Chapter 12
TWELVE
Elle
Ruthie: Get home now! The mail just came! Two letters for you!!!
Me: Are you serious?! Oh my God, DON’T OPEN THEM!!! I’m leaving class early. Heading to my car now.
Ruthie: I’m serious! As much as I need to know what they say, I’m sprinting out the door for parent-teacher conferences. When I get home, you’re MINE. At least text me to let me know he’s okay …
Me: If I’m still able to function, I’m yours. I’ll text you. Love you.
Ruthie: Love you more. XO
TEN AGONIZING MINUTES AFTER RUTHIE’S text, I arrived home and flung our front door open. Was I about to pee my pants? No. I was about to lose my shit instead.
Three days had passed since I’d sent Jesse my SOS. I needed his letters like I needed air. My lungs sputtered when they came into view.
The letters rested quietly on our kitchen counter. Unopened, they sat next to a sticky note from Ruthie that read, See, I told you he loved you!
Frantic, I grabbed the envelopes and took off toward my bedroom.
I closed and locked the door behind me, craving solitude through my struggle.
Yes, I was alone, but I needed to be more than alone when I ripped them open.
In case of bad news, I wished to be surrounded by things that comforted me, like silence and no one around to judge my reaction.
Deep breaths, Elle, I thought.
I pressed play on my laptop, and it resumed the last song. “Who Will Save Your Soul” by Jewel embraced me, like it had countless times before.
Sinking onto the edge of my bed, I braced myself, ready to read his why. Every beat of my stressed-out heart brought me closer to the two neatly typed letters before me.
Jenkins, Jesse
Division 28
Elle,
I want to start with an apology. I know you haven’t gotten a letter from me in weeks, and I can’t imagine the level of panic and worry that has put you through. I’m so sorry about that, babe. It’s been hard on me too …
You need to know the situation was out of my control and that, if I can help it, it won’t happen again for the rest of my stay here.
A male and female recruit were caught having sex in a storage closet, which thoroughly pissed off the instructors and immediately resulted in a “no outgoing mail for weeks” rule.
They take coed mingling very seriously here, which means both impacted divisions faced the consequences.
The horndogs were too selfish to refrain from taking actions that would affect the rest of us. Dumbasses.
Reading your letters and not being able to write back to you nearly killed me.
I hoped they wouldn’t stop coming, and when they never did, it made me realize how dedicated you were to us.
It’s hard to find that in someone. I always knew you were perfect, but the distance between us has helped me realize that I need you to know you’re not just perfect.
You’re perfect for me.
I don’t care how far apart we are or how much say the Navy will have in my life after boot camp.
I only care to reassure you that I’ll never take you for granted again.
The last few weeks have shown me just how much you deserve.
And that’s a life full of happiness, fulfillment, and love.
A life with someone as honorable and dedicated as you are.
A life with me.
When I see you for graduation, I promise it will be memorable.
I can’t wait to look you in the eye and hear everything you’ve wanted to tell me in person.
I want to hear how your classes are going and what you think your days after graduation will look like.
I want to hear about Ruthie and all the trouble you two have gotten into.
As supportive as you’ve been, I need to do better at ensuring you have what you need from me to achieve your dreams while I work toward mine. Of course, I hope you can do that near me, but if you can’t, I would never let that stop me from being with you.
In other news, I made friends with the mailman here; he’s another recruit in my division, and we’re tight.
He promised to send out my mail three times per week instead of just twice, like the other guys get.
Expect more letters than usual going forward!
I had to bribe him and promise to pay him a little bonus when we graduate. You’re more than worth it.
You might have noticed that this letter is typed too.
I got an upgrade! Each month, the three highest-scoring recruits in class are rewarded with a laptop to borrow in their downtime.
It doesn’t connect to the internet, but it does connect to a printer and enables whoever earns it to write more letters faster.
This means I can make up for the last few weeks.
It also helps with studying and even has a few games, which are a great incentive.
So, lucky me. Your boy finally aced something!
If you can’t tell, I’m excited because this means I can write more words to you in less time.
I plan to pass all my exams with high marks so I can keep access to this thing until I graduate. They’ll have to tear it away from me …
I’ve got to get back to prepping my uniform for inspection tomorrow. Shoe shining will be the death of me. Get the good night’s sleep you’ve been needing.
You never leave my mind.
I love you.
Sleep sweet.
Jesse
The reassurance, the love, the promise of a future together I had been dying to hear finally found me, like he could sense my need for it. Like he finally meant it.
Relief washed away every bit of the fear I’d been holding on to for weeks. He was safe. Happy. And he had annihilated every rogue doubt flooding my brain. The Jesse I had fallen for was back.
Could the second letter top what I’d just read? I couldn’t wait to find out. I tossed aside the paper I’d forever cherish, ready for my boyfriend to take me higher.
Jenkins, Jesse
Division 28
My Elle,
Good morning, beautiful. I’m not sure what time it is for you. It’s about four a.m. for me. I woke up earlier than everyone else to have a few quiet moments with you. Well, with the laptop. I’m pretending I’m sitting with you though, staring at you … touching you …
I’m so excited that you booked your hotel and flight for graduation weekend!
The countdown begins, with only a few weeks left!
The moment I see you is going to obliterate me.
I almost forget what it’s like to hug you and feel your chest pressed against mine.
I could never really forget, but with all the anticipation, I think it will feel like the first time I ever held you.
I can’t stop thinking about it.
I keep your letters hidden under my mattress so I can reread them whenever I have time.
I love getting to know your mind in this new way.
It feels classic and romantic, kind of like me.
Ha-ha. Okay, that was a bit corny, but I’m trying to keep you laughing in my absence.
I can’t have you finding someone funnier to spend your time with.
Now that I’m making a steady paycheck, I plan to pay you back for your travel expenses. Let me know how much the trip came to, and I’ll take care of it. You deserve to be cared for like you care for others. I want to do more to take care of you, moving forward. You deserve it.
I’ve got to go. The boys are starting to wake up, and we’ll be headed to class soon. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. I’ll see you in my dreams.
I love you.
Sleep sweet.
Jesse
I love you too, Jesse, I thought.
I loved boot camp as well because whatever they were doing to him in there was opening his eyes to how lucky we were to have each other.
I reread the letters, latching on to every word like they were nature’s antidepressants.
Flopping back onto my bed like a carefree schoolgirl, I kicked my feet. I felt like myself for the first time in weeks, knowing Jesse was safe and in love with me.
With a grateful heart and nothing but confidence in us to fuel me until I saw his face, I whispered my quiet mantra. Keep me calm, keep him safe, keep us together.