Chapter 36 - Olivia
A week had passed, but Olivia was still floating from her weekend with Aiden.
Her stomach was full from Sunday lunch with her family, and her heart was content. She was about to change into her farm clothes when she heard a car coming up the driveway. It was a sleek, red car, but she couldn’t see the driver. Perplexed, she headed down the stairs.
Olivia emerged onto the porch, Ms. Darcy at her heels. The car door opened, and Sam’s long legs swung out. He pulled himself up using the door frame, and their gazes locked. As soon as she saw him, Ms. Darcy began barking frantically and ran over to jump up and lick his face.
Olivia’s heart stopped.
What. The. Hell?
“Hey, Olivia.” He smiled pathetically. “I’ve missed you.”
“Sam! What are you doing here? Why aren't you in Seattle? ”
Olivia felt so many things at once. Shocked, pissed off, concerned, but most of all, completely baffled. They hadn’t talked in months outside of a few brief text exchanges to sort out the disentanglement of their physical objects. In the years Olivia and Sam were together, he had only visited her family twice, always making excuses why it wasn’t a good time for him to travel. He said he felt out of place at her parents’ farm and was convinced her dad hated him.
A rare moment of insight.
“I have some of your books and old photos,” Sam mumbled. “And I wanted to get them back to you.”
He hadn’t changed a bit. His fine blond hair still fell lazily over his forehead, his body still had the lean physique of a bike messenger, and his face was the picture of oblivious innocence. She may have spotted a new tattoo on his right forearm, but it was hard to be sure given the amount of ink decorating his body.
Seeing him there, in her driveway, at her house in Gresham, felt wrong. His Seattle bohemian vibe did not make sense on her farm, and it no longer made sense in her life. Looking at him with fresh eyes, Olivia imagined what it must have been like for her parents to meet Sam for the first time.
Her parents had been so excited to meet their daughter’s first serious boyfriend. They’d built him up to be a blond Viking, the likes of which you’d find in Minnesota. Instead, they met a sullen, self-satisfied trust-fund baby.
Replaying the scene in her mind, Olivia began to laugh, a slow hiccup at first, but soon enough, tears were rolling from her eyes as she clutched her stomach through her hysteria .
Her dad had always been difficult, but the last five years between them had been worse than ever. She saw everything in a new light. Not to say he was ever correct or justified in his assumptions and prejudices; they just made a little more sense to Olivia.
Then Sam started laughing, too, which made Olivia laugh even harder.
When the wave of absurdity finally subsided, she made a whew noise and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.
“So, what’s so funny?” Sam asked, a clueless smile plastered on his face.
Olivia snorted, but she managed to keep from losing again.
“Ms. Darcy, come,” Olivia said.
One of the worst fights they’d had at the end had been about who would keep Ms. Darcy, which was an absolute joke because Sam had done nothing to care for her. The only times he’d taken Ms. Darcy for walks were the few times when Olivia was so sick she couldn’t get out of bed and had to beg Sam to take her.
“Why are you actually here, Sam? Do you think it might have been a good idea to call first? Did that even cross your mind?”
He looked like a chastised child. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well. Mission accomplished.” Olivia huffed.
“Look, Olivia.” He walked toward her. “I think this is all a big mistake. I think you should come home, back to Seattle. We can start over.”
Sam was standing next to her, close enough to see Olivia’s look of incredulity.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, honestly. What are you saying? ”
“I’m saying I’m sorry. I made a mistake, and I can’t live without you.” Sam’s eyes were all concern, his lips turned down in a miserable pout.
He reached into his pocket.
Oh god, oh god, oh god! Olivia’s insides were screaming. All the alarm bells were ringing.
“What are you doing, Sam? Stop that! Don’t do that!”
Sam got down on one knee and held up a gigantic diamond. Olivia’s first impression was that the ring looked very impractical, but she barely had time to process what was happening because, at that moment, a black car turned into Olivia’s driveway.
Sam and Olivia held stock-still, Sam’s ring suspended between them. Halfway up the driveway, the car slowed before coming to a stop. Through the front windshield, Olivia saw Aiden, jaw open, eyebrows furrowed. Her heart ached as she watched the slew of emotions playing across his face. First, shock and confusion, followed quickly by disgusted understanding. Finally, fury and pain flashed through his eyes.
“Aiden! Wait!” Olivia yelled. She ran toward his car, praying he’d let her explain. Aiden was too fast, and his car was reversing quickly.
Olivia made a weak attempt to catch up, but his tires were kicking up too much gravel. She gave up, waving her hand in front of her face, coughing. Olivia turned back, away from the cloud of dust, to face Sam, who was stalking toward her. He had a furiously territorial expression on his pale face.
“Who the hell was that?” Sam demanded.
“None of your business!” Olivia shouted back.
Seething, Olivia whipped her pointer finger toward Sam’s car. “You need to leave now. Now!”
“So, you were cheating on me? Is that what this is? Wow, all those times you claimed you wanted to marry me, but the whole time, you had someone in Minnesota that you were dying to get back to.”
Olivia was flabbergasted, incredulous at his audacity. She was fighting back angry tears.
“How dare you, Sam! I thought one day you and I might be friends, but you know what? Fuck you!” Olivia shouted. “I’m leaving, and when I get back, you need to be gone. I never want to see you again. Ever. Go back to Seattle, and enjoy your trust fund, you shitty excuse for a human!”
Unfortunately, Sam’s car was blocking hers from getting out of the driveway, and he seemed glued to his spot. Instead, Ms. Darcy followed her as she stomped toward her truck. She whipped the door open, and Ms. Darcy jumped up into the cab. Olivia hauled herself up and turned the ignition. The engine roared to life. She moved the stick shift into reverse, but in her haste to go after Aiden, the truck jolted to a dead stop.
Olivia screamed one loud “argh!” of frustration, and Ms. Darcy looked over, worry in her big brown eyes.
This is taking too long!
She took a moment to breathe and start over. This time, she let out the clutch more gradually, and the truck moved out of its parking space.
Taking more deep breaths, she prayed she’d find Aiden at the cabin.
I'm mad at Sam, not Aiden.
She just needed to explain what had happened, and everything would be fine.
It took almost no time at all to reach the pond, and the relief she felt when she saw Aiden’s car parked behind the cabin was all-encompassing, like jumping into cool water on a hot day. It was going to be okay.
Olivia hopped down from the truck and jogged to the cabin, Ms. Darcy on her heels. She knocked on the door. When Aiden didn’t answer, she cautiously turned the knob and opened the door.
“Aiden, hey,” she said gently.
He stared at her from across the tiny room. Olivia could see hurt in his eyes, but it was masked with anger. His cheeks and neck were red, his jaw muscles were taut and sinewy, and his hands were clenched at his side.
“I know you've been texting. I saw your phone at my parents’ house. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, and it’s totally blown up in my face. Was this all a game to you?”
His words hit her like a slap across the face. “Aiden!”
“I cannot believe I fell for this. I thought…god, Olivia, I thought you were different.”
“Please, Aiden. Don’t say that. Whatever you saw back there, it was nothing. Why do you think I am here ? I came after you , Aiden.”
He was looking away from her. She wasn’t sure if he’d heard anything she’d said, so she walked over to put her hand on his arm. He recoiled as if her touch was dangerous.
“So, did it work?” Aiden’s voice was a growl.
“What are you talking about?” she pleaded .
“Using me to get your ex to propose? That was the goal, right? God, I feel like an idiot.”
Olivia’s shock left her ears ringing, and she blinked back tears.
But Aiden kept hurling painful, inane words at her. “I thought I could take a chance on you. Someone from Gresham had to be different, right? We’ve known each other our whole lives. Surely, I could trust you. Now here I am again, getting screwed over. Wow, women just can’t be trusted, can they?”
It was the final straw.
“Are you kidding me right now?” Olivia’s anger at Sam, which had been bubbling below the surface, surged. “You showed up without so much as a text. Maybe if you had called first, I could have told you Sam had shown up uninvited. I could have asked you to please give me some space so I could get him to leave and never come back. God, it seems you two have more in common than I thought.”
Ms. Darcy was tracking Olivia’s every movement, following her as she walked toward the door. Olivia paused and looked back at Aiden. “And speaking of trust, I know you slept with Amber. June told me. For the record, you’re the only one of us who has been telling lies.”
Furious, Olivia walked out the door and slammed it hard against the frame. It made a satisfying whack . Her very long fuse had run out. She was so angry at Aiden and Sam and her dad and the patriarchy. She got into her truck and gave Ms. Darcy a hug of gratitude for her presence and goodness. Tears pooled at the base of her throat as she drove away from Aiden .
Without thinking, she drove to her parents’ house to find her mom. She took the backroads to give herself a few extra minutes to think and breathe.
Driving slowly, she steered the truck along a winding gravel road through a wooded area dotted with oak trees and ponds. Tears streamed in rivulets down her face. More than anything, she was hurt, but she was also a little ashamed. How could she have wasted six years on Sam? Juxtaposed to Aiden, he was such a tool. Sam’s self-centered, high opinion of himself infuriated her, and she was embarrassed to have been caught up in his nonsense for so long.
Then there was Aiden. What the hell was wrong with him? How could he speak to her like that? How could she have been so wrong about him? It was men who couldn’t be trusted.
From now on, I’m going to be as self-centered as everyone else. I am going to look out for me, myself, and I, and give zero fucks about what anyone else thinks . Unfortunately, her declaration only made her feel lonelier.
Her tears were morphing into angry sobs. She had to pull the truck over and park on the side of the road to catch her breath. Ms. Darcy whimpered helplessly. She licked Olivia’s hands and laid her head on Olivia’s thigh. Olivia leaned over Ms. Darcy and cried into her neck.
“Poor pup. I know you’re worried about your mama. I’ll be okay.” Her voice caught, and she cleared her throat. “I’m just a little sad right now.”
She took one shuddering breath, then another and another until she was able to drive again. Inside her childhood home, her mom was standing at the counter, chopping carrots. She turned toward the door where Olivia stood crying, Ms. Darcy licking her hand .
Her mom’s face fell. “Oh honey, what is it?”
“Mom…” Heavy sobs took over her body before she could finish.
Her mom wrapped her in a hug. Ms. Darcy slunk over to lie down by Jackie, and Olivia’s mom led her to her old bedroom.
Her parents had left her room as she had it in high school to make sure she would always feel comfortable coming home. The bright green and black poster from the Broadway musical “Wicked” still hung over the back of her bed. Her dresser was scattered with little knickknacks and old friendship bracelets. School pictures of her closest childhood friends were taped to the edge of the mirror.
She and her mom climbed on top of her pink floral bedspread, and her mom held her while she cried. Once Olivia calmed down, she told her mom everything. Relief filled her when her mom was equal parts angry and aghast.
“Well, this sucks,” she said.
Olivia laughed bitterly, and her mom stroked her hair as they lay there quietly for a few minutes.
“I don’t think I’m ready to date anytime soon…or ever.”
“Oh, sweetie. You got dealt a pretty crummy hand today. You don’t have to decide anything right now.”
“I’m so mortified to have been with either of them. Why am I so dumb?”
“You’re not dumb, honey. You’re human. And so are they. We’re all just bumbling around carrying all kinds of tender pain points we try to hide. But they eventually get poked, and sometimes we fall apart. ”
“Are you talking about Aiden?” Olivia asked into her mom's shoulder, wondering if she was defending him.
“Yes, sweetie. Aiden and all of us.”
Olivia straightened to study her mom’s face, “When did you get so wise?”
“After menopause,” her mom said somberly but with a twinkle in her eyes.
Olivia laughed through her tears, and her mom laughed along with her. At that moment, her dad poked his head through the door to see what was going on. He looked at them, shook his head, and wandered off, which made them laugh even harder.
They hung onto each other as they rolled around on the soft bed, giggling, each of them gasping to catch their breath.
It was the reset she needed. Her well of tears had finally run dry.
“Boys are dumb,” her mom said succinctly, capping off the conversation.
“Boys are dumb,” Olivia confirmed. “Another thing you realized after menopause?”
“Indeed.”
“Can I ask you something? Why have you put up with Dad all of these years?” Her mom looked at her quizzically, so Olivia elaborated. “I mean, he’s a boy, and as we’ve established, boys are dumb. So why do you put up with him?”
“Hmmm…” Her mom thought for a moment. “Well, I suppose it’s because I love him and because he has a good heart. Nobody’s perfect, Olivia, and trying to force someone to be perfect is a fool's errand. At the end of the day, when you love someone, you have to decide whether you can put up with their particular faults, and your best bet is to accept them for who they are and do your best as a couple.”
“I cannot accept Sam’s faults.”
“I know. That’s why we have you back home with us.”
“I’m not sure I can accept Aiden’s either.”
“Maybe not.”
Olivia appreciated the space her mom created for her to ponder without judgment, and she was grateful for her mom’s wisdom, whether or not it was actually derived from menopause.
“I don’t know what I want, Mama.”
Her mom smoothed her hair once more. “You don’t need to know, sweet pea.”