4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Ryan
I screamed.
The noise stopped.
A dog barked.
I curled into a ball.
Why did you think the bathroom would be safe? Bathrooms aren’t safe when the bombs are dropping. A bit of ceramic won’t prevent a drone from blowing everyone into pieces. Oh God, the blood.
The dog woofed again.
A hulking figure appeared in the door.
Oh God, they’ve found me. I can’t even find a good hiding spot. Nowhere is safe.
“H-hey.” Slowly he stepped into the room. He was a giant in this small space. “L-let me get Rainbow.”
Rainbow? What does a rainbow have to do with … ?
Oh .
I fought for breath. “No!”
Golden furry Tiffany stepped to the guy, nuzzled his hand, then came back to me and wormed her way under my arm. See? You remember the dog’s name. Rainbow works with the horses. Kennedy owns the ranch. Justin is your counselor. What are five things you can see? Oh, Jesus, the exercise that had so often been taught to me. How to ground myself after a panic attack. I didn’t feel ready to come back from the sheer panic—the abject horror. Wasn’t in any shape to deal with people.
"Sorry. N-n-nail gun..." The hulking figure slowly sank to the floor.
Whether he understood I didn’t want him to find Rainbow, or whether he realized I wasn’t fit to be left alone, I couldn’t be certain. But I wanted to be left alone. That’s why I’d come to this empty house.
Right?
I just didn’t know.
He pointed to himself. “S-Simeon.”
God, poor guy couldn’t even say his own name without stuttering. Although maybe he didn’t have a stutter? Maybe he was just nervous? I’d screamed. I was certain I’d screamed. So why had this guy come into the bathroom? Why not run the other way when he had the chance to get away?
I drew in a breath. “Ryan.” Fucking hell . The word had barely come out as a whisper.
He cocked his head, held still for a moment, then spoke. “Ryan.” He repeated the name. Not quite a statement. Not quite a question.
I nodded.
He gestured to the spot next to me on the floor. “Can I s-sit there?” That would allow him to lean against the tub like I was. He’d be close to the wall while I was smooshed against the toilet. This sure is a small bathroom. Well, a small bathroom for a small house.
I eyed the nail gun he’d lain on the ground. Pretty innocuous in the technology department. But the noise… I was back in Toretsk all over again. I shook violently. Because I’m cold. Not terrified, not anymore. Although the BC sun was out, we were well entrenched in November. The heat also clearly wasn’t on in this space. Hell, I wasn’t even certain if the electricity was hooked up.
And you left your coat back in Justin’s office. Fucking hell . I supposed I could ask Simeon to get it, but I didn’t know what his role on the ranch was. Chances were coat fetcher wasn’t one of them. His paint-speckled jeans and chambray shirt over a henley suggested laborer, not counselor. Of course, around here, things blurred. Kennedy wore jeans and a chambray shirt as well. And she had a PhD.
Most importantly though—more than the fact the cold of the bathtub I rested against was seeping into my bones—was I didn’t want to be left alone.
Tiffany had tucked herself under my arm near the toilet.
Simeon very slowly sat on the other side.
He adjusted his position—likely because sitting on the cold floor was uncomfortable as fuck—and our thighs brushed.
“S-sorry.”
I snorted. “Buddy, if anyone should be apologizing, that would be me. You don’t have to stay. I’ll be out of your hair any minute.”
He turned his head so our gazes met. His stunning hazel eyes mesmerized me, some of my panic fading as I stared at him. His blond hair sort of flopped. A little scruff adorned his chin. Like he’d shaved yesterday but not today. He took a breath. “D-do you want me to g-go?”
Truth time. “No.” I quickly added, “I mean if you have to go or if you feel obligated to get Rainbow or, you know, you’re on the clock or something—”
Slowly, he raised his arm next to me. He casually draped it on the bathtub behind me, almost a hug, but a safe respectful distance off.
Respect wasn’t what I needed in this heart-racing, still shaky moment. I curled into him.
Fucking hell, you don’t even know this guy.
Yeah, but he’s offering comfort. You either accept it from him, or go back to Justin and ask for what you need, or you leave, alone and badly fucked up.
Since talking to Justin and being alone both sounded as unappealing as eating four-day-old moldy bread—which I’d done several times—I continued to tuck myself against Simeon.
He wrapped his arm around me.
Okay, well this confirmed he was likely not a therapist. I’d done my research—the rules about touch were pretty strict.
A slight smell of sweat was mostly overwhelmed by wood. He’d been nailing something with that nail gun. So…wood? I couldn’t remember what I’d seen when I’d arrived. I’d just been hellbent on finding a place for myself. And I had.
To a point.
Should’ve run into the forest. Justin had explained the size of the property—as well as the fact it was fenced off. He said the fence mostly kept out the local bears and coyotes, but not always. Maybe this bathroom actually was smarter.
I’d been more interested in meeting the horses. I liked the idea of equine therapy. Of Justin and me out riding horses while we discussed the shit my life had descended into. Of not having to look him in the eye as I either bared my soul or lied through my teeth. Either was possible on any given day.
Simeon clasped my shoulder with his arm, slowly bringing me closer.
Probably because I kept shaking. Kept shivering.
Tiffany snorted and put her snout on my lap. She gazed at me with the most compassionate dark-brown eyes. Like she understood.
“Sweet girl. She’s needed at the ranch, though, right?” Panic settled at the thought of giving her up before my heart stopped trying to climb out my throat.
“They’ve g-got Rex.” Simeon continued to grip me. “He’s n-not a formal therapy dog, but he does a damn g-good imitation most of the time.” He rubbed his hand up and down my arm, creating some friction. “If they need Tiffany, I’m s-sure Rainbow will come and get her. You n-need her right now, so she’ll stay.” With his other hand, he scratched the top of her head. “She’s a s-super good dog.”
I sniffled. “She’s the best dog.”
He sighed. “I always wanted a d-dog. My d-dad was allergic, and then…” He sighed again. “My grandparents are t-too old to have a dog underfoot. M-might trip them or something and they might fall and break a hip. I could keep the d-dog in my room, but that’s not f-fair to the dog, and…”
“You, uh…” Jesus, this isn’t any of your business. Still, asking the question would keep me in the present. I got the feeling he was okay with that. Well, he still held me like a child in need of comfort…that spoke to a kindness of spirit I rarely saw. “You live with your grandparents?”
He scratched his jaw. “Yeah. They’re o-old. Older. Need help. I can help.” He ran his hand along his thigh. “Then I’m, uh, n-not lonely.”
Is he worried I’d judge? God, that’s the last thing I’d do . “I think that’s sweet. All my grandparents are gone. Well, not in my life. My mom’s family is from Manitoba. When she divorced my dad, she went back there. She—” I swallowed hard. “—told him she never wanted to see him or me again.” Move on . “My dad was much older than a normal dad might be when I was born, so his parents are dead.”
“That s-sucks.” Simeon held fast. “My parents d-died in a f-freak t-train accident.” He sighed. “I d-don’t talk.”
Yet he was with me. And struggling. Guilt ate away at my gut. “We don’t have to talk. In fact, I should be letting you get back to work.” I pointed to the offending object that had triggered the panic attack.
“Yeah. W-would you like to help?”
“Help?” I squinted as I gazed over at him.
“If y-you’re okay.”
Am I okay? How do I feel? Five things I can see… I named them off quickly—all very bathroomy things. “Sure, I can help.”
“You need a c-coat.”
I snickered. “I have a coat. Sitting in Justin’s office.” As close as I was going to get to admitting how bad things had become for me to get up and walk out without stopping for it. I couldn’t run, of course. Most of the time when I moved, I also struggled for breath. Here, though? While sitting still? I didn’t struggle as much.
“You c-can have mine or…” He met my gaze with those mesmerizing eyes. I’d thought they were brown, but now I saw more moss green. “or I t-text Rainbow to bring yours. S-she won’t ask q-questions.”
Since Simeon was way broader and taller than me, I could only imagine how swamped I’d be in his jacket. “Why don’t I start by helping you? I might work up a sweat.” I tried to smile.
He did smile. “Okay. B-but I have to t-text Rainbow. Missing Tiff.”
The dog raised her snout.
“Yeah. I should take her back.”
He shook his head. “Not n-necessary. I’ll open the d-door and let her go. Quick t-text and all good.”
That sounded deceptively easy, but he knew everyone who worked here. Or I assumed he did. If he thought that would be enough, then I’d accept that. Slowly, I shifted, getting balanced to stand up.
Tiffany rose, stretched, and headed toward the door.
Simeon stood next. He held his hand out for me.
I grasped it and, levering myself against the bathtub, slowly rose. And gasped when pain ripped through my chest.
In an instant, a hand pressed under my ribcage on my left side. That hand was so close to the wound that it should’ve hurt. But his touch was so gentle that I barely felt it. He stabilized me, though, and as I breathed through the pain, my center of balance returned. My vision stopped swimming. The breath returned to my lungs.
He sighed. “You c-can’t reach up.”
I winced. “I thought we’d be nailing something to the wall or, hopefully, the floor.”
“You shouldn’t be d-doing anything.”
“Don’t fucking tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I’ve had enough of people telling me what to do.”
His face remained a mask.
I’ve hurt him. The last person I should be yelling at.
He blinked. “We can d-do the floor in the bedroom. You can hand me the p-pieces of laminate.”
“I’m sure you can grab them yourself.”
“Goes f-faster with help.”
God, he was still speaking to me. Even though he was clearly uncomfortable. And I was snapping at him. I squinted. “I’d really be helping?”
He nodded furiously.
“Well, yeah.” I eyed Tiffany. “Maybe you can take her back first?” That would give me time to get my shit together. “And save Rainbow the trip with my coat, let her know I’m okay? Or Justin…if you see him.” I owed them an apology, but I was way too raw for that.
“Sure. You w-want chili? Or a cheese s-sandwich?”
“A chili sounds like a lot of work.” And I didn’t want anyone to fuss over me.
“There’s a big p-pot made up. No work at all. I’ll b-bring you some.”
“I’m not sure my stomach can handle chili right now.”
Simeon nodded and headed into the main living area.
Curious—and wary—I followed. And spotted the lunch bag I’d missed earlier.
He opened it and retrieved a plastic container. He returned and handed it to me. “N-Nanny made it.” He blushed. “That s-sounds bad.”
I grasped his hand before he could pull it back. After our encounter in the bathroom, I didn’t figure this familiarity would bother him.
He didn’t try to get away.
His rough hands scraped my soft fingers. For all I’d been to war, my hands were still baby smooth. “I think it’s great your grandmother makes you a sandwich. That tells me that she loves you. That—” I swallowed hard. “—that’s the sweetest thing.”
He nodded, slowly removed his hand from my grasp, and stepped back.
“Uh… Don't tell anyone I freaked out. I'm okay.”
He held my gaze for a long moment before he whistled.
Tiffany came to his side.
I lowered my hand to her snout.
She sniffed and then licked.
“Thank you.”
She woofed.
Then the dog that saved my sanity followed the most enigmatic and intriguing man I’d ever met out of the house.