Chapter 33
SLOANE
The notifications come in a wave as I sit cross-legged on the bed in a T-shirt and underwear.
Texts, missed calls, emails, socials. I scroll fast, looking only for the names that matter, ignoring everything else.
Mom — three texts. My sister, Margot — one.
And Sita. Four missed calls and a message from yesterday: Pick up! ! Are you ignoring me?
I open Mom's first. She wants to know if I'm okay. I type back: I'm fine. Don't worry about me xxx. Then I send the same to Margot.
I tap Sita and she immediately picks up. "Where the fuck have you been?"
"In Duster, Sita. Same place I've been for a while. Sorry I didn't answer. I haven't really been on my phone. It gives me anxiety."
"Babe."
"It's fine. I'm fine. How are you?"
"I'm good. Had a quiet week. But last week, oh my god, Sloane. Listen. Listen to what happened."
This is one of Sita's favorite words, listen, deployed with emphasis when she's about to tell a story she has clearly already told several times.
She launches in. "So Palm Springs. Nicole's place.
You know how the pool house was being redone?
It's insane now. She's done the whole thing in this — I don't know what to call it, it's like a Moroccan thing and there are tiles everywhere, there's a fireplace outside, there's a whole — anyway.
We got there Friday night and Mel had organized a private chef.
This guy, Sloane, this guy. Korean fusion. It was so good.
"Anyway, listen. Mel got into a fight with Nicole's brother's girlfriend. Like a real fight. About a cat."
"About a cat?"
"Babe. About a cat. Apparently the girlfriend's been telling people Mel's cat is overweight, because Mel had posted that picture. You know the one."
"I don't know the one. I haven't been on social media."
"Okay, so there was a picture of Smokey on the bed, and the girlfriend told some mutual friend that Smokey looked morbidly obese, and somehow it got back to Mel.
Meanwhile, Mel had been waiting for this opportunity, and Sloane, she went for her.
She threw a drink at her and we had to pull them apart. "
"Oh my god." There's no feeling behind my reaction. I don't know what it is — whether things that mattered before just don't anymore, or whether I'm finally seeing my friends for what they are. A stupid fight about a cat. Nothing worth a second thought.
"Yeah. You should have been there." The line goes still and I can sense the moment she realizes what she's said. "Oh," she says. "Oh fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean —"
"It's fine."
"That came out wrong. I just meant — I missed you. It would have been more fun with you. How was your weekend? I'm such an idiot. Tell me about your weekend."
"There's not much to tell. I've been working and the motel is the motel. I went to the library in Cawley, which is the next town over. They have air conditioning. That was the highlight."
"The highlight was air conditioning. So what about the God thing?" she asks. "There's a whole article. People are saying you've found religion."
"Don't even ask. Please."
"Fine, I won't. But for what it's worth, going to church was a smart move. The media have dropped the villain angle. It's all redemption arc stuff now."
I had no idea a picture of me in church was circulating and it's almost funny that Sita thinks this was a move. There was never a plan. I should be relieved that I'm not total poison anymore but that, too, barely registers. "Well," I say. "That's a silver lining."
"Yeah." She chuckles. "Are you coming home soon? It feels like forever since I last saw you."
"Not even close. Five weeks to go."
"Christ, Sloane. How are you not losing your mind?"
I close my eyes. There are about a hundred answers to that but I can't seem to find the right one. "It's not so bad."
"I find that hard to believe." There's a pause and then she says, "Okay.
Right. I'm getting you out of there for a few days.
I'm away right now — there's this thing, I won't bore you.
But I'm back Saturday morning so I can send my driver to come and get you.
He's got Sunday off but he can drive you back on Monday. "
"I have to be back here Monday morning. Super early, it's non-negotiable," I say. "So thank you, but it's hardly worth the drive."
"Oh, come on. Let's party. You, me, and I'll invite the girls too."
"The girls who don't want to be associated with me?" I sigh. “I don’t know. I think I’ll just stay here.”
"Booooring," she says. "What happened to my bestie?
You never say no to an invite. And the girls are fine, I promise.
They've all moved on, you know what they're like.
And you'll be in bed by two latest." She laughs.
"Okay, maybe three. That new place in Malibu just opened and I've been dying to go. "
"It sounds great, but I'm going to pass," I say, and I'm almost as surprised as she is. "I'm wiped out, Sita. I work six in the morning till five, and the last thing I need is paparazzi catching me stumbling out of a club. I'm finally not the story anymore and I'd like to keep it that way."
"You're turning down Malibu." A pause. "Who are you?”
"I know. Honestly, I don't fully recognize myself either."
"Fine." She sighs the sigh of a woman who has never once accepted defeat. "But I'm not giving up on you, babe. Consider yourself warned."