Chapter 15 #3
“Half-day pre-K is almost big kid’s school.” I smiled. “We went to high school together. You’ll go to high school in about forty years.”
Laurie’s mouth rounded and I laughed.
“Not quite forty, but close. Don’t want you to grow up too fast, munchkin.” He took a bite from his plate and popped another piece of bacon in his mouth. “These are really good.” Then he pushed his chair in so he could round the table to go to the hutch.
My stomach dropped as he licked his fingers and pulled out the yearbook standing beside his senior picture. He still loved looking back on those glory days.
“God, you still have that?”
He grinned and sat down at the table. He pushed plates out of the way and flipped pages. “Of course I do.” He spun the book to show his daughter. “Do you remember Daddy’s friends? Brad and JT?”
Laurie cocked her head. “I don’t think so.”
He was grinning down at the picture of the lacrosse team. I remembered how amazing he looked on the field. All those muscles and aggression wrapped in a boy becoming a man.
And now he was so much more than the cocky kid on the field.
And me? Not so much. I was stuck in the same place as if ten years hadn’t gone by at all.
Before I could stop it, I blurted out my disbelief. “You really want to see all of them again? All those judgy people.”
He laughed and looked up from the pages. “Well, most of them are still in town with us. Not like it’s a big deal. Besides, let them judge me. I have everything I could want.” He swiped his hand over Laurie’s head then tickled behind her ear.
Laurie grinned around a slice of banana.
I stabbed at my pancake and forced down a few bites. Of course he did. All the things he wanted were right in front of him.
And me? I was looking in on the world again. The almost family behind glass. I was good enough to make a baby with him, and to help take care of his daughter, but I wasn’t part of them. Not really.
He flipped the page. “Oh, man. Remember those letters we had to write to our future selves? God. I don’t even remember what I wrote.”
I certainly did and it made everything worse.
I pushed back from the table and picked up empty plates. I’d barely eaten, but my stomach was twisting so much I couldn’t choke down any more. “Done, sweetie?”
Laurie was poking at the banana on her plate instead of eating. She set her fork on her plate with a nod.
Seth didn’t look up from the glossy pages. “I got it. You cooked. I can clean up.”
I nodded. “Okay. I need to go upstairs and get dressed.”
“What?” He stood, closing the book. “Why? I thought we were going to hang out today.”
“I didn’t agree to that. I have to work. As it is, I’ll probably catch he—um, heck—for being late.”
He glanced down at his watch. “You don’t usually go in until ten.”
I swallowed. I couldn’t be around him right now. Too many memories were bumping into my pathetic reality. “I need a shower and to get ready.”
He sighed. “Are you sure you can’t call in?”
“Some of us don’t have that luxury.”
Seth blew out a breath. “Dammit, you know I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Dollar to the swear jar!” Laurie chirped happily.
I wiped my fingers on my napkin and pressed a kiss on top of Laurie’s head. “You tell him, kiddo. Thanks for helping me cook this morning.”
She grinned up at me with chocolate smeared all over her face. “Thankie, Ally.”
“Daddy will wash your face.” I gave him a pointed look and escaped.
Not that I got too much of a head start. Five minutes later, he was bounding upstairs with The Care Bears blaring from the living room.
I’d slipped into my dress from the night before. Hello, walk of shame.
“Do you really have to go?”
“I do.” I didn’t want to turn and look at him. He was too good at making me forget just what this was between us. I had to remind myself that we weren’t a happy little family.
No matter how much I wanted it to be so.
He crossed to me. “Can you come back tonight?”
“I’m tired, Seth.”
He tugged me close and linked his arms around me. “We have babymaking to accomplish.”
One more reminder. Thanks, buddy.
I pushed out of his arms. “Can we take tonight off?”
“Is everything okay?” He slid his fingers into my hair and turned me toward him.
“Fine. I’m just tired. Someone didn’t let me sleep last night.” Please don’t see my fake smile. Just let me get out of here.
“I’d really like to not let you sleep again tonight.” He tipped up my head and pressed a kiss on my lips.
I closed my eyes and almost let myself slide back into him. Back into the status quo we found without skipping a beat.
I cupped his face and ended the kiss, reluctantly opening my eyes. “Maybe tomorrow, okay?”
He sighed and pressed his forehead to mine. “All right. I have a ton of meetings this week anyway. I guess I should get ready for them. The birthday party kind of took over.”
“See? Perfect.” I swallowed down the lump in my throat and stepped back. “I’ll text you later.”
He frowned and twisted his fingers around mine. “All right.”
Grabbing my purse, I strode out of the room and jogged downstairs. I didn’t wait for him. I couldn’t.
Not if I really wanted to leave.
I stopped in and said goodbye to Laurie, but she barely looked away from the screen. The Care Bears were far too enthralling.
He followed me to the door and dragged me back before I could go down the front porch steps. The kiss was hot and heavy and the lump in my throat grew even larger. So much that I thought I was actually going to choke.
I wouldn’t cry. It wasn’t his fault I didn’t know how to keep up with how things were supposed to be.
I wasn’t supposed to want more.
I pulled back and smiled. “I’ll see ya.”
His smile was soft and sweet and it took everything inside me not to let the tears brim over. “See ya tomorrow.”
“Sure.” I turned to leave and he snagged my hand.
“Hey. The munchkin’s graduation?”
God, I’d almost forgotten. “Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.”
“Are you okay?” His eyebrows lowered.
“Yes. Just can’t believe she’s growing so fast.” I sniffed. At least these tears made sense as far as Seth was concerned. Right now, I was more than willing to hide my face in his shoulder. “She’s getting to be such a big girl.”
He laughed. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one freaking out.”
“Not just you.” But if I didn’t get out of there I was going to absolutely melt down and that wouldn’t work. He’d never believe it was just Laurie growing up on us.
Him.
Me. Sort of.
God, what a damn mess. I stepped back again. “I’ve got to get to work.”
“All right. But hey, wear something extra pretty. Not that you’re ever anything else of course.” He kissed my temple. “But I want to show off my girls.”
“I’ll do my best.”
There was no way I was going to be able to hold off all the emotions running amok in my damn head.
I ran down the driveway to my car and turned to wave at him. As soon as he went back inside, the tears fell. I couldn’t have stopped them if I wanted to.