Chapter 11
11
IRIS
I ’ve barely sat down at my desk, coffee in hand, when I hear a beep from my purse.
Ben: I’m probably not supposed to say that I miss you already. I don’t care. I do. That makes me a wild, bad boy, right? Shall I pick up a motorcycle on the way home?
LOL! It would be impossible to haul your tools on a bike. I’ll just know that you’re a bad boy on the inside.
Ben: Fair enough. Have a good day. I’ll be here ordering supplies from my fancy office with the fancy tree.
Have a good one!
I start skimming today’s work, making a quick list. I can’t help smiling to myself. Ben is the polar opposite of a bad boy. He’s steady, kind and attentive.
So why do you feel nervous?
Looking across the huge room, I duck slightly to peer through the plant-filled shelves and see Violet texting while grinning to herself, which means she’s talking to Jack. On the other side Jasmine is alternating between writing notes and texting while giggling. Clearly, she’s chatting with Alex.
Is that what’s bothering me – that it’s just a little too convenient that I should find a boyfriend right after my sisters do, along with a corporate account?
Turning back to my coffee, I stare down into the mug as if it has all the answers. It’s been well documented that when people hook up during a stressful time, it makes them both seem more interesting than they actually are.
Admittedly, usually, those studies are referring to things like natural disasters, not an extremely busy week, including a business makeover, and the largest plant order I’ve ever coordinated myself.
It’s just… There’s still so much Ben doesn’t know about me. Like how I blank out when I get stressed. How I blush when I’m embarrassed or overwhelmed. How I need a lot of quiet time to recalibrate from stress.
Maybe that’s what’s making me feel antsy. My “quiet time” over the past few days has been spent in Ben’s arms. Which has been amazing, but it’s more energizing than recharging. There’s a difference.
Oh! Maybe that’s it! My energy has been ramped up and up and up, and hasn’t had a chance to settle.
And the really big question: what’s going to happen when Ben realizes I pretend to be tougher and more put together than I really am?
As my hands automatically skim across the keys of my laptop, calling up documents and arranging windows, I feel a million miles away. Well, no. Just half a mile away, in Ben’s arms.
I already crave his touch more than I crave coffee. Is that weird? I’ve been slightly addicted to caffeine for at least eight years, but I don’t dream about it the way I’m dreaming about Ben right now. Wishing he would come up behind me and nuzzle my neck. Wishing we could spend lunch together. Wishing I knew when we would next…
Is it possible to get addicted to sex so quickly?
I’m overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, all these new feelings and emotions are incredible, but they’re a lot to take in.
I feel like Ben is already dreaming of forever, and I’m still trying to process all that has happened this week.
I’m in over my head.
Not drowning – I just have so much mental baggage on my little life raft that I don’t know if I can paddle to shore.