Epilogue Three
The Group Text Messages
Banshee: Okay, girls, I know I just asked this in *our* group text, but Ash will not shut the fuck up asking me what our plans are, so I’m resending the question here.
Banshee: When the guys win that big shiny cup next week, who is going to host the celebration party?
Ash: Sue me for being interested in your life.
Banshee: You are overbearing and you know it. Go chat up your own group text.
Zach: Ours isn’t as fun as yours.
Banshee: And how would you know that?
Sugar: Lucky guess?
Banshee: Izzy!
Sugar: What? If we’re cuddling when you guys message me, he’s going to see it.
Zach: Yeah, Ash, maybe you should cuddle more.
Jackson: I just have Katelyn read them to me.
Banshee: Katelyn!
Kitten: Jackson, can I talk to you outside for a moment?
Jackson: Was that supposed to be a secret?
Banshee: Apparently nothing is sacred.
Ash: Am I the only one who hasn’t been spying on the wives?
Ash: Luke, where the fuck are you?
Banshee: Probably tied up in a bear suit.
Princess: Meghan!
Banshee: LoL Why are you responding? Is Luke… occupied?
Ash: When you release your husband, will you tell me where you got that tailoring done? I have a few things I want snaps added to.
Sugar: What snaps?
Princess: Meghan, I’m going to end you.
Banshee: I thought everyone knew!
Princess: You make a big deal about our texts but tell him that?
Sugar: Tell him what?
Sugar: What are you guys talking about?
Princess: Nothing! We are talking about nothing!
Banshee: Izz, I’ll text you.
Princess: I hate you.
Banshee: No you don’t.
Sugar: You put secret snap cutouts in the Blizz suit?!
Kitten: Hold up, what?
Princess: How do I leave this friend group?
Banshee: You can’t. It’s pretty much a blood-in, blood-out situation.
Princess: So if I throw a tampon at you, I can get out?
Sugar: Ew.
Princess: I’m not talking to you guys anymore.
Banshee: Luke can just answer for you. When you untie him.
Kitten: How do you know so much about their sex life?
Princess: Oh. My. God. She doesn’t.
Banshee: So are you saying you’ve never tied Luke up?
Jackson: I don’t think I want to know the answer to this question.
Ash: I do.
Zach: We’re in too deep now, Jacky Boy.
Jackson: I’m handing my phone to Katelyn. She’ll tell me when I can look again.
Ash: Prude.
Banshee: So…
Sugar: Natalie is taking an awfully long time to answer.
Banshee: Two blinks for yes. No blinks for no.
Kitten: How is she supposed to blink through a text?
Banshee: Logistics aren’t my problem.
Sugar: So when you say tie up… Is that like a rope? Or is it just a different way to say handcuffs?
Banshee: What do you know about handcuffs, Little Miss Izzy?
Sugar: Nothing.
Kitten: The lady doth reply too fast.
Banshee: Ash is the one who demanded this chat, and now he’s off on his laptop googling “sex ropes.”
Luke: *sends link for beginner restraint kit*