Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
SCARLETT
I can’t stand it for another second.
I set my plate in the sink and hurry outside where the heat is still oppressive. It’s so humid, it’s like breathing in mist.
But it’s always been quiet out here, and at least I don’t have Lexi’s hateful eyes staring back at me.
“Go apologize,” I hear Dad say. His voice is hard, and it pisses me off that Lexi’s getting him riled up. The man just had a stroke, for God’s sake!
“Absolutely not,” she replies.
“I’m disappointed in you, Lexi. She’s your sister. She cooked a delicious meal, and you just made her feel like shit.”
“I can’t believe this. She’s back for a few days, and you’re already on her side.”
I roll my eyes and sit on the picnic table. I may be the celebrity, but Lexi’s always been the dramatic one in the family.
“There aren’t sides,” Dad yells. “We’re a family.”
“Family doesn’t leave and never come back,” Lexi counters. “Your little girl went twelve years without so much as setting foot in her hometown. She didn’t even come when I graduated high school.”
“She was on tour,” Dad says.
In Japan, as a matter of fact. I hated that I missed her graduation, and I tried to reschedule the tour, but it was set in stone before the school chose a graduation date that year.
“Or my college graduation,” Lexi continues. I really should have put A/C in Dad’s house last year so we could keep the house closed up and I wouldn’t have to hear this.
“She had an award show,” Dad replies.
I won a Grammy for Small Town Girl that night. I called Lexi to congratulate her on her graduation. She refused to speak to me and didn’t even thank me for the car I gave her as a gift.
“What about when Lucy and Declan were born?”
My heart stalls.
“She tried,” Dad reminds her. “You told her not to.”
I wanted to be here so badly. I called Lexi at least once a week for both kids and told her to be sure to give me a heads-up when she went into labor because I wanted to hold her babies more than anything.
Instead, she told me that it wasn’t a big deal and that I’d see them later. She wanted the births to be quiet and intimate.
And she made it clear that that didn’t include me.
So, I sent all of the items on her registry and paid for a year’s worth of housekeeping.
“And what about Lucy’s first birthday?” she asks, referring to her oldest daughter.
Dad doesn’t respond to that one. The truth is, by that time, it was clear to me that I wasn’t needed or wanted here, so I stopped making an effort. It was easy to get swept up in my life in Nashville and let Lexi live her life here in New Hope.
“She must really love her family, huh, Dad?”
I can hear the sarcasm and the hurt in my sister’s voice, and then the door slams shut. I hang my head in my hands and sigh.
Up until Dad’s stroke, I never felt guilty about my decision to move to Nashville. It was the best thing I ever did. My career is the absolute best part of my life.
But since I’ve been home, the guilt has set in like a lead weight in my stomach, and I cried myself to sleep last night.
Not coming home didn’t mean that I didn’t love my family or that I didn’t think about them. Because I did. I made sure that Lexi and her family had everything they could ever want and need.
And I’ve taken care of my dad. This house is state-of-the-art. I supplement his retirement income so he never has to worry. And he comes to stay with me in Nashville several times a year.
I love my family, and I take care of them.
But I should have come home more.
I can admit that to myself now.
I take a deep breath and stare up at the bright moon that’s just moved out from behind a stray cloud. The stars glow. Crickets chirp, and I can see lightning bugs whizzing about in Tucker’s yard.
It’s as familiar as my own face, even after all this time.
But it’s still not home.
“Do you think this thing will hold the two of us?” Tucker asks. I’m not startled, I heard him come through the back door. I don’t say anything but slide to my right, giving him space to sit next to me.
“You okay?” he asks.
I shrug, but I still don’t say anything. I’m afraid that once I start talking, I won’t stop because Tucker’s always been one of the few people that I can pour my guts out to, and he’s not that person anymore.
God, I miss him.
He leans back, watching the night sky. I can feel the heat coming off him. He’s not a boy anymore. No, Tucker grew into a strong, handsome man with muscles for days. His smile is kind, with just a hint of mischief. He smells like soap, and he makes me yearn for things I never knew I wanted.
I still don’t know that I want them, not really.
But I need to talk about this, and Tucker deserves an apology.
“I always felt lost,” I say, breaking the silence. “Like I was walking around in a fog, trying to find my way—attempting to find that special place where I belonged. I never found it. When I got to Nashville, everything just sort of clicked into place for me. I can’t explain it, but for the first time, I felt at home. I should’ve come back to New Hope. But, honestly, I didn’t think anyone would care if I stayed away.”
“Scarlett—”
“Just let me get this out, okay? I need to get it out.” Tucker nods, and I continue. “My relationship with Lexi was rocky at best, and it didn’t take long after the move to find out that my friends weren’t really my friends. They were acquaintances. And let’s not forget how being in a small town means that people talk like you’re not standing right there, listening to every word. I knew what they all said about my mama, and how her actions made them feel about me. I’m not stupid. Lexi was too little to hear it, or maybe she just didn’t care. But I did.
“And then there was you…”
“Me?” he asks, surprised.
“You probably won’t believe this, but I thought about you every single day. I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the phone to tell you about whatever cool thing happened that day, or just because I wanted to hear your voice.” I feel the tears welling up again, but I swallow hard, determined not to cry in front of this man twice in one day.
“Why didn’t you?” he asks softly and reaches over to take my hand in his. With just that little touch, it’s as if the whole world is set to rights.
“Because I didn’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve your friendship. God, Tucker, I was a bitch to you in school, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that. I wish I had a good reason for it, but I don’t. I was just mean and lost and…you know that saying that we hurt the ones we love the most?”
He nods, not looking me in the eyes. I want to hug him close and beg him to forgive me. I settle for squeezing his hand.
“You were my best friend. I didn’t treat you like that in public, but it’s the truth. You were my only friend. And I hated that. I hated that no one else saw the Scarlett you did. And rather than fix it—fix myself—I took it out on you. God, Tucker, can you ever forgive me?”
“Only if you can forgive me.”
All of the breath rushes from my lungs. “For what?”
“For the way I talked to you last night when I brought over the spaghetti.”
“I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t. I was rude and disrespectful. I’m not gonna lie, Scarlett, you hurt me when you left. You were my best friend, and then you were just…gone. I hate to admit that I lost myself after you left. So, I guess the saying is true because when you did finally come back, instead of giving you a hug and telling you how much I missed you, I got angry.”
“You had every right to get angry,” I insist, wanting so badly to ask him why he thinks he lost himself. But we’re not there yet, and I don’t have the right to ask those questions.
“I don’t want to be angry, and I sure as hell don’t want to fight with you, Scarlett.”
“I don’t want that either,” I reply and lean my cheek on his shoulder. The warmth of his body radiates through me, and I find myself melting against him.
“Does that mean you forgive me for being a complete dick?”
I grin and glance up at him. “I forgive you. Now, what about you?”
“What about me?” he asks, and I roll my eyes and push away from him. Despite the heat, my hand feels cold after he lets me go.
He reaches over with a smile and brushes my hair behind my ear, and I can’t help but lean into his touch as his finger slides along my cheek.
It never felt like this when Tucker touched me when we were kids—full of electricity and awareness. It’s scary and exciting all at once.
He lowers his face until he’s just inches from my lips. I swear to Jesus, the man is going to kiss me, but instead, he says, “I forgive you, Scarlett Jane.”
My eyes fall to his full lips. He’s breathing a little faster than normal. My body is tight with anticipation and a new longing that I don’t recognize but want to explore.
“No one’s called me that since I was seventeen.”
“Good.”
“Hey, Dad! You have to see this,” Chloe yells, busting through the back door. “I’m teaching Rick to play gin rummy, and he’s totally beating me. It’s like he’s gifted or something!”
Tucker holds my gaze, humor filling his whiskey-colored eyes.
He pulls back and glances over at Chloe.
“He’s not gifted,” I reply and stand. “He taught me to play that game.”
“You’re a shark!” Chloe yells as she hurries back inside, making both me and Tucker laugh.
“She’s so great, Tuck,” I say softly.
“She’s the best,” he agrees.
“Where’s her mom?” The words fly from my mouth before I have a chance to think them over.
His eyes whip to mine in confusion. “You don’t know?”
“How would I? I haven’t been here for a while, remember?”
He shakes his head, and I have the distinct feeling that I just said something very wrong.
“You know,” he says as he stands from the table. “I’ve come to grips with the fact that you didn’t come home all those years. But now you’re saying you never even asked about me? I never came up in conversation with your dad?”
“Of course, you did, Tuck. But it’s not like my dad is going to tell me all about your marriage, even if he knew the details. My dad’s not a gossip.”
“Because there wasn’t a marriage to talk about.” Tucker walks away from me to the end of the back porch and shoves his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts, staring at the lightning bugs.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” I offer, but he shakes his head and turns back to me.
“I’m sorry for overreacting.”
“Maybe it’s habit?” I offer, earning a half-smile.
“One I need to break,” he agrees. “Frankly, I think tonight has been good, and I’d rather not taint it with my shady past.”
“Oh, it’s shady? Now I really need to know. Let’s pop some popcorn, and you can give me all the scandalous details.”
“Still a smartass, I see.”
“That’s never going to change, Tucker Lee.”
His lips twitch. “Clearly, we’ve made up if we’re using our full names.”
“Or we’re mad at each other. My dad used to call me Scarlett Jane when I was in trouble.”
“I’m not mad,” Tucker says with a slow shake of his head.
“Me either,” I breathe. “But, Tuck?”
“Yeah.”
“I want to know everything. From the minute I left.”
“How long are you going to be here?”
“For as long as it takes.”
He tilts his head to the side, watching me. It’s implied that I’m here for as long as it takes for my father to heal, but now it means so much more than I ever expected.
“Good answer.”