Chapter 13
Goner
Lexi chewed her lower lip, and he understood perfectly what was going through her mind. Funny how he was able to read her after such a short time together. Then again, it was the same dread that had streaked through his head right before he’d confessed his faults.
The thing was Josh could have taken care of the asswipe in his crease on his own before his own guy had crashed into him and made him see and hear cuckoo birds.
But the defenseman had been a rookie who’d panicked and ended up not only taking out Josh but pinning him so he couldn’t make a save.
The other team had scored the game-winning goal on that play, and Josh still fumed when he looked at the replays.
It wasn’t on the kid, though. It was on Josh.
If he’d done a better job anticipating the play, if he’d been more squared up, if he’d moved an inch to the right, if, if, if.
And the rest of it? Shit, admitting his failure afterward was like a knife to the chest. But it was true. It was also the first time he’d confessed it out loud, as if he’d been afraid admitting it before would galvanize the statement into a truth that couldn’t be undone.
His skill set was still there. His confidence, not so much, and half of a goalie’s success depended on his swagger. No wonder NHL teams didn’t want to take a flyer on him. He was damaged goods, an unknown quantity now.
Nonetheless, confiding his failings to Lexi had felt like shucking fifty pounds of goalie gear, and he felt lighter than he had in months.
Before her, Herb was the sole person privy to the gory details, and only because Herb was his agent.
Josh hadn’t even told his mother or his brother everything.
Oddly, he’d felt safe enough with Lexi, a stranger before yesterday, to open himself wide up.
And he’d made a good choice. Lexi’s expressive eyes hadn’t reflected judgment of any kind, nor had they displayed sympathy.
Only care and understanding, even if she didn’t truly understand the finer points.
He hadn’t bored her with tales of the headaches and dizziness and nausea, but he’d been able to lay out the grim particulars without flinching. Progress. With her here, he found the fortitude to acknowledge his shortcomings openly. Weird.
Maybe it was because she didn’t hide the fact that she was completely in his corner, no matter where that corner might be.
If the best sex of his life hadn’t been reason enough to fall for her before, he sure had a solid one now.
And maybe, just maybe, the fantastic sex was because it was with her.
He felt comfortable with her. She was sweetness and light, a good girl with a big heart.
But in bed, she left her inhibitions on the floor with her clothes, and a tigress emerged.
The transformation enthralled him. She was eager, enthusiastic, insatiable.
She tapped into a bold part of him that loved being let loose, and he wanted to believe she was only that way with him.
But it was so much more than that. She was also open, genuine, and she didn’t play head games.
Then there was the inexplicable, otherworldly connection that sparked between them, tethered them, especially when he was inside her body and holding her gaze with his.
The sensation overwhelmed him. He’d never experienced a draw to another human being that packed that much power before.
It was utterly consuming, which made it equally terrifying and exhilarating.
Don’t get carried away, he warned himself. This thing would be over in six days, and that time was going to fly by.
All these thoughts ricocheted through his head as he stared into those guileless green eyes.
He was tempted to haul her back into the bedroom and mess up that perfectly made bed again, but he needed to hear what had happened.
Their shared secrets were an intimacy he craved, and now that he had unburdened himself, he wanted the same for her.
So rather than cave to his baser self, he reached under the table and gave her bare thigh a reassuring squeeze and left his hand there, feeding his need to touch her.
She surprised him when she turned the conversation back on him. “Sounds like at least one league wants you. The KHL?”
“Yeah, maybe. I haven’t seen the offer yet, so it’s not anything I want to spend brain power on.” He squeezed her leg again. “I have too little of that as it is.”
The news from Herb had done nothing to lift Josh’s spirits.
Josh wanted to play. No, he had to play; hockey was in his blood.
But the thought of living in Russia held zero appeal.
Plus, he’d heard a ton of players who’d played there complain about the league’s iffy management, which included getting paid regularly.
But where else could he go if no one gave him an opportunity?
“I have a feeling you’re stalling, babe,” he teased.
She sighed one of those lung-clearing sighs.
“You already know I got dumped and how that whole mess went down.” She tilted her head to the side, and her hair slipped over her shoulder.
“The more I think about it, though, the more I realize it was a positive. I would’ve been stuck with a man who didn’t love me. ”
And you deserve a man who loves you full-out. Josh barely held back the thought. Instead, he gave her a lame head bob.
“When Conrad dropped his bombshell, I was shattered. I’d already grown a little cynical about the wedding culture, where I made my living, so I penned this article as a way to vent my frustration.
I wrote it right after the breakup, when the wounds were raw, but held onto it until a few weeks ago.
By then, I thought it was kinda funny. My bosses didn’t.
” She flinched, her entire body practically curling on itself.
He felt her discomfort to his pinkie toe and hesitated before prompting her. “What was the article about?”
“It was about the ten best resorts for honeymooning in Cabo. I, um, kind of put a different twist on it and ended up submitting an article I titled 10 Reasons to Ditch Your Fiancé and Still Go to Cabo.”
He burst out with a laugh. “Shit, I’d love to read that! It sounds hilarious.” And now he had one more reason to like this girl. They were adding up fast.
Her mouth curved in a sheepish smile. “I’m glad you think so.
My editors definitely did not appreciate the snark, and they canned me before I could explain that it was just a bit of sarcastic humor, that I’d written another article—the one they wanted to publish.
” She shrugged. “It was stupid on my part. Juvenile.”
He chuckled. “But did it make you feel better?”
Her eyes darted to the lanai’s ceiling, and she let out a throaty laugh. “It did, though the good feels crashed the moment I realized that was the end of my paychecks.”
Concern for her overtook his amusement. “How are you getting by?”
“I have a little nest egg stashed away. I’ve been very frugal, but as soon as I get back, the job hunt will become my top priority. I’ve already put out a few feelers, but nothing’s come up yet.”
All of him wanted to help her, to rescue her. From what, exactly, he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure about so many of the new emotions stirring inside him when it came to Lexi.
“So I guess we both have some decisions to make about our livelihoods, don’t we?” Her wistful smile made his chest compress.
He reached over, hoisted her up, and pulled her into his lap so her legs dangled over one side, ignoring her amused squeaks of protest. He placed one hand on her back and tucked the other under her top, resting it on her stomach and strumming her smooth skin with his thumb.
“We do, but not today. In fact, let’s put off any decisions until the end of the week and just enjoy vacation time. What do you think?”
She looped her arms around his neck. “I can go for that.”
A little burst of joy warmed his chest. For the rest of this week, they would be a couple who enjoyed one another, explored one another, gave and received pleasure from one another.
And he started them off when he nuzzled her neck, pulling in her sweet scent as he laid tender kisses along her shoulder.
“I want you again, Lexi,” he murmured against her throat.
She giggled. “I want you too, Josh, but I think I’m hungry now.”
Why that pleased him, he couldn’t say. Maybe unburdening herself with him had restored her appetite. He loved that he could carry that load for her. “Then let’s get my baby something to eat.” My baby? What the hell was going on with him?
“Because I need to keep up my strength?” she teased.
“Exactly.” The real reason, though, had less to do with her being fueled up for what he had planned between the sheets later and more about her being back in a happy place. Seeing a genuine smile light up her face again brought him bliss.
Oh Christ!
No denying it. He was falling. Fast and hard.
Though Josh was more than willing to spend the rest of the day and night eating room service so they could roll around in bed naked, Lexi wanted to go to the restaurant for dinner and maybe follow that with dancing afterward. Who was he to deny her?
When they walked into the restaurant hand in hand, he scanned the tables, dismayed when his eyes landed on Neil Afton—with an entirely different woman.
He hadn’t given the guy another thought until now, and all of him tensed.
Neil hadn’t spotted them, and Josh shuffled to the side, pulling Lexi with him so she would be out of Neil’s line of sight—and vice versa.
Josh did not want to put them in a position where they had to acknowledge the asshole, let alone carry on a conversation with him.
What if the guy invited himself and his date to join them for dinner?
At least Josh wouldn’t be lying to him—he and Lexi were together, if only for the rest of the week.