Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
Elle
THE SOFTNESS THAT CHIEF CARTERSON had used to lure me to his office drained from his face. Something far more haunting was left in its place.
“There are several things I am about to tell you, and I need you to listen to them very carefully.”
“Okay, you’re scaring me,” I admitted.
I wasn’t scared of him, but of what I might learn from him. Gentle giants often harbored dangerous words behind their facades.
“I want you to know that Recruit Jenkins is safe. He wasn’t injured in any way, and you do not need to worry about his well-being. He’s fine. Unfortunately, that doesn’t change the fact that you aren’t allowed to see him.”
The words, meant to help me, only further salted my fresh wound.
Why couldn’t I see him? My heart pounded as anticipation pricked my skin from the inside out.
The uniformed man who sat beside me at his desk wasn’t touching me, but his statement still burned my skin.
His right leg inched closer to mine, leaving our knees less than a foot apart.
“Is he here? On this base?” I asked. Confusion sprinkled my questions.
“He is. But I’m afraid he’s been moved to a separate division, where visitors aren’t permitted.”
“So, when can I talk to him? Surely, he can’t be held against his will without contact with the outside world. This isn’t a prison.”
“When a recruit fucks up as bad as he did, the Navy can enforce whatever restrictions they see fit.”
His F-bomb surprised me.
“What do you mean, he fucked up? What did he do?” I pleaded.
Bypassing my questions, he continued, “I know you’ve supported Jesse during his time here. You were the only one who showed up today in his honor. The anticipation of seeing friends and family is usually enough of a motivator to keep recruits on track, but. …” A look of concern crossed his face.
My bottom lip took a beating when I bit down on it, sucking it to distract from the tears pressuring my lower lids to set them free. The last thing I wanted to do was fall apart in front of someone who appeared so strong.
I’d been there for Jesse—I knew I had—so why was it so hard to hear that my attempts hadn’t been enough?
“It speaks volumes of your character and dedication that you came today. Those traits can’t be faked. You should be extremely proud to possess them,” he said.
My shoulders dropped as I attempted to piece together his verbal puzzle; nothing fit where it should have.
“What I’m about to show you is government property. There are extreme consequences for both of us if you speak a word of this to anyone.” His warning came wrapped in a threatening tone.
This is it, I thought.
The information I’d kill for.
“I’ve weighed the pros and cons of sharing this with you, but I feel strongly that you deserve to see it with your own eyes.
I would want to see it with mine if I were in your position.
I’m asking for your verbal agreement. You must promise to keep this discussion—and the evidence in this office—a secret.
Speak of it with no one, aside from me. Do you agree? ” The quiver in his voice betrayed him.
“Yes, yes, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Just tell me already!” I nodded, knowing it looked more like a pathetic beg. I’d give my last breath to find out what had happened, so agreeing to keep things between us was the easiest choice I’d made all day.
“One more thing, Elle.” He paused.
I braced for the impact, knowing that whatever came next had the potential to destroy me. Destroy us.
“What you are about to witness is going to hurt you. It didn’t hurt him, but it will hurt you.
” His palm met my knee before he continued, “One day, you will look back on this moment and realize it was one of the best of your life. Integrity is built, not born. You will get through this in time, I promise you.”
“Enough! Fucking show me already.” I was tired of the endless detours getting in the way.
I was ready to know.
I deserved the truth.
A solemn, silent nod indicated he’d received both my agreement and annoyance.
He’d briefed me on what was to come, even if I had no idea what he was warning me about.
The time for caution was over and done. I watched intently as he clicked his mouse a few times and closed all the open programs on his computer, aside from one central window.
He clicked the mute button first, followed by a puny triangle that brought the video to life.
Ninety percent of my attention was focused on the screen. The remaining ten percent noticed he’d pinned his to me.
A slightly pixelated, colored image of a young woman sprang to life. She appeared to be hiding in some sort of room. From afar, she looked a bit like me. Boxes piled high surrounded the blonde. She paced in circles and fiddled with her hands. Her lips remained still. Silent.
Like mine.
The small room on the screen had no windows—or at least none I could see.
Based on the scattered boxes and indistinguishable supplies, it looked to be a storage closet.
The young woman’s movements grew erratic and anxious, only stilling when a man entered the room and quickly closed the door behind him.
The man I called mine.
Jesse.
I gasped. My hand flung up, spring-loaded, hovering over my open mouth.
The same hand that used to hold his.
Mere seconds passed before I watched in horror as Jesse removed his dark sweatshirt, threw it aside, and marched toward the young woman as if she were his long-awaited prey. His purposeful movements instantly crumbled us.
Our future.
Our plans.
Our love.
Our trust.
All of it. Ruined in an instant.
Without thinking, I grabbed Chief Carterson’s hand, which was still on the mouse. I squeezed it firmly, thanking him for showing me the truth. He hadn’t had to. But for some reason, he had.
“Unmute it,” I whispered.
“Elle … I don’t think that’s a good idea—”
“Do it!” I demanded, this time with little room for rebuttal.
He exhaled, nodded, and clicked unmute, honoring my request whether he agreed with it or not.
Numbness overtook me as my ex-boyfriend wore the skin of a stranger and proceeded to kiss another woman with a hunger only a desperate man could display. His tongue swam around her mouth aggressively.
Possessively.
The Jesse I knew evaporated, leaving a ruthless savage in his place.
“You gonna keep quiet, or do I need to shut your mouth for you, Camellino?” he growled, removing her shirt.
She moaned.
I listened closely as Jesse whispered in her ear the exact phrases that he used to whisper into mine.
He licked his way down her neck and chest. Sounds of lust jumped through the computer speakers and into my bloodstream, but there was a big difference between the woman’s multiplying moans and the ones I used to give him.
Hers sounded real. Like she was enjoying his savagery.
Fueled by whatever had made Jesse do what I was watching him do, he ran his hands down her body with a vigor he’d kept concealed from me. It was raw and vulnerable and the very thing missing from our sex life.
Jesse spun the woman and crushed her chest against the brick wall, sliding her pants down below her knees from behind. He finger-fucked my replacement and then spit down the crack of her ass, lubricating his target.
I shook, staring in horror as he shimmied off his pants and took her from behind, covering her mouth with the same hand that had once known my body so well. Like a psychic not believing their own visions, I no longer harnessed the power to see a future with him. Instead, there was only darkness.
No way through.
“That’s enough!” Chief Carterson snapped, pausing the video.
He abruptly turned my chair so I couldn’t see the screen. I faced him instead.
“No, it isn’t! I need to see the whole thing so I’ll never want to look back. This is what he wanted.” I pointed at the paused video with a hurricane-strength rage.
My heart could only handle one pass of the video—that much I knew—but it was necessary if I ever wanted to process our separation without whispers of regret. It was funny how two minutes had the potential to unravel two years. Two minutes was all the motherfucker had ever needed anyway.
“I need to know that she’s what makes him happy now. Not me. I need to see if he comes inside of her, see if he looks remorseful when they’re done. There’s so much more this video can tell me.”
The admission sliced through my escalating anger. Every ounce of my effort was funneled into trying to stop myself from bursting into tears for a man who didn’t deserve them. I could cry later.
“I can tell you anything you want to know about your ex-boyfriend. There is nothing the rest of that video can tell you that I can’t.”
“Why did you show it to me then, huh? Why not just tell me about it and save me the extra heartache?” I asked.
Chief Carterson sighed, keeping me on edge.
“Because I knew seeing him cheat on you would be the most effective way to soothe that heartache. You deserve more than him, Elle. And I hope you don’t waste any time realizing that.”
How do you know what I deserve? I thought.
“It’s not my job to tell you what you deserve. All I can do is show you what you don’t,” he added, dropping the shoulders that had shot up with his admission. His minty exhale skimmed my face after the last word left his lips.
“Well, you sure did that …” I assured him.
“If it makes you feel any better, he asked me to show it to you.”
“Wait, what?” Did I hear that correctly?
“He said he couldn’t face you today and asked me to rip the bandage off, so to speak, because he’s a coward. I was one of Jesse’s instructors in Division 28 and the only person authorized to access the security footage without additional permission. That’s why he came to me,” he said.
My own boyfriend had had the audacity to cheat on me, keep writing to me, and then ask another man to break the news because he couldn’t bear to do it himself.
Wow.