Chapter 21 Liam
TWENTY-ONE
LIAM
I stare down at my phone in dismay as I compare the time to the time I’d received the text from Ryker.
It’s been an hour. I’ve been making him wait an hour for a response.
It shouldn’t be a big deal; he makes me wait for far longer than that.
But I don’t make him wait.
Rider
I’ve been thinking about the Appalachian trail. Never did the whole thing.
I quickly do a search on my phone, staring at it blankly when the search results tell me that it’s 2,200 miles long.
I blanch.
Is he thinking about dragging me on some sort of months-long retreat outdoors? Nope. Hard pass.
Liam
I’m not staying celibate for over 5 months while you do that thing
I walk several more blocks before getting to an apartment building that looks innocuous enough, then tap on my rideshare app to call for a ride back home.
My adrenaline is still thrumming in my veins, though the idea of a hike that would take months is nipping away at it. Ugh. Ryker wouldn’t really try to torture me that much, would he?
I’m still determined to drag him to a resort in Florida and show him what he’s been missing, but I have a feeling I’m going to have to cave and venture back into nature again.
We can’t go to the same park for obvious reasons, but there are countless others.
Too bad it’s impossible to murder someone at each one to make all of them unviable options.
It might be fun to try, though.
I carefully avoid looking back in the direction I’d come from, where there’s a body beginning to cool inside a small, run-down townhouse.
Rider
I’d lock your cock up so you couldn’t do anything while I was gone.
Liam
Nope
Rider
I wasn’t asking you.
Not seeing him for several months might not be a dealbreaker, but having to go without orgasm for that long would.
A strange, buzzing sensation nags at me as I think about the idea of not seeing Ryker anymore. I don’t like it.
I don’t know what to say to that, but I don’t like leaving a message unanswered. I gnaw on my lip as I get into the back of the car, staring down at the screen.
Liam
But then I wouldn’t be able to send you fun pictures and videos every day to remind you what you’re missing!
In other words, NOPE.
He’s killing my buzz with his talk of a long-term hike and caging up my cock, and I scowl at the phone. I can’t tell if he’s being serious or not, but knowing Ryker, he is.
It’s something that’s been nagging at me for the past few days. He’d turned on a side of him I hadn’t expected with my friends, but I know what he really is beneath the surface.
Don’t I?
I close my eyes, thinking about the dead body I’d left behind — without a calling card this time, thank you very much — and try to summon up the pleasure I’d felt while I was doing it.
But the idea of going so long without seeing Ryker, of possibly breaking up with him, bothers me.
Breaking up with him.
I can’t break up with him.
He’s not my boyfriend.
But I could turn this whole thing off if I wanted to. I could change my locks, delete the tracking app, and block his number.
I wonder if that would turn me into a target.
My cock throbs at the idea, which tells me all I need to know about how twisted I really am. Or maybe it’s just that I’m still worked up from the kill.
It’s probably both.
Ryker could’ve killed me at the campground, but he hadn’t. Instead, he’d sent me hurtling toward something that had felt so damn good that there weren’t words for it. I’d gone under hard, and the only sensation that even comes close is from murdering someone.
I wonder if I’d need to kill if I got to go home to Ryker every day.
The car slows down, and I realize we’ve arrived at my condo. I get out of the vehicle, still mulling that thought over, when I see Maggie waiting outside.
I narrow my eyes at her. I haven’t forgotten what Ryker said. She’d tried to warn him off, and if she’d been successful, I might’ve considered changing my M.O. to include a helpless woman.
It does nothing for me, and the fact that she’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember should protect her from my urges. Bros before hos should also apply.
But I need Ryker like I need air.
I approach her with a scowl. “We don’t have plans,” I tell her, shoving my phone in my pocket.
“I know.” Maggie stands up straighter and scowls back. We stare at each other for a few seconds, before Maggie sighs and looks away. “You’ve been ignoring my texts.”
“You tried to tell my not-boyfriend to fuck off,” I tell her. “When he’d been nothing but nice to all of you.”
At least, I assume he’d been nice to her when he’d followed her to the bathroom. I realize I don’t actually know what the two of them had talked about. Is it possible Ryker had threatened her?
Would it matter?
“I didn’t!” Maggie insists. “I told him to be nicer to you.” She tilts her head. “I think that’s what I said.”
“You were pretty drunk,” I say. “I’m surprised you remember anything.” The words are cruel, but I don’t particularly feel like being nice. I sigh, though, gesturing toward the building. “How long have you been waiting?”
Why couldn’t the world have stood still while I was in my happy place? The feeling of the rope in my gloved hands while I’d choked the life out of some random asshole had been so good, and now the world seems like it’s conspiring to ruin the afterglow.
“I dunno.” She checks her phone again. “I got through two video essays, so probably over two hours?”
I wrap an arm around her and escort her toward the door. “Video essays? Gross. What about?”
“Romantasy and how it’s rotting young women’s brains and is a secret tool of the patriarchy to convince women to be subservient,” Maggie says. “It was garbage, but I had to keep watching and see how much stupider it got.”
“I thought romance novels were just porn,” I tell her, more to get her riled up than anything.
“I mean, higher brow porn than the stuff men watch.” Maggie pokes my side while we wait for the elevator. “At least romance novels include full sentences.”
“But porn is so much fun,” I tell her. It’s actually boring and incredibly vanilla. I can’t watch the kinds of things I actually enjoy these days even through a VPN. It’s not worth the risk, and besides, I can’t do anything about the subsequent arousal these days.
That’s going to make tonight suck when I replay the events of today’s murder in my head. Usually, I’d spend at least an hour jerking off to the memories, but tonight, I’m going to have to fantasize about it without finding relief.
Maggie’s quiet on the elevator ride up, and while I should be glad, her entire attitude is putting me on edge. There’s something she’s not saying.
She doesn’t even say a word once we’re in my condo. She takes her shoes off and pads over to the couch, curling up in her usual corner.
“Okay, spill,” I demand as I join her on the couch. “What’s actually going on? You’re acting weird.”
“It’s…” Maggie looks down at her hands. “I’m sorry, Liam.
I’m not trying to be an asshole. But you’ve got Rider now, Rebecca’s got Carl, and I’m here being the fifth wheel.
If I say anything, I come off looking like a jealous bitch.
Even if I wasn’t in love with Rebecca, I’d think Carl was wrong for her.
That comment about more women for him was gross, right? ”
“It was gross,” I agree. I reach out to squeeze her shoulder. “Look, you have me the majority of the time, right? I have to go like, two weeks between visits from Rider. Can you really blame me for wanting to take advantage of the time I do get?” I give her my best puppy eyes.
I don’t actually want to hurt her.
It doesn’t bring me any joy.
But spending time with Ryker does, and if she wants to get in the way of that, we’re going to have a problem.
Maggie frowns at me. “See, and you’re not going to want to hear this, but I do think he’s bad news, Liam.
You say you like it rough, and you wanted all the bruises, but he’s irresponsible as a Dom if he doesn’t do a better job taking care of you.
He’s the one in control, so he should slow down and make sure you don’t get hurt. ”
I scowl back at her. “He does take care of me. And if I didn’t want to be hurt, I’d be with someone else.”
Well, I’d be going from one guy to the next, searching for something I’d never been able to find.
“And I don’t want to be with someone else,” I add. “I like Rider. I like what he does. Maybe he’s not a traditional Dom, but he’s what I want.”
Maggie’s eyes start shining, and she blinks quickly. “I’m really worried I’m going to wake up one day to find out you’re the next strangle victim, Liam.”
I stare at her, almost bursting into laughter but managing to suppress it at the last second.
“Oh, Maggie,” I say, scooting closer to her so I can wrap an arm around her.
“Even if he was the one strangling people — and he’s not — he wouldn’t risk shitting in his own backyard like that. Too many people have seen him with me.”
Maggie takes the invitation and snuggles up against me, pressing her head against my shoulder. “Yeah. I guess so.” She lets out a strange laugh. “God. Did you really get into a car with a complete stranger? You’re so lucky you’re a dude. I could never.”
“I get into cars with random strangers all the time,” I tell her. “And so do you. It’s not really that different. And hey, it worked out, right?”
Maggie sighs loudly. “I guess so. I don’t know.
You ever feel like… like the world’s changing around you, and you’re doing nothing, and then you blink and everything you thought you knew was gone?
That’s me right now. I blinked, and suddenly you and Rebecca were both out of reach, and what have I even done with my life? ”
I wrap my arm around her again and squeeze. “Had a good time?” I hazard. “Just like I have, and will have. Just because I have someone and I’m not slutting it up anymore doesn’t mean things have changed all that much.”
But they have.
Everything has changed.
Maybe it just took her saying this to make me realize how much.
I think back to the body I’d left behind less than a handful of hours before. The true crime podcasts would say I’m escalating, and maybe I am. I hadn’t even done it because of Ryker, or to get his attention.
I’d done it because I’d wanted to, because the itch to do something had gotten to be too great to ignore. It’s not a great alternative to masturbating, but it had been something.
My phone dings again. I pull away from Maggie without even a smidgeon of guilt to check the next text.
Rider
Interesting read.
Didn’t know that many hikers die regularly.
I twitch.
Liam
That’s not making me want to hike it
Would you protect me?
Maggie leans closer to peer at my phone. “Oh my god. Is he why you’re so into true crime now?”
“We did bond over a mutual love of it,” I tell her absently.
Maggie starts scrolling through her own phone. “Has this thing with Rider been going on for longer? How did you even manage to keep it a secret?”
Rider
As long as you don’t do something stupid like trip over your own designer shoes.
Liam
Don’t be silly. I’d only trip over my designer boots
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hide anything from you,” I tell her. “It was just new, and I knew you’d be upset. I didn’t know if it would even last, so I didn’t want to hurt you.”
I didn’t want her whining at me, more like, but that’s not very charitable.
Thankfully, Maggie drops the whole topic, and we chat about vids we saw online and TV shows and anything but our love lives.
I want to read the article Ryker sent me, but that’ll have to wait.
It’s not like I can jerk off to it right now anyway.