Chapter 39 – Aiden
A iden spent the next couple of weeks dreading his sister’s wedding. Although he craved Olivia’s presence, he wasn’t sure he could handle another painful encounter. She’d made it clear she was done with him. She’d given him a chance, and he’d fucked it right up.
At work, he thought he was doing a good job pretending to be okay, even though he’d lost his appetite and had a perpetual stomach ache. He wasn’t sleeping well, but he’d learned to live without sleep during residency.
Apparently, he wasn’t hiding his misery as well as he thought because his mentor Joanna pulled him aside in the break room one morning for a chat. Initially, he assumed it was to review some of the standard emergency department procedures and discuss a unique case or two.
Instead, she asked, “You okay, Aiden? Is your dad doing alright?”
He nodded. He probably looked as terrible as he felt.
“Yeah, I’m okay. My dad’s doing well, actually. ”
“That’s good to hear. You seem a bit off is all. Your patient load okay?” she asked.
“I think so… Do I seem to be handling the patient load okay from your perspective? I respect your opinion.”
It may have been overkill, but the comment he’d made to Olivia about not trusting women had been eating away at him. He was hyper-conscious of his behavior toward his female colleagues, and he wanted his advisor to know he admired and respected the hell out of her.
“You are doing well, Aiden. You know, the job and life, it can all be a lot at times, especially your first year as a fellow. I know it feels like being thrown off a cliff, but we have the mentor program to hopefully provide you with a parachute. I’m here if you ever need to talk about anything.” After a beat, she added, “Or you could talk to a professional. With everything we see in this job, it’s a good idea to have a therapist on speed dial. Especially working with kids. Off the record, it’s a lot harder to watch kids suffer than it is a geriatric patient. For better or worse, we all want to protect their innocence.”
He listened carefully and patiently. She was probably right. Even if Olivia was the core of his pain at that moment, it wouldn’t hurt to create some space for all of the trauma he’d witnessed since starting his journey in medicine. During his residency program, he hadn’t had time to deal with the immediate tragedies unfolding around him. He’d been forced to shove his emotions away, telling himself he’d deal with them later. However, at that moment, Aiden wanted to reassure her.
“Thank you for the advice, Joanna. I think you’re right about talking to someone, but as embarrassing as it is to admit, I’m going through a breakup, and I’m kind of a mess about it.” He all but admitted he was heartbroken, and it was a relief to offload some of the weight bearing down on him.
“Ah.” Joanna nodded knowingly. “Well, in that case, you should definitely find yourself a therapist.”
He smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. Let me know if you’ve got any recommendations.”