Chapter 9
CARMEN’S PRESENCE MAKES MY BLOOD GO FROM SCALDING hot to ice cold in the span of a second.
It freezes me to the spot, slowing the world around me.
The bliss from my orgasm disappears, replaced by the embarrassment of being caught in a compromising position.
I try to hide my naked state behind Danny’s figure to preserve some sense of dignity, although I wouldn’t say there’s much left to save.
My little sister already saw me with my legs spread open while Danny knelt between them, his face buried in my thighs.
A hot flush concentrates in my head, burning and itching in my scalp.
My limbs shake, and I attempt to gather my thoughts and get a grip.
As ashamed as I am, I know this was my fault.
I brought Danny here, encouraged him to kiss me, and then some more.
Well, I can’t really take all the blame for what happened; he was the one who persuaded me by telling me he wanted to make me come.
A shudder travels down my back at the memory.
But I don’t get a chance to sit and enjoy the moment, not with my sister standing only a few meters away.
“Turn around!” I yell at Carmen.
For once she obeys, but I think it mostly has to do with the fact that she doesn’t want to stare at my boobs any longer. She turns on her heel and faces the half-open door, her hands rolled into tight fists. Oh no. I recognize that tremble in her stance—she’s fuming.
“I’m giving you one minute to get dressed before I lose my shit,” she grits out. To make a point, she starts counting the seconds out loud.
What was I thinking when I let my guard down enough to allow Danny to .
. . Yeah, I think it’s pretty clear that I wasn’t thinking at all.
I lost all train of thought when he kissed me, and it went too fast from there.
Control slipped from my fingers until it was completely out of reach.
Did I want to get it back? No, I didn’t.
Even when it ends up with my sister catching us at the end, I would still repeat it.
It gave me the clarity I so desperately needed.
While it wasn’t what I traveled here for, it’s surely the highlight of the trip.
I glance at Danny, noticing the blush extending down the collar of his shirt.
The tips of his ears are bright red as he helps me gather my clothes.
The nerves and anxiety make me pull on my shirt before I even find my bra.
My brain is focused on covering my body as fast as possible before Carmen turns and sees me naked . . . again.
“Here,” Danny whispers, handing me the bra.
Part of me wants to laugh at the awkward gesture.
If Carmen weren’t waiting here, I would be laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.
But since she’s here, embarrassment drills into my system, making me shy and clumsy.
It also speeds up my thoughts, pushing me closer to the edge of spiraling.
Hundreds of questions flash in my brain, and I wish we had more time to discuss what just happened.
There are questions I wish I had asked before I decided to take off my shirt because, now, I crave another type of clarity.
Something very different to how it was with The Incident.
What are we?
God, I want to cringe at myself.
I shouldn’t be asking that after letting him go down on me, but I didn’t think it mattered in the moment.
Minutes ago, I had been too high on the thrill of him liking me to consider the logistics.
Would we be able to handle a relationship with the major distance between us?
I can’t simply drop my life in LA, my job and career, because a guy suddenly decides he wants me in his life.
And I can’t ask him to choose me either.
He has his own dreams and goals to achieve, so we’re down to just two options: try to continue this despite the long distance, or rip the Band-Aid off and let it die before it begins.
I’m getting ahead of myself. After all, just because he went down on me, that doesn’t mean he plans on seeing me as anything other than a good lay until the itch is scratched. Everything he said could’ve been in the heat of the moment.
There’s too much to discuss, but everything is overshadowed by Carmen’s presence in the room. If it had been anyone else, someone random from the sorority, maybe I wouldn’t care as much because I would be able to follow Danny outside and have a conversation.
But since it’s Carmen, it changes everything.
Considering how we argued earlier today, it’s safe to say I owe it to her to explain what just happened and what she walked in on. Including the fact that I fooled around with Danny on her bed.
With trembling hands, I grab the bra, sticking it into the back pocket of my jeans. I’ll deal with it later when I don’t have the pressure of getting dressed in front of my sister. Even if it means my nipples will be on display through my shirt.
It’s not like she didn’t see them a minute ago.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble at Danny.
He shakes his head.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he assures me, caressing my chin with tenderness. His lips curve into a slight smile. “Can we talk after?”
After I finish talking to Carmen, he means.
Part of me is grateful that he knows me well enough to understand I need to have a conversation with her before we can sit and discuss our relationship. If there even is one. He might decide he doesn’t want to engage in this after tonight. We have very different lives.
Stop, I tell myself. I close my eyes for a split second, realizing I’m indulging in self-sabotage.
This is Danny. It’s not a random man I just met. Danny is the guy who turned a horrible place into a safe haven.
That guy wouldn’t play with me the way my insecurities do. Our circumstances aren’t as dire as my brain seems to think.
“Time’s up!” Carmen exclaims, bringing me back to reality. I have more important business to handle before Danny and I get another shot. “You better be decent now or I swear to God . . .”
“Later,” I say to Danny.
He nods in agreement.
Carmen clears her throat, claiming our attention, and I take a second to look at her. She has her arms crossed over her chest, nostrils flaring as she breathes. Her plump lips are pursed. Pure anger swims in her eyes as she stares at us.
“I can’t believe you two,” she starts, her teeth biting the words as they come out of her mouth.
She rests her hands on her hips, her elbows framing her figure in pointed directions.
“Is this how two grown-up and professional adults behave? Is this the example you’re setting?
” With each word, a drop of mild annoyance spreads in my chest. She’s borrowing a card from our mother, using the same tone to scold us.
Suddenly, I’m fifteen, getting reprimanded for any slight misdemeanor.
“Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me, Mabel Marie. ”
Oh, now she’s using my middle name as well.
My cheeks burn, the embarrassment mixing with the irritation.
“You’re overreacting.”
The comment clearly makes things worse because Carmen’s eye twitches as she lets out a sardonic laugh.
“Overreacting?!” she practically shrieks. “You were naked on my fucking bed! I left my clean clothes there and you decided to hook up with this himbo . . .”
“Himbo?” Danny tilts his head. He sounds mildly offended.
“You shut up.” She points at him with her index finger. “I’m going to talk to my sister now, in private, and I swear if I find out you took advantage of her, you’ll pay for it.”
“Carmen,” I reprimand her.
Her head snaps at me.
“No, you don’t get to use that tone with me either. You’re walking on very thin ice, Mabel. Trust me, the last thing you want is to test me.”
Danny shoots me a look. “It’s fine, Mabs,” he says softly. He leans in and presses a kiss on my temple. It makes my heart flutter and gives me hope that our future conversation will be a good one, not like my insecurities are making me think. “I’ll let you talk.”
Carmen keeps her gaze locked on Danny as he crosses the room and heads to the door, giving her an apologetic smile as he passes her and sneaks out.
She remains glaring at him until he disappears, and then she fixes her death glare on me.
The intensity rolling off her is enough to make me want to shrink away to nothing.
While I’ve always been the caregiver in this sisterhood, Carmen always had a meaner streak.
Sharp tongue, grudge holding, hurtful and judgmental glares.
I’ve rarely been the target of them, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t intimidate me all the same, because I know my sister can jump to her own conclusions and stick to them regardless of what I have to say about it.
Considering that she has already strayed too far from me, it terrifies me to think my actions tonight might drive a bigger wedge into our relationship.
More than my baby sister, Carmen is the person I love the most in the entire world; she’s my best friend. I wouldn’t be half the person I am if it weren’t for her presence in my life.
I don’t want to lose her.
I can lose everyone in the world but her.
So, I choose to take the initiative.
“I’m sorry you had to witness that,” I say, rubbing my palms on my arms.
“So, you’re not sorry that you did it?”
I sigh.
The situation is more complicated to explain. There were a lot of feelings of yearning and anticipation between Danny and me. A bunch of miscommunications that were hurting us like a thorn in our feet, unable to take a step without remembering what we let go unfinished.
“No, I’m not,” I admit frankly. She’s already seen me in a vulnerable position, so I can speak of this with nothing but the truth. “This wasn’t something I planned to do, let alone in your room. It wasn’t to get back at you for our argument either.”
She scoffs. “Yeah right.”