Chapter 18 #2
I follow him inside, the door clicking shut behind me with a finality that sends a shiver down my spine.
The room is dim, bathed in the soft golden glow of the lamp on the nightstand, casting long shadows that dance across the walls.
The air is thick with the scent of him, warm, spicy, with a hint of something sweet, like the faintest trace of vanilla.
It’s intoxicating, familiar, and it wraps around me like a promise.
Julian turns to face me, his expression unreadable, his hands clenched at his sides.
His fingers flex, like he’s fighting the urge to reach for me, to pull me closer or push me away.
I can see the war in his eyes, the way his chest rises and falls with shallow breaths, the way his lips part just slightly, like he’s about to say something but can’t find the words.
I don’t give him time to overthink. I close the distance between us in two strides, my hands cupping his face before he can retreat into his own head.
His skin is warm under my palms, his cheekbones sharp against my thumbs as I brush over them, tracing the familiar lines of his face.
I tilt his head up just enough to meet his gaze, my voice low, steady, like I’m trying to soothe a skittish animal.
“Now tell me, what do you want?” I murmur.
“Right now. No pressure. No expectations. Just you and me and this moment.”
Julian’s eyes flutter shut, his breath warm against my lips, a soft exhale that sends a jolt of heat straight through me.
His lashes are impossibly long, casting shadows on his cheeks, and for a second, I just watch him, memorizing the way his lips part, the way his throat works as he swallows.
“I want you to touch me,” he whispers, his voice barely audible, like the words are being dragged out of him.
“I want to feel you. Just. . .just for tonight.”
I nod, my forehead resting against his, our noses brushing. “Then that’s what you’ll get,” I promise, my voice rough with the weight of everything I’m not saying.
I kiss him slowly, deliberately, my lips moving against his with a tenderness that surprises even me.
It’s not just desire, it’s something deeper, something that makes my chest ache with the need to protect him, to cherish him.
Julian melts into me, his hands gripping the front of my hoodie like he’s afraid I’ll disappear if he lets go.
His body is hard against mine, all lean muscle and heat, heart pounds against my chest, a rhythm that matches my own.
I deepen the kiss, my tongue sweeping into his mouth, tasting him, mint and something darker, something uniquely Julian.
He moans softly, the sound vibrates against my lips, sending a bolt of heat straight to my dick.
I pull back just enough to look at him, my hands slide down to grip his hips, my fingers dig into the soft fabric of his sweatpants.
“You sure about this?” I ask, my voice low, my gaze locked on his.
I need to hear him say it again. I need to know he’s here with me, fully, completely.
Julian nods, his eyes dark with desire, his lips swollen from our kisses. “Yes,” he breathes, and the word is a benediction, a surrender.
I don’t need to be told twice. I guide him toward the bed, my hands never leaving his body, my touch firm but gentle, like I’m leading him through a dance we’ve rehearsed a thousand times.
When the back of his knees hit the mattress, I push him down gently, my body covers his as I kiss him again, my hands roam over his chest, his stomach, the waistband of his sweatpants.
Julian arches into my touch, his breath comes in short, sharp gasps, his fingers seek out my skin, gripping tight, pulling me closer like he can’t get enough.
I pull back just enough to tug his shirt over his head, my eyes raking over his bare chest. His beautiful, dark skin is smooth under my fingertips, the faintest sheen of sweat making him shine in the lamplight.
I trace the lines of his body, my touch reverent, worshipful, like I memorize every dip and curve, every inch of him.
Julian shivers under my hands, his breath hitches as my fingers skim over his nipples, teasing them into tight peaks.
His hands grip the sheets, his eyes locked on mine, dark and hungry.
“Malik,” he breathes, my name a plea on his lips, a sound that goes straight to my core.
I reach for the lube and condoms in my pocket, because I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t hoped for this, and set them on the nightstand before turning back to him.
The sight of him spread out beneath me, his chest rising and falling with rapid breaths, his eyes dark with need, is almost enough to undo me.
“You want to top or bottom?” I ask, my voice rough.
“I’m verse. So, if you want to fuck me, I’m down.
” The words hang between us, heavy with possibility.
I want him any way I can have him, inside me, around me, beneath me. I just need him.
Julian’s breath hitches, his eyes flickering with hunger, with indecision. I can see the moment he makes up his mind, the way his lips part, the way his fingers flex against the sheets. Then, softly, “I want you to fuck me.”
I nod, my hands sliding down to grip the waistband of his sweatpants.
I tug them down slowly, my eyes never leaving his, watching the way his pupils dilate, the way his breath catches as the fabric slides over his hips.
Julian lifts his hips, helping me pull them off, his hard dick springs free, already leaking precum, the tip glistening in the dim light.
I take a moment to appreciate the sight of him, spread out beneath me, his body flushed with desire.
I strip quickly, shirt and pants hitting the floor without ceremony, my focus never leaving him.
Then I reach for the lube, slicking my fingers before pressing one against his entrance.
Julian gasps, his back arching off the bed, his hands gripping my shoulders like he’s anchoring himself to me.
I work him open slowly, carefully, my eyes locked on his face, watching for any sign of discomfort.
His breath comes in short, sharp bursts, his lips parted, his eyes glazed with pleasure.
I add a second finger, stretching him wide, my touch gentle but insistent, and Julian moans, his hips rocking against my hand, his body begging for more.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I murmur, my lips brushing over inner thigh, his knee and the length of his calf. His pulse jumps under my lips, his breath hitches as I whisper against his skin. “So perfect.”
“Malik,” Julian moans, his hips rocking against my hand, his voice raw with need. “Please.”
I don’t make him wait. I pull my fingers free, roll the condom on and slick myself up.
Julian watches me, his eyes never leave mine as he reaches for me.
I line myself up, my hands grip his hips, my thumbs dig into the soft skin there.
I push inside slowly, inch by inch, giving him time to adjust, to feel the stretch and burn of my dick pushing against his walls.
His body is tight around me, hot and slick, and I have to bite my lip to keep from cumming too soon.
Julian gasps, his nails digging into my shoulders, “Fuck, Malik.” He clenches, his breath hitches, and his muscles tense before he forces himself to relax.
“Breathe, baby,” I murmur, my lips brushing over his. “Just breathe.”
He does, his body relaxes around me, giving me permission to move.
I take it slow at first, my thrusts deep and steady, my lips find his in the dark.
His body moves with mine, meeting me thrust for thrust, our breaths mingle, our skin slick with sweat, the air between us thick with the scent of sex and desire.
His whole body shakes beneath me, tensing around me, his breath comes in short, sharp gasps.
“Malik.” His voice is raw, filled with so much emotion I can’t find the words to respond.
All I can do is kiss him, my lips crashing against his, my tongue sweeping into his mouth like I’m trying to consume him.
Shifting my hips, I pound into him, hitting his prostate over and over again.
Julian howls as tears fall down his cheeks and it only makes me fuck him harder.
I’ve dreamed of this moment, one I thought I would never get to have.
I want to remember every sound, every expression, and I want to make him feel me for days.
“Malik,” Julian gasps again, his nails dig into my skin, his body arches beneath me. “I’m close.”
I reach between us, wrap my hand around his length and stroke him in time with my thrusts.
His skin is hot, velvety smooth, his dick pulses in my grip.
Julian’s moans, his body tenses beneath me, his hips jerk up into my hand.
“Cum for me, Miles,” I murmur, my voice rough, my lips brush over his ear. “Let go.”
Julian cries out, his body shudders as he cums, his release spills over my hand, hot and thick.
I fuck into him once, twice, and follow him over the edge, my own orgasm crashes over me like a wave, my body shakes as I spill inside him, my vision goes white for a second before I collapse on top of him.
We lie there for a long moment, our bodies tangled together, our hearts beat in sync, our breaths slowly even out.
Julian’s arms wrap around me, his fingers tracing slow circles on my back, his breath warm against my neck.
His chest rises and falls, his heartbeat slows, and his body settles beneath me.
“I’m scared, Malik,” he admits softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Of losing my parents. Of losing my fans. Of losing control of my life.” His fingers tighten on my back, like he’s afraid I’ll slip away.
I press a kiss to his shoulder, my arms tighten around him, pulling him closer.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I murmur, my voice steady, sure.
“I’ll protect your peace. I’ll stand beside you when you’re ready, but I’m not leaving you again.
You decide the when, baby.” Julian takes a deep breath and buries his face in the crook of my neck.
“Don’t walk away from me anymore, please.
I don’t expect everything to be perfect overnight.
I know there’s still a lot of shit we need to hash out,” I whisper, my lips brushing over his skin. “But I need you.”
Julian nods, shifting so his forehead rests against mine, his breath warm against my lips. “I won’t,” he promises, his voice rough with emotion.
I exhale, my body relaxes into his, the weight of the moment settles over me like a blanket. This isn’t the resolution. It’s not the end of the story. It’s a beginning. A choice to start again, to fight for what we have, to protect it with everything we are.
I don’t know how much closer we can get with his body flush against mine, but I refuse to let him go, sticky cum be damned.
Pressing my lips to his temple, we allow ourselves this moment of reconnection, this fragile new beginning that feels both terrifying and inevitable.
The warm weight of him against me like coming home after years of wandering.
After a while, I roll to the side, but immediately wrap myself around him, one arm circling his waist, my leg thrown possessively over his.
My fingers trace idle patterns across the smooth brown skin of his chest, memorizing him all over again.
I watch his eyes flutter closed, lashes resting against his cheeks.
His body goes lax beneath my touch, and his breath evens out into a gentle rhythm as Julian, my Miles, falls asleep in my arms. The trust in that simple act nearly breaks me.
I’m grounded here, in this moment, in his arms, in a way I haven’t been in years.
The constant noise in my head, the restlessness that drives me onstage and in the studio, quiets to a peaceful hum.
I don’t want to sleep, because if I’m dreaming, I don’t want to wake up and find myself alone again.
I study the curve of his jaw, the fullness of his lips, slightly parted in sleep.
Julian has always been my missing piece, my anchor in a world that moves too fast. Without him, I was hanging on, spiraling, without a safety net, successful but untethered, visible but unseen.
Now, with his fingers loosely curled against my chest, I don’t feel like I’m standing on the edge of something precarious.
After all this time, I’m finally exactly where I’m meant to be.