Chapter 14
F uck my life, that conversation had been torture. Hadn’t I known this day would come though?
Yeah, I had.
She was too smart, too beautiful, too, well, too everything to be by herself, and who was I to keep her locked away?
We were together every chance we got and that wasn’t fair to her. We ate meals together and watched shows together. We worked out together and took fucking wintry walks together. I held her hand every chance I got, and I fucking craved her nearness.
I shouldn’t have been doing any of that. Maybe I was doing it intentionally. Keeping her away from the world. Keeping her in our perfect little bubble.
I knew her inside out. And she knew me. Except for the one thing that practically defined me. How deep in I was with her.
That, she definitely didn’t know.
Fuck, she wanted to have sex.
No. Just no.
But really, yes.
I was no fool. I knew she’d been with men in the past, but we were on different continents. She hadn’t dated in the three years she’d been setting up Cupcake.
At least there wasn’t anyone on the scene now. At least I had a little more time. Fuck, could you imagine if she was right, and she’d been missing the signs from someone already in her life?
That would be fucking terrible.
Right now, though, she was here with me. I watched her out the windshield of my truck, jumping around with Jack and Biscuit. She was cute, so engaged in whatever ridiculous thing Jack was showing her he’d trained the dog to do.
And we had the best weekend planned for him. Tonight, we were going to make homemade pizzas and for the Marvel movie we had cued up ready to watch, she’d made iced Avengers cookies.
Just me and her, and Jack.
I took my sunglasses off and scrubbed my hands over my face. I needed to stop taking things she didn’t realize she was giving me.
I’d been finding loopholes in our friendship since high school. It was time to stop.
High School, Senior Year
“You. Dick!” My bedroom door slammed against my wall and Jenna stormed in. She lunged for the foam puck resting on the corner of my desk and hurled it at me. I caught it midair and shot to my feet.
“Woah there, cupcake. What’s got you all in a tizz?”
She was wearing a frilly white top that wasn’t slutty but hinted at her ample—very ample—cleavage, a short denim skirt that set her hourglass figure off, and a pair of tan boots covering her long legs.
My mouth watered at the inches of naked skin between the hem of the skirt and the top of her boots. Her hair was in what she always called “beach waves” and her makeup was subtle, but it made her look older.
I had to bite my lip to stifle the groan and coached myself not to get hard at the sight of her all dressed up.
Her eyes narrowed at me, and she picked up my baseball next.
“I just got back from my date with Toby Ross.”
My smile was smug. I couldn’t help it. “And what of it?”
“Well, when he was saying goodnight I thought he was leaning in to kiss me, so I leaned in, too, but he was just reaching for a pack of gum in the glove compartment and nearly jumped a mile at my face so close to his.”
I tried to reign in my laughter, I really did, but I just couldn’t do it.
“That pussy.” I snickered.
But I was glad. Seemed my little warning was still being heeded and this only proved the whole reason for it in the first place.
He wasn’t prepared to go through me to have a shot with Jenna, so he wasn’t any good for her.
It was as simple as that.
“Yeah, can you believe it?” she said indignantly.
I didn’t think it was a question she wanted an answer to, so I stayed quiet. Her tone was off and she crossed her arms over her chest, but my grin held firm, I loved being proven right.
“No. I was kinda embarrassed, you know? Didn’t think the thought of kissing me would have that kind of effect. Maybe I’m just that repulsive.”
My smile faltered. Shit. She shouldn’t feel embarrassed after a date. Anyone would be lucky to spend time with her.
If he was taking her out he should have been man enough to do so, come what may, and shown some fucking balls.
I was gonna kill Toby, but first I needed to do some damage control.
“I’m sure he was just intimidated by you,” I said gently. “You’re far too good for the dumbasses at our school anyway. You know what I’d do if I were you? I’d just put a pin in the dating scene. Focus on yourself for a while.”
“Mmm-hmm. How about I pledge a vow of celibacy too? No sex before marriage. How’s that sound?”
I loved the sound of that. “I mean a little drastic, but I can see the merits in it especially?—”
This time I did not see the real puck she launched at my head, but I managed to deflect it anyway. I was a goalie—it was kind of my job.
“Hey!” I said as it fell to the floor with a thunk, my hand stinging.
“You think you’re so clever, Scott Ashley Madden, but you’re just a stupid, dumb boy. I asked Toby what the matter was. He clammed up and sputtered out the whole sorry tale.”
The puck shots to the head were becoming clearer and I started to worry about what he could have told her. There was no way he’d actually tell her the whole truth, hopefully he’d . . .
The thought died as she rushed toward me, her hands ready to do a whole lot of damage.
“You absolute dickhead. You told every guy in our class to keep away from me? You told them you’d pummel their faces in if they even so much as laid a finger on me? All this time I thought there was something wrong with me, but instead, it was just you being an overprotective asshole! How fu-fudging dare you. I really liked him!”
Now I scoffed. “No, you didn’t.”
I covered my face, so she gave me a few hard thwacks to my bare chest instead.
“Well, I could have.”
I grabbed her hands so she couldn’t pelt me anymore. “Come on, let me explain.”
“You have two minutes,” she huffed and pulled her hands from mine.
“Will you sit down though? You’re gonna wear a hole into my carpet.”
She was walking the few feet of the rug I had in here and back again.
The roll of her eyes told me she was losing her patience, but she lowered to the edge of my grey-checked comforter, and I crouched down in front of her.
The scent of her sweet perfume knocked me off-kilter a little bit and I had to brace my hands on the bed either side of her thighs to steady myself.
Sometime in the last few years, I’d started seeing my Jenna differently. She was morphing into something more than just my best friend. Everything was still the same, bar one new thing I could barely control—I was insanely attracted to her. I was half hard at the sound of her voice. I’d never seen anyone more gorgeous. She was whip-smart and the funniest person I knew. The other day she’d dropped a one-liner so slick, I’d nearly choked on my chocolate milk. But I covered it all up well.
Inside, I was a total mess. I’d been talking myself out of doing something for a while now. I couldn’t wreck what we had.
Couldn’t lose her.
So, I lived by a set of rules I stuck rigidly to and, for the most part, I succeeded. As far as I was aware she knew nothing of my feelings for her.
We were going off to different colleges, well college and culinary school, and our time apart was already going to put a strain on our friendship. There was no way we could start up a relationship now when for the next couple of years, we’d be in different states. I needed to continue with the status quo until after college. Then if everything worked out, I’d try my luck.
It was weird to think about burying my feelings when we’d only ever been honest with each other, but the last three months of high school wasn’t the time to be starting something up.
I took a minute to study her face. Her cheeks were flushed from raging out on me, but her light brown eyes were full of hurt and embarrassment. I brushed a lock of hair out of her face and tucked it back behind her ear.
I needed to tread carefully here.
“A while ago I heard a couple of guys from the wrestling team rating all the girls in our class. At first it was funny, and I listened while I got changed to use the gym. But of course, eventually, they got to you.”
And I’d wanted to rip them limb from limb.
“They each scored you on different parts of your body and by the time they got to . . . um . . .” My gaze lowered. It was a douche move but they were right there.
She coughed, and my eyes snapped back up to hers. “Your chest . . . area, I’d had enough and had them both in a chokehold before they could say another word. I told ’em if anyone ever talked about you like that again, or came near you, I’d smash their teeth down their throat. And then, well, things escalated pretty quickly after that.”
“Escalated how?” she said through gritted teeth.
I couldn’t keep the grimace off my face. “Well, the rumor about what I did caught like wildfire, and when a few people asked me I just doubled down, and then everyone knew you were off-limits.”
“What was my score?”
“Huh?” I blinked in confusion.
“What did I score? Where did I rank?”
I hung my head. “I don’t wanna say.”
“Just tell me.”
“They ranked you tenth.”
Her eyes brightened at that. “Tenth? Out of the whole class?”
“Yeah.” I shook my head. They were all idiots. She was so goddamn pretty it actually hurt to look at her. Like I’d let any of those fucks anywhere near her. Those guys sucked.
“Jenna, don’t you get it? Those idiots don’t even deserve to share the same air you breathe. Tenth? You should’ve been at the top of every one of those lists. Everyone’s number one. If they can’t see that, then they don’t get to date you. Simple as that.”
“Wait a minute, you said wrestling. So how long ago did you off-limit me?”
“It was, hmm, recent?” I squirmed, unable to look her in the eye.
“ Scott .”
“Last spring.” I grimaced.
“Oh my God! This all makes so much sense now. Do you know what you’ve done?”
“What?” She was scary all worked up.
“I’m now the oldest girl in the history of the world to never have been kissed.”
Her voice grew even louder. “I got to senior year without being freaking kissed. Are you kidding me? Gah, you are such an asshole.”
She went to stand up but my hands on her creamy thighs kept her from moving. My dick hardened to granite at the feel of her bare skin under my palms.
“I don’t think you’re the only girl in the history of the world . . .”
“I can’t believe you did this. You’re supposed to be my friend.”
She was really mad, but couldn’t she see I’d only done her a solid?
“I am your friend. That’s exactly why I did it.”
She shook her head, confusion and hurt still etched across her beautiful face, and she bowed her head. “I don’t even understand.”
My hands squeezed her thighs, trying to get her to look at me again, but she didn’t.
“I already told you, the guys in our class are all dumb as shit.”
Suddenly her head snapped up, this time determination was written all over her face, and that was even scarier.
“Well, now you need to repay me.”
I sat back on my haunches. “How?”
“You need to kiss me. I know you’re good at it, every girl you’ve ever made out with says so.”
I shook my head vigorously. No. No. No. “No. No way.”
This had disaster written all over it. She’d know, she’d know the truth.
“Yes, way. And you better make it a good one. So pucker up, asshole, I’m coming to collect.”
“No, Jenna. Don’t ask me to do this.”
“Jesus, am I that horrifying? Fine, I take it back.”
She was gonna be the death of me.
“Wh—when?” I stuttered out.
Her eyes sparked knowing she’d gotten me to cave in less than ten seconds. So much for “no.” I couldn’t deny her, though, not anything, ever.
“Right now.”
“I . . .” I dragged my teeth over my lip. “This is fucking crazy.”
“You owe me. And you’ll lift your stupid ban too. I don’t want to be going to prom by myself like some loser.”
She already had a date. Me. “We’ll be going together.”
Wasn’t it a given?
“Maybe . . .” She was giddy. “But I am number ten so that almost guarantees me a date.”
I growled, “You are nobody’s fucking tenth.” And then I crashed my lips to hers.
I knew I shouldn’t do it.
I knew I shouldn’t take this from her. But I really was the asshole she just called me. Knowing I was the first person to ever do this lit me up from the inside out.
But I also felt like a thief. Taking something that didn’t belong to me. Impulse won out and I was high from stealing it. I was a kleptomaniac.
I wanted this. I wanted to kiss her under the ruse of owing her. I couldn’t tell her how I felt, but I could show her, and tomorrow everything would go back to normal.
Except, when my tongue gently licked at the seam of her lips begging for entry and she opened up, I knew I’d made a mistake.
I swallowed her gasp and when my tongue slid against hers my fate was sealed. As I deepened the kiss, coaching her to follow my lead, I forgot I was supposed to be pretending to be doing her a favor.
I got so lost in her. The kiss went on and on and still, I wanted more. I could no longer hear my younger brothers squabbling downstairs, only the sounds of her whimpers and mewls. And all I wanted to do for the rest of my life was draw those sounds out of her over and over again.
I licked and explored her mouth like I’d die if I didn’t. She tasted like strawberry ice cream. She tasted like mine.
My fingers weaved into her hair, my palms cupping her cheeks . . .
She withdrew and I chased her lips, but she swatted at my shoulder, and I blinked a few times, pulling my head back.
“Jenna—”
Her eyes were as big as saucers. Her face flushed. Her lips puffy. She was so fucking pretty. I wanted to lean in again. I wanted to take and take and take and never stop.
“Wow, Casanova.” She gulped. “No wonder all the ladies want a piece of you. My first kiss rocked. Now I can scratch never been kissed off my list. Thanks, buddy.”
She bent over, gave me a big smacker of a kiss on my forehead, and then left.
What the fuck had I just done?
Dead.
I was dead.
I ran like the wind. I bolted down the Madden staircase and threw out a jubilant, “See you soon, Mrs. Madden,” and got outta there. Then I ran some more until I rounded my front yard, through the unlocked front door, another breezy “Hi, Dad,” and then slammed my bedroom door shut and slid down the back of it.
What had I just done?
My heart was hammering in my chest, but it had nothing to do with the speed at which I’d just sprinted home and everything to do with the way Scott Madden’s lips had felt against mine.
Oh my God, kissing was incredible. And kissing him? Mind-blowing. I lifted my fingers to my mouth and traced my lips.
They were still tingling; I could still feel the press of his mouth against mine.
I scrambled to stand and rushed into my ensuite bathroom, throwing on the light and dropping my bag on the floor.
Did I look different? I felt different.
My face was flushed, my hair a mess, but my eyes were shining orbs of gold. I giggled and it turned into a manic laugh.
Shining orbs of gold? Next, I’d be spouting poetry.
Holy shit, he’d finally kissed me. The boy I’d been lusting after for so long had actually kissed me.
Scott Ashley Madden was my fiiiiirst kiiiiiss!
If I had a journal this would be one hell of an entry.
How I’d found out about him warning everybody off me and then me making my demands . . . Although, huh, now it felt like I might have manipulated him.
My smile faded. I didn’t think he would have done it otherwise. We were just friends. Or at least that’s what I told myself.
Deep down, though, I knew how I felt and how he doesn’t .
He had always said really sweet things, and honestly, he believed them.
He believed I should be treated with kindness and respect—hence the overprotective threats. He believed I could do better than some dumb senior who couldn’t pull the trigger on a goodnight kiss.
The problem was, the boy turning into a man right in front of my eyes, and a good man at that, was the only person I really wanted.
And now I knew what I was missing out on. Knew how his kiss felt. How his hands felt holding me to him. How he tasted.
What the hell had I just done?