8. Nick
Chapter eight
Nick
December 23rd
Kris didn’t end up coming back home last night. The perfectly made bed sits mockingly in his empty room. I had waited in my room till the early hours of the morning, hoping to hear any sound that signaled his return, but I ended up crashing out from sheer exhaustion into a sleep that was anything but restful.
The look on his face when he thought I was turning him down had haunted my dreams.
I needed to explain better, to articulate how my thoughts had transformed into an endless carousel revolving solely around him. That he wasn’t alone.
Why didn’t I kiss him?
Why hadn’t I said anything to reassure him he wasn’t alone in his feelings. That I was right there, drowning alongside him.
Instead, I let him walk out and spent the rest of the night silently hating myself over meatloaf and apple pie, listening to my father spout off weather reports and patterns for the big day.
There is just so much on my plate right now, at that moment I couldn’t think of adding one more thing to my ever-growing pile.
But Kris isn’t just one more thing.
The kitchen is empty when I finally drag myself downstairs. Grateful my father and Carol are already off doing one of the hundred jobs that need to be completed by tomorrow, so I could take a few minutes to sit and wallow in my stupid decisions over a hot cup of coffee.
The looming amount of expectations on me was becoming too much. I need to get through Christmas. Christmas had to be my priority.
I couldn’t let millions of children down because I had fallen for a guy. Fuck, not just a guy.
Kris.
My stepbrother.
The guy I have secretly pined over for almost half of my life was finally in my hands and I have already messed it all up.
I groan, my head falling with a thud onto the breakfast bar as the back door opens. I shoot up, turning to the door.
“Kris? … Carol, hi.” Carol gently smiles at me as she enters, arms full of freshly picked mistletoe. I spin back around, trying to hide my disappointment as I sink back onto my stool.
“Nick, are you alright?” Her smile drops as she takes in the wrinkled suit I wore yesterday. After Kris blew out of here like a hurricane, I ate dinner silently before excusing myself and collapsing onto my bed. Not having the heart to do anything else, even though my to do list seems to be ever growing.
Dropping the flowers on the table, she strokes my unshaven face, lips twisting in concern, before taking a mug from the shelf. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she perches herself on the stool across from me.
Her Christmas sweater jingles as she takes in a mouthful. The knitted version of our festive village sprawled across it, a twinkling backdrop to the large Christmas tree that stands in the foreground. Decorated with small bells where ornaments would normally hang. She waits, hands wrapped around the mug, steam billowing from the cup.
When the silence becomes uncomfortable, my skin begins to itch and I can’t stop the words from tumbling out.
“I’m in love with Kris.”
Her eyes widen a fraction, but she keeps herself composed as she inhales slowly before standing.
Oh fuck. What did I just do?
She walks out through the kitchen doors and into the dining room and I sigh, leaning my head into my hands as I wait to hear the front door slamming. I imagine the look of devastation on my father’s face as Carol tells him how fucked up his son is.
The sound of footsteps draws my head back up and Carol walks towards me, a bottle of my father’s top shelf scotch in her hand.
“I feel like this conversation needs something a little stronger than just coffee.” A small smile graces her perfectly done up face and a small part of me relaxes at the gesture.
“It’s only nine a.m.?” I question, checking my watch. She only shrugs, the response so like Kris my heart twinges.
Bringing my mug to my lips, I drink down the remaining liquid in one mouthful and hold out the mug for her to pour.
She pours a generous amount into my mug before adding the same amount to her steaming coffee, leaving the bottle between us.
“Now, I believe you were in the middle of telling me you had feelings for my son?” Her voice holds no hint of anger or disgust like I had expected, though concern pinches her brow. That is the only sign she shows of discomfort.
“Yes.” I take a large mouthful of the amber liquid, warmth running down my throat and filling my stomach as it goes. “I think I’ve loved him for a while.”
“I know.” Her voice sounds small, like a delicate whisper floating in the air. My mouth gapes at her response.
“You know?”
“I’ve known for a long time. The looks, the way your eyes always move to him whenever he enters a room, the hurt that would flash across your face whenever he brought girls home. Yes Nick, I know.” She takes a small sip of her coffee while I sit there, dumbstruck.
All this time, I believed I had successfully concealed my feelings for Kris, but evidently my face betrayed me whenever I was in his presence.
“Does my father know?” I ask quietly, wanting to shrivel into my suit.
“Goodness no.” She laughs and I release the breath I’ve been holding. “How does Kris feel?”
Memories of last night come back in a rush, Kris staring into my eyes, our chests heaving as cum dripped on the floor between us. How he rushed to get dressed, determined to come downstairs and tell our parents.
“I want this.”
“I can’t stop thinking about this, us.”
His words echo through my mind as I stare into the same jade eyes across the counter. “I think he loves me, too.” I whisper before my shoulders drop and I stare at the marble counter.
“Well, if you think he loves you as well,” She mused, the sound of her fingers tapping against the table filling the silence. “Why do you look like your gingerbread house has just collapsed?”
“I messed up.” I exhale, still not ready to look into the same jade eyes that I watched slowly break in front of me last night.
Her voice is calm and matter-of-fact. “I’m sure it isn’t anything a little icing can’t fix.”
“I…” Looking up to her face, wincing. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, maybe this is a conversation you need to have with Kris. A simple conversation has the power to resolve a surprising amount of problems.” She smiles as she downs the last of her coffee. “Now last I saw my son, he was out with Rudolph trying on that fancy new helmet. That might be a good place to start.”
She stands patting me on the shoulder and turns to bunch up the flowers pooling across the small table.
“You’re not disappointed?” She immediately stops, turning on the balls of her feet to face me as her jade eyes lock onto mine, hardening and now I can see where Kris gets his famous glare from.
“Why would I be upset that such a compassionate and kind hearted man loves my son?” She rests her hands on her hips, looking at me expectantly.
“I, uh I don’t know. ‘Cause I’m your stepson and isn’t this wrong?” Tears well in my eyes and her eyes soften as she reaches for my hand.
“We don’t choose who we fall in love with, Nick.” She squeezes my hand tightly. “So many people thought I was crazy, packing up our life and moving to literally the top of the world for love, but you know what?” Her eyes gloss with unshed tears as she strokes my face.
“I don’t regret a single thing. It brought me here to Klaus. With you. It has been an absolute pleasure getting to watch you grow up into the outstanding man you are today. Tomorrow, when you take off on that sleigh, will be one of the proudest moments of my life.”
A single tear tracks down her face, and that is enough to set me off, too. She moves to my side and embraces me tightly.
“Does it feel wrong?” she whispers into my ear.
No, no, it doesn’t. Nothing with Kris has ever felt wrong.
My heart has only beaten stronger over the last week, as if it has finally found the place where it belongs. So many emotions flood my system and I can only shake my head into the crook of her neck.
“Well then, I think you have your answer.” She kisses the top of my head and packs up her flowers, moving towards the front door.
“What about my father?” I ask, knowing that conversation will not go nearly as well as this one has.
“You leave him to me.” She winks before disappearing out the door with a flurry of snow and soft jingles.
Stepping up to the reindeer pen, I take in the expansive snow-covered trees that surround the acreage that the reindeer roam. My family has always insisted on treating the reindeer like royalty. Without them, there would be no Christmas.
Kris stands in the middle of the paddock, dark wash jeans covering his perfectly shaped ass, work boots and black puffy jacket make him stand out in the never ending field of white.
A beanie covers his messy dark locks and his face is buried in the screen of his tablet. He doesn’t see my approach.
I lean against the fence and watch as he adjusts settings and looks at the sky, watching Rudolph complete laps, his usual scowl missing from his face. The tawny reindeer’s nose is clearly glowing red and bright as he ducks and weaves through clouds. Kris is tracking it all on his monitor, looking in his element.
“It’s working.” I say, watching in awe.
Looking back at me, he swallows, the scowl returning before taking a few tentative steps closer.
“Yeah.” He glances away, looking back at the screen. “I worked through the night and finally got it fitted and ready to go early this morning.”
He moves next to me, leaning against the fence post to tilt the screen towards me so I can see the radar data branching out from Rudolph’s helmet.
“Seems to run smoothly. I've taken it through three test flights with a single reindeer so far with no glitches.”
My hand moves closer to his, brushing gently across the back of his hand, and our little fingers loop together. “I always believed in you.”
His finger seems to grip mine tighter and together we both stare out at the field, watching Rudolph land near the other reindeer with a flourish before he struts over to us. He always was the dramatic one of the herd.
“About last night …” I break our silence.
“Nick, it’s fine.” He pulls away, the moment broken. Letting go of my finger he moves towards the gate where Rudolph waits for him.
I follow him, my heart screaming I would follow him anywhere he asks. “No it’s not. I hurt you and that wasn’t my intention.”
He looks uncomfortable but doesn’t move away as he undoes the helmet before throwing Rudolph a carrot, which he gladly accepts. Turning, he stares at me.
“What was your intention?” Those jade eyes pierce into me. Hard and unyielding.
“I didn’t mean to act so poorly. You took me by surprise. For one second, I faced the life I have always dreamed of having and I panicked. Fumbled. You mean so much to me, Kris, and I never meant to make you feel like we could be anything less than everything.”
His chest visibly heaves through his coat, his knuckles turn white on the tablet and I worry the screen may break under his vice like grip.
My breath catches as I wait, his eyes searching mine, and I hope he sees nothing but my sincerity.
I want this. I’m all in.
“Everything.” He rolls the word over his tongue, testing it out. “You think we can be everything?”
I don’t answer him, refusing to look around and double checking who may see us. I step towards him.
Taking his face in my hands, I brush a loose strand of his hair back, his eyes close and he shudders at my touch and I bring his lips to mine. It’s gentle, unhurried and filled with all the love that has been growing in me since I was fifteen.
The love of a friend, the love of family, and now into something bigger than us both.
“Okay.” His voice is shaky as I rest my forehead on his, and we stand together, holding each other.
“Okay.” I reply, knowing this is the beginning of the life I’ve been waiting for.
“Look at you,” Carol croons from the chair in front of my desk, hand pressed to her chest as she tries to hold back tears.
My father stands behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze as his eyes shine with pride. “It suits you.”
Inhaling deeply, I redirect my attention to the elaborate full-length mirror that was brought into my office and placed against the wall. Not recognizing the man that looks back at me.
After spending what little time I could with Kris in the field, I raced back to the barber and had a haircut and beard trim.
With my face framed by a neatly cropped beard, the grays become more prominent in the clipped back style. My hair seamlessly fades to a messy, textured style on the top.
I nearly had the Barber Elf give me my usual shorter haircut, but I enjoyed Kris’ firm grip on the longer strands. Easier for him to pull me closer to him. Though a hat made of velvet with a soft white fur trim was currently covering most of it.
I draw my eyes away from the red velvet suit perfectly tailored to fit my body. The Tailor Elves had done a fantastic job of not drawing attention to my stomach, which is a sensitive area for me.
Instead of a thick black belt like my father had, the elves had made me a double-breasted peacoat with big gold buttons sewn in pairs down the center. Lined in the most luxurious fur, it was sure to keep me warm as I traveled through the skies.
Warmth had been a major factor in the design of my outfit. Every piece, meticulously lined to maximize the warmth retention, right down to the white fur cuffing my black glossy boots.
It took my breath away. Although I knew that this moment was coming, my whole life I had spent following my father, learning his role, but still it didn’t feel real until this very moment.
In less than twenty-four hours, I would become Santa Claus.
A knock on the door drew my eyes away from the mirror, smiling when familiar jade eyes meet mine.
Kris stands in the doorway, still wearing the clothes he was in out in the field. His beanie is gripped tightly in his hand as he drinks me in, taking his time to savor me.
I can feel the burn of his gaze as it drifts from my eyes slowly down to my boots and back up again, and I silently curse the tailor elves for making this suit so damn warm.
It feels like time has stopped as we stare at each other, completely forgetting that we aren’t alone as my body responds to the promise in his eyes, until Carol’s knowing cough cuts through my thoughts.
“Doesn’t he look handsome, Kris?” Her voice reminds me I haven’t told Kris that she knows about us.
Kris expresses his agreement with a grunt, and I reluctantly turn to look at our parents. “We have prepared the sleigh for loading tomorrow morning.”
“Excellent.” My father’s voice booms through my office as he claps his hands together. Releasing Carol’s shoulder, he takes a step towards Kris, causing him to tense up in response. However, my father calmly extends his hand in offering. Kris, though guarded, meets my father in the middle, shaking his hand.
“Well done Kris. I know things have been tense between us, more so lately. But I am very proud of all the upgrades and hard work you have put into the sleigh over the last year.” Sincerity ringing through his voice, giving Kris’ hand one last squeeze before releasing him.
Seeming unsure, Kris shuffles on his feet before muttering a quick thanks. My father nods and turns back to the plans on my desk.
A quick glance at Carol, her wink, hardly subtle as she, too, turns and continues a conversation with my father.
I hadn’t noticed Kris moving closer to me, till his low voice sends goosebumps skittering across my body. “I get the suit thing now.”
“What?” I ask, meeting his intense gaze as his eyes slowly scan my body, his tongue quickly darts out to moisten his bottom lip.
“I get how Klaus landed my mom in one night.” His words are playful, but the smoldering glare in his eyes hints at his true intentions.
The fire in my core comes roaring back to life, and I want nothing more than to kick my parents out of my office and have Kris take me over my desk. Paperwork flying everywhere as he grinds into me, claiming me as his own.
I cough, adjusting myself as he smirks, knowing he has me hot and bothered. Brushing past me, our little fingers linking for a second before he continues forward to our parents.
“I’m gonna go clean up the workshop. After this week, it looks like a bomb went off in there,” he says, leaning in to give Carol a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Okay sweetie. Will you be joining us for dinner?” Her voice full of hope as she glances back and forth between her son and my father. I know her hope is for them to put this tension behind them.
A tight-lipped nod is his answer, and she gives him a beaming smile, patting his cheek.
Turning back to me, I swallow as he moves closer, speaking in a hushed tone so only I can hear.
“Workshop. Tonight. Bring the suit, hat and all.” My eyes widen as his smirk turns devilish.
My balls tighten as my pants, perfectly tailored, feel too tight. Knuckles grazing over me, he quickly glances back at our parents. My eyes flick up too, noting how they still discuss the loading plans for the morning.
His hot breath skates over my skin as his tongue draws a hot, wet line up my neck.
I shiver at his words, like a phantom hand, curl around my already straining length.
“Tomorrow you might be Santa, but tonight you’ll be sitting on my lap.”