CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Skylar was ready to go when Aiden showed up the next morning. He loaded her bags into the car while she said goodbye to her parents.
“I hope it won’t be too long before we see you again,” her dad said as he gave her a tight hug. “It’s been wonderful having you here with us the past few weeks.”
“Yes, it has been,” her mom agreed as she moved in to take her husband’s place. “It was nice to have a not-so-empty nest for a little while.”
“Sprained ankle aside, I had a nice time,” she told them. “And I’ll be back when I can.”
“Thanks for taking her to the airport, Aiden,” her dad said as Aiden joined them, holding out his hand to the man.
“I figured I was going that way anyway,” he said as he shook her dad’s hand. “Though I have to admit I’m a bit surprised she agreed to go with me.”
Her dad chuckled. “You and me both.”
Skylar glared at them. “Hey, now!”
Her mom laughed as she slipped her arm around Skylar’s waist. “You have to admit that had he made this offer when you first came home, the answer would have been a resounding no.”
“True, but this is now. Things change.”
“That they do,” her mom said with a nod. “And for the better this time.”
“Well, we’d better go so I don’t miss my flight.”
“Let us know when you get to the airport and when you get home.”
“I will.”
After another quick hug for each of her parents, she told them she loved them, then followed Aiden to where he’d parked. He opened the passenger door for her before going around to slide behind the wheel.
As soon as he started the engine, Skylar rolled down her window and waved at her parents.
“Safe travels, darling,” her mom called out.
As they drove down the winding driveway to the road that would take them to Coeur d’Alene, Skylar let out a long sigh.
“You doing okay?” Aiden asked.
“I guess.” She leaned her head back against the head rest and stared out the window at the familiar scenery that slipped past. “I just didn’t expect that leaving would be this hard.”
“Like you said, things change. From what I understand, a lot more went down on this trip than usually does on your visits home.”
“That’s true,” Skylar said, turning her head to look at him. “In the past, Shiloh was perfectly healthy. It was easy to slip in and slip out again without too much emotional turmoil.”
“I know it can’t be easy to leave when Shiloh’s still not one hundred percent, but she’s headed in that direction.”
Skylar took in his profile as he spoke. He had a strong jawline with a nose that had a slight bend to it thanks to him having it broken by a collision with a guy’s elbow when playing basketball in high school. His clean-shaven cheeks as a teen had disappeared, as he seemed to prefer a bit of scruff. A five o’clock shadow is what her dad would likely call it.
She hated to admit that she found him as attractive now as she had when they were teens. For a moment, she wondered if the reverse was true. However, as quickly as that thought came into her mind, she shoved it away.
Skylar already knew that he’d thought he could do better than her as a teen, and that probably hadn’t changed. It was a moot point, regardless.
They’d reached a point where they could be around each other without anger and hurt raging inside her. It wasn’t completely gone, but she could manage it in a way she’d struggled to when they’d first reconnected.
“Are you getting used to living in a place on your own, rather than in your mom’s basement?”
Aiden gave her an exasperated glance before he said, “I wasn’t living in my mom’s basement. I actually own the house, so I was living in my basement while my mom and my niece lived on the main floor.”
“So, are you going to move up to the main floor now that she and Willow have moved back to Serenity?”
“I don’t think so. At least not yet,” he said. “I think there will be times when they come to spend time in Coeur d’Alene, so then they can stay in their old rooms. Plus, I’ve got the basement set up like I want it, and I don’t need all the extra space that’s on the main floor.”
“Were you surprised when your mom decided to move back to Serenity?”
Aiden didn’t answer right away, his attention on the traffic as they came to a stoplight. As he accelerated through the light when it turned green, he said, “Yeah. A little, but I was pretty sure that it would happen at some point. I’m actually happy about it though, even if it means I’m living on my own.”
“Why are you happy about it?”
“One of the reasons my mom was so willing to move in with me was because that house was just too hard for her to be in. She’d been doing okay after Dad’s death, but when Bethany died, it was like Mom couldn’t handle being in the house anymore. She just walked away from it, not wanting to bring any of the furnishings or anything to the house in CDA.”
“I can’t imagine how difficult that has been for her.”
“I remember so clearly what my mom said as we stood over Bethany’s casket, her staring at her daughter for the last time.” Aiden hesitated, then cleared his throat. “She said no parent should ever have to bury their child. That a parent wasn’t supposed to outlive their children.”
The words sank deep into Skylar’s heart as she considered the battle Shiloh was fighting for her life. She couldn’t imagine how she’d handle it if Shiloh lost that battle.
Her breath caught in her throat as her heart began to pound. Her world narrowed as she struggled to take a breath because of the vice that had tightened around her chest.
“Skylar?” Aiden’s voice was distant, but she could hear the alarm in it. “Hang on, baby. Just hang on.”
She felt the car come to a jerking stop and reached out to grab the dashboard, hanging on to it like a lifeline. The door beside her opened, and she felt a touch on her back, then Aiden took her hand, which was fisted against her chest.
“Skylar, I want you to breathe with me.” Aiden’s voice was closer, calming her with its steadiness. “Deep breath in. Now let it out.”
Skylar unfisted her hand to grab onto his as she focused on his voice, fighting to draw in a breath to fill her lungs when it felt like there was a vice around her chest.
Was she having a heart attack?
Or was this just a panic attack?
Aiden continued to guide her breathing, and slowly but surely, her breaths got deeper and more fulfilling. Then her heart rate slowed, and everything around her came back into focus.
“Aiden?” she said as she turned to look at him.
He gave her a gentle smile that filled his eyes with something that almost looked like affection.
“Are you feeling better?”
She nodded. “I’m sorry. I think that was a panic attack.”
“You’ve never had one before?”
“No.”
“What brought it on?”
Skylar swallowed and tightened her grip on his hand, even though she knew she should let go. “It was when you said that bit about parents shouldn’t have to bury their children. All I could think of was how close we are to that with Shiloh. The treatment might fail. The transplant might fail. We might… we might have to…”
Aiden put his arm around her and gently pulled her close. “She’s doing better. She’s strong. We have to believe that she’ll come through this.”
This time, Skylar’s fears came out in tears, which frustrated her, even as she found a sort of cathartic release in them. She’d cried more in the past few weeks than she had since the time following her giving Shiloh up for adoption. She didn’t want to shed any more tears.
But first, she had to get through that crying spell.
Aiden continued to hold her, surrounding Skylar with his strength, his gentleness, and the scent of his cologne, which she’d forever associate with him.
“I’m sorry if I triggered that for you with what I said. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know.” Skylar took a deep breath and let it out, trying to send the lingering emotions out into the world. Anywhere but deep in her chest where they hurt so badly.
Finally, she straightened, giving him a sideways glance as he let her go. “We should probably go. I don’t want to miss my flight.”
After a long moment, Aiden closed her door, then circled around to get behind the wheel. Starting the engine back up, he gave her a quick glance. “I’m beginning to think maybe you should miss your flight.”
“What do you mean?” Skylar asked as she pulled a tissue out of her purse. “I need to get back to work. I can’t stay here.”
“I understand that you need to leave for the sake of your job,” he said. “But for the sake of your heart, I think you should stay.”
With that, he pulled back out onto the road and continued the drive to Coeur d’Alene. It was a drive made in silence, but for the music softly drifting from the speakers.
The silence wasn’t angry or hostile, but it was weighted and tense. Like it was holding its breath, waiting for the next word to be spoken. It didn’t come from Skylar, though, because she didn’t know what to say. And perhaps Aiden had the same problem, since he too didn’t break the silence.
When they pulled up in front of the airport, Aiden said, “I’m sorry I can’t go in with you, but I need to be at work for a meeting.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. I think I’ll probably be going through security pretty quickly.”
Aiden gave a nod, then got out to retrieve her bags from the trunk of the car. Once she had them, he closed the trunk. He stood, his hand resting on it, staring at her and seeming to have some sort of battle with himself.
Finally, something broke his indecision, and he crossed the space between them and took her into his arms. Skylar froze for a minute, then wrapped her arms around him.
“Take care of yourself,” he murmured. “And don’t be gone too long.”
Skylar’s hands gripped the back of his shirt. “I’ll try not to be. And you take care of yourself too.”
Flooded with unfamiliar emotions, she pulled away and grabbed the handles of her check-in and hand carry bags to pull them into the airport. She didn’t glance back until right before the glass doors slid closed, and she caught a glimpse of Aiden still standing there.
The doors slid open again as someone else walked in, and she saw him lift his hand. After a brief hesitation, she waved back at him. When she turned around that time, she didn’t look back again.
But as she stared out at the plane that would take her away from Serenity Point and those she loved, Skylar knew that Aiden was right. Her heart didn’t want to leave.
Skylar pulled her flight bag into the apartment and set it off to the side. She let out a groan as she slipped off her shoes. Grabbing the handle of the bag, she pulled it into her bedroom. After she took off her uniform and hung it up, she unpacked the bag she’d taken for the five-day trip to New York, London and Paris.
Jumping time zones was never easy, and she was exhausted. Thankfully, she had three days off before her next trip.
She took a long shower and did a bit of pampering before climbing out. After drying off, she dressed in a pair of loose cotton shorts and an oversized T-shirt.
Feeling more refreshed than when she’d walked in the door, Skylar went to the kitchen to make something to eat since lunch had gotten forgotten in the busyness of the plane’s arrival in Vegas, completing the end of flight jobs, and then getting home. But before she pulled the stuff out to make a sandwich, she checked her phone for messages.
On the way home in the ride share she’d called at the airport, she’d texted all the usual people. A habit she’d gotten into over the past two weeks since returning home.
Mom: Glad you made it home, darling. Did everything go well?
It went smoothly. Glad to be home again, though. Love you!
She backed out of that text conversation and into the next one.
Charli: Yay! We need to set up a chat for you and Shiloh sometime in the next couple of days. She wants you to read to her again.
I don’t have anything going on, so any time you want will work for me. Looking forward to it. Hugs and kisses to you all.
She had bought a copy of the book that she’d read to Shiloh that last time they’d been together, and she’d continued to read from it with her every couple of days. Charli had said that Shiloh had asked that Skylar be the one to keep reading that book, so Charli had chosen a different book for them to read at home.
After that message, she went to the next one.
Aiden: Back on American soil, huh? Hope you didn’t have any cranky passengers or ones that got air sick.
Skylar chuckled, unable to keep the smile from her face.
No cranky or sick ones, thankfully. But glad I don’t have to deal with people for a few days.
She didn’t bother to mention that this flight had had a couple of flirty and slightly handsy men in the group. It always seemed like there was one or two on flights like that who thought they’d shoot their shot with her.
On most flights, she was far more likely to deal with drunk and flirtatious men than she was cranky or sick people.
How was your project presentation?
He’d mentioned that he was putting on what they hoped would be their final presentation for a client before they would sign off on the project.
Somehow, in the two weeks since she’d returned home, they’d fallen into texting each other fairly regularly. At least once a day, if not more. Skylar wasn’t exactly sure why she encouraged it, though she tried to convince herself it was because he was sharing things with her about Shiloh.
Except she actually got most of her information on Shiloh from Charli. Aiden only passed stuff on to her after his visits with Shiloh on the weekend.
Aiden: It went really well. We should hear within the next couple of days if this is the accepted version of the design. This has caused me and my partner to gray prematurely, I have to say.
Well, they say men with gray hair are distinguished, so I think you’ll be okay.
Aiden: LOL But no one wants to look like a grandfather when they’re not even a father yet. Well, I mean, not a full-time father yet.
Is that something you want?
Aiden’s response was slow to come, and Skylar didn’t even realize she was holding her breath until his reply popped up on the screen, and it rushed out of her.
Aiden: Definitely. I’m just not sure when it will happen. For now, I’m happy to have Shiloh and Willow in my life, and to have a father/uncle role with them.
Skylar shifted to lean her hip against the counter as she stared down at the reply. In the past few weeks, she’d imagined what Aiden would be like in a fatherly role, but now the image that came to her was of Aiden having children of his own with some unknown woman.
Putting her phone face down on the counter, she moved to the fridge to pull out some deli meat, tomatoes, and cheese, as well as everything else she needed to make her favorite sandwich. Her phone chimed with an incoming text message, but she waited until she’d laid two pieces of bread on her plate and spread mayo on them to check it.
Aiden: What about you?
I’m not sure kids are in my future, and I think I’m okay with that.
Aiden: What? Why?
Skylar could picture him frowning at his phone as he typed out the message.
Let’s just say my attempts at relationships have been unsuccessful, and I’m not in a place at the moment where I want to devote that much time and energy into someone else.
Aiden: I guess I understand that, but you always hoped to have kids, so I hope it works out for you.
We’ll see.
I need to get a few things done here, so I’ll chat with you later.
Or maybe they wouldn’t. This conversation was the most serious and personal one they’d had to date, and she wasn’t in a hurry to change that.
After that last interaction at the airport, Skylar hadn’t been sure how it would impact things between them. Neither of them had mentioned it, but the memory of it lingered in her mind and in her heart, leaving her wanting… more. Not more panic attacks. More closeness with Aiden.
Aiden: Sure thing. Have a good rest of the day.
You, too.
Skylar set her phone down again and finished getting her lunch ready. Once it was made, she filled a glass with water, then carried the plate and glass to the table that was set out on the balcony. It was fiercely hot outside, but she didn’t mind dealing with it for the short time it took her to eat.
She was back in the kitchen cleaning up when her phone chimed again. After drying her hands, she checked the screen, frowning when she saw the message.
Emmett: How’s your day going? Denise mentioned you were back from your latest trip. Could we meet up for coffee?
This wasn’t the first time he’d texted her since she’d returned to Vegas. Skylar wasn’t sure what to make of his attempt to get together with her.
Why?
Emmett: I thought it would be nice to catch up.
Things are over between us. You ended our relationship, so I’m not sure what you’re wanting now.
Emmett: I’ve missed you. I think perhaps I was hasty in ending things.
You were right to break up with me. Unfortunately, if you thought I was emotionally unavailable before, I’m even more so now.
Plus, there was no way she could get back together with someone who gave up so easily.
Are you dating someone else already?
Unbidden, Aiden came to mind as he’d been the moment she’d turned back to look at him at the airport.
No. But I have a lot of stuff going on with my family, and I’m just not prepared to be in a relationship. And I’m sorry, but you had your chance. I don’t feel strongly enough about you to want to try again. You were right to end things.
Emmett: Well, I’m sure if we could just meet, you’d remember how good we were together.
He wasn’t wrong that they’d had some good times together, but the thought of being in a relationship with him again twisted her stomach. A big part of their relationship had been physical, and she knew she couldn’t go back to that.
Something had stirred in her spirit that now had her rejecting parts of how she’d previously lived her life.
I’m sorry. But it just won’t work out.
Not wanting to get any further text from him, Skylar quickly went through the process of blocking his number. Next, she went through social media and blocked him on all of those accounts. She didn’t want to have to deal with him again.
It was unfortunate that he was friends with people she worked with, which was how they’d met. But Skylar hoped they could understand why she just wasn’t interested in dating him again.
Tiredness swamped her as she finished up in the kitchen. She didn’t sleep super well when she was away from her own bed, so the tiredness wasn’t a surprise.
She went to her room and dropped down on the bed. After setting her alarm for two hours, she curled up with her pillows and closed her eyes.
As she did, an image of Aiden and Shiloh came to her mind. It was them posed as they’d been in the picture she’d taken of them as they’d bent over coloring books on their last time together.
Now, Aiden was able to still spend time with Shiloh and color with her, but Skylar was relegated to virtual interactions with her. Her heart hurt that each time they said goodbye, there was no hug or kiss. Just a small wave as the screen went dark.
She wanted more. She didn’t want to take Shiloh from Charli or Blake, but she wanted more of those interactions with her. To be close enough to celebrate the special moments in her life—and Skylar refused to believe that there would be anything but lots of special moments to come.
If God answered her prayer, she’d be there to witness the big events. Graduations, her wedding, her baby or babies. Skylar wanted to be there for all of that.
But she also wanted to be able to tell her what a good job she’d done coloring a picture. She wanted to watch as she learned to ride her bike. As she improved in her skating. Skylar wanted to be in the audience when Shiloh searched the crowd. She wanted to see the smile bloom on her face when she spotted her.
She wanted as much as she could have in her role as Shiloh’s birth mom.
Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be able to have hardly any of that if she stayed in Vegas.
If the ache in her heart was anything to go by, it was perhaps time to consider that change lay in her future.