Chapter 14 #2
“No. I find it fascinating. Witchcraft has so many different facets, and the connection to nature is—” I stopped when her fingers clamped down hard on mine, hard enough to hurt. “What?”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t do that. Don’t pretend to give a shit about things that matter to me to soothe your conscience about wanting me. It doesn’t have to be that deep.”
“So, I’m supposed to find my joy as long as I don’t get too close? Don’t step on your toes and dent your protective shield? Or are these therapy sessions supposed to be one-sided?”
“I don’t need therapy. And I don’t need a man to fill me up. I’m happy alone.”
“Do you think I want to change that?” I gentled my grip on her. “You intrigue me, not because you’re a curiosity, but because you’re brave. You live authentically.” Part of being brave was honesty. Another thing I wasn’t familiar with anymore. “And I don’t.”
“You can. Anytime you want to. You can make the choice.”
“I’m figuring that out. In the meantime, I want to do what feels good.”
She took another bite of her potatoes. They had to be cold by now. “You wouldn’t be a man if you didn’t.”
“I don’t mean just sex. I don’t see you like that. I wish you didn’t either.”
“Right.”
“Would I be sitting here with you if that was all I wanted?”
“You tell me.”
“There are hotels all over. Places we could stop and fuck and no one would be the wiser.”
“Your pinstriped soul would know. By the way, I’m surprised you haven’t shown up in a suit like that. Or a three-piece one. Vest included.” She caught the tip of her tongue between her teeth. “All buttoned up so someone could imagine stripping off the layers to see what’s beneath.”
“I haven’t been intimate with a woman in over two years.” Saying it felt like I was baring my soul. I wasn’t a virgin—far from it—but somehow even this admission to a woman as free and open as Ryan made me feel like the next thing to it. “Sex doesn’t rule me.”
“Maybe it should. Nothing wrong with needing a release valve.”
“No,” I agreed. “There isn’t. And maybe you shouldn’t think the worst when someone with a penis wants to hear about what you like. Not all men think with their dicks.”
“And not all women want to be peeled open like a banana to reveal all their secrets.”
“Tit for tat.” I cocked my head when Smoky let out a sound that sounded suspiciously like a sigh. “I won’t ask you for more than I’m willing to give. How’s that sound?”
“Like a lawyer’s negotiation.”
I shrugged and ate some of my own cold potatoes. They really were better with ketchup.
“Fine,” she said after a minute. “Have it your way. I got into tarot because I wanted to make friends in high school. People like to hear about themselves. Especially young women.”
“Not only young women,” I said drily. “I meet plenty of men who can’t get enough of talking about themselves.”
“Well, lawyers. You know how they are. Pompous windbags.” She waved a hand then rubbed her thumb over my hand to soften the joke.
“You should read my cards.”
Her laughter was loud, quick, and unprompted. “I know I have nice tits, but wow.”
“Not arguing there.”
“Imagine if you’d seen the rest of me?” she asked silkily, her thumb still on the move against my skin. “I’d probably have the keys to your house by now.”
“I’m serious. I’m curious what you’d see.”
“It’s not all fun and games. The cards intuit things we don’t always want known. Allowing someone to read your cards can be as intimate as sex.”
“Then I definitely want you to read mine.” It wasn’t like I was going to get lucky tonight. That barn door had closed.
Slammed shut might have been a more accurate description. But blue balls aside, I liked this new direction we were headed in.
Tomorrow, I’d wake up and think I was losing it. But right now? I liked holding her hand and watching her stunning eyes narrow at me as she tried to figure me out.
Good luck there. I hadn’t managed to figure myself out yet, and I had more than thirty years practice.
“You think you do,” she said after a moment. “But if the cards see something you’re not ready to face…”
“I’ll take my chances. I’m making the choice to trust you,” I added. “You could try trusting me back.”
She didn’t answer. And she didn’t laugh again as we finished the meal and paid—separate checks of course, despite my disagreement—or on the ride back to her place. Smoky was thoroughly tired of the carrier and meowed the whole way, but he saved the loudest one for when Ryan climbed out of my car.
I exhaled as I waited while she went inside. “I don’t like it any better than you do, Smoky.”
Returning to my house seemed even more hollow after having Ryan’s energy around me for so much of the day.
“Energy,” I muttered as I drove up the long driveway and parked. “Now who’s going woo woo?”
I collected Smoky’s many, many items from the trunk and grabbed his carrier for the trek inside. His meowing had turned into full-blown yowls now.
Either he was hungry or he was disgusted I was his new owner instead of Ryan.
I couldn’t even say I blamed him on the second point.
It took two trips to gather everything we’d bought him.
Rather than letting him loose inside my place when I wasn’t there to supervise, I set the carrier on the floor while I toted in the rest. Then I stalled a little more, setting out his new fountain along with a bowl of wet food and one with dry kibble, both high-end brands I’d seen workers using at the shelter.
After some debate, I put his litter box in the laundry room and filled it up with litter to the very brim.
Okay, so I overflowed it, but that was what the handheld vacuum was for.
After vacuuming up the mess, I went to set the cat free, only to find him plastered to the back of his carrier, his eyes the size of saucers.
I opened the door and he didn’t come out, just stayed adhered to the back. I frowned. Was he mad at being caged for so long? Going to dinner with Ryan instead of taking him home right away hadn’t been ideal.
“Already I’m a failure as a pet parent. And it’s been what, a few hours?” I glanced at my watch. “Good sign, Shaw.”
At a loss, I picked up the carrier and tried to gently shake him out. He did not budge. Even with only three legs, he was hanging on for dear life. I’d have to remember to mind his claws if he became annoyed, because he clearly knew how to use them.
I set the carrier down and went to get his food dish. It probably wasn’t healthy to be bribing him on night one, and he was probably not as hungry due to his goodies from Ryan.
And I wasn’t thinking about any of her goodies anymore tonight.
I put the small dish outside Smoky’s open door. I waited five minutes, but he did not come out to investigate.
Okay, then. I had other things I could do with my time. Smoky would come out when he chose. If I was him, I’d need a while to process that Ryan wasn’t my new owner too.
Or something comparable to the plight of a horny human male.
Apparently, one of the things I had to do was to call my brother. It was hard to say which of us was more surprised.
“Pres, what’s wrong?”
I forced myself to relax in my leather wingback chair and studied the carrier on the floor. From the way Smoky had affixed himself to the back, you couldn’t even tell there was a cat inside. Considering his size, that was a feat. “Nothing. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you haven’t called me since the last presidential term? Possibly before that. You usually act as if a text is imposition enough.”
I didn’t have an answer for that.
“Not to mention, it’s past ten. Aren’t you usually in bed by now? Early riser and all that. Up before dawn to make your mogul millions.” He laughed at his own joke, but I didn’t.
“I’m not that predictable.”
“Since when?”
Since a certain someone made me wonder if I shouldn’t be.
“Being predictable is overrated.”
“I’ve always thought so. What’s up? Need advice on women? I knew she had you all twisted up.”
I nearly denied. Or deflected. Both at the same time wasn’t out of the question. But Dexter had a way with women I would never have.
“I don’t like being a remedial student.” I gripped the arm of my chair until my knuckles were bone-white.
I expected Dexter’s quick bark of laughter. When it didn’t come, I waited.
“You’re kidding me, right?” His voice was surprisingly soft.
“The great Preston Shaw, needing help at anything? You aced every class. Dated all the most desirable girls, until you moved on to the next. Now you’re one of the most successful divorce attorneys in New York. You collect fat retainers like candy.”
I was struck speechless. He couldn’t see me that way. I certainly did not.
“You’re the best, Pres. You always have been.”
I searched for my voice. “It takes all my time. I don’t know how to do anything else but work. It’s like I’m Dad’s machine. He pointed me in the direction he wanted me to go and I just…went.”
“He pointed you because he knew you wouldn’t let him down. He never even considered asking me.” Dex’s laughter was too sharp. “Good thing I never minded being in your shadow, because God knows I’m not destined to step out of it.”
“What are you talking about? Women flock to you. Your little black book is a phone book with extra pages stapled in.”
“Right. Because you can’t get dates if you really wanted them.” He chuckled. “Come off it, man. You give off an air of being too important for us mere mortals. Don’t blame people for noticing and giving you your space.”
When I didn’t reply, his voice dropped an octave. “Getting a little lonely up there in all that rarefied air you breathe in your house high on the mountain?”
“It’s not a mountain. Just a hill.”
“It’s a goddamn metaphor for all the rest and you know it.”
“No, I really don’t.”
He laughed again. “I live right in the center of the square.”
“You think I don’t know that?”