Chapter Fifty-Nine
Sloane
As I emptied my dresser drawers into a suitcase that night, I thought about pulling out the box Colonel Swartz had delivered to me in San Antonio. The one with her letters.
I wanted to see if I could still smell her perfume.
Just as I was about to take it out of the closet, my phone dinged with an incoming text.
Ashley: Do you have a minute?
I glanced at the time. This normally would have been when she came downstairs to slip into my room and onto my cock. Was that what she wanted? One last bang?
I mean, it wasn’t like I’d say no.
Me: Of course.
I thought about making a hip flexor joke, but decided to wait and see what her demeanor was like when she came downstairs. She’d been pretty pissed at dinner.
I didn’t have to wait long until there was a light knock on my door. I softly called, “Come in,” then sent up a silent prayer that she was in her short black silk robe when she came through the door.
No such luck. She had on a pair of grey gym shorts and an oversized teal t-shirt that said in bold black letters, “If at first you don’t succeed… try doing what your physical therapist told you to do the first time”.
Her hair was pulled away from her face with a headband, and she had no makeup on, like she’d just washed her face.
I looked at her with furrowed brows.
“I thought you had your birthmark removed?”
“No. That’s just makeup,” she pointed to her face. “Obviously. Funny story. That’s how I found out I was pregnant; they had me take a test when I went to my consultation appointment.”
So, she hadn’t gone through with it. Seeing her with her birthmark on display took me back to when I’d first laid eyes on her and knew I was in love.
“I’m sorry again about not responding to your letter telling me about Millie.”
“It’s water under the bridge. I’ve already forgiven you for that. But what I need to know right now is what your intentions are going forward.”
“What do you mean?”
“About your daughter. Do you even want to see her? Be a part of her life?”
“I will do whatever you think is best.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, Sloane. Do you want to be a part of her life?”
Of course I did, I just didn’t know if that was what was best for her.
I avoided the question and instead said, “I would like to start paying you child support, including back payments.”
“I told you before, I don’t need your money.”
“So put it in an account for Millie’s college fund.”
She stared at me for a beat, then said, “You’re not going to answer me are you?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s not a difficult question. Do. You. Want. To. See. Millie. Share custody once you’re able to. Fucking yes or no.”
“I’m sure I will want to.”
“When.”
It wasn’t a question, but more of a demand.
“I don’t know. If I go back overseas…”
Ashley glared at me in disbelief, then slowly shook her head.
“You’re not the man I thought you were.”
“No shit. I tried telling you that nine months ago.”
“No. It’s one thing to not want to be with me, but not wanting to be there for your kid? That’s a whole ‘nother level. You’re a coward.”
She waited for me to become offended and defend myself. Offer up an explanation about why she was wrong.
But I had nothing. Because she was right.
“I’ll sign any papers you want terminating my rights, so you don’t have to worry about me coming back in the future.”
Her tone sounded defeated when she murmured, “Yeah, I’ll see about getting those drawn up,” then walked toward the door.
Pausing at the threshold, she looked back at me with a sad smile.
“Good luck, Sloane. I really do hope you find happiness again someday.”
Since she was taking my heart with her, I didn’t see how that was possible.
She continued. “Don’t worry about Millie; I’ll love her enough for both of us.”
I swallowed hard.
“I know you will.”
After she left, I sat on my bed and festered in self-loathing. I welcomed the pain I felt from the gaping hole in my heart. It was exactly what I deserved.
****
Ashley
I decided not to come downstairs with Millie before Sloane left in the morning. He didn’t deserve to see her one last time.
But even with my anger and bravado, I still found myself hoping he’d manage to come up the steps and pound on my door, demanding to see her. Then he’d realize he couldn’t just leave us. Or at least not his daughter.
Except, he didn’t. He simply got in Ryan’s car and drove off without even a text.
That hurt way worse than him not responding to my letter when he was in San Antonio.
He’d met Millie now. Held her in his arms. Kissed her fuzzy little head. And he’d still walked away.
I stared at my little girl sleeping peacefully without a care in the world, not being able to fathom how he could do that. I’d die for her. How could he not feel the same?
Any dreams I’d been harboring about us being a happy little family someday were officially dead.