Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
ERIN
“ A re you okay?” Luke looks worried when he comes out of the bathroom and sees me staring at my cell phone.
“That was my mom,” I explain, still trying to process what she just told me.
“She okay?” He finishes drying off his hair with a towel as he comes toward me.
“She called to let me know that my birth mom is dead.” I stare into the space in front of me, wondering why I’m not feeling anything. At least when Matthew died, I felt something…relief.
“Shit, baby, I’m sorry.” Luke crushes me in his arms while I try to find some form of fucking emotion for the woman who brought me into the world. “Did she say what happened to her?”
“Drug overdose.” I feel my legs getting weaker, and Luke must sense it because he quickly pulls out a chair for me.
“Did you have much contact with her?”
“No. She wrote to me a few times when I was younger, but I never replied.” I slide my hands through my hair and take a breath. “Anyway, I have to go. I said I’d pick Liza up.” I stand back up and start looking for my purse.
“Whoa, wait up.” Luke looks at me as if I’m crazy. “Erin, you’ve just had a shock; you should chill here for a while. I’ll call Liza and explain. I can take the day off. Let’s just relax, okay?”
“I can’t cancel my plans.” I shake my head and start looking for my keys. When I find them on the coffee table, I scoop them up and head for the door.
“Hey…” Luke rushes to stand in front of it, and I take a long, calming breath before I look up at him.
“What are you doin'?” I ask.
“I’m stopping you from doing something stupid. You can’t drive when you're in this state.” He cradles my face in his hands.
“What happened to me being free to do what I want?” I force his hand away and fold my arms over my chest. “You wanna control me too, now?”
“Erin…” He shakes his head. “This is not the fuckin’ same. I’m worried about you.”
“Do you wanna know how many times your brother has stepped in front of that door to stop me from leaving?” I see the hurt my words cause show on his face instantly.
“I know my own mind, Luke. I’m fine. I didn’t know that woman. I didn’t care for her, and I’m leaving to go see my friend.” Luke says nothing, just lowers his head and steps out of my way, and I rush out the door, getting into my car and pulling out the yard before I start to cry.
“Why do we need to go to this pharmacy when there's a perfectly good one in Fork River?” Liza asks, trying to keep up with my pace as I search for the aisle that I want.
“I can’t buy what I need in Fork River,” I explain, locating the aisle and searching the selection in front of me.
“Pregnancy tests? You need to buy a pregnancy test!?” She raises her voice so loud I slam my hand over her mouth and see a panic that matches my own in her eyes.
“Will you keep your voice down?” I whisper-yell at her harshly. “Now help me figure out which one to get.” I look back at the shelf, overwhelmed by all the options.
“I took one, that doesn’t make me an expert.” Liza looks back at me doubtfully.
“It makes you more of an expert than I am.” I try to stay calm.
“I guess it really doesn’t matter which one you choose; it's gonna hold the same fate.” She makes a good point, but it does nothing to steady my nerves. So I pick up the closest one and head for the register before I lose courage.
“This is gonna need some explanation, Erin; your husband's been dead for two months.” She chases after me.
“I know that!” I snap back at her before politely smiling at the cashier serving me.
“Well, is it his?” Liza asks, and I swallow thickly as I hand the cashier my card.
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly, trying to ignore the huge knot in my stomach as I take the bag and walk back out to the car.
“Hold up. How can you not know? Have you…Erin, will you just stand still and talk to me?” she yells, and when I turn around and see her standing in the middle of the sidewalk looking worried, I realize that I have no choice but to tell her the truth.
“I’ve been sleeping with Luke,” I admit, wondering how this could have happened. I’ve taken my pill religiously for the past twelve months.
“Luke? Luke!? ” I can’t make out if she's shocked, angry, or if she’s gonna have an aneurysm.
“I know it’s a shock, but I need you to be the stable one right now.” I grab her arm and drag her toward the diner on the opposite side of the road because there is no time like the present. “This could just be a false alarm.” I try assuring her and myself, but it’s not fucking working.
“Have you had a period since Matthew died?” she questions me, and I shake my head as tears build up behind my eyes.
If I am pregnant and the baby is his, I don’t know how I’m going to feel.
Things between me and Luke are so perfect right now.
For the first time in my life, I’m happy.
How is it possible for Matthew to still be ruining my life when he’s dead?
“Have you told Luke?”
“No, I’m not gonna tell him unless there's something to tell.” The bell above the door chimes as we step through it, and I nod politely at the server as I guide my best friend, clutching the pregnancy test in my hand, straight through to the restroom.
“You know, it would be kinda cool if you are knocked up; we’d be pregnant together.” She smiles, and I shake my head and step inside one of the cubicles.
“I can’t believe you're doing this here,” she calls out over the stall at me.
“I can’t believe I brought you for moral support,” I call back, doing what I need to do and popping the cap back over the stick before I set a timer on my phone.
“Who else would you bring?” She smiles sarcastically when I come out and place it on the basin unit in front of us. “So if it’s been so long since your last period, why are you taking the test now?” She asks me the same question I was asking her a few weeks ago.
“I honestly didn't even realize I was late. Then yesterday the smell of Mary’s muffins made me want to vomit, and the fact my boobs are sore made me realize that it’s been a real long time since I had one.”
“Probibly too distracted by all that sex you’ve been having with your brother-in-law.” She raises her eyebrows at me. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were hooking up with Luke. When this crisis is over, I want details,” she warns me.
“My life's been like a whirlwind lately, I just haven’t been focused,” I admit.
“Yeah, well, screwing your dead husband's brother will do that to a girl,” she points out.
“Can you just not be clever for…” I pull out my phone and check how much longer I have to wait for a result. “Two minutes?” I beg her.
“I can try.” She makes me no promises and stands patiently in silence while we wait for time to pass.
I jump when the timer goes off, and Liza stares at me expectantly.
“You do it,” I tell her. I'm too scared to look at the damn thing.
“Me?” She points to herself.
“Just pick it up and check the result.” I close my eyes and blow out a breath, feeling as if my chest is gonna collapse.
“Okay.”
I can hear my own heartbeat while I wait for her to tell me my fate.
“Congratulations, Momma!” she squeals, wrapping her arms around me and knocking off my balance.
I quickly snatch the test from her hands to check she’s not wrong, and when I see the positive line, I feel my whole world crumble.
“Are you gonna go straight home and tell Luke? You know, rip off the Band-Aid?” Liza asks when I pull up outside her house.
“Have you told Koben or your folks yet?” I turn the question on to her and watch her face drop.
“It’s complicated,” she tells me with a guilty look on her face.
“Tell me about it.” I sigh, looking out the windshield and wondering how I’m gonna explain all this to Luke. I really don’t know how I didn’t pick up on this before. I hate to say it, but Liza is right. I’ve been distracted.
“Look, let's both agree to keep our current situations a secret for now,” I suggest. I’m not ready to ruin what I have with Luke yet.
I was short and snappy with him this morning when I found out about my birth mom; add to that the pressure of knowing I had to take that test. He’s been so kind and thoughtful; he didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
“At least you know Mary will be pleased when you do break the news.” Liza tries to offer me something positive.
“Only if Matthew’s the father. Can you imagine how this is gonna go if he isn’t?” I look across at her, although, despite the shit storm it would cause, I’m hoping with all my heart that this baby I’m carrying is Luke’s.
“You know where I am if you need me.” She leans across to kiss my cheek, and I wait until she gets out of the car before pulling off and making my way home.
“Hey,” Luke calls over to me from the other side of the yard when I get out of the car and start making my way inside.
“Are you okay?” He passes the reins of the horse he’s walking around the corral over to Issac and leaps over the barrier so he can catch up to me. “I wanted to apologize for–”
“I’m the one who should be apologizing. I was just in shock. But I’m okay now.” I smile at him bravely, and when his hand reaches up to stroke my face, I quickly pull away and look toward Issac, reminding him that we aren’t alone out here.
“Sorry,” he whispers, looking embarrassed. “You want me to take the afternoon off?”
“No, I don’t need you to do that. I’m fine, honestly. I’m making meatloaf for tea.” I hold up the grocery bag in my hand and give him another one of those smiles.
“I love meatloaf.” He scrapes his teeth over his bottom lip like he’s thinking about kissing me, and I feel awful for keeping something so important from him.
“I better get on.” I turn to head inside, leaving him out on the yard with no idea that everything is about to change.