5
ADAM
"You're sure you're all right? We can be there by tonight."
I closed my eyes for a brief second to try and compose myself before opening them again. There really was no need for my mom to see my irritation. Plus, I had almost three years' worth of shit behavior to make up for.
"I'm sure, Mom." My voice was tight. I tried to add a smile for good measure. Because those particular muscles hadn't had a workout for a while, it felt weird. I could only hope I looked mildly happy and not constipated.
My mom's eyes flicked to my dad, who was sitting to her right. He looked as uncomfortable as I felt. We still had a lot to get used to. Before I left Sault Point, our meetings consisted of me either yelling at them or giving them the silent treatment. There hadn't been an in-between.
"So, uh—" My dad dragged a palm along the back of his neck. "How are the renovations coming along?"
My gaze drifted to the unfinished deck beyond the open sliding doors.
Just as quick, I shifted my attention back to the computer screen in front of me.
"It's slow going, but it's keeping me busy.
" When I first saw this property, it hadn't been the price or even the view that'd convinced me to buy.
It was the sheer amount of work it needed.
If I kept busy, I wouldn't have time to wallow in self-pity.
My dad nodded tentatively, his eyes darting back and forth over what I presumed was something in his lap. Our entire exchange was damn awkward, and I had no one to blame but myself.
"I still—"
"Do you—"
My dad and I spoke at the same time. Shifting in my seat, I scratched the scruff on my chin. "You go first."
"Do you think you'll go back?"
Before I could say anything, my mom jabbed my dad's ribs with her bony elbow. His thick, gray brows pulled together while he glared at her. "What the hell was that for, Mildred?"
Her gaze rested on the scars along my neck for a few beats too long before she turned to my dad again. Because I only had a side view of her face, I couldn't see the full extent of her expression as she furiously tried to wordlessly convey something to my dad.
Her eyebrows were jumping about while she twisted and pursed her lips. All the while, my poor father was staring at her with a perplexed look on his face.
"It's okay, Mom," I finally said. "I honestly don't know if I'll ever go back." The words left a thick unwanted lump in my throat. I had to swallow it down before I could speak again. "I miss it. A lot. But I'm no good to anyone in this condition."
"Oh, Adam."
The look on my mom's face was too much. I hated the pity and sadness I saw there. When would they realize that the life I was living was one of my own making?
"I…uh… gotta go." There was no hiding the strain in my voice. "I'll call again next week. Same time?"
Mom's shoulders rose and fell with the deep drag of air she took.
Her mouth opened and I held my breath. I knew it was hard for her to see me like this.
Hell, it was hard for me too. But this was my reality and it didn't matter how many times she, or anyone else, told me things would get better, I knew different.
However, instead of assuring me that whatever was going on would pass, and that I'd be back to my old self again—like she always did—she simply said, "Sounds good." The hint of sadness in her voice caused another one of those stirrings inside my chest.
"Okay. Bye."
As I reached forward to shut the laptop my mom quickly added, "We love you, Adam." Those four little words felt like a punch to the gut. I had done nothing to deserve the love of those two people. Not in the past three years anyway. I'd pushed them away and shut them out.
I wanted to say those words back. Wanted to tell them I knew how damn fortunate I was to still have them, but the words wouldn't leave my tongue. So instead of voicing my feelings, I nodded tersely before closing the lid.
A heavy sigh pushed past my lips as I scraped both hands over my face. I couldn't blame my dad for asking the one question I thought about every single day. Firefighting had been in my blood for as long as I could remember.
If my mom were to be believed, I'd wanted to be one from the moment I'd uttered my first words. I'd never gone through the phases of wanting to be a doctor, policeman, or astronaut.
Fire had always been my passion. Until it stole everything from me. And in a cruel twist of fate, I couldn't hate it for doing what it had been created to do. Losing Angie was on me. I was the one who—
"No!" I jumped to my feet and stomped to the kitchen. There was no way I was going to give in to those kinds of thoughts. I couldn't afford to. Pulling out the carafe, I topped up my mug and headed outside.
It was a long shot but with any luck, the uninterrupted view of the beach and ocean would calm my fraying nerves. Still holding on to my mug, I balanced it on the armrest. My head fell back against the chair and I screwed my eyes shut.
The sound of the waves gently lapping at the shore filled my ears a moment later. I inhaled deeply, dragging a shot of salty air straight to my lungs. It was exactly what I needed after talking to my parents.
Heaven knew I had a lot to make up for. It was still difficult as hell to shift into this new dynamic. To let them into a place I had sealed off a long time ago—or at least attempt to.
Building bridges wasn't my strong suit .
Slowly, I lifted my head and opened my eyes; the endless stretch of blue shockingly not the first thing to catch my attention. I sat up straighter and leaned forward in my seat. There on the beach was my annoyingly friendly neighbor and she was… dancing.
She kicked up a cloud of sand before dragging her foot to the inside of her opposite thigh. Arms stretched high above her head, she spun around and around before suddenly collapsing into a heap.
I jumped up so abruptly, my coffee tipped over. I was vaguely aware of the mug shattering to pieces when it hit the ground, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the woman on the beach.
She was on her knees now; slamming her hands into the sand before stretching out onto her front. I needed to see more. Completely mesmerized, I walked to the edge of my property just in time to see her roll onto her back and pull her knees to her chest.
The way she moved caused a stirring inside of me. A flicker of something familiar. Something good. My hand came up, absentmindedly rubbing over a spot on my chest. My gaze never leaving her.
In one fluid motion, she was sitting with her leg bent in front of her and the other stretched out behind her, toes pointing to the sky. Her back arched, the knot on her head almost touching her ass. Reaching behind her, she gripped her foot.
It was a damn shame I didn't have my phone because the picture she painted with the orange-pink sky and bright blue ocean was absolutely breathtaking .
That feeling inside my chest made itself known once more, more urgent this time. It was almost as if a bolt of lightning had zipped through the sky and struck me where I stood.
Intense.
Electrifying.
And scary as shit.
Every cell in my body warned me that there was one hell of a storm coming. One I wasn't even remotely prepared for.