13. Crash
THIRTEEN
CRASH
The world swings back into focus a third time, and though I’m in a world of pain I’m still aware something’s wrong about this moment. Something’s changed.
I sit up, a cushion at my back and a soft warm light surrounding me. Smell of alcohol and disinfectant.
Heaven don’t smell like that.
Hell, neither.
“Crash? Crash! Oh sweet merciful Lord! Crash… ”
As soon as my bumfuzzled eyes land on Sarah Jane she starts sobbing hysterically. What the… She’s holding my daughter. Ruby’s face crinkles in confusion and she starts whimpering. I don’t ask any of the questions jumping onto my tongue; I just put my arms out. Sarah Jane hands me my kid. Almost at once Ruby stops crying, but my sister is still boo-hooing into a tissue. I try to recall when I ever saw my sister cry.
“I’ll give you a minute,” says the strange woman sitting next to Sarah Jane. I know I’ve never met her before in my life, and she’s not dressed like a nurse. She rises stiffly and leaves the room.
“SJ,” I croak. “What the fuck is going on?”
“You’re in the h-hospital,” says my sister. “You’ve been out for a week. I thought you were going to die.”
A week?
“That’s impossible.”
Ruby snuggles close, eyes drifting shut as she rests her cheek on my chest. I’m wearing a fucking hospital gown and there’s about three different drips in my arm. My feet are in these big-bird-colored hospital socks. I don’t see Trina anywhere…and I’m not in jail.
What the hell?
“I feel fine,” I growl. “Why am I in here?”
“You’re not fine,” my sister chokes. “You’re a goddamned mess, you idiot !”
“What happened?”
“You had an infection. They had to p-pump you up with all types of stuff. And you know you don’t have insurance!”
“Who is that woman? My lawyer?”
“I’ll let her tell you,” my sister replies, cold dislike coming through her tears. “But I do owe her, Crash. She got in touch with me, and I flew out here with Ruby quick as I could. I wasn’t sure you’d make it. I wanted Ruby to see her d-daddy one last time.” Sarah Jane wipes her eyes on the collar of her Blue Midge Cafe T-shirt.
“Who’s watching Beth and Jack-jack?” I ask gently, taking her hand.
“Eliza Jane,” says Sarah Jane, meaning her full-blood sister. She makes a deep sniff and composes herself, a spark of the old SJ returning to tell me off. “Let me tell you, Crash, you won’t be seeing your woman again. She ran off, and good riddance!”
“What?” I growl.
Trina…
“Jess,” says Sarah Jane. “She came to take Ruby and I lost it on her, and after calling me every name in the book she disappeared with some fella from the back hills. I wanted to give her a licking she’d never forget, but she was out of there before you could spit. I heard the man was her drug dealer. I’m sorry.”
Scratching my head leads to the discovery that half my hair is shaved off and I’m rocking a diaper-sized bandage on the back of my head.
The owl.
“Fuck,” I mutter, pain throbbing through my skull again, quickly dulled by whatever they’re pumping through that IV.
Jess ran off.
Throb.
“Ah, fuck,” I curse again, and Ruby shifts against my chest. “Sorry, Ruby. Sorry.”
“Don’t worry about her,” Sarah Jane says, seeing my face. “Just focus on getting better.”
“What about–” Trina? I stop myself. Where is she?
“Did Jess call the law on you?” I ask instead, trying to order the thoughts in my head.
“She didn’t dare. I told her if she did I’d get Roman to see about her,” says Sarah Jane with an ugly laugh. “Her daddy might be a judge but the name McCall still means something in Florin.”
On her mother’s side Sarah Jane is a cousin of the McCalls, and a favorite of the Boss himself. It hurts to think.
McCall…gold…
“I take it I’m off the job,” I grunt.
“That’s between you and Roman. I’m just telling you about Jess.”
Ruby’s fallen asleep on my chest. Poor sweet chickadee. I’m all she has left in the world.
I’ll protect you, darlin’, from all the bad and evil things.
“Fuck Jess,” I say. “We don’t need her, baby girl. You’re alright with me. Right? Don’t be scared.”
Ruby is fast asleep.
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” says my sister. “She’s got a pretty face but a heart of mud. Give her to me, Crash, she can’t stay in here.”
“Why not?”
“You need to talk to Herself.” Sarah Jane gestures to the door.
She puts her arms out for my daughter and I reluctantly pass the little angel to her. Sarah Jane kisses the top of her niece’s head with true affection.
“Thank you for taking care of her while I was gone, SJ.”
“She’s a good baby. It was really nothing.” My sister’s eyebrows draw together. “Now go handle your business.”
“Send her in,” I say wearily.
When the old woman enters I’m sitting up and flexing my muscles which are sore and weak from days in bed. The woman is older, African American, with a honey complexion and pale green eyes. Her small face and carriage remind me of Trina. She’s wearing a purple suit and a handbag of green gator skin. The watch on her wrists is identical to Trina’s. Everything about her screams money. I wonder what she’s so upset about but I reckon it’s not hard to guess.
“Hello,” the woman says in a cool voice. “Mister Walker.”
“I’d be obliged if you call me Crash, Ma’am.”
“ Mister Walker , you don’t know me. We’ve never met.”
“You must be Mamie. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“You will call me Mrs. Springer,” she says, pure ice. So I guess it’s gonna be like that.
I say, “A pleasure. Where is Trina?”
“My granddaughter is safe.”
I sink back, relieved. “Last I remember that fucker– that man– was taking her away. She– she got out? He didn’t hurt her?”
“I was able to get Trina away from Mister Wilson shortly after she left the prison.”
I exhale sharply. Trina. Safe. Thank God.
“Your granddaughter spoke highly of you,” I say. “She was trying to get to you in California.”
The old witch glares at me like scum oozing from a crack in the ground. “Trina gave me the impression you helped her. Is that true?”
“Yes.”
“How did you two meet?”
“I nearly ran over her with my car. She asked me to help her leave town, and I did.”
“That was what she told me. I wondered if she was lying.”
“And why,” I say, holding onto my temper, “Would she lie about that? ”
“To protect you.” She lifts her chin. “Something didn’t curl all the way over with her story. If you helped her leave Tippalonga then why are you here?”
“I had to turn back for something, and I got…” Attacked by an angry bird. “Incapacitated,” I finish lamely. “Trina hitchhiked her way back to help me. I would have told her not to. I would never put her in harm’s way.”
“My granddaughter has been traumatized. She is young and impressionable with a big heart. She doesn’t always know when someone has her best interests. You can believe that the only reason I was persuaded to help you is because she begged me.”
“I understand how it looks, Ma’am. But the truth is I protected her when she had nobody. I’d do it again. She’s got more pluck than you give her credit.”
“Mister Walker, I found my granddaughter in a jail cell , clinging to your unconscious, bloody body. What do you have to say to that? Was that ‘protecting’ her?”
“I never meant for that to happen,” I say tightly.
“Trina claimed you promised to take her to California. She said you are a bounty hunter by profession. You needed the money to resolve a custody battle. Is that correct?”
“Is that what she told you?”
“Yes.”
I don’t believe Trina would make me out to be some fortune-seeking slimeball, but then again, do I know her at all? Barely three days had passed between the moment I first eyes on her in that wedding dress and the last time, in the cell. But I suppose that unflattering description of my motives is technically the truth.
“I never hurt Trina, and I put that on my own daughter,” I say firmly. “Ma’am, you might not agree with my profession but you won’t tell me I don’t care for that girl deeply, understand? Where is she now?”
“I did some research on you,” the old woman says, not answering my question. “While I appreciate your service to our country, you’re not licensed to operate as a bounty hunter in the state of Oklahoma. You have no family out here, no connections. So why are you here?”
Damn this bitch.
“I was here on a job. It had nothing to do with Trina, but I agreed to help her.”
“I know men, Mister Walker. Rarely are they as altruistic as they seem. Do you know what that word means? There’s not a man alive that wouldn’t pressure a naive, gentle, beautiful girl like Trina into some kind of dirty agreement to keep her safe.”
“I know what it means. And that’s your opinion, not a fact.”
Her eyes glitter. “Whether you’re right, or I am, you should know Trina is at the doctor right now doing a full examination and STD panel. After her treatment she will be coming back with me to California, where abortion is still legal in case there are any loose ends that need tying.”
I don’t know what possesses me to say, “Trina would never get an abortion.”
“Is that what you think?” says the old woman, rage shattering her veneer of respectability. “You think you can impregnate my baby girl and get something out of it? Think again, you dirty redneck. She will have an abortion, and you will not get a red cent more from her now, tomorrow, or ever .”
“To hell with your insinuations!”
“I’ll take my leave after you thank me,” the old bitch smiles, clutching her purse like she wants to bludgeon me to death with it.
“Thank you? What the hell for?”
She leans over the bed. “For getting you out of the Tippalonga Jail, paying off the Sheriff and making sure you were taken to the hospital, where they saved your life.” A manicured finger waves in my face. “Additionally, I called your sister to inform her you were here. Believe me, I was ready to let you rot in that cell, but Trina threw a blue fit and I had to admit that without you she would be dead or enslaved to that filthy man.”
It’s like chewing glass to tell her, “If that’s true, then you do have my thanks. I’m obliged to you.”
“ Obliged. Yes. Well, there is something you can do for me, Mister Walker. Get in your car and go back to wherever you came from.”
She walks to the window. “What a terrible place. A wasteland. So many times I begged that girl to leave.” She dabs her eyes but I feel no sympathy.
“And where were you?” I demand, swinging my legs off the bed. “While Trina was getting engaged and wedded to that bastard, where were you? Sitting pretty in California. When her daddy was selling her, where were you? You have money, don’t you? You could have bailed her old man out so he wouldn’t have to sell her to that freak. You’re her own flesh and blood, and you let her be their sacrificial lamb.”
My words seem to shake her. She stares at me wide-eyed.
“I was here ,” I tell her. “I was here making sure she never had to go through what you’re so convinced I put her through.”
She lifts her chin. “Trina knew she could stay with me at any time.”
“What good did that do? She didn’t even know how to ride the damned bus!” I explode. “Expired license -– no bank account — this is damn near closing the barn door after the horse has bolted.”
For the first time her accusing voice falters. “I didn’t think it would come to this. Her father came to me for the money but I refused to be used by my son anymore . Of course out in California…so far away…It was difficult to stay in touch.”
I think of me trying to get hold of Zacky while I was still on tour. But that was different.
“You were in the same country. You’re worth a goldmine — How hard could it be?”
“I didn’t understand it had reached this point for Trina. I tried to convince her to leave many times, but she felt a pathetic obligation to her parents. That woman, her mother, was a powerful poison. I did everything in my power to help my granddaughter, including saving your life.” Green eyes go cloudy. “I don’t owe you any more explanations. Stay away from Trina or there will be consequences.”
“Whatever you believe, know that that girl has my heart,” I tell her. “She is the sweetest most precious thing I could have met on this godforsaken road. I took care of her because of that — for no other reason. Now I’d appreciate, Ma’am, if you pulled back your horns and send my sister in.”
“You have three days to get out of town, or I’ll have my people look into your reasons for being here,” she says. “If I find out you contacted Trina, I will rain holy hell on you. A custody battle with some raggedy trailer trash woman will be the least of your worries, Mister Walker. Good day.” She sweeps from the room like an evil fairy.
It’s two hours before I see a doctor who will release me. I get a prescription for Valium and other drugs I will surely not be taking, a warning not overdo it, and a pile of condescension so tall you could see it from space.
Sarah Jane is staying at the Serenity Motel with Ruby. I drive them both there, keeping my head on a swivel for flying attack owls. I have a plan for their little feathered hides as soon as I get my girls settled.
We get Ruby asleep and comfortable and Sarah Jane relaxes for what must be the first time in days. I owe my sister everything for leaving her small children to look after mine and make sure I’m okay.
“SJ, there’s some things I need to take care of,” I tell her as she stretches out in the bed with a bone-deep sigh.
“I understand,” my sister nods. “You’ll want to make sure McCall is out of reach before you admit failure to Roman.”
“Yeah,” I grunt. I never liked Sarah Jane’s involvement with the McCalls, but I reckon they’re half of her blood so she’s got a right.
“I’ll need Roman’s help if Jess comes back,” I tell her. “He can get her daddy off my case.”
“Finding Sebastian would go a long way towards that,” Sarah Jane answers, raising an eyebrow. “There’s only so much I can talk to Roman, Crash. You’re not a McCall and he’s got no obligation to help you.”
“Right,” I say. “I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just something I need to take care of. I’ll pick up some food, too. How’s Ruby for formula?”
“She’s all set. Do what you have to do,” says Sarah Jane, fluffing up the pillows. “If you need to go after Sebastian we’ll make our way back to Virginia. Don’t worry about us.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Right.”
Sarah Jane tilts her head. “Crash, no offense but you look ridiculous.”
I run my fingers over my half-shaved Frankenstein scalp. It still hurts like a motherfucker. “Yeah. I’ll get the clippers.”
Standing in the spot where I got clipped by the owl, I take out some shiny pieces of mountain quartz I’ve been keeping and lay them on the curb like offerings. These owls behave like crows and like anything that glitters.
“I’m very sorry, you feathered son-of-a-bitch,” I say out loud. I feel foolish but I do believe animals listen to us, and see our inner hearts. I clear my throat. “It was an accident, alright? I never meant to hurt your babies. You got your own back, now let’s let bygones be bygones.”
Naturally there’s no reply. But I don’t get dive-bombed again, which is lucky.
I get some cash from my Challenger — the cops never found my hiding spot — and count how much I have left to get me, Sarah Jane and Ruby back to Virginia.
Not a whole lot. Plus I owe SJ for getting my car out of impound.
Going through the figures, I head to the gas station and find Jada. When I honk she comes running over.
“You owe me,” the prostitute says.
“You and everybody else,” I reply. “How’s it looking?”
“First of all, when Crocodile found out I made a deal with you he nearly cut me off,” she accuses. “And if it wasn’t for me, your little girlfriend would never have known you got arrested. She was all the way out in Cimarron County when I called her. And thirdly —”
“That’s why I came to find you, to thank you, Jada,” I interrupt, handing her a fifty. I’d give her more but with my sister and daughter in town I’m budgeting different. I do owe her; if Trina didn’t show up when she did I’d be fucking toast.
“Maybe you can help me one last time,” I add.
“With a haircut ?” She smirks.
“No. Information.”
“It’ll cost you.”
“How about twenty dollars.”
She stares at me all blank.
“Don’t try to hustle me, Jada, come on.”
“Fine,” she sighs. “I got two leads, though. You want to know where your girlfriend is staying right now, or where your redheaded fella ran off to?”
“You know where McCall went?”
“Nuh uh,” she smiles, shaking her finger in my face. “You can only pick one.”
It’s a choice between my mission and my Trina. It’s no choice at all.
“Where is she?”
“She’s staying across town at the Hotel Denver, second floor, room 43. She’s got a suite next to her grandmother’s. Her granny knows the owner. Old boyfriend.”
“How the hell do you know all that?”
“I know everything that goes on in this town,” preens Jada. “Including the fact that her granny told the Reverend if he didn’t let Trina go, she was gonna get the Feds on him for what he did to his last wife.”
The Reverend was married before? I guess that’s not surprising. I hope the poor woman gets her justice, but right now she’s beside the point.
“Thank you, Jada. I appreciate that.”
“Aw,” she says, her painted eyes softening. “Guess I’ll just tell you anyhow. Your redheaded man went to Texas in a ’95 Ford Taurus he bought from Quigley’s Auto Repair. He paid in gold coins and one of the coins had the rebel flag on it. Sweet Lick said it was the real article and there’s only two of its kind in the whole world. The coin was worth probably ten times more than the car but Sweet Lick didn’t tell Red that.”
“ Thank you . That was…helpful.”
She looks at me hopefully. “Is there anything else…”
“No. You’ve done a lot for me, Jada, and I won’t forget it.”
“Don’t mention it, handsome. Maybe you’ll pass through here again?”
“Don’t bet on it.”
She blows me a kiss as I drive to the train crossing.
I don’t know what exactly I’ll tell Trina. I guess I’ll let the words just come like a dust storm. And they’ll have to move on into the distance just the same. Power, passion, fury, that ultimately changing nothing.
What we have here can’t last.
It just can’t.
I open my wallet and see the curl I cut loose from her mane. Shiny and soft. I love you , she told me in that cell.
The wind tries to snatch her from my fingers. But I hold on. I don’t know why; I just know I have to.