20. Let’s Talk
Let’s Talk
JON
“Hold these up,” I commanded, giving Cooper the hems of my hoodie and T-shirt—the only garments he was wearing.
“Why?”
I gave him a look before sinking down on my knees in front of him.
“Oh.” He gathered both layers in one hand so fast he nearly punched himself in the chin.
“We need to talk,” I muttered against his inner thigh, admiring the sight in front of me. Cooper had the prettiest goddamn dick. “But you’re in heat, so what I’m going to do first is suck you off and then you’ll eat a croissant, and then we’ll talk about that night.”
“But—”
“Then I’ll fuck you,” I added, enjoying his little gasp as I lapped the precum he was leaking. “That’s what you’re craving most, isn’t it? I can’t wait to stretch your hole. I’m going to fill you up and make you cry with how badly you need it.”
I put one finger at his slick entrance, carefully testing how he’d react, and his hole almost sucked it in.
“Oh, God,” Cooper whimpered. I’d barely gotten his cock in my mouth when his hips bucked. “I’m gonna—oh no—Jon!” He came with a startled cry, flooding my mouth.
Jesus fucking Christ, his cum tasted amazing.
“You liked that, huh?” I grinned, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.
Cooper looked mortified. “I—it was the way you said you’d fuck me,” he muttered. “It’s probably a heat thing, right?” he added hopefully. “And I’m not always going to come that quickly.”
Cheeks flushed, he headed to the bathroom. Grinning to myself, I placed the pastries on the table and grabbed two bottles of water from the pack we’d bought the day before.
Cooper returned a few minutes later and sat down with his croissant. Once he started eating, I was finally able to relax. But then he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
“Apparently, we need to talk.”
I studied him. His eyes were a little too bright.
“You disagree?”
He shrugged and took a sip of water. Then he let out an exaggerated sigh. “Fine. I agree. We need to talk.”
“You said last night that I didn’t hurt you. That you chose what happened.”
“It’s true,” he said too quickly. His fingers tightened around the bottle. “I chose it.”
“You don’t need to make it sound better than it was. Don’t spare my feelings, Cooper.”
He scoffed. “Have I ever?”
I paused. Fair.
“You disappeared from my life for a year.”
I sounded harsh, but it had been the longest, most miserable year of my life, and I hadn’t exactly grown up surrounded by rainbows and unicorns. When I thought I’d lost Cooper, misery grew teeth.
My tone startled him.
“I didn’t disappear,” he muttered, staring at the pastry. “That’s dramatic. I was around.”
“You stopped talking to me.”
“You didn’t exactly seek me out either.”
“I did,” I said, leaning forward. I wondered how he’d react if he knew how far I’d gone to keep tabs on him. “You pretended I was invisible.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t want to talk to you!”
“Because I fucking hurt you!” I forced myself to rein it in. I had no idea what I was trying to accomplish here, but I was never going to hurt Cooper again. “I wanted to make it better, because you’re the only person I—” I cut myself off. Too much, too fast.
“The only person you what?”
I dragged a hand through my hair. “Forget it.”
“No,” he said immediately. “You don’t get to push me to talk and then back out.”
A humorless laugh slipped out. “Welcome to how that felt.”
That landed. Silence stretched between us.
“What can I say, Jon?” he said, staring at the pastry. “Yes, you hurt me. Every time you pretended you didn’t have feelings for me. And then you hurt me the worst when I thought you were going to kiss me, but you basically said it was all in my head. Remember that?”
His voice wasn’t sharp, but it pierced my heart anyway.
“I wanted you too much,” I said quietly. “And you trusted me so blindly. Like I was someone safe.”
“You are safe.”
I shook my head. “The second I stopped resisting you, I hurt you.”
He met my stare, looking frustrated.
“I. Said. Green.”
“That doesn’t make it okay.”
“It does. That’s how the colors work.” Angrily, he tore off another piece of the croissant. “I’ve never needed protection from you.”
“You just admitted I hurt you.”
“But not in the way you mean it! You seem to think you’re dangerous somehow, but you aren’t, not to me. I know some people find you intimidating, but I’m not some people. I’ve never been scared of you, and I never will be.”
“You ran from me!”
He went still.
“I didn’t run from you—” He swallowed. “I ran from your pity. From your . . . disgust.” The last word was a whisper.
I stared at him, aghast.
“What? Coop, no. I’ve never pitied you. And trust me, I’ve felt many things around you, and they haven’t always been positive, but disgust is not on the list. I thought I’d traumatized you.”
“Huh.”
“Huh indeed.”
Cooper bit his lip. “So when people say communication is the key, they sort of . . . know what they’re talking about?”
“Seems that way.”
“Well, our strategy worked too.”
“I wouldn’t call this last year a strategy, but yeah, it worked out just fine in the end.”
“So, what now?”
I looked at Cooper as seriously as he was looking at me.
The truth was, I had no idea. I didn’t know how to be someone’s safe place.
No one had ever taught me that. People were something to survive, not love.
But for Cooper, I’d figure it all out. Even if I had to build the whole damn thing from scratch.
“We learn to do this together. And before you come and pinch me, by ‘this’ I mean the romantic relationship we’re in as a couple, and yes, I’m very fucking devoted to you.”
“As you should be,” Cooper muttered. “I’m very fucking devoted to you too.”