Chapter 12 #2
I certainly killed a lot of them. I was getting positively efficient at the extermination.
Everything went blurry while I fought, and the stupid man on the counter danced and sang annoyingly.
The sound of a chainsaw took my attention off the zombies directly around me.
I glanced past the zombie whose brain I’d just shoved my knife through and saw my husband cutting a literal swathe through the horde in the kitchen’s doorway, chainsaw in one hand, golf club in the other, and the rest of him covered in hockey practice gear.
That’s right. He’d coached hockey one year. He was going to die.
I worked harder, killing faster, pushing myself as I tried to get to him, but he was holding his own, and maybe if I was close, it would be harder for him to use the chainsaw to its full potential, except that his back was unguarded. I could do something about that.
I smashed my way through the masses and slipped behind him far enough to give us both fighting room.
“What is that freak doing on your counter?” Hazen demanded, sounding appalled.
Moments like that were incredibly validating. “I think it’s a tap dance?”
“These monsters are getting more and more irritating all the time.”
“Agreed. What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly, swinging my dagger again.
“Killing zombies.”
“Right, but you weren’t home.”
“I wasn’t. When I pulled in, I smelled something weird, so I checked in and then geared up when I saw what was happening. You smell very strongly of nutmeg.”
“Thanks. That’s the zombie marking.”
“I guess it could be worse. Could be sulphur or eggplant.”
“What does eggplant even smell like? I’m sorry that you had to see all of this.”
“You kicking butt or the tap dance show?”
“Our house getting turned into a zombie slaughterhouse.”
“Ever since you left, I haven’t cared for it. Maybe we should lock them all inside and burn it down.”
“They already broke the windows, the ones that are supposed to be bullet proof.”
He grunted and hefted the chainsaw to chop a zombie diagonally while swinging his club. I hadn’t gotten to see much of his fight, but the zombies were thinning around me, around him too, enough that there was breathing room.
The silly man on the counter clapped his hands and a bright green portal opened behind him, looking out on glossy green hills with cartoon looking castles on top.
He studied Hazen with a strange expression.
“You’re the boring husband and father of her two children who had to go to the special boarding school?
Now I understand.” He looked at me and opened his mouth to say something.
“Aren’t you late?” Hazen snarled and then hurled the chainsaw at him. The weirdo stepped back into the portal and it snapped closed, cutting off the blade and leaving the engine to fall to the counter with a thud.
There were still zombies. I almost absently killed two of them while trying to understand what had just happened, but maybe there was nothing to understand.
Madness was notoriously inexplicable, and the one thing everyone knew about Wonderland, is that they were all mad there.
Not like I could talk, because I was killing zombies with a frying pan, and my sensible mom bob was purple, and my husband was wearing a goop-spattered hockey face mask like a psycho killer.
With two hands, he really practiced his golf swing.
The phone rang.
“Who would call at three a.m?” I asked, slashing through a neck and then kicking the body back while I whirled on another monster that was angling at me with its maw.
“Mom?”
Apparently, our advanced phone system decided my question was as good as an answer.
“Lock? What’s up, honey?” I stared at the zombie in front of me and then bashed him with the frying pan, smashing his brains against the kitchen counter.
“Is dad there?”
I glanced over at Hazen as he swung hard enough to send a head going one way and the body another. “Sure thing. Honey, Lock’s on the phone.”
“What’s going on? It’s a little late to call,” Hazen said.
“Wat’s run away. They sent the hall supervisor after him, and I’m sure everything will be fine, but I know that you’d want to know.”
“And I wouldn’t?” I demanded then stabbed a zombie through the forehead and exploded his brains away from me.
“Oh. You’re on speaker. Sorry, mom. I didn’t want to worry you.”
“She’s entitled to be worried,” Hazen said, giving me a meaningful look, at least I’d pretend it was meaningful. Hard to tell under a hockey mask. He swung his club hard enough to sink into the temple of a monster.
“Thanks, babe. How long has he been gone, Lock?” He’d probably just snuck into the cafeteria for a snack.
“Hours. He claimed to be sick, so he missed classes. Afterwards, I went to check up on him, but his bed was piled with pillows, you know, tucked in, so he looked like he was sleeping. He’s probably fine, just ran down to town to check out the candy store or something.
Mom, how are you doing? I haven’t talked to you for a while. Dad said that you got a job?”
I smashed another zombie. “Now is not the time to talk about that, not while Wat is missing. Thank you for telling us. We’ll call the superintendent and find out what’s being done.”
“Right. Maybe after this, we can have a long talk. Maybe come home for a visit? Or maybe you can come here. I miss you.” He sounded almost desperate.
“Of course.” Except that I was going to run far away from everything so nothing bad could hurt my family.
“Thank you, Lock,” Hazen said. “Disconnect.” The phone went quiet, and we were left with the zombies, of which only three were left. Two after Hazen struck one particularly viciously.
I stabbed one and bashed another, and that left us standing in a body-strewn kitchen with a nice cold breeze blowing in from the former glass doors.
He pointed his golf club at me. “You should take a salt soak, then we can get a hotel for the night.”
He had a point, but I wasn’t about to leave zombies all over the kitchen. “I think we can use the big composter to burn the zombies.”
He sighed heavily. “Sure. I’ll do that, but you need to take a salt soak. You smell very strongly of nutmeg. You could probably smell it from the gate, further if you were an undead monster.”
“What should we do about Wat?”
“I’ll call the supe while you soak.” He pushed back his face mask and put his gloved hands on my shoulders.
“You’re amazing. I’ve never seen you wielding a frying pan with so much grace and power.
” He was so handsome, strong, sweet, and with a cleft chin that I wanted to kiss when I didn’t want to punch it.
“I’m like the frying pan ballerina.” I definitely wanted to kiss it. To kiss him.
He pulled a strand of flesh or something out of my hair. “Exactly like that.” He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, and then the doorbell rang.
I froze and realized that I really needed to take a bath, but first, get rid of whoever was at the door.
We both hurried into the front hall and then I peered out the spy hole to see the Uber driver standing next to Tom while Gloria looked around over her sunglasses like she was checking the hedges for intruders.
Right. I’d asked the driver to stay. Because I was supposed to run away from everything and go into hiding for the rest of my life.
Which would be short. But not short enough.
I opened the door and beamed at him. “Hello! Thank you for waiting. Here’s cash.
You can go. I’m not going anywhere tonight.
Tom! Gloria! How nice! You made it for the zombie apocalypse con prep we were going to do.
We got all the zombies realistically scattered around the house, so that’s great.
Come on in! Goodbye!” I called, yanking in Tom and Gloria and then slamming the door on the driver.
I took a deep breath and then ran my hands through my hair, with goo keeping the strands nice and gross.
“I’ve got to take my salt soak. You guys can help Hazen clean up the bodies, if you don’t mind, because we had a school issue come up.
Of course you don’t mind, Tom, you live for this stuff.
Gloria, I have alcohol, Hazen can show you. Thanks for coming.”
I ran for the tub, running the water and then pulling off the robe and climbing in.
I’d almost kissed Hazen covered in zombie goop and the strong scent of nutmeg.
I wasn’t taking this business seriously enough.
I wasn’t doing as well as I needed to do.
I wasn’t capable of protecting anyone, and now Wat was missing.
I sank down into the salty water, staring at the ceiling while tears pooled in the corners of my eyes.
It hurt to cry. Why would it make my eyes ache to cry?
Maybe I was dehydrated, from all the salt probably.
It itched my skin. I closed my eyes and then Hazen came in, holding up my passport like it was incriminating.
“You came here to pack. Where were you going this time?”
I opened my mouth and then sighed heavily. “On the other side of the world. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Let me get this straight. You’re leaving me to go to the other side of the world because you don’t want me to get hurt?
” He thumped his fist hard against his chest, making me wince.
“Newsflash, Lucy. I’m hurt. I’m hurt every time you leave, but now, knowing the kind of danger you’re in?
I’m sick with hurt, swamped with anger. Do you think that I’m so weak that I can’t stand beside you?
Do you respect me so little? If you run without anyone to help you, without any resources, you’ll die.
Do you think that won’t hurt me? You are my life.
You are all of my heart. You are everything that gives my existence meaning, but you would take all of that, throw it all away because you don’t think that I’m strong enough for that world?
And if I was? If I was one of these monsters, if I became a vampire, would you still try to protect me? ”
I gasped and sat up, gripping the edge of the tub and reaching for him. “Don’t say that. That would be the worst thing of all.”
“The worst thing of all is if I were one of those monsters that you want to kill? Of course. So, I’m too weak as a human for you to want, and I’m too terrifying as a monster for you to want.
” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’m going to call some people in to help find Wat.
You should check in at the hotel, or stay with Tom.
This house has been compromised by that tap dancing rabbit.
” He scowled down at the passport and then flipped it into the tub with me.
“Or you can throw everything away and run. Whatever you want to do. Woman’s liberation and all that.
” He left, slamming the door behind him.
What did he want me to do? Did he want me to want him to die, to not care about his health and happiness?
Would he really be that miserable without me?
Then why had he spent so much time at work the last few years?
Ever since I got sick that year around Lock’s birthday, he’d bought this ridiculous house and spent tons of time away.
Had it been my sickness that had triggered his urge to get the most secure house he could find on short notice and focus on financial stability?
He’d also encouraged me to put my health first, focusing on fruit options over the doughnuts and cookies that were always at the parent activities.
Nonsense. He wasn’t that neurotic. Probably. No, honestly, I had no idea.
I stared at my passport, droplets of water sliding over the plastic.
I’d gotten it for our ten-year anniversary trip to Fiji.
I’d always wanted to go for no particular reason.
We’d brought Lock and Wat and had an incredible time.
Back then we’d lived in a smaller cul-de-sac and the boys had gone to a smaller school that I’d liked much better, and that had liked me.
The woman running the school had been a hippie.
I’d lost track of all my old friends from that group, except for Marj, who had moved around the same time we did.
The closest people I had to family were Tom and Gloria.
I’d tried to make our family exactly like what I’d missed out on, but maybe that had only fed into Hazen’s preoccupation with my security.
Maybe we should take marriage counseling, unless I took that passport and flew away from everyone I couldn’t bear losing, not when they were the only thing I’d ever had.
This was probably a foster kid issue. Crap.
I really did need therapy. I banged my forehead a few times on my knees then got out of the tub.
It was time for me to accept the possibility of losing what I loved, but in the meantime, I had to find out what was going on with Wat and train with Hazen until we were unbeatable.
That was the solution to this mess. He was strong, healthy, and athletic.
And so irresistibly attractive, and even when I was spattered with zombie crap, he thought that I was beautiful.
If that wasn’t love worth fighting for, I couldn’t think what was.