28
MADDIE
Adam: I'm sorry I left like that .
I read over the text for what felt like the hundredth time. It had come through almost three hours ago when Frankie had still been here. She'd done such a great job at distracting me with food, I hadn't even heard my phone.
After I'd walked her out and came back inside the blinking light on my phone caught my attention. And then I saw Adam's message.
Yes, I somewhat understood why he felt the need to flee. But if I were being honest, it'd hurt me a little too. And that just made me feel guilty. I didn't know what it felt like to walk around with scars on my body.
Just because I didn't see him any differently didn't mean others would too.
Somewhere at the very back of my mind, a little nagging voice tried to make itself known.
What if this thing with Adam grew into something more?
Would he always stay in the shadows? Was I going to go to the movies or Oven and Vine alone?
I shook my head and forced that silly little voice to shut the hell up. She was getting way ahead of herself.
Thumbs hovering over the keyboard, I waited a few seconds before I typed my reply .
Me : It's okay. What's not okay, though, is the frustrated state you left me in.
It took a while for the little dots to start jumping.
Adam : I can take care of that.
I laughed; it sounded a little irritated and nervous. There was nothing I wanted more than for Adam to come and freaking finish what we started but I had to go see my parents. While I still had the nerve.
Me: I'm going to hold you to that as soon as I get back from my parents.
When his response popped up, I laughed even more. It was so Adam to just send a thumbs-up emoji. Nibbling on my lip, I slipped my phone into my back pocket and tried very hard to ignore the insistent fluttering in my heart when I thought about the man next door.
The man who had six-foot walls around his heart and still managed to break through every single one of mine. The man who made my knees weak and my heart skip a beat. He was also the one burrowing so deep into every part of me, it was almost impossible to imagine a day without him.
Those thoughts were scary as hell.
No doubt I was falling. Hard. I just wasn't sure whether he'd be there to catch me before I hit the ground.
With a deep breath, I shelved that particular line of thought. I had more pressing matters to attend to.
** *
The knots in my stomach twisted tighter and tighter the closer I got to my family home. By the time I walked up the steps and knocked on the door, I was so nervous I thought I might throw up.
I actually almost did when my mom opened the door and greeted me with a wide smile. One I hadn't seen much of lately. The nausea rising in my throat made way for something else entirely when she pulled me to her chest and whispered against my hair, "I'm so happy you're here."
Pulling back, I smiled at her. I wanted the band so tightly wound around my chest to expand, but I knew it wouldn't. Not until I'd spoken to my parents. "Is Dad home? I want to talk to you both."
A mask of worry veiled her features. Her hands shot to my shoulder and gripped them firmly. "Are you all right? Did something happen?"
Swallowing hard, I chose to only answer her first question. "I'm not sick if that's what you're worried about, Mom. I just really need to talk to you and Dad."
Slowly her head bobbed up and down, I could tell she wasn't buying it. Thankfully, she remained quiet as she led me through the house.
My gaze bounced from picture to picture lining the walls. It hadn't been all bad, my childhood. It was only when I started dancing that this wall was erected. One, in all fairness, I hadn't even attempted to climb over. Hopefully, after today we could remove a few of the bricks.
"He's out here," my mom said as we walked through the kitchen and out the back door. My dad was sitting on the patio nose deep in a book. On the chair next to his was my mom's knitting basket.
It must've been nice to simply be in each other's presence while you were still doing something for you.
Unexpectedly—or maybe not so unexpectedly—my mind drifted to Adam.
He'd happily sit on the beach or anywhere else—where there were no people—and watch me dance. I wasn't sure how I knew; I just did.
And that thought had something else entirely blooming inside my chest.
"Look who stopped by." My mom sounded so thrilled, I felt bad for not coming over more often.
Dad lowered his book and lifted his eyes to mine. I wanted to press my hand against my stomach to keep the knots from twisting and churning. "Madison." He jerked his head in greeting. "What brings you over?"
Deep breaths, Maddie . This was it. The moment that probably could make or break my already fragile relationship with my parents. I took a few more steadying breaths as I dragged a patio chair closer and steadily lowered myself onto it.
My gaze bounced between both my parents before it settled on my dad. "You know how I've been filling in for Lucetta while she's away?" Dad rolled his eyes, and I forced the rest of the words out of my mouth when they wanted to shrink back down my throat.
"She's not coming back and she wants me to take over. Not only will I be able to do something I love but I'll have the opportunity to finally earn a living off of this. The thing is, I only have about seventy-five percent of the amount she's asking, and I was hoping I could—"
"No!" My dad bellowed. "There's no way in hell, I'm going to support this craziness. You can just for—"
"Fraser." Mom reached over and placed her hand on Dad's.
He wasn't having it. Shaking her off, he jumped to his feet and towered over me. "I shouldn't have entertained the idea of this silly hobby. I know how it can destroy."
"Destroy?" I pushed to my feet so fast, my dad had to take a step back. "What on earth is dancing going to destroy? It makes me happy, Dad. And the only one destroying anything is you!"
"Madison," he warned.
"No! All I have ever asked of you was to support my dreams. I'm not you, Dad. That hardware store doesn't bring me joy. I hate it. Because you love it more than your own daughter."
My dad's face turned bright red, the veins on his forehead and neck bulging with fury. He looked to my mom then glared at me before stomping off like an enraged beast. I never knew what real heartbreak felt like until I watched my dad walk away from me like that.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell. But mostly I wanted to run away. To be somewhere safe where it was okay to be me.
"Maddie." My mom clasped my hands in hers and pulled me back into my seat. "We should have been honest with you a long time ago. I don't even know why we never said a thing."
I'd never, not once, seen my mom look so forlorn. A part of me wanted to throw my arms around her and just hold her close. I might've done that had it not been for the hurt little girl inside of me demanding to be heard and understood.
"What are you talking about?" I flinched at the ice in my tone.
My mom let go of my hands and smoothed hers down the front of her floral skirt. Her gaze drifted to a spot on the fence, and when she spoke, her voice sounded almost hollow. "There's a reason your father and I don't like dancing."
"That's putting it mildly." I snorted. "You hate it, Mom. Probably because it makes me happy."
Her eyes snapped back to mine lightning fast. Brows pulled together she searched my face. "Is that what you believe?"
I felt the sting of emotion at the back of my eyes and I willed it to stay put until we were done. "It's kind of hard to think anything else when you haven't even given it a shot."
Not once in my life had I spoken to my mom the way I was speaking to her right now. The fact that she wasn't admonishing me about it should've been a warning for what was to come.
"Did you know your father had a sister?" my mom asked softly. I gaped at her because no I hadn't known. My dad barely spoke about his childhood other than he'd lost both his parents in a bus accident at the age of twenty.
When I said nothing, my mom gave me a wistful look. "You were named after her." She shook her head. "To this day, your father believes we cursed you when we gave you your name."
"What? Why?"
Smiling ruefully, my mom reached for my hand and I let her take it. "Your father's younger sister—your aunt—loved dancing. She lived and breathed it. And, oh Maddie, she was good too. Just like you."
There was a huge ball of emotion lodged in my throat. I could barely breathe around it, let alone swallow. I had no idea my mom had ever seen me dance. And I wanted to know all about the hows and whens right after I learned more about my namesake.
Mom gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "She was two years your dad's junior, and she had more drive and determination in her little finger than most people had in their entire lives."
After sucking in a rough breath, my mom's gaze shifted back to the fence. By the deep lines on her forehead and the sharp angles of her brows, I knew she was lost in some memory.
"What happened to her?" I asked in a whisper, afraid my interruption might startle her to her senses. Then Madison of the past would be lost to me forever.
"She had big dreams of joining the ballet and performing on the world's biggest stages." My mom didn't look at me as she spoke. "And your dad encouraged her to follow those dreams." Her eyes finally met mine. "He was her biggest cheerleader."
Oh, how I wished she hadn't said that. The knife stuck in my chest twisted and sliced away another piece of my heart. Why? Why couldn't he have been my cheerleader then too? Gritting my teeth, I willed the stupid tears to stay away.
Maybe it was written all over my face, or it might've been a mother's intuition, but she knew. She was out of her chair and crouched in front of me faster than I could blink. Unlike me, she allowed the emotion to wet her cheeks.