntie Sky, too?”
Aiden looked at Charli, since he found he was loath to overstep his bounds. They’d been so accepting of his appearance in Shiloh’s life. He wasn’t going to repay that by making things difficult for them.
“Let me take that for you,” Charli said, holding out her hand for the phone. “Get over here, Sky.”
Skylar was a little slow to move, but soon Charli was organizing them for the shot. She had them on opposite sides of the bed, then they bent closer to Shiloh. Without any prompting, Shiloh wrapped her thin arms around each one of theirs. “Cheese!”
Aiden grinned, appreciating Shiloh’s enthusiastic approach to things. He was glad to see that she hadn’t completely lost her childish enthusiasm to all the medical procedures she was going through.
He needed to figure out how to address Shiloh’s health with Willow. They’d told her that her cousin was sick, but beyond that, they hadn’t given her many details. The video and the photos would show how fragile and unwell she was, and Willow might have questions. He’d just have to be honest with her.
He didn’t like to think about it, but the reality was that Shiloh was a very sick little girl. There was no guarantee that the treatments would work. And there was every possibility that he’d just met his daughter, only to have to say goodbye.
Aiden swallowed against the emotion that thickened in his throat. He couldn’t think about that. Couldn’t allow himself to grieve before he needed to. He needed to focus on her in the present, cherishing each moment he had with her.
Over the next little while, Shiloh entertained them all with stories about school, her friends, and the figure skating lessons she’d been taking with Wilder’s wife, Lexi, before she’d gotten sick.
As he continued to observe her, Aiden finally saw glimpses of himself. Much like Willow had dark hair and eyes that must have come from her father’s side, Skylar’s genes had definitely dominated in that department with Shiloh.
Her enthusiastic approach to things reminded him so much of how Skylar had been as a teen, and he wondered if, outside their current situation, she was still that way.
That hadn’t been apparent in any of their interactions so far. But given how unhappy she’d been when he’d come back into her life, he wasn’t surprised.
Soon though, Shiloh began to fade, exhaustion revealing itself in her eyes’ weighted blinks.
“Well, sweetie, I think it’s time for Skylar and Aiden to go,” Charli said around seven-thirty.
“Will I see them again soon?” Shiloh asked, gesturing to him and Skylar.
“Of course. Skylar is your aunt, so she’ll be around, and Aiden lives nearby, so you’ll see him too, I’m sure.”
“Auntie Sky hardly ever comes to visit, though,” Shiloh said with a small pout.
“Maybe she’ll come more,” Charli said with a glance at her sister who sat expressionless in her chair.
Shiloh looked at Skylar. “Maybe you should move here, then I could see you all the time.”
Skylar’s expression tightened. “I don’t know if I could do that. But I’ll try to visit more often.”
For a moment, Shiloh just stared at her, then she nodded. “Okay.”
With that settled, Aiden and Skylar said goodbye to Shiloh, as well as Charli and Blake. It was hard to step out of the room, and even harder to walk down the hallway to the elevator that would take them to the main floor and exit. Skylar was silent through it all.
As they stepped out of the hospital, they moved to the side, and Aiden stopped and stared up at the sky. Though it had been hard to see Shiloh struggling with her health, he was relieved that the visit had gone so well. He glanced at Skylar to see what she thought.
She stood with her arms crossed, her gaze distant, leaving him to wonder what was going through her mind.
“I think that went pretty good,” he said. “Didn’t it?”
Her lips tightened, then she turned her gaze to him, and Aiden felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart. The absolute devastation on her face took his breath away.
“Skylar?” He didn’t know what to say or do at that moment.
She took two steps toward him and thumped her fists on his chest. “Why couldn’t you have been the man you were supposed to be? Why couldn’t you have loved me enough to build a family and a future with me? She could have been ours. She could have been… mine…”
Her voice cracked on the last word as her devastation spilled out all over Aiden.
She thumped his chest again as tears flowed down her face. “I hate you for what you did to me. What you did to us. ”
Aiden wrapped his arms around her, trapping her hand between them. It was all he could think to do.
Lowering his head to rest his cheek on her hair, he said, “I’m so sorry, Sky. I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for robbing you of the chance to be a mother to Shiloh.” His own voice cracked with emotion, and he swallowed against the tightness in his throat. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“Why couldn’t you have been the man your parents raised you to be?”
Her words were like a knife to his heart.
“I don’t know. I thought I needed to be different than that,” he said. “But I was wrong.”
They stood in silence for a long moment, then Skylar suddenly jerked free of his embrace, and she stepped back from him. Anger and hurt spilled off her in waves, but Aiden was helpless to do anything about it.
He knew he deserved every bit of her anger, but he wished that he could ease it for her.
She glared at him, then turned and marched away from him. He watched her go, wondering if there was anything at all he could do to help her. It was hard to see her so upset.
Aiden stood there for a moment, frozen by the guilt and grief he felt for his actions in the past. Over the years, he’d come to realize how wrong he’d been. But in that moment, he felt the depths of that wrongness more than ever before.
Skylar was right. He was the reason she hadn’t been able to keep her daughter and raise her in a family like Charli and Blake had. She probably could have kept the baby and raised her, but who he’d been then wouldn’t have been happy about being saddled with a child and tied to the woman he’d dumped. So it wouldn’t have been a happy or stable life for any of them.
With an aching heart, he went to where he’d parked earlier and climbed into the car. He sat behind the wheel for a few minutes, trying to deal with the emotions Skylar’s words had brought to the surface.
The whiplash of the high of meeting Shiloh and the low of Skylar’s words left him floundering and helpless. He could do nothing to help Shiloh, and it felt like there was nothing he could do to help Skylar, either.
He had no idea what that exchange with Skylar meant for the future. It didn’t feel like it would mean anything good.