Chapter Forty-Four
Sloane
I took a deep breath when I looked Crash and Stu in the eye and said, “Well, I’m ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure I’m Millie’s dad.”
Crash wasn’t about to let me off the hook. “So, you just abandoned them?”
“No! I didn’t know about Millie!”
Stu continued glaring at me with pursed lips.
“I have a hard time believing Ashley would keep that from you.”
Ryan spoke up. “She might have tried to tell him, but I think maybe some wires got crossed. I can promise you though he didn’t know.”
Crash said, “Well, you know now. So, what are you going to do about it?”
“I—” My words faltered. “I have no idea. Ashley obviously has every reason to hate me.”
“Bzzzt! Wrong answer!” Stu declared.
“What do you mean, wrong answer?”
“I mean, man the fuck up, dude. You have a daughter!”
His words made me feel lightheaded.
I have a daughter.
“I want to respect Ashley. It’s going to be up to her what happens next.”
“You better make this right, jackass. I swear to God, if she leaves and takes Millie, I’m going to beat you in your bed with a sock filled with bars of soap.”
By the look on Crash’s face, he was serious.
Ryan nudged my arm. “Maybe you should bunk at my place until you have a chance to talk to Ash.”
A smart man would probably take my friend up on his offer. Obviously, I was not a smart man, because I shook my head and said, “No, I think I need to stay.”
He glanced at the two guys ready to take my head off.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’ll help you unpack.”
I knew Ryan was thinking the same thing I was thinking—I needed to open that letter.
****
Ashley
“I’m sorry, Sloane’s where?” Tammy asked as she sat at my kitchenette table.
She’d come directly up the stairs from the garage instead of entering through the house itself, so she hadn’t run into Sloane like I had. “Downstairs. He took Scotty’s place.”
She shook her head, like she was trying to clear something in her brain. “He what ? He’s going to be living here ?”
“Yeahhh.”
“Did he see you?”
I nodded my head slowly. “And Millie.”
Tam chewed the inside of her cheek as she stewed. Finally, she asked, “What are you going to do?”
“Obviously, I need to move out, but I can’t just leave until they find a replacement for me. Hopefully, I can get my job back at the VA. In the meantime, I’ll keep Millie out of the main house. I think I can put her in the VA’s daycare during the day when I’m doing therapy sessions here with the guys, and maybe my mom can watch her on the weekends.”
“I can help, too. But what if Sloane wants to spend time with her?”
“Why would he want to do that now? He already decided he didn’t want anything to do with her.”
“What if he changes his mind?”
I shrugged. “Too bad for him. His name’s not on her birth certificate, and I didn’t ask for any child support from him. If he wants to see her, he’ll have to go through the court system, and I’ll drag my feet every step of the way.”
“So, until they find a replacement for you, you think you can be his PTA-slash-caretaker, and act like he’s not your baby daddy, and he didn’t break your heart?”
“Yep.” I popped the “P” and rocked forward on my toes.
Tammy pressed her lips together like she was trying to disguise her smile.
“What?” I demanded.
“Nothing. I just can’t decide which you’re going to do first, punch him or tell him off.”
“No. I’m a professional, and I have a reputation to uphold.”
“Uh huh.”
“I’m serious!”
“Babe, I’m not saying it like it’s a bad thing. We both know he deserves it.”
“It’s not worth it. Like I’ve said, he’s the one who’s going to be missing out. We’ll be just fine without him in our lives.”
“See, that’s the problem. He is in your life now.”
“Only mine, and only professionally.”
“I hope you can keep it that way.”
“And that’s why I need your help.”
****
Sloane
I sat on the edge of my new bed rereading Ashley’s words over and over in disbelief.
Dear Sloane,
I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, and that’s your right (obviously). But I wanted you to know, we’re going to have a daughter. She’s due in August.
I’m not asking for anything from you. I’m emotionally and financially prepared to do this by myself. I just thought it was the right thing to do to let you know about her and give you the option to be in her life. And if you don’t want to be, that’s okay. I will never speak badly about you. All I ask is if she finds you when she’s an adult, please treat her with kindness.
If you do decide to be a part of our daughter’s life, you have my word that I have no expectations of us being a couple. I only want to co-parent our little girl, so she feels safe and loved, whether she’s with her mom or her dad.
If I don’t hear from you again, I want you to know that you were the love of my life, Sloane. I wish nothing but happiness for you in the future.
Take care of yourself,
Ashley
Shame hit me square in the gut. I shouldn’t have been such a coward and not opened this letter. I shouldn’t have returned all of Ashley’s letters to begin with. I should have been kinder when I ended things.
I still thought ending things was the right thing to do. I wouldn’t want her to feel tied to me because of a baby. It’s not like I could have been much help while she was pregnant, but I could have given her money.
I had so many regrets.
I thought she had good reason to hate me before? That was just multiplied by a million.
“She’s never going to forgive me,” I mumbled.
“Of course she’s going to forgive you. She said so herself, you were the love of her life. You might have to grovel like you’ve never groveled before, but she’ll come around. Eventually. Maybe.”
I’d never groveled in my life. Of course, I’d never been in love before, either.
Or been a dad.
Not that I expected Ashley to still be in love with me. Hell, didn’t Stu and Crash say she was dating a doctor? That was good. A doctor could provide her and the baby with a lot better life than I could.
“Maybe I should just let it be. If I don’t get involved, then when she gets married, her husband can eventually adopt Millie.”
Ryan eyed me from where he stood at the window looking at the Pacific Ocean.
“Tell you what. Just meet your daughter. For ten minutes. If you still think not being involved is best, then I will be on the phone with Travis begging him to find you a different placement, and I’ll never mention Ashley or Millie again.”
Piece of cake.
“Okay. I can do that. But based on how Ashley reacted to seeing me, I’m not sure she’ll even allow me ten minutes.”