CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Skylar went through her morning routine before swapping her pajamas for a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Though she hadn’t slept very well, she’d still woken up early and decided to just get up.
In the kitchen, she found Aiden cooking something on the stove. He turned as she approached him and greeted her with a warm smile.
“Good morning, sunshine,” he said, then turned his attention back to the stove. “Would you like a fried egg?”
“Thanks, but I’m not really hungry at the moment,” she told him.
“You’ve never been one to eat breakfast, have you?”
“Not this early. I’ll probably get hungry around nine or ten.”
He turned with the pan and slid two fried eggs onto the plate that sat waiting on the counter. He also grabbed a couple of slices of toast from the toaster and put them on the plate.
“Do you have a kitchen downstairs?” Skylar asked.
“A small one. But since I brought groceries for all of us, I didn’t put any of them downstairs.” He pulled the carafe from the coffeemaker and poured some coffee into a mug on the counter. “Would you like some coffee?”
“That I could do with,” she said. “But I can get it. You don’t have to wait on me.”
“I know I don’t have to.” He removed a mug from the wrought iron mug tree next to the coffee maker. “But I’d like to.”
After he filled the mug, he handed it to her with a smile. “Cream is in the fridge, and sugar is beside the coffeemaker.”
As they moved around each other in the kitchen, it occurred to Skylar that this could have been their life, if things had worked out.
But maybe there was a chance it still could be their life. If she was willing to give him a second chance.
That was what had disrupted her sleep. Wondering if she could really open her heart up to Aiden again.
The problem wasn’t that she didn’t love him. She did. The man he’d become was appealing to her, and because he’d already had a place in her heart in the past, it seemed like he didn’t even need to work to get past her wall that other men had commented on.
But the thing Skylar struggled with was the fear of being hurt by him again.
When they’d been together in the past, she’d never felt insecure or jealous. He’d never given her any indication that he was interested in anyone but her, so she’d never worried about it. That was why it hurt so badly when he had basically said he wanted to break up so he could find someone better.
Sure, he’d said that both of them could find someone else, but she hadn’t been interested in finding a guy who might be better suited for her. In her teenage mind, Aiden had been perfect.
So now, even though he’d said it wouldn’t be an issue, she knew it would be something she struggled with. So how was she going to deal with it?
“Do you have plans for today?” Aiden asked as he sat down at the island counter with his food.
“I’m going to put in some applications, I think. They’re mainly online, so I can do that from here. Might look around at apartments, too.”
Aiden smiled. “So does it really seem likely you’ll settle here instead of Serenity?”
“I think so,” she said.
“I could ask around at the office to see if anyone knows if the interior design companies we work with are hiring.”
“That would be helpful,” Skylar said. “I’m not even sure if anyone will hire me with no sort of experience in the industry. Or even as a receptionist.”
“You won’t know until you try,” Aiden said. “Are you planning to go see Shiloh when your parents do?”
“I thought I’d go when you do,” Skylar told him. “Spread the visitors out a bit.”
“I can swing by and pick you up when I’m done with work.”
“Okay. Let me know when you’re on the way, and I’ll be ready to go.”
Skylar could have gone with her parents, but she enjoyed going with Aiden. And she thought maybe Shiloh liked it when they came together.
They talked a bit more as Aiden finished his breakfast, then he got up to put his dishes in the dishwasher.
When he turned his attention to the pan he’d used to fry his egg, Skylar said, “I can take care of that.”
He glanced over at her. “You don’t have to. I made the mess.”
“I know,” she said. “But I don’t have a lot to do today.”
“Well, thank you.” Aiden dried his hands on a dishtowel. “I appreciate that.”
He picked up his laptop bag from where it sat on the counter, then took a step in Skylar’s direction. However, he paused, a frown briefly crossing his face. If she hadn’t been watching him, she would have missed it completely, as it was quickly replaced by a smile.
“See you later,” he said. “Have a good day.”
“You too.”
Aiden hesitated again, then gave her one last smile before he turned and left the kitchen, heading toward the door. Skylar watched him go, then continued to stare at the door even after Aiden had closed it behind him.
She was grateful that he was keeping things as normal as possible between them during this time of uncertainty.
The more time they spent together, the more she saw great qualities in Aiden that she wanted in a boyfriend, and later, a husband. But would she be able to hold her fears in check? Or would she forever wonder if she was on the cusp of losing him?
She wasn’t sure she could live that way. Always trying her best to keep him happy, even if it was at the expense of her own happiness. She didn’t want fear to be the motivation for why she did things for him.
She didn’t want to act a certain way or do things out of fear instead of love. How was she supposed to do that if fear was still present in her relationship with him?
At the end of the day, she did want a relationship with Aiden. Her heart ached with the love she held for him, but the fear was there, too. The better things were between them, the higher her fear of losing him would become. Could she honestly just take his word for things?
“Good morning,” her dad said as he walked into the kitchen. “You’re up early. Did you sleep well?”
“I slept okay.”
“Has Aiden left for work already?” he asked as he filled a couple of mugs with coffee from the carafe.
“Yes. He left a few minutes ago.”
“Are you coming with us to the hospital?”
“No. I think I’m going to submit some applications and look at what might be available for apartments in the area.”
“So you’re pretty set on staying in Coeur d’Alene?”
“Seems like the job I want is more likely to be available here,” Skylar said.
Her dad nodded as he lifted his mug to take a sip. “I suppose that’s true.”
“Good morning, darling.” Her mom joined them at the counter, giving Skylar a quick hug before walking to where her husband stood to take possession of the cup of coffee he’d prepared for her. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, my love.”
As Skylar watched the affection flow between her parents, she wondered if they’d ever had moments of worry and doubt about the person they’d invested so much of their feelings into.
“Aiden gone already?”
Skylar nodded. “He left just before Dad came out.”
“Did you talk to him before he left?”
“Yes,” she said. “Why?”
“I’m just trying to figure out where the two of you stand in relation to each other. At times, tension seems high between you. But then, rather than it make you avoid each other, you seem to be interacting normally. I’m confused.”
“Well, you’re not the only one,” Skylar confessed.
“Want to talk about it?”
Skylar wasn’t sure she did, but she also could use some advice. However, she wasn’t sure that she’d get unbiased guidance from her parents.
“Aiden asked me out,” she said. “And he wants me to consider rekindling our relationship.”
“I don’t think you should rekindle things,” her mom said, surprising Skylar.
“You don’t? I would have thought you’d be on board with us dating.”
“Oh, I am,” her mom said. “I just don’t think you should try to rekindle what you had. You’re both different now. You’ve had experiences—some of them with each other—that have shaped you into different people than you were back when you dated before. So rather than rekindling, I think it’s better to approach it as a fresh relationship.”
Skylar could see the sense in what her mom said. Clearly, what they’d had in the past hadn’t worked for Aiden, which meant, ultimately, that it hadn’t worked for her either. If she viewed things in a new way, perhaps she could keep from thinking of how he’d been during the last weeks of their relationship and what followed. Perhaps…
“So you think I should date him again?”
“I think you should give it some good consideration before you dismiss it outright,” her mom said. “I know he hurt you before, so you’ll need to decide if you’re willing to let that go or if the memory of that will constantly raise its ugly head.”
“How do I let it go?” Skylar asked. “Honestly, it’s what’s holding me back. It’s not that I don’t want to leave that in the past, but I just don’t know how.”
“Have you prayed about it?” her dad asked, entering the conversation for the first time.
Skylar looked down at her mug, which was currently half full. “A bit.”
“Praying is certainly the best first step,” her mom said. “But then it’s going to take a concerted effort on your part to forgive Aiden and move forward with him.”
“What if he hurts me again?” she asked. “What if he finds someone he likes better after we start dating?”
“I don’t think that will happen,” her mom told her with a smile. “Aiden seems mature enough now to realize that commitment needs to be total and complete. Which means that once he’s committed to you, he doesn’t even give a thought that someone else might be better.”
Would that be possible? Could she trust that his love would be strong enough this time?
“But you need to make sure that this is God’s will first,” her dad added. “And then trust Him to be with the two of you as you build a life together.”
It sounded so simple when her dad put it that way. However, she wasn’t sure how to determine if it was God’s will.
Was the fact that she felt so unsettled a sign that it wasn’t?
A pang of ache went through her heart at that thought.
“We’ll be praying for both of you,” her mom told her as she came to put her arm around Skylar’s shoulders.
Skylar sat mulling over their conversation as her parents worked together to make themselves breakfast. She still wasn’t super hungry, but agreed to a toasted bagel with blueberry cream cheese when her mom offered to make her one.
After they’d eaten, Skylar took over the job of cleaning up. Once everything was sparkling, she went to her room to get her laptop, then went out to the back porch, where there were some chairs and a table set up on the deck.
The day was forecasted to be hot, but right then it was pleasantly warm. Skylar sat down in one of the chairs and opened her laptop. She’d already done some preliminary research on companies that matched the kind of place where she wanted to work, so she continued to sort through which ones seemed to be a good fit for her. Not that she wouldn’t apply to all of them if necessary, but she had some definite preferences from what she’d seen of their online presence.
Her parents came outside to join her at one point, but they didn’t stay too long since they had told Charli they’d be at the hospital around lunch time. They planned to take food up to Charli and Shiloh.
Skylar tried to use her time wisely as she passed the hours until she got a text from Aiden saying he was on his way home.
She’d changed into a pair of white capris and a lilac colored blouse with tiny white polka dots on it. It was another warm day, so she’d pulled her hair was up into a ponytail and kept her makeup minimal.
Because she’d been keeping an eye out for Aiden from the living room window, she saw when he pulled in. Gathering up her purse and phone, she left the house, locking it using the keypad on the door.
Pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head, Aiden greeted her with a smile as she joined him at the car. “You look very nice.”
“Oh, thanks.”
He opened the passenger door. “Ready to go see Shiloh?”
“I am.”
After she was seated, he closed the door, then strode around the hood of the car to slide behind the wheel. His arm bumped her as he shifted around to get his seatbelt latched.
He drove with a mature assurance now, unlike the reckless overconfidence of his teenage years. He no longer sped through yellow lights, barely making it before they turned red. Instead, he anticipated them, slowing down to stop just as the light changed to red.
It was just one more thing that revealed how he’d grown and matured over the years. He’d left behind the reckless bent he, Cole, and all their friends had seemed to have back then.
She’d found it thrilling then, but she definitely appreciated his approach to driving now better. Arriving safely at the destination was infinitely more important than the thrill of the trip there.
It didn’t take long to get to the hospital, and soon, they were once again stepping onto a busy elevator. Once they reached the correct floor, Aiden stepped out of the elevator, then waited for Skylar to join him.
Shiloh was up and sitting at the table with Charli when they walked in. Skylar’s heart lifted at the sight because it signified how much improved she was.
“Did Mom and Dad tell you the good news?” Charli asked as she hugged Skylar.
“No. I left before they got home.” Skylar bent to hug Shiloh, then turned her attention back to her sister while Aiden entertained the little girl, passing on a joke from Willow.
“Yeah, they didn’t leave that long ago,” Charli said. “They were here when the doctor came around to give us the results of more of the tests.”
“What did they have to say?”
“They said that the tests aren’t showing any signs of relapse,” Charli said. “So she’s still clear.”
“Why was she so sick then?”
“It was a bladder infection that got out of hand. Once the antibiotics kicked in, she started to improve almost right away. Her immune system is still compromised, and it will continue to be that way for a little while, so we just have to be on the lookout for any type of infection so that we can catch it before it gets to where she needs to be hospitalized.”
“How did it get to that point this time?”
Charli glanced at Shiloh, a sad look on her face. “She was experiencing some pain, but she was scared to say anything. She didn’t want to worry us, plus she was worried about what it meant.”
“I don’t blame her,” Skylar said. “I think I’d worry too.”
“Yes. We understand that, but we’ve had a talk with her to let her know that things will be better for her if she tells us right away when she doesn’t feel well. Doing that might not mean a hospital stay if we catch problems soon enough.”
“I imagine that is a good incentive for her.”
Charli smiled. “It definitely is. And the other good news is that we get to go home tomorrow.”
“Oh, that is wonderful news.”
That news also meant that she would need to get her stuff packed up to go back with her parents to Serenity. With Shiloh out of the hospital, there was no reason for her parents to stay in Coeur d’Alene, and that meant that Skylar needed to move home with them since she couldn’t stay with Aiden by herself.
“Did you tell Uncle Aiden the good news?” Charli asked Shiloh.
“I’m going home tomorrow!” Shiloh said with a beaming smile.
It was so good to see her in better spirits and in better health. It was something that Skylar was no longer willing to take for granted.
“That is the best news ever,” Aiden said, lifting his hand for her to smack. “I bet you’re excited to see your brothers and sisters and your dad.”
As Shiloh nodded, Skylar wondered how hard it had been for Aiden to utter that sentence. It had firmly put Shiloh into a family other than his, which she was certain he still struggled with.
“Yes. We both miss Daddy,” Shiloh said. “And I miss my bed.”
“I miss my bed too,” Charli said, pressing her hands to her lower back. “It will be good to be back home.”
Skylar waited to feel regret that she’d essentially turfed her career over an infection. However, it didn’t come. She was relieved that Shiloh was doing so much better, but she was also happy with her decision to return to Idaho.
Although, if she didn’t find a job, she might feel differently.
“I’m going to go call Blake while you two are here to keep Shiloh company,” Charli said as she picked up her phone from the table. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“So, what are you doing here?” Aiden asked as he gestured to the table.
“I was coloring while Momma read a story to me.”
“Oh, we’ve done that before,” Aiden said. “Do you want me to read while you color with Skylar?”
Shiloh shook her head. “Auntie Sky reads better than you.”
“Better than me?” Aiden pressed a hand to his chest. “What’s wrong with my reading?”
Shiloh giggled. “Nothing. Auntie Sky is just better at voices and stuff.”
“Okay. I’ll accept that.”
Shiloh turned to pull out another book from a bag that sat on the windowsill next to the table. “Here’s a coloring book for you.”
Aiden took it, and while he flipped through the pages, Shiloh picked up the book that was laying splayed on the table and handed it to Skylar. “This is the book Momma was reading.”
Skylar took the book, noting that this one seemed to be about a girl and her horse. She’d never been a horse person herself, but it seemed that her daughter—niece—might be.
“Okay,” Skylar said as she settled into a seat beside the table. “You color. I’ll read.”
The brief visits that she and Aiden had with Shiloh were soothing for the ache of giving her up that still lingered all these years later. And probably would still linger until the day Skylar died. Because regardless of how much time she spent with Shiloh, it would never be as much as she would have had with her had she never given her up.
But glancing up and seeing father and daughter—the man she loved and their child—brought with it a sense of calm and peace. Somehow, even without really trying, she’d found a way to accept that she’d never be a mom to the child she’d given birth to.
That development gave her hope that perhaps she could reconcile herself with the past she and Aiden had and leave the negative emotions there.
She might not be able to have Shiloh in her life in the way she would have been if circumstances had been different, but maybe she could have Aiden.