Chapter 13 #2
“It’s probably where he wants to go.”
“But he was so happy to get away from me.”
“He was lying.”
I frowned and sat up. “But why—”
“I’ve got to go. I don’t want to disturb your sleep for too long. I love you. Good night.”
“Good night.”
He hung up, leaving me worried about Wat, but too tired not to sleep. Killing zombies was always so exhausting. Almost as exhausting as worrying about my kids and my husband.
When I woke up, I called Hazen right away, but it just went to messages.
“Hey, sweetheart. Just calling about Wat. I’ll eat and then probably go kill zombies with whoever, wherever the Grand Master thinks I should go. I love you.” I hung up and then got up to check on Gloria. She was sleeping with half her body draped off the bed.
I’d wake her up with hot chocolate. She used to love that. I headed downstairs, and then stopped when the enormous steroid woman moved into view.
“The Grand Master has ordered that I drive you down to the docks for this evening’s training. The redhead and the slayer will accompany us.”
“Sure. I’ll just get something to eat.”
“You will eat on the way.”
“I have to wake up my friend.”
“We will take her once she has risen.”
I looked around and saw Tom, casually sharpening a knife and leaning against the wall, all ‘sexy butler’ or whatever Gloria saw in him. I just saw weird and chill.
He gave me a sharp nod. He would watch out for Gloria.
“Sure,” I said slowly.
She smiled, flashing fang and then gestured me to walk ahead of her. Good thing I’d gotten dressed this morning after my quick shower and spray.
“How long have you been working for the Grand Master?” I asked.
“Not long, only two fifty-three.”
“In the afternoon?”
“Two hundred fifty-three years.”
I stopped walking until she was three long strides ahead of me, then I hurried to catch up. So the Grand Master was at least two hundred fifty-three years old. It wasn’t the weirdest thing about him. That was definitely his dancing.
“Have you killed a lot of zombies?” That seemed like a safer subject.
“Yes.”
“What do you normally do?”
“I protect what the Master deems precious.”
“You aren’t an assassin?”
“The Grand Master has two assassins. It is a very hard-won title. I have not served long enough to rise in the ranks to such a position.”
“What about the exterminator? Is that hard-won?”
“It is the lowest title the Grand Master can bestow.”
But Duke said that… ah. He was lying. Jerk. “Nice.”
“But that he has bestowed any title to you at all is remarkable. You are a human whom he has bestowed a title. That guarantees his protection from your enemies.”
“It doesn’t seem like the zombie queen is very intimidated by his protection.”
“They have a unique dynamic.”
“They should get married.”
“If they united in purpose, all the humans would be enslaved. He protects your world from her appetite.”
“To protect his own interests and autonomy.”
“Naturally. Still, his side is on the side of your kind.”
“Sure. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, but I don’t have to like him.”
She gave me a slight smile with those fangs. “No, you don’t. It probably makes you a more interesting prey the faster you run.”
“Also more likely to stay alive,” I pointed out.
She grunted and fell silent. The drive to the docks was filled with really good food, a lot of fruit, and vegetables cooked to perfection. It’s like the Grand Master had read all those healthy eating books Hazen had given me.
“When we get to the docks, you will take care of the mindless horde while we guard you against any other dangers.”
“Sure. You couldn’t help me kill the zombies?”
“It is beneath me.”
“But it isn’t beneath you to protect the person who is killing the zombies?”
“That is my assignment. I am never better than my assignment.”
“Unless you were assigned to be the exterminator?”
She gave me a humorless smile. “I would be grateful for the Grand Master’s faith in me.”
“What does that mean?”
“He hasn’t had a good exterminator for a very long time. It’s a tedious assignment that is hard to do with dedication for more than a decade.”
“So it’s a burn-out job. Maybe he should get more than one.”
“There is an exterminator in every major city.”
“But all of them suck?”
“They do enough not to call the personal attention of the Grand Master, but he has been very distracted the last few decades.”
From Tom stealing his serum, no doubt. We parked, and I pulled out my packet of pleather and rainbow feather awesomeness.
“I need to get in my slayer outfit.”
She looked down at the packet and then got out of the car, along with all the other vampires who faced away so I could change in privacy.
The clothes stank, and when I got out, so did I.
I buckled my knife harness on my calf and then walked over to the end of the dock, nice and slow so the scent of my marked clothing could waft all over the place.
It wasn’t just nutmeg, but zombie guts and other appetizing things.
The scent grew, like the clothing could jumpstart my own nutmeg scent.
I was followed by the bodyguards, three to my left and three to my right.
When I neared the end of the dock, the sound of the water was almost relaxing.
My scent was ripe. Maybe I should invest in nose plugs.
I noticed some of the vampires wrinkling their noses and facing upwind so they could cleanse their olfactory glands.
I turned and walked back towards the car, ambling slowly to give the zombies time to gather.
When I got to the car, I walked around for a bit before turning back towards the dock.
I spent the next twenty minutes wandering around.
Was this how it was like for most exterminators, walking around?
Honestly, it wasn’t that bad a gig. I could do this all night for a decade, longer if I personally didn’t smell so strongly.
Had the zombies learned better than to attack me after the last time with the Master?
Great. That indicated that zombies would be less likely to attack in the same place in the future, including my house.
“Do you know any of the zombie queen’s people?” I asked the woman. “Also, do you have a name I can call you?”
“I am Brika. Are you suggesting that I consort with the Master’s enemies?”
“I’m suggesting that you know the Master’s enemies. I want to know them better so I can kill them the next time they come tap-dancing into my kitchen.”
“Ah. You tried to kill one of the Queen’s favorites? I don’t suppose that went well for you.”
“I cut his suit, which irritated him, but otherwise, no, not particularly well. So, how do I kill them? Are they all the same or do some have certain weaknesses that others don’t have?
The one who came and led the zombies last time, he kept saying, ‘I’m late, I’m late,’ so I guess he was the white rabbit?
Although his suit was more gray than white, and his skin kind of a chalky green. He did have long pointed ears, though.”
“You would have to be extremely fast to kill the white rabbit. How would you kill him?”
Another vampire answered, which was weird because I’d kind of thought that none of them had tongues or something. “Fillet and consume. It would be an unpleasant dish, but it could be done.”
“Shivery flesh,” another vamp said in agreement.
Shiver my flesh, but that reminded me of the Grand Master eating the blobby thing in my side. “So, I could kill him by eating him? That sounds incredibly time consuming.”
The shivery flesh vamp laughed. He was a black guy with pointed ears, and all of his teeth were sharp, not just his canines. “You couldn’t eat him. You’d get infected and turned after eating just a few ounces.”
“Ah. That’s good to know. So, how would I kill him?”
“You’d have to catch him, separate him from the Queen’s preservation power, not certain how you’d do that, but maybe sticking him in a tank of saltwater for a few decades would work, then wait until he started to disintegrate, and then kill him the same way you exterminate zombies.”
“That sounds incredibly tedious.”
“But satisfying.” The guy winked at me and then caught a glare from Brika and fell silent, focusing on the pavement instead of talking. It was almost like they didn’t allow flirtation with married women, as long as you weren’t the Grand Master. He could do whatever he liked.
“How would the Grand Master kill him?”
“Many ways. His assassins are also very talented at such work. It is slow, though,” Brika answered. Of course, the Grand Master could kill him many ways, and all of them should be slow, because torture was his favorite thing. He could probably kill him fast, too, if he were so inclined.
I was walking towards the water, almost to the end of the dock, when a grunting scraping sound came from below. Brika grabbed my arm and threw me closer to the shore right before the dock broke off and crashed into the river, taking Brika and most of the other vampires with it.