Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
KENNETH
"Dude, why do you look like someone just shit in your Wheaties?"
I scowl at my friend. "I'm pretty sure the phrase is pissed in your Wheaties, Gillies."
"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." He snorts, taking a huge bite out of a protein bar. It's his second in five minutes. I really wish I knew where he was hiding it all, because he eats enough for four of me. I eat a lot too, because I'm a big guy, but Gillies is next level.
He speaks before he's done eating, and I wince at the view I get of the inside of his mouth.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about.
You look upset, like someone has let you down or made you sad.
There's no reason for all of that. Things are going great.
The season's right around the corner. We've got that game coming up where we're going to wow all the people and really boost season ticket sales, you know? "
I stare at him, wondering if he knows more than I do. Even with the game coming up, I don't feel confident that we're going to see an increase in numbers like he's suggesting. When he doesn't say anything else, I drop my head to the table.
We're in my office alone because Royce is at a meeting at the Bellport Foundation today.
They told me they wouldn't be in until next week, and when I shared that news with Gillies, he decided to come pester me.
Some of it is because he gets out of practice that way.
The rest is because he knows that I'll overwork myself without someone here to keep an eye on me.
And by overwork, I mean overthink everything.
"You're not telling me something, Kenny. What is it?" he asks when he finishes chewing.
I grumble and then push myself up to look at him. "I don't know what else I can possibly do to make Royce see me," I admit, defeat in my tone.
"What do you mean? They see you."
I shake my head. "No, they don't. They see me, Kenneth, from twenty years ago. They see the person who didn't stick up for them and let them down. I'm a jerk in their eyes. A means to an end. That's not what I want to be."
Gillies hums, standing up from his chair. He begins to pace across the room. "I see. So we have a bit of unrequited connection and stuck-in-the-past energy."
He speaks as if he's trying to solve a mystery for Scooby-Doo. It would be amusing if it weren't my love life that the focus was on.
"Don't try to turn this into one of your comedy sketches. I'm serious. I feel as if everything I do just gets ignored. You know I sent them food at Christmas?"
Gillies stops, hands moving to the back of the chair. "No shit. On Christmas? How did you swing that?"
I lean back in my chair, a smile coming over my face as I remember Claudia and the entire situation. We've kept in touch, texting, and I've even been invited to watch the elopement via video call.
"It was a matter of circumstance, but that's beside the point.
I sent them food, and they texted, but then it was as if they pulled back suddenly.
Like they remembered who I am and didn't want to be a part of anything involving me.
Do you know how hard that is? To get my hopes up and to feel like I'm finally making some type of headway, and a brick wall slams down in front of me? "
Gillies winces and goes back to his pacing. "I mean, if things were as bad as you're saying back then, it's understandable that they might be a bit hesitant. At the same time, you are a different person, are you not?"
"Well yeah, of course I am," I say.
"Then prove that. Keep showing up. Keep being present. Don't let notions that are outdated dictate the present situation."
"You make it sound like it's simple when it's not. I am doing all these things."
Gillies drops into the chair across from me. "Yeah, but have you told them that you like them? You know, like them-like them, not just friendly?"
I groan. "I mean, we've almost kissed, and there's these touches and looks. It's got to be obvious."
Gillies rolls his eyes. "Obvious. Kenny, nothing is obvious. You have to be crystal clear. If you don't tell them that you're interested, how will they ever know? They could think that this is all some big game or like a drawn-out taunt for all they understand."
"But I wouldn't do that!"
"I know," he replies, "but they don't know that. If they're trying to learn about the new you, it takes time. The only other way that you could—" He pauses and then his eyes light up. "The only way that you could get them to see you as more is by being outlandish. You have to get their attention."
"Okay," I say. "What are you suggesting I do?"
Gillies grins. It's a worrisome look because I have a feeling it means I'm going to get myself into trouble.
"It means that you have to do the unexpected, the kind of thing Royce would not think you would do. It's got to be obvious though. It can't be some simple little thing. Step outside of the box. Really think about it. What would make Royce stop and take note?"
I give myself a minute to think it through. Royce is a person of order. They like to have things in certain places and to know what's going on. They're also a big fan of being prepared. They even keep spare clothes here in the office in case what they're wearing gets ruined.
The spark of an idea comes. "Maybe I could hide their spare clothes.
Or maybe I could even change their passwords, so they'd need help logging in.
I have access to everything. If I make it so that they have to interact with me, maybe it could change things a bit.
It would give me a better chance to show my interest."
I say all of this out loud to Gillies, but he shakes his head. "All of that's good, but it's just the start. You've got to really, really show them. What if you initiate? Make the first move. Kiss them."
I startle. "Kiss them?"
"Well, yeah, kiss them," Gillies says. "That's what you want, right? A relationship, something romantic. Kisses are a part of that, Kenny. Or do we need to have a talk about the birds and the bees?"
"Don't be an asshole, okay? I understand everything, and I have kissed plenty of people in my lifetime, but I've never kissed Royce."
"No, you haven't," Gillies says firmly.
"You really think I should make the first move?"
"I think you have to act because all this little hint dropping and sending food with handwritten notes—"
"It wasn't handwritten," I interrupt.
"Oh shit," Gillies says. "That's your problem right there. If you'd handwrite them a note, maybe then they'd understand." The taunting tone of his voice grates against my skin. I want to strangle the idiot for being a jackass when I'm really, truly confused about what comes next.
"I'm not trying to be a giant asshole," Gillies says, reading my mind. "Just a baby one."
"Well, it's working for you," I tell him.
"Great, good to know. But I'm saying that to say, I really do support this for you.
I think it would be great, and the two of you really do seem like a good fit, even though a lot of people might not notice it.
Plus, with the job situation changing, you won't technically be working for one another, so there's no reason for it not to work out.
Once you don't work for the Blue Jays anymore, you're free to be together all you want.
Hell, you could be together now. No one's going to say anything to you. "
Of course they wouldn't. Bellamy owns the team, and I'm stepping out, so it's not a big deal.
Except it kind of is, because Royce did hint the other day about me possibly staying on. They suggested it as a way to get my mother to leave and not have her berate me about stepping down. But since then, they've alluded to it more. It's like they don't really want me to go.
If given the chance to stay, I absolutely would. I don't need to be paid or put in any type of managerial position. I just love this team. I love baseball. I don't want to be far from it. I intend to come to all the games and hang out with the guys. It's just, I don't want to step on anyone's toes.
Gillies waits me out as I contemplate all the different options ahead of me. He knows that I'm a thinker. Probably an overthinker if I really want to be honest.
"Say I was going to try and make the first move. What do you think about the timing?"
Gillies rubs his hands together. "All right, we're cooking with gas now. I would suggest doing it the day of the game."
"The day of the game?"
"Yes," he says, "because that's going to be a busy day.
There'll be distractions everywhere, special guests and all the fans, and you're only going to get stolen moments together.
And if those moments are full of tension, you're going to constantly be on their mind.
By the end of the night, they're going to be practically salivating with the need to follow you wherever you go.
Or they might just drag you with them to some super-secret make out spot. "
My cock comes to life at the mention of being dragged anywhere by Royce. They wouldn't even have to. They could just tell me to come, and I would follow. I'd be like a dog on a leash. The image makes me smile.
Gillies sees it and matches the expression. "Whatever you're thinking about, make that happen. Don't be shy. There's no room for that."
"You speak as if you know everything about the universe. You don't even have a partner right now."
Gillies snorts, leaning back and propping his feet up. "Yeah, but that's a matter of circumstance. If I wanted someone, I could have them.”
“I'm not so sure about that. Your confidence seems too high to me."
"It's not that my confidence levels are astronomical or anything. It's that I have turned down more than one relationship offer. My focus right now is baseball. When the time comes, and I want to be in a more committed situation, I've got options."
"You think people are going to wait for you?" I ask him. "That they won't fall in love with someone else?"
Gillies shrugs. "It's not about that. I've never felt this pull that you have with Royce, with anyone. If I did, you could bet your ass I would be bending over backwards to take care of them, to be there for them."
“You make it sound so simple. Like this is all just a matter of circumstance, and it'll all work out in the end."
"It will work out in the end, Kenny. You're making such a big deal out of a situation you haven't even really given your best shot.
If this were baseball, and you were half-assing it on the field, your coach would yell at you until you got it right.
Well, pretend I'm your coach and this is me yelling.
Get out there and prove that you are important enough to have their attention.
Make it so they can't not think about you. "
His words settle over me, sinking in and latching on.
He's right. I do have to get in front of Royce.
I do have to make myself a bit of a spectacle.
Get their attention and prove that I'm worth stopping and taking a second glance at.
It's going to be a lot, and I already know that Royce will probably fight me on it.
In the end, though, it could change everything. It could give us a happily ever after. It could finally correct all the wrongs from my childhood.
Because if there's one thing I know, it's that I belong to Royce Bellport. I just have to make them understand it.