Chapter 12
Harris
The house smelled like red sauce and ginger cookies, which honestly, was kind of an odd combination. So why did it make my chest tighten up? I stood on the porch while Cheddar did his business and contemplated the feeling. When it hit me, I had to double over and just breathe.
The house smelled like a home. In a way it hadn’t since I was five years old, before my mom got sick.
Stopping in for lunch with Tyler had been fun, and we laughed as we ate and kissed until we couldn’t breathe.
I’d wanted to bend him over the table, but he had cookies in the oven and I had work to do.
But coming home this evening, after all the chores had been done and taking my turn driving the sleigh, was different.
The lights were on, making the house glow.
Tyler had lit a fire in the fireplace, and the puffs of smoke could be seen in the clear night sky, and I heard the laughter and conversation, and smelled the scents, before I even opened the door.
My house, which I’d always appreciated for its solitude and a place to decompress, was filled with life and I was happy about it.
It was all Tyler’s fault. I couldn’t even be mad.
I was enjoying the hell out of him, getting to know him, and yes, taking him to bed.
But I knew that wasn’t going to last. He had a whole other life to get back to.
He was just here on vacation. But he’d caught my attention like no one had in years, and I wasn’t ready to let him go.
Thankfully, we still had a couple of weeks.
That line of thought had me thinking back to my last relationship.
I’d met Will at a horse auction back in Tennessee.
I’d only been there for about a year and had finished nursing my wounds.
Or so I thought. I thought I’d been ready to jump into a relationship.
And for four months, I thought we’d been happy.
When Will broke it off, he’d been kind. But he pointed out that maybe I was throwing myself into a relationship with a man just to spite my father.
He didn’t know everything about my relationship with Roger, only that he hadn’t been happy when he found out I wasn’t straight.
Will thought that was the reason I’d left Hickory Hollow because I’d never told him the truth.
So when Will had gently pointed that out and added that I wasn’t great at opening up and sharing, he’d been trying to get me to do just that.
When I refused, told him it didn’t matter, he’d smiled softly and shook his head.
“It does though. It matters to me. I care about you and I want to know all of you, Harris. If you can’t do that, then it’s probably best we end things now.” He’s said it with tears in his eyes.
Even though I’d hugged him tightly, not liking to see him cry, I hadn’t said a word.
And that was all he needed to walk away.
I missed him for a few days, sometimes picked up the phone to text him, but before the week was over, I’d gotten back to living and barely gave him a thought.
That, more than anything else, let me know I wasn’t as invested as he was. That he wasn’t the right one for me.
But right now, the thought that Tyler would walk away after New Year’s and I’d never hear his voice again, stole my breath.
The door opened, startling me out of my thoughts. I jerked upright and Cheddar raced past me into the house. Tyler was staring at me, concern all over his face, and he settled his hand on my back.
“You okay? Did something happen?”
“Nope.” I forced a smile, but Tyler knew it was fake, and his frown deepened. I inhaled slowly and let it out at the same pace. When I tried to smile again, it felt more real. “Got lost in my head for a minute there. It’s not important right now. We’ll talk about it later, okay?”
Tyler kissed me, just a quick, soft meeting of lips. “I’ll hold you to that. Come in out of the cold. I just started the pasta.”
I cupped his face and chuckled when he winced at my cold fingers.
Then I touched his lips, and he sucked in a breath.
I knew what he wanted, and maybe it was unfair of me to turn things sexual, but at the moment, it felt safer.
He did take my thumb into his mouth, tongue it for just a second, then stepped back and adjusted himself.
Dammit, we were going to have to talk about things. But not right now.
I followed him inside and pulled off my boots, leaving them on the mat I’d set there for that purpose. Even though I always scraped them off before entering, there was no telling what was stuck to them after a day with the horses.
Morgan was at the counter, scooping cookie dough out of a big bowl. Barrett was setting the table with the plates and flatware already there. I was guessing Tyler pulled them out for him. Barrett gave me a wave, but Morgan’s face lit up when he saw me.
“Harris! Thanks for letting Ty use your kitchen. We’re almost done.” He aimed a sappy smile in Tyler’s direction. “I mean, Ty made most of them, but we just have about two dozen left. There’s enough for dessert, if we want.”
“Sounds great,” I said, because it did. Tyler had let me steal one at lunch time and they were melt in your mouth good. “I’m just going to clean up really quick, then I’ll be with you.”
Tyler nodded. “I’ll feed Cheddar. When you get back, we should be about ready to eat.”
I squeezed his arm and headed for my bathroom.
I purposefully shoved all thought out of my brain as I stripped and washed my face, hands, and arms. Then I grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a sweatshirt.
It wasn’t until I had it on that I realized it was one of the merch items, with Samir and Zuri featured on it.
I sighed but didn’t change. I had to do laundry and there wasn’t a whole lot that was clean.
When I made it back into the kitchen, Cheddar was in his bed and everyone was just sitting down to eat.
Tyler served and I inhaled deeply as he set the plate in front of me.
I listened to them talk as I ate, not really having much to add to the conversation but enjoying the banter.
It was clear Tyler and Barrett were old friends, because some of the sentences sounded like shorthand.
Every time that happened, Morgan would catch my eye and grin.
“How was the first official day of the Market?” Tyler asked, passing the breadbasket to Morgan. Where had he found a basket?
“Perfect. Went off without a hitch, thanks to my operations manager.” Morgan batted his eye at Barrett, who didn’t even react as he took a drink from his glass.
“But really, I love this man with all my heart, and even if he didn’t work with me I would still be grateful he came back.
But since he does work with me, I can thoroughly say this past year has been so much easier.
I get to enjoy some of the festivities as well, and I don’t feel like a headless chicken. ”
“I love you too,” Barrett rumbled, smiling. Then he gave Tyler a pointed look. “And to think, I was planning on leaving after the holidays. If I had, I would have missed out on everything that made me happy.”
Tyler stared back at him, smile in place, and gave a single nod. “Good thing you didn’t leave then, huh, Gunny?”
That made Barret roll his eyes, but before I could really parse out what was going on, the timer went off and Morgan hopped up and crowed, “Last batches are done!”
I slid my foot out to touch Tyler’s. I hadn’t put socks on, but he was wearing them. I wished he wasn’t. He turned to look at me, winked, and then turned back to Barrett. “So let me tell you about how my parents are coming for a visit.”
“Ezra and Marie are coming?” Morgan gasped out. “But where will they stay? Everything’s booked! Maybe we can—”
“They found a place,” Tyler cut him off before he could get going, which was smart. Morgan was a people pleaser and I knew he was fond of Tyler’s parents for the loan of the sleigh alone.
I was glad that Tyler had told me all about it at lunch, otherwise it would have been a bombshell drop.
Especially the part about them wanting to take us to dinner.
I’d nearly swallowed my tongue at that. But he didn’t put any pressure on me and assured me I didn’t have to meet them unless I wanted to.
I was still trying to figure that out.
Morgan and Barrett had left after they packaged up all the cookies. There were still a few left, which Morgan insisted we keep. I was snacking on one now, watching Tyler flip through the offerings on the streaming service. He was very intent. I wondered if he was trying to avoid conversation too.
“It was good of Barrett to bring your truck out here for you,” I said as a way to open it up. I couldn’t avoid it forever.
“He’s good like that,” Tyler said, absently. He flicked through a few more choices, then turned off the TV and set the remote down. “You okay? You looked…upset earlier.”
“Yeah. Come here.” I opened my arms and he didn’t hesitate to snuggle in. I really liked that he was so cuddly. “Like I said. Just got into my head.”
He nodded and started tracing random patterns on my chest. Or at least, I thought they were random. After a second, I realized he was tracing the zebras’ stripes.
“Can I ask about what?”
I kissed his hair and breathed him in, trying to decide how deep I wanted to go with this. I tried for honest, but light. “About how attached I am to you.”
“Same.” He sighed and lifted his head. I cupped his cheek and he started to speak, then closed his mouth. Tried again and changed his mind. On the third time, I kissed him until he relaxed, though I kept the heat out of it. At least, as much as I was able. This was Tyler after all.
“I know we have to….should talk about some stuff,” he finally said, voice barely above a whisper. “But is it wrong of me to want to put that off a little while? Just to enjoy what we have. The talking and the sex and the…just being in each other’s space.”
“I don’t think it’s wrong,” I said in a tone that matched his. “Because I’m feeling the same way.”
He blew out a breath. “Okay. Good. Then let’s just do this for a little while longer.”
Was it smart? Probably not. We should be adults and set clear expectations. With both of us getting attached, we should sort shit out and make sure we were on the same page. But we were having a good time together, just as things were, and we could deal with reality when it smacked us in the face.
Cheddar wandered in from wherever he’d been snoozing and beelined straight for Tyler. Then he sat at Tyler’s feet, staring at him, and let out a little whine. Tyler laughed and reached out to pet Cheddar, but the dog didn’t stop. He just kept whining and lifted a paw to poke Tyler’s leg.
“What’s the matter?” Tyler cooed, trying to pet Cheddar again. This time, Cheddar stuck his face right against Tyler’s leg, his noise working overtime, nostrils flaring as he scented.
“He probably smells the gingersnaps,” I said. “You can’t have any Ched. Go lay down.”
My dog was well trained and when I gave him a direct command, he always listened. But this time, he didn’t. He kept sitting there, not even glancing at me, nostrils flaring, and letting out a whine every now and then. No matter how many times I told Cheddar to go lay down, he kept at it.
“What has gotten into you? Cheddar go—”
I was cut off by an alert. Tyler sat up straight and cursed, digging his phone out of his pocket. Then he turned wide eyes on Cheddar. “No fucking way.”
“What?”
“I’m high.” He turned his phone to me so I could see the number. Two-fifty-two. Tyler shook his head. “Dogs can smell blood sugar, but they have to be trained. But not this goodest boy. Oh no, you figured it out all on your own.”
I stared at my dog. “Is that possible?”
“I mean, sure.” Tyler shrugged. “I’ve been around a lot the past couple of days. He’s gotten to know my scent. He knows something’s off. He doesn’t know how or what, just that something is different.”
I was going to take his word for it. I had more pressing matters. I still didn’t know much about diabetes, but I knew high blood sugar was bad. “What do we do for you?”
Tyler didn’t seem concerned. “More insulin. I’ll get it to come down. Maybe a bunch of water.” He closed one eye for a second. “My pump is set to expire tomorrow, maybe the site isn’t working any more or I just don’t have enough. We’ll just play the game until we figure it out.”
“Just like that?”
Tyler kissed me. “This happens. Even if you do everything right. Maybe I miscalculated, maybe the CGM is off. I just need to do the things I need to do to treat it and we’ll see how it goes.”
I nodded, even as my gut clenched. I knew this was a part of him, and something he had to deal with all the time, but goddamn, I wanted to fix it. Instead of letting my frustration boil over, I took a breath.
“Will you show me?”
Tyler froze and for a second, I was worried that I broke him. Then he smiled and nodded. “Yeah. Let me give you a crash course in diabetes and show you how to fix my blood sugar.”