32
ADAM
"I like her." My sister nudged my arm with her shoulder as we walked along the beach. Maddie had left not too long ago after she received a message from her sister about some party. It didn't take Zoe long to drag my ass out for a walk.
She had questions, probably a million of them. Since her inquisition had been cut short by her husband not long after Maddie and I had walked back into the house, I knew she'd find a way to get her answers.
My gaze skittered over the ocean. There was no wind, no crashing waves. Only calmness. Exactly what I felt deep in my bones. "So do I," I said to Zoe as we stopped walking and turned to face the big blue.
In the quiet that followed the past three years played out like a movie in front of me. In it, I was the antagonist. Selfishly putting up walls around myself and shooting hurtful arrows at the people who cared for me even when I didn't deserve it.
Twisting, I looked at my sister. She'd gone to hell and back all by herself and not once did she shift the blame onto anyone else. "Zoe, I'm so sorry. I should've been there for you. Protected you. "
Shaking her head, she tucked a few of her blonde strands behind her ear. "You know I don't hold it against you, right? You had your own battles to fight."
"But maybe if I had pulled my head out of my ass, I would've been able to see that you needed me."
More head shaking. "Don't do that. The past is the past. No amount of anything can change it.
" Zoe reached for my hand and squeezed. "Honestly, if I had to go through it all again just so I could have Eli, Molly, and these babies inside me, I would.
Sometimes we have to walk through the pits of hell to find our own slice of heaven. "
Shit if I didn't understand exactly what she meant. I had been in my own version of hell when Maddie had found me. Looking back, it was those horrible events that led me to her.
My second chance.
My salvation.
My everything.
Wrapping my arms around Zoe's shoulder, I pulled her to my chest. "I'm so proud of you, Zo. You're one hell of a woman, and these babies are so damn lucky to have a badass mom like you."
She sniffled against my shirt. "Don't forget Molly."
I chuckled and smoothed my hand down her back. "And Molly too."
Gently pulling back, she wiped under her eyes, lips lifting into a wide teasing smile. "I can't wait to tell Mom and Dad you have a g irlfriend . "
I threw my head back and laughed, surprised at how easy it came. "Maybe I should do it…I do not want to give either of them a heart attack."
She laughed too. "Definitely not." Over her shoulder, she looked down the path we'd just walked. "We should probably head back. We still have a few hours on the road ahead of us."
"I hope I didn't chase you away."
"You didn't," she promised. "Eli has to be at the station early tomorrow and I still have a few things to take care of at school.
After I spoke to the doctor and realized I'd have to cancel our planned trip, it made me so sad I forced Eli to drive here without really thinking it through.
" Her expression turned solemn. "I wish we could stay longer. "
"Me too," I told her honestly. "Maybe next time?"
That beautiful wide smile was back. "Definitely."
***
I was standing on the curb waving my sister and her family off when Maddie's little blue car pulled into her driveway. The wheels had barely stopped turning before she jumped out and rushed over.
"Oh no," she cried. "I wanted to say goodbye before they left."
Stepping behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist. "Don't worry, I'm sure once the twins make their appearance they'll be back. "
Maddie twisted her head. "Really? It was a good visit then?"
With a deep breath, I took her sweet strawberry scent straight to my lungs before nuzzling her neck. "It was."
Turning in my embrace, her fingers immediately went to the hairs at my nape. Eyes searching mine, the corners of her mouth lifted. "I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah." I dragged my hands down her body until I could cup her ass and pull her flush against me. "I'm happy too."
Maddie laughed heartily. "Oh my goodness, you're terrible."
"I'll show you terrible." As I said the words, I bent my knees and hoisted her over my shoulder in a fireman's hold. She squealed and swatted my ass over and over again, but I didn't stop walking until I was standing in front of my bed.
One flick and she was flat on her back with me hovering over her. Lowering my mouth to hers, I claimed the kiss I'd been craving the little time she'd been away. It started out sweet and slow and quickly turned to frantic and sloppy.
We were ripping at each other's clothes like we couldn't get to what was underneath fast enough. Which we probably couldn't. Fueled by nothing but the need to be connected in the most intimate way possible, there was no slow seduction or teasing touches.
Our bodies moved to the same rhythm. Grunts and moans bouncing off the walls.
It was no wonder it didn't take us long to topple over the edge into sweet, sweet ecstasy.
Chests heaving and our breaths coming fast and hard, we fell to the mattress.
I brushed along her jaw with my thumb before dropping my hand to my stomach.
Banding my arm tighter around her, I tugged her to my side and didn't miss how well she fit.
It was as if for all this time I'd been trying to rebuild the puzzle that was my life with the wrong pieces. And lying in my bed with Maddie draped over me, it felt as if the right ones had finally clicked into place.
Her finger slowly started tracing the lines of my tattoo. Starting at my wrist, she carefully followed the ink up and over my shoulder, and across the expanse of my right pec. She lifted those beautiful eyes to mine, and I knew without an ounce of doubt I was done for.
"This means something, doesn't it?"
Lazily, I ran the tips of my fingers down her back and over her hip bone. Grinning when her eyes fluttered closed and a shiver ran through her body. "Why do you think that?"
Her lids parted, revealing golden irises at the same time the slightest pink color stole her cheeks. I wasn't sure whether it was her answer or my fingers brushing her skin that'd brought it on.
She slicked her tongue over her lips. "I might be wrong, but you don't strike me as the kind of person who would do something so elaborate or permanent if it didn't mean something to you ."
I blinked and blinked again. Then once more. Because how could she know me like this? She saw something that most people had never even given a second thought to. She saw me.
And shit, if that didn't do all sorts of things to my heart.
My fingers kept trailing up and down her skin; tiny bumps popping up beneath my touch. "You're right." I cleared my throat and shifted my gaze to the ceiling. It wasn't hard to recall the events that played such an important part in molding the man I used to be.
"There are certain things that you can never be prepared for no matter how much training you've undergone.
For me, that was my first loss to a fire.
" My eyes flicked to hers; she was watching me so intently.
"I'll never forget how cocky we were when we rolled up to the bakery and saw the small amount of smoke billowing out the building. "
Young and stupid, that's what we were. "We weren't prepared for what was waiting for us inside. Not even close. Smoke so thick, we couldn't see. Still, we managed to pull almost all of the people out until the owner informed us that one of his employees was unaccounted for."
I closed my eyes against the flash of memories. "I found him in the storeroom. He was pinned beneath a fallen shelf, already breathing heavily due to all the smoke inhalation." My eyes opened and locked onto Maddie's gaze. "I'd promised him I'd get him home to his family."
The words stung as they worked their way up my throat.
"I lied," I said thickly. "It was my first loss as a firefighter.
I took it hard. For days, I couldn't eat or sleep until I decided to pay my respects to the family.
They had pictures of him everywhere, and when I saw his tattoo in one them, I knew straight away I wanted one just like it. I never wanted to forget."
Maddie was staring at me with big, shiny eyes so full of wonder. I wanted to remember that look for the rest of my life. I swallowed hard; I'd never shared this with anyone mostly because no one had ever asked about it.
She wiggled until she was close enough to press her lips to mine. "Thank you for telling me that." Her gaze flicked between my eyes like she was trying to work something out in her head. "You miss firefighting, don't you?"
"I do."
"Something changes in you when you talk about it. Even when the story you're relaying is as tragic as this one." Her fingers brushed over the left side of my chest. "It's a part of you as much as dance is a part of me."
"I suppose it is," I agreed quietly.
Maddie's fingers slowly moved over my scarred skin. "Have you considered going back?"
I had. More times than I could count but for all the steps I'd taken forward, being around people, especially ones I didn't know, still freaked me out. I wasn't entirely sure if I'd be able to get over this particular hurdle if I were being honest.
For whatever reason, I couldn't admit this to the woman who meant the world to me. Maybe it was because I was terrified of her looking at me differently or possibly seeing that there was a coward still living inside me .
Even though there wasn't space for a breath between us, I hugged her body closer to mine. My fingers worked their way into her hair, reveling in the feel of her silky strands brushing against my knuckles. "I don't know," I answered her honestly.
"That's okay." Maddie shifted until she was straddling me. Bending down, her hair fell around us like a thick curtain. Her lips brushed over mine once. "One step at a time and you'll get where you need to be."
I cupped the back of her head and pulled her mouth back to mine to keep the words that burned up my insides from spilling out. Because, yes, it was fast. Yes, it was completely beyond understanding but it didn't change the fact that I loved this woman.