16. CRASH
SIXTEEN
CRASH
Trina’s got appetite for the both of us, and thank God, ‘cause my mouth is full of ashes. A shame, ‘cause I really did something with this food. I pulled out all the stops. Ma’s old recipe, and I started those rolls from scratch at the crack of dawn so they’d have time to rise. Don’t know why I’m so goddamned nervous. I know what her answer will be; I’m prepared for it. I don’t have fairy-tale notions of what Trina can give me.
In fact, I’m not even going to ask her a thing.
She put on some more weight since Oklahoma. From the day she came to Florin it’s been hard to stop myself taking her in my arms and burying a year-long ache inside her.
The worst part is, I know she’d let me.
No, that ain’t the worst part.
The worst part is what would happen after.
“This is so good,” she sighs, buttering one of the rolls. “Crash did you really make this yourself? You need to join in that bake sale, I swear.”
I force a grin. “Yeah, I’ll give you the recipe.”
She looks up at me. And frowns.
Fuck.
“Um, Crash?”
I get up from the table. “How about dessert?”
“But I’m not even finished with the chicken.”
“I’ll just go ahead with these dishes, then.”
“But you haven’t eaten a bite.”
That’s true. And there are no dishes. I stand at the sink and stare out at the maple tree, clenching the counter with both hands. I feel like it was both a fatal mistake and the greatest thing ever, inviting Trina to Virginia. I get to see her again. That’s incredible. But then, I have to deal with her leaving.
Leaving for good.
I don’t even hear her get up from the table. But suddenly her arms are wrapping around my torso, and her head is resting tenderly on my back.
“Crash,” she says nervously. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
“I– forget about it,” I mutter.
“Fugheddaboutit,” she says.
“Jesus.”
“I knew I could make you laugh.”
She’s impossible. My hands make fists as I resist the urge to hold her.
“You need to talk to me,” she continues. “I’ve tried to understand…but it’s not fair to me. You asked me to come. You invited me up here. And you’ve been moving funny like you wish I didn’t come.”
“I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
“You’re already ruining it,” she says.
“You know I’ve wanted you every day since I came back from Oklahoma.”
“Then just say so. Say that!”
“You’re leaving. Why wake it up?”
“Maybe I’d stay, dummy!” she says angrily, thumping my back. “Maybe I’d stay if you asked me.”
“You have a life in California, a real good one. Your family, your friends, and a job. I’m not such a selfish bastard I’d pull you away from that ‘cause I was lonely.”
“Well if you’re so convinced about everything, just sit down and eat the damned chicken. Just fake it for me so I don’t feel like everything between us is a lie.”
“It’s not a fucking lie, Trina. It’s not a lie to me.”
“ Then ask me what you want to ask me , Crash.”
I turn around. “Okay,” I say. “Marry me.”
She backs away, eyes all wide.
“Trina, I do love you past all sense and reason.”
“Marry you — are you for real? You want us to get married?”
“In a year you can give your answer,” I tell her, fumbling for the words. “I didn’t want to pressure you while you were applying to schools.”
“A year,” she repeats numbly.
“I’ll wait, and I’ll ask you again. Properly. With a ring, a white horse, fireworks— whatever it takes.”
“Why— why wait?” She whispers. “I’m here right now. You know it’s a yes. ”
“No. You go back to California and think about it. I’ll be here. I got time.”
“You think I’d turn you down?” She accuses.
“You have every reason to say no.”
We sit down at the table again. She looks shaken up and confused and I don’t blame her. My heart is jumping in a goddamned crazy rhythm. You son of a bitch, why’d you burst out with it like it was the goddamned weather report?
“Trina, I’m sorry.”
She picks up her fork but her hand shakes so bad it falls to the plate, then clatters to the floor.
I retrieve it, and when I get upright Trina’s buried her face in her hands.
I get her up and walk her to the couch. Foolish words come to mind but I keep it buttoned. I laid it out for her; what more needs to be said?
I sink into the couch and pull her into my lap. Her arms wrap around my neck and her fingers thread through my hair. A good sign…
“I would marry you,” she says into my neck.
“I love you,” I tell her.
“I love you too, Crash. So much.”
“I never wanted to hurt you. T, I just don’t know how to resolve it. How can I let you be yourself when I want you all for mines? You’re far away. I’m here. I got responsibilities and so do you.”
“I can go to school here, same as California. I can live with you!”
“You don’t want to live here, Trina, I swear. It’s a pretty place, but there’s things under the surface that…” I’m mucking it up. I think about what I just heard of Roman McCall, but that’s not a conversation I can have with Trina right now. A lot of things are about to change in Florin, and maybe not for the better.
She pulls back and I gently wipe her tears away. She’s usually good at holding them in, another thing I love about her.
“You’re the only man I ever want, Crash.”
“We shouldn’t touch like this,” I say hoarsely. “I ought to wait until you know for sure what you want.”
“I’m not going to wait another year,” she says. “And you’re what I want.”
She takes my hand and puts it up her soft knit dress. And that’s when I realize —
“Trina Whiteleaf,” I say, strangled. “Where the hell are your panties?”
“In the drawer,” she says innocently.
“You – you went to church with no underwear.”
“I never wear panties when I’m gonna see you,” she whispers.
Whenever I swear I have Trina figured out, she pulls some shit like this.
“You’re asking for it now.”
Her wide pretty eyes say, duh.
“I’ll make love to you, but you need to give me something,” I tell her, jerking at my belt.
“What do you want?” she murmurs, and her pretty soft lips envelop mine.
Our tongues lock; she was always so damned good at kissing.
“A yes,” I growl at her.
“Yes. Yes, yes, yes. ”
Belt open. Zipper down. I pull myself out and shove up her dress. She’s taking me bare; no ifs or buts.
“What else do you want?” she gasps. “I’m feeling generous.”
“Every day I want you in my bed.”
“Okay,” she moans as I slide in. She’s as tight as the day I took her virginity. And it’s better. So much better, ‘cause there’s nothing between us now.
Nothing but the silky slide of her body accepting mine.
Here it comes, the dark urge to secure her answer with something deep and true. And Trina’s just the type to…if I was to flood her… Behave, Walker. Behave.
Not yet, not yet.
“What else?” she moans.
I thrust deep. “Finish school. With a good degree. Not baking or the philosophy of gender or that– bullshit.”
“Promise,” she whimpers, tightening her arms around my neck. When I nudge her, she rolls her hips obediently. And then…again. She starts to ride me, her cunny tight and sticky all over my rod. A big churning load in my balls, meant for her. All that extra weight she’s pushing…
I picture her thick thighs keeping me nice and sealed up where it needs to be.
I’m a good man. I won’t knock her up just to be with me. I won’t get her pregnant, thick and needing me…Having my son…
“Oh…What else?”
“A job,” I grit. “Something…takes you out…of the house.” Something you love. Something that pays.Something you wear high heels for…pantyhose…
“Yes, baby,” she whispers, stroking my arms, my chest. “What else?”
“Have my babies.”
“How many?”
“One. Ten. Don’t care.”
“Can I tell you what I want?” Inside her clenches down on me suddenly. I feel something spit out of my dick.
“ Fuck! Tell me,” I growl. She has me completely in her control.
“A ring.”
“Done.”
“Dancing.”
“Every Saturday.” I fist her mane of hair. “But in the kitchen, every night.”
“I love you,” she murmurs.
“My Trina…I love you more.”
Hours later…many, many hours…I’m laid up in my bed with Trina. While she cozies up to me, her leg thrown over mine, her head on my chest, I’m wide awake running a task list in my mind. I have a lot to do before she leaves.
I can feel my seed leaking out of her when I inspect between her legs. That and the eerie noise coming from the forest makes her stir against me.
“What is that?” she mumbles sleepily.
“Screech owl. They’re harmless,” I answer.
“Mmm. Tell me more.”
“They mate for life.”
“Like us,” she says, nuzzling against me.
I find her hand and kiss it. “That’s right.”
“Do you think Ruby liked me?” she yawns.
“She likes everybody. But yes, she likes you. As evidenced by the rabbit.”
The stuffed Rabbit my daughter kept shoving at Trina is Ruby’s favorite thing on earth. I’ve never seen her do that to anybody. It was damned adorable, and Trina’s reaction made Ruby fall on the floor laughing.
“Yes, I loved the rabbit,” says Trina seriously. “Will she call me Mom someday?”
“If you want her to.”
“Your sister didn’t like me.”
“Sarah Jane’s a tough one,” I reply. “She doesn’t trust easy, but she’ll come around.”
“I want you and Mamie to get along someday too.”
“I’m sure we will. After you’re done with school. And I make millions of dollars to impress her.”
“You already impress me,” she smiles. “Mmmm…Crash, you smell so good.”
“Coming from you, rosebush?”
She trails off until I’m sure she’s asleep. But then she says, “Crash?”
“Yeah?”
“What ever happened to those people you were after?”
Ah.
The one thing she never asked since I left Oklahoma. The one thing we never discussed. I don’t go hunting anymore. After Jess left I was able to hustle enough to get back on my feet. As for Roman…well. Before I even set foot in Florin, coming back East, I found the meeting I was dreading was never gonna happen anyway.
They say there’s a new Top Dog around town. I wouldn’t know. I’m not getting involved with mountain politics, and I hope Sebastian McCall is happy spending his gold, wherever he ended up.
I play dumb. “Which people?”
“The…redhead. Your job…the money.”
“You want to hear what happened with that?”
“Mmm…”
She's already asleep.
I smile. “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
“You will?”
“Oh yeah.” I pull her closer. “It’s kind of a wild story.”