Chapter 20
September 2001
W hen the bell finally rang telling everyone it was the end of the day, I grabbed mine and Jenna’s backpacks from the cubbies on the back wall, took her hand, and walked as fast as I could to get out into the fresh air.
On Saturday when my dad had called, he’d made a promise. And my dad never broke a promise.
I’d been excited from the minute he’d told us he’d be picking us up from school on Tuesday. And today, well, it was Tuesday. The day had gone by so slowly, it had felt like one of those weird dreams.
A horrible dream where class never ended and every time I looked at the clock the long hand had only moved one place. It was like torture.
I was excited to see him. He hadn’t been gone long, but I wanted to show him the cool trick I just learned on my bike. It had taken me forever to get it and I’d been practicing every day.
This weekend I’d finally done it and then again, and again. Even Casey had seen. And it was epic.
I just wanted Dad to see, that was all I cared about, and I knew he’d be proud. He would know I’d been practicing, and Dad liked that. He liked us to work hard for the things we wanted.
Not only had the day dragged, it had also been weird.
A few of my classmates had been called out and left early, and I even went over to Mrs. Amble, our teacher, and asked her if she was okay because I’d seen her wiping tears away when I came in from recess to use the bathroom.
She’d smiled and told me everything was fine. She’d said I was really sweet and not to worry, but I did. She was a nice lady, and I didn’t like the thought of her being upset.
Then at lunch, it was the same thing. All the adults seemed upset, but Jenna had been talking to me about a brownie box she was excited to make, and she had the biggest smile on her face, she’d made me forget all about it. I told her I’d love her forever if she made some for me.
But now as we raced—without running, getting told off would just hold us up—I could feel it again. Like something was wrong with all the grown-ups.
I practically burst out into the courtyard, dragging Jenna behind me, when I saw Jenna’s mom. Jenna saw her, too, pulling away and running over to her. But it was weird because she was wearing her uniform and holding my little brother Knox’s hand.
Where was Dad?
“Hi, Mommy,” Jenna said, hugging her, and I made my way to Knox. I’d checked on him at recess and lunch and he’d seemed okay.
“Hi, kid. Did you have a good day at school?” Jenna’s mom asked Jenna as she hugged her back without letting go of Knox’s hand.
“Yeah, it was fun.”
“Good. That’s so good.” Then she turned to me when I ruffled Knox’s blond hair. Same as mine, only his was longer. Mama called him her sunshine and I think it was because his hair was so bright.
“Buddy, I’ll walk you home today. Your mom is waiting for you.”
“Okay, do you know if my dad is there too?” I said hopefully.
She gave me a weird smile. Like, a sad smile.
What was up with today?
“I’m gonna be honest with you because I know you can handle it, yeah?”
My dad called Jenna’s mom a straight shooter and I think it was because she was nice and kind, but she didn’t talk to us like babies either.
I stood up straighter. “Yes. I can take it.”
“Your dad did get back on time. I know he promised he would, and he did, but he hasn’t been able to get home yet.”
At that, I nodded. She told me she knew I could handle the truth and I could, but what was so important? I wanted to show him my new bike stunt. What if he didn’t get back until after dark?
This sucked.
“Casey, Coralie, over here!” Jenna’s mom shouted, and I looked up to see my brother and sister.
“We’ll walk with you if that’s okay?”
“Yeah. Hi, Mrs. McCall.” Casey nodded, and Coralie followed him.
They were twins and in the second grade. Me and Jenna were in first and Knox was now in kindergarten.
He let go of Jenna’s mom’s hand and rushed to Coralie’s side. She then took his hand in hers and we all walked toward our street.
“Something is going on,” Casey whispered so only Coralie could hear, but I was so close I heard it, too, and it made my belly ache.
All of a sudden Jenna grasped for my hand and I let her take it. She felt it too.
Why did those kids leave today?
Why is Jenna’s mom taking us home?
Where was Mama? She always picked us up unless Dad could get here on time, which was practically never.
“Is the baby sick?” Coralie asked.
The last time someone met us from school it was because my baby brother Jason had been born while we were at school, and Jenna’s dad bought us all pizza while we waited for my dad to get back from the hospital.
“No, hon, baby Jase is fine. Let’s just get home.”
It didn’t take long; our school was only a couple of blocks over and Mama even said that this year Casey and Coralie could walk by themselves. She said we’re in a safe place because technically the school is on the base.
When we got home my mama was walking around the den in a circle. She was crying without making any noise and baby Jase was asleep with his chubby cheek on her shoulder.
“Mama, what is it?” Casey said, rushing over to her. We hadn’t even shut the front door.
“Oh, my goodness. Is it that time already? Hi, my babies,” she whispered and scrambled for the TV remote, turning it off completely. She was so quick I didn’t even see what she was watching, but it looked like a news channel.
“Is Daddy okay?” Coralie asked and Mama nodded. “Yes darlin’, your daddy is fine. He’s here but . . .” Her gaze drifted back to the black screen of the TV. “He’s working.”
“Can I get you anything, Gilly? How about snacks for everyone?”
“Oh, thank you. Let me put Jason in his bassinet and I’ll be right with you.”
I still hadn’t moved. My whole body was frozen, my feet were stuck to the carpet.
The twins were distracting Knox and helping Jenna’s mom hunt for chips and cut up some fruit.
Mama left the room and then locked the bathroom door. She was always so happy to see us. My mama was the happiest person in the world. And that was what unstuck me. I let go of Jenna’s hand and headed to the bathroom.
“Mama. Mama. Mama, are you okay?” I asked as I quietly knocked on the bathroom door.
“Yes, my brave boy I’ll be out in just a minute.”
“Let me in, Mama.”
“Just give me a second please, Scott.”
I didn’t, though, because I couldn’t, and I took the penny I kept in my pocket and slotted it into the lock. Mama gasped when I walked in and closed the door behind me and then I hugged her legs.
Mama took a deep breath and hugged me back.
When I looked back up at her, the tears had dried, and she was looking down at me.
“I think that was absolutely, exactly what I needed. Thank you, my precious boy.”
“I got you, Mama. I’ll always protect you.”
“Oh, Scott. I love you so much.”
“Love you too, Mama.”
We walked out of the bathroom together and while Knox was sitting at the table with Jenna and her mom, Mama told us what was going on.
Two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York. It had caused a huge fire on a high floor and there were lots of people trapped. People’s mommies and daddies needed to be rescued and all the emergency services rushed to help.
“Uncle Tommy?” Casey had swallowed so loudly I could hear him from two seats over.
Mama nodded. “He went to help them, baby, but the fire was too bad and too high up, and the buildings couldn’t hold on. They crumbled and now all the first responders on the outside are searching for people who were inside when they fell down.”
And now my Uncle Tommy, Theo and Troy’s dad, needed help.
“I’ll go. I’ll go and help search for him,” I said.
And I would. I was little. I could get into places maybe a grown-up couldn’t.
Mama made a noise that sounded like a cry and gasp together, and she pulled the three of us in for a big hug. It was hard and we were all squashed together but we stayed there longer than normal.
“Can I call Theo, Mama? Can we tell him we know?” Casey asked.
Mama looked at him like she was trying to work something out, but I didn’t know what.
“Yes, okay. But we can’t stay on the phone long. I don’t want you to argue when time’s up okay? Aunt May is waitin’ for news, so we can’t tie up the phone. One minute. You tell Theo whatever you need to tell him and then say goodbye and that you’ll call again later. Can you promise?”
“I promise, Mama.”
She tried to hide the shake in her hand as she pressed the redial button.
“Maylene, any news?”
“Okay. Casey has asked to speak with Theo, would that be okay? I’ve told him he can have one minute if you agree.”
“Okay.” She tipped the phone away.
“Aunt Maylene said he’s been begging to call you himself. Remember, keep it short.”
“I will,” Casey said, looking at Mama, and then his eyes flicked down.
“Theo,” he said into the speaker and then listened.
“Are you okay?”
Casey listened some more.
“We love you, all of us. You and Troy.”
Casey nodded and then he handed the phone back to Mama.
She talked with Aunt May for a few more seconds.
“He sounded so scared, but he was trying to be brave,” Casey whispered to me and my sister.
Then Mama put the phone down and clapped her hands together once.
“Okay, babies, let’s get a head start on supper. Keeping busy and positive is what we need to do.”
“Is Dad at work because of what happened?” Coralie asked her before she could get any further away.
“Things are real complicated at the moment, baby, and they needed him to do his job.”
Complicated? How?
Baby Jase woke up then and for a little while it felt like just a regular Tuesday night, but I knew in my gut it wasn’t.
I kept a close eye on Mama. The thing about her was when you spoke to her, even though she now had five kids, she always made me feel like she heard me. She knew that even though I was a boy I wasn’t exactly the same as Casey or Knox. She knew riding my bike was important to me, just like Woody and Buzz were important to Knox.
Tonight, she was distracted. She kept looking from the TV to her watch and then the phone in the kitchen, then out the window to the empty space in the driveway, and I didn’t know how to help her.
So, I did what I thought was best. While Mama was cooking, I played with baby Jase. When we’d all eaten, I started clearing off the plates without being asked and when it was time for us to have our bath, I told Mama me and Knox could have a shower together. She didn’t even speak—she just nodded and sat on the toilet lid while I washed his hair, making up a game with the sponge, and she stared at the open door.
She tucked us all in at the same time, even Casey and Coralie, and they didn’t complain. Then she moved quickly downstairs, and I heard the TV buzz to life.
As quietly as I could, I walked across the hallway and tiptoed into the twin’s room. The lamp was on, and they were both sitting up in bed. I went and joined Casey on his.
“Do you think Daddy will come home tonight?”
Casey shook his head. “I don’t know what’s going on but it’s big.”
I nodded. “School was weird today.”
“I guess a lot of people worked in those buildings and a lot of people went to rescue them.”
“Do you think they’ll find Uncle Tommy?” I asked.
“I hope so,” Casey said, putting his arm around my shoulder.
At that, Coralie slipped out of her bed and came and sat next to me. She put her arm around me too.
When I woke up I was on the end of Casey’s bed, but I was cold—he had all the blankets—so I headed back to my room, making a pitstop at the bathroom first. That’s when I heard Mama crying.
After I went for a pee, I checked on her.
“What are you doing up? I tucked you in with Casey.”
“You did?” I hadn’t remembered that.
“Yes, I thought it wouldn’t matter for one night. Are you okay?” she said, wiping at her face.
“I’m worried about you, and Dad, and Uncle Tommy. Is he safe?”
“Not yet, but people are looking for him. Good people, trained people. They’ll find him.”
I nodded. “And Daddy? Has he called or been home?” I didn’t call him that anymore, but it just slipped out.
“No darlin’, but he’s very busy. I think a lot of things are going to change now. And things are going to be different. I know you wanted to show him your new trick. I’m so sorry he didn’t make it, but I promise as soon as he can he’ll be walking through that door to give you all the biggest hugs ever. He can’t wait to see you, baby, and he loves you so much, don’t ever forget that. We both love you, all you kids so, so much.”
“I know, Mama. I love you too. Can I stay with you? I want to keep you company.”
“You are such a special little boy. Your compassion and protectiveness are gifts, my brave boy.” She flung back the covers. “Git in here. It’s very, very late.”
I snuggled in next to Mama and fell asleep wondering how I was supposed to protect her from this. It was bigger than me.
It felt too big.
And things didn’t make sense. If Dad wasn’t actually looking for Uncle Tommy, what was he doing? And what did Mama mean by everything was going to change?
Mama was right, though. Nothing was ever the same again.
Two days later I heard my dad’s car pull into the driveway and the four of us ran to the window.
He got out and waved but then he stopped and leaned his hand on the car door, like he couldn’t move another muscle.
Was he stuck like I was when we came home from school and Mama was crying?
Did he need our help?
His shirt was untucked, and I’d never seen that in my whole life. When he wore his uniform he was smart, and it was ironed perfectly, but he looked like he’d been wearing them as pajamas.
Casey and Coralie glanced at each other and then at Mama, who came over to us to see what we were looking at.
She peered over our heads to get a better view and her hand flew to her heart.
“Oh, Lord,” she gasped. She placed baby Jason gently down in his playpen and moved toward the door.
She took a deep breath with her eyes closed and then opened it.
When she spoke with my dad their voices were muffled but I heard her cry “No, no, no.”
We were still watching out of the window when he wrapped his arms around her so tight I didn’t know if she would be able to breathe.
She pulled on the back of his head, and he buried his face in her neck.
“Why are Daddy and Mama crying?” Knox asked, and his little lip wobbled.
That’s when Casey sprang into action. “Hey, you wanna play with my action men?”
“Really? You’ll let me touch them.”
“Yep. And you can be in our room all by yourself. I won’t even be mad.”
“Cool!”
Knox ran off like his tail was on fire and Coralie pulled me into her side.
Eventually, Mama and Dad looked up, their faces red and wet. We spun around and sat up straight on the couch.
I had a really bad feeling and it looked like Casey and Coralie did too.
The door opened and they both walked through it.
“Hey, kids. I missed you so much. Come here, I need to hug my babies.”
Dad bent down on one knee, and we rushed him.
“Where’s Knox?” he asked.
“He’s in our room. Want me to go get him?” Casey said.
“No. I’ll go see him in a minute. Get a hug from him too.”
“Okay.”
“Daddy, are you okay?” Coralie sniffed.
He kissed my sister on the head but didn’t answer her.
“Okay, sit back down on the couch. I need to tell you something.”
We did exactly as he asked.
“So, your mama told me you know what’s been going on in New York and with your Uncle Tommy and his crew.”
We all nodded.
“He’s . . . ah . . . he’s . . .”
“He’s gone isn’t he?” Casey said, and my dad nodded.
“He was so brave . . . and . . . and so good at his job. He saved so many people. I just...”
He trailed off, wiping the tears from all our faces. I didn’t even know I’d started crying.
“What about Theo and Troy?” Coralie hiccupped. “What happens when your daddy dies?”
I couldn’t understand. We had only seen him one weekend ago at my birthday party. He showed me another boxing move. He promised he’d take us fishing again. He told me he was proud of me when I got a merit for citizenship.
My mama grabbed my hand hard, and Dad joined his hand with hers. We were five Maddens all holding hands.
“Your Uncle Tommy died a hero. He’s gone and now it’s our turn, our duty”—he shook his head—“my privilege, to look after them from here on out. I’m going to do everything I can for them, which means I’m going to have to go down there for a few days. Help out Aunt May.”
“Do you think . . . I mean, sir, do you think I could come with you? Be there for Theo and Troy?” Casey asked.
“I can take care of Mama,” I said.
I didn’t need to be asked. I could stay here and make sure she was okay.
Mama and Dad looked at each other.
“What you’re walking into, a child has no place there.”
“Exactly. It might be good for the boys.”
It looked like it hurt Mama to nod but she did. “Okay, Jack, if you think it’s the right thing to do.”
He stared Casey straight on, like they were having a staring contest until Dad eventually nodded.
“I’ll stay here and help Mama too.” Coralie squeezed Casey’s hand.
“We do this as a family. Any questions you have you come to me or Mama. Anything you need answers to, and we’ll try our best. Any time you feel sad you do whatever you need to do. Cry, laugh, and joke. Anything. But you do not take it out on each other. No fighting. No tempers. Nothing that splits us from within. We stay strong as a unit. Do you understand?”
We all nodded.
“We’re all going to get through this together. All together.”
“Maybe Aunt May, Theo, and Troy could live here with us. Be easier for us to look after them then,” I said.
Mama and Dad looked at each other, this time nothing needed to be said.